Elsa
My entire body felt heavy. So heavy I couldn’t move a finger.
I was surrounded by darkness and I wanted to open my eyes. but I couldn’t. It felt like I was trapped in some way, not being able to move and not being able to feel a thing either.
My entire body was numb.
I could hear voices. Very faint voices but I couldn’t make out what was being said or who it was. I wanted to say something but nothing came out. I wanted to know what was happening to me. What was wrong with my body?
Suddenly, a wave of tiredness washed over me and put me into a deep sleep, making me forget about everything else.
I was slowly coming out from sleep but my body was still feeling heavy and… in pain. I felt pain everywhere. My head was pounding and my stomach was killing me, keeping me down.
There was a different feeling on top of my hand. It was kind of heavy too but not the kind of heavy the rest of my body was feeling. I tried to move my hand to see if I could make out what it was but only a finger moved. I heard some movements before my hand got a small squeeze before something touched my face.
I slightly leaned into the touch, a small sound escaped my lips when I wanted to say.
“Elsa, baby, wake up.” I always recognized his voice, feeling at ease knowing he was with me.
Everything hurts I wanted to say but I still couldn’t.
I tried to see if I could move my hand, feeling myself giving a half squeeze to his.
“You’re doing good, baby. Take your time.” He spoke so softly to me while he caressed my head.
After some time, I slowly opened my eyes, blinking a few times with my heavy eyelids while trying to let my eyes focus on my surroundings. It was dimly lit as I looked around the room, confused as I noticed it was a hospital room. I turned to look to the side and saw Nicholas.
We didn’t say anything as we looked at each other and I saw him visibly relax. He looked at me with this…pained expression, making me frown a little as to why he would look at me like that. I lifted my hand, placing it on his cheeks as I caressed him, noticing how tired he looked.
He closed his eyes as if he had longed for my touch, and placed his hand over mine, kissing my palm.
“Wha -” I winced in pain and stopped talking when my throat hurt and was painfully dry.
“Shh, don’t talk if it hurts. I will give you some water.” Nicholas poured a glass of water and grabbed a straw.
“Small sips.” He instructed. I tried to do so but the cool water running down my incredibly dry throat felt so good that I emptied the glass a little faster than I should have, having me now feel a little nauseous.
I tried to move a little only to immediately groan out in pain. I felt like I had been hit by a truck over and over again.
“Don’t move, you have a bruised rib. I’ll call for Mikka and let her know you’re awake.” He pressed a button to the side. I licked my dry lips as I tried to figure out why I was in so much pain.
“Wh-what happened?” It came out as a half-whisper. My voice was hoarse and cracked a little as I tried to speak.
“… You don’t remember what happened?” Nicholas frowned a little when I shook my head. He kept my hand in his when the door quietly opened and Mikka walked in with a smile on her face.
“Good to see you’re awake. I’m just going to examine you and ask you a few questions.” I gave her a small nod as she flashed her penlight into my eyes, making me rapidly blink at the sharp light.
“Do you know who you are… When is your birthday?” Mikka continued to ask me questions about myself and I answered them all, feeling a little confused why I was asked such questions.
“Do you know what happened to you?”
“Not really…” Nicholas gave my hand a small squeeze which made me look at him.
“Is e-everything okay?”
“Elsa .” I looked back at Mikka . She was now looking at me with a serious expression. It had my heart beating faster. For some reason, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like what she had to say.
“You were in a car accident.” I frowned and put a hand up to my head, feeling the bandage that was wrapped around me. I swallowed hard when I tried to remember the episode and my body tensed despite the pain. Small bits came rushing back to me and my breathing came out faster and louder as I squeezed Nicholas’s hand.
All those men were after us in the woods.
My mother!
“My mom…” I said in a panic and I tried to get out of bed.
I had to see if she was okay.
Mikka tried to calm me but I ignored her and pushed her hands away.
“Elsa, stop. You’re hurting yourself.” Nicholas said when I kept groaning out in pain when I tried to move. He held me to prevent me from moving anymore and I already felt tears prickling in my eyes as I looked at him,
“My mom… She’s okay, right? She’s okay?” I held tightly onto his arms as I frantically looked around his face for any kind of answer. But the longer he was quiet, the more I understood.
Images of my mother being stabbed over and over made me let out a shocked gasp and my eyes went wide. Tears were already streaming down my face. I shook my head at him, waiting for him to tell me it was a terrible nightmare and everything was okay.
“I’m sorry…” Nicholas confirmed it wasn’t a nightmare. Sobs escaped my lips and I broke down as he held me.
“You’re lying!” I screamed at him, trying to get out of his hold but he held me tightly as I cried into his chest.
My mother. The one who had taken care of me my whole life was… gone. My chest tightened painfully and hurt the more I cried.
She was my rock. She was my everything! How could she be gone just like that?
My entire body was shaking as he held me tightly into his. The tears didn’t seem to want to stop and I felt my heart breaking with every second passing.
I didn’t know for how long I was crying but my sobs stopped, and I felt numb.
“Baby… Our baby?” I asked emotionlessly and placed a hand on my stomach. I remembered the pain I felt in the woods, seeing the thick stream of blood running down my legs.
Nicholas looked at me and placed his hands on my cheeks. and,I saw the sadness visible in his eyes.
“The trauma… It was too much for your body to handle.” He explained carefully. I took a sharp intake of breath, feeling myself getting more broken inside.
“You had a miscarriage.” He said in an almost whisper.
