Jackson was on my mind all weekend.
I had a really nice time with him- and it seemed like it could be a promising chance to possibly have a relationship with a man.
However, right when I walked into work on Monday- that hope washed away.
Because of Riley.
She was standing with Danielle by the door, and they were talking. And she looked damn good.
I wasn't sure if it was how her black pantsuit fit a bit more snug than normal on her body. Or if it was her hair, swept up into a perfect ponytail. Or the fact that she was laughing at something that Danielle was saying and she looked so fucking pretty when she laughed and smiled.
But the hope that I had regarding Jackson was being swept away.
"Jenny! How did your date go?" I heard Danielle call me over to where her and Riley were standing.
I snapped out of my thoughts and walked over to them, Riley's eyes were on me as I made my way over.
"It went well." I said to them, "The food was great at the restaurant. It was a nice time."
"But how did it go with him?" Danielle asked me, "Did you like Jackson?"
I glanced at Riley, who was looking at me.
"He's really sweet." I said, "Yeah...I liked him."
"That's good." Riley nodded, "I figured it went well when I didn't get a message for an escape route."
I looked at Riley, and Danielle laughed, "Wait, what?"
"I promised Jenny that if the date was going bad, she could text me for an escape route." Riley said, "I would've pretended I was having an emergency or something to get her out of the date early."
Danielle put her hand on Riley's shoulder and smiled, "You're a good friend."
Riley smiled back at her, "I try."
Keely was out of the office all week, as she was on vacation in Disney World- and due to this, Riley was going to be in the office every day, and she would be training me.
On Tuesday, Riley said, "Okay. So, this is technically a good thing because Hailey thinks you're doing a great job."
She had a look on her face that told me I might not think whatever she was about to tell me was a good thing.
"What's going on?" I asked Riley.
We were in her cubicle, looking at her computer. My eyes kept going to the picture of her in the soccer uniform every so often.
"Hailey wants you to do a demo on Friday, via Microsoft Teams, with an existing account, for a new product, one of the ones we've been going over. I'll be on the call with you, to help out whenever you need." Riley said, "I just know it can really be nerve-wrecking. But Hailey must think you're doing really well. I wasn't allowed to host a call until 8 weeks in."
I felt my mouth go dry, "This Friday? I mean...I will. But it's a bit terrifying."
"I understand." Riley said, "Completely. But I'll be there with you. If you forget something or don't know the answer to a question, I'll help out. No problem."
I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding, "I've never done a demo before. I didn't have them at my old job. I knew with this job I would have to do them, but I didn't think it would be this soon. Who is the client on the account?"
"Max Tomlinson and some of his office staff." Riley said, "He's a VP, he's my account at the moment, but he will become yours."
"Great. A VP and others." I said, feeling the nerves coming on.
What if I sound like a complete idiot? Especially in front of Riley?
This demo that I had to do added anxiety to my whole week. I couldn't enjoy very much, because I was so nervous for this demo coming up. I was going to have to essentially try to sell a new product to an existing client.
I had been texting Jackson each day- and I told him that I was nervous about this demo. He was helpful, giving me support and telling me that I was going to do well.
He said he would have loved to take me out for a drink after the demo on Friday- but he had a work conference in New York City all weekend, until Monday night. But we were planning on seeing each other the week after.
On Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday, and Thursday, Riley and I prepped for the demo. Each time I had to present the product to her even, I would get nervous.
"You honestly seem very confident." Riley said, "You're doing wonderful."
"Seriously? Because I am so fucking nervous right now." I said on Thursday after I had gone through the demo.
"I can't tell." Riley said, "You're going to do great. I have no concerns."
When I woke up Friday morning- I was beyond nervous. I could hardly eat my bagel that I got for breakfast or drink my coffee. Something about being so new and having to present to these people- even over a webcam- was terrifying me.
If I fuck this up, I could put my new job in jeopardy.
The demo was at 11:30, and it was scheduled for an hour.
Why is Hailey making me do this so early on?
On Friday morning Riley and I were working on some other tasks. She said she didn't want to overdo it with having me practice the demo and make me even more nervous.
But I could hardly hide my nerves about the demo.
"Jenny, are you okay?" Riley asked me, "You're not talking much this morning."
I looked at Riley, who was next to me, "I'm very nervous about the demo. I won't lie."
"I get it." Riley said, "Before my first demo, I was terrified. But when it was done and over with, it was a great feeling. That'll be you in a couple of hours."
I gave Riley a smile, and she said, "It's going to be okay."
I was feeling a bit more at ease- until about an hour before the presentation, when Hailey came by.
"Are you ready?" she asked me.
"I am." I lied.
"Good." Hailey said, "This is a pretty important sell. Riley will be there to help you, but I'm confident in your skills, Jenny."
Way to put on the pressure.
"I'm glad she will be." I said, my heart beating quickly.
"Riley, you'll be grading the demo." Hailey said, "I have a document for you to fill out during it."
Grading it?
"You want me to grade the call?" Riley asked, "Even on her first one?"
"Yes." Hailey nodded, "I need to know the progress we're making here with Jenny."
"Okay." Riley said, "Thanks, Hailey."
"Good luck, Jenny." Hailey said, "I'm expecting to hear great things."
Hailey then walked away, and Riley frowned.
"She should not be making me fucking grade this." Riley muttered.
Hailey putting on the pressure now had me feeling shaken up again.
"Do you mind if I go take a little walk around the office?" I asked Riley.
I needed some air. I needed to get up and try to calm my nerves.
She looked at me, her eyes a bit wider than usual, "Of course. Are you alright?"
"I just need to walk off some of these nerves." I said, and then got up, and made my way out of the account management office.
I started walking around the building, and I said hello to Sandra up at the front as I did a lap.
But I wasn't feeling better. The nerves were just kicking in more and more.
Isn't my anxiety medication supposed to help with this?
The building was quite empty, as most people worked from home on Fridays, so I was glad I wasn't been seen by many people at all as I walked around the building.
"Jenny!"
As I walked past the empty sales office, I stopped as I heard Riley call my name.
I paused, and turned to look at Riley. She came walking toward me, a concerned look on her face.
"I'm fucking terrified for this demo." I said to her, "I take medication for anxiety, and it usually helps when I get so anxious like this. I knew part of the job would be doing this, but I didn't think so soon."
"I can tell Hailey I'm going to do it. Not ask her. Tell her." Riley said to me, "And then for her to have just added the pressure like she just did...it wasn't right."
"No." I said, "I'm going to do it. I am just scared that I'm going to completely mess up and sound like an idiot, and not know what I'm talking about."
"Okay." Riley said, "So, that's the worst case scenario. You're picturing it. You're scared of it. And if that happens, I jump in, say you're new, and it'll be no big deal. No one will think twice about it. I really don't think that's going to happen, but if it does- so what?"
I stared at Riley for a moment- and my heart rate slowed down a bit, "That...actually makes me feel better."
"Listen. I know anxiety. I have really bad anxiety, too, among other things. In college, it was terrible. But therapy did help, and...well, I wanted to help make you feel better." Riley said, looking at me.
"I'm sorry you've dealt with it as well." I said.
"It is what it is." Riley said, "It was the cards I was dealt with."
"Riley, I promise I'm going to try to not let the worst case scenario happen for the demo."
"To hell with the demo. I don't care about that." Riley said, "I didn't really enjoy seeing you like this."
Riley looked down for a moment, and then looked back up at me.
I felt my heart rate pick up again. Not from being anxious about the demo.
"Let's go." Riley said, "I'll be right by your side."
For the entire demo, my stomach was doing flip-flops.
But I got through it. I had to rely on Riley for the answers to a few questions, but overall, I knew what I was talking about.
After we ended the video call, Riley looked at me, a smile on her face.
"You did amazing." she said, "Truly."
"You really helped calm me down beforehand." I said, "Thank you. For everything."
Riley gave me a smile, and she then said, "We should all get drinks tonight to celebrate you completing your first demo. What do you say?"
"That sounds great." I said to Riley.
She held my gaze for a moment and then said, "I'll get right on it."
Later on in the day, it was set that most of us were going to go to the bar after work to unwind- and celebrate me getting through my first demo.
And all I could think was-
Another night spent with Riley.
And I hate that I'm looking forward to it.