I didn’t know how to digest what he said. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, leaving me in utter confusion. I was pregnant… I was bearing his baby. Now, our baby was gone too? Losing the baby we had just seen on a screen. A baby we had gotten excited about and had come to love… Everything was just gone in a blink of an eye.
I couldn’t feel the sudden crash of despair and mourning, instead, I felt numb and paralyzed.
Why?
I wanted to ask why was this happening to me. But I couldn’t, fearing there was an actual answer to it. Instead, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of loss.
I lost everything.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I couldn’t get to you in time.” Nicholas buried his face into my neck, still holding me tightly while I stared numbly out of the window. He kept whispering how sorry he was. Over and over again but everything still felt so unreal. Somehow I was still expecting to wake up from this nightmare. To end this torture.
But as time passed, I realized this nightmare was truly my reality.
“My dad… I want my dad.” I muttered, feeling the need to have my only parent left to be with me.
“I will go and get him.” Mikka said and left the room. Nicholas leaned back to look at me. I had never seen him like this before. I wanted to comfort him in some way but I was completely lost, confused, and empty.
The door opened shortly after and I saw my father with Asher right behind him. I broke down all over again.
“Papá…” I cried out and reached out to him like I would when was younger. My father immediately went to my side and embraced me.
“They took my mom from me.” I cried to him and clung tightly to him, afraid I would suddenly lose the only parent I had left.
“They are going to pay for it. I promise you, figlia.” My father assured me while he rubbed my back, comforting me the best he could. Asher stepped closer to me and held my hand for comfort, looking at me with sadness in his eyes.
We had all grown up together and I knew he saw my mother as his own. She had taken care of us all, and showed us a love that couldn’t be replaced. And now she was just… gone.
A part of me refused to believe it, clinging to the little hope that was within me that it wasn’t true. But deep down inside I knew it wasn’t the case, and now I had to somehow live in a world without having my mother by my side.
“God, why…”I cried. My baby, whom I had come to love and care so much for, was gone too and the pain in my body kept reminding me of my misery.
“My.mom and my baby… They’re gone.” I whispered out. between my sobs. Asher’s body tensed at my words, a frown appearing on his face.
“Your…baby?” Confusion was written all over him. I didn’t say anything and wrapped my arm around my stomach, his eyes following my movements until it hit him. I had yet to tell them about my relationship with Nichoals and the last thing they expected, was for me to get pregnant.
Asher’s hand squeezed mine a little. He looked up to stare at Nicholas with his cold blue eyes.
I closed my eyes as I leaned into my father, trying to escape reality.
.
.
“She’s going back with us.” I heard Asher say with a firm tone.
“No.” Nicholas replied in his cold tone.
“No? Who do you think you are to make that decision?!” Asher erupted angrily.
“If you don’t keep your voice down, I will kill you.” Nicholas’s voice was low and calm but filled with promise as they continued to argue about me. I wasn’t sure if they were aware I was awake and I could hear them. My back was to the door but I guess it was slightly open as I heard everything they said, arguing about where I should stay.
It made me realize I didn’t have a place I could call home anymore.
Even though I had stayed a few weeks in my father’s mansion before, I still didn’t consider it home. Because for a long time, it wasn’t. It wasn’t the same home I grew up in and so much had changed… It didn’t have that homey feeling it used to have when I was living there with my mother.
“She’s staying with me.” Nicholas stated firmly, giving no room for discussion. I could hear how Asher was getting frustrated until my father decided to end their argument.
“Asher , it’s fine.”
“She needs to stay with her family. Not him.” He pressed on.
“Enough!” My father raised his voice and Asher went silent.
“She will stay with him.” I heard him make a sound of disapproval before hearing him walk away. My father let out a sigh.
“I apologize for his behavior. Understand that they grew up together and he is only looking out for her.” My father tried to explain.
“I don’t care. If he steps out of line one more time -”
“He won’t.” My father quickly said.
“I will make sure he knows his place.”.
The door closed and I heard footsteps approaching me. Nicholas came into my view and sat on the chair beside the bed, looking at me. I didn’t try to hide the fact I heard everything they talked about.
Not that it was something I cared about.
I couldn’t be bothered to care about anything. The only thing going through my mind was what happened in the woods. There was a constant replay of images that didn’t want to stop torturing me and it was even worse whenever I tried to sleep. The nightmares were haunting me, making me stay awake no matter how exhausted I was. No matter how much my eyes burned from the lack of sleep.
“Mikka will come and change your bandages and then we can leave.” Nicholas said quietly. I didn’t reply and continued to stare straight-ahead, still feeling numb and so lost.
He helped me sit up on the bed when the door opened and Mikka came in. My body still felt incredibly heavy but with minimal pain thanks to the drugs I had been given.
I sat on the edge of the bed while she checked the wound I had on the side of my head. As I kept my eyes down, I saw the small baby bump behind her loose shirt.
Mikka was pregnant.
A lump in my throat formed as I continued to stare at her stomach. Was she trying to hide she was pregnant with loose clothing so I wouldn’t notice? I wanted to let out a humorless laugh at life for mocking me right now.
“Everything is healing as it should be, and you won’t be needing the bandages anymore. You’re all set and free to go.” Mikka said. I was healing on the outside but inside, my soul remained broken.
“Congratulations…” I mumbled out to her and tried to give a small smile but not much happened. It felt more like a painful grimace than a smile. Mikka looked at me with a surprised look and then noticed I was looking at her stomach, and unconsciously fixed her shirt in a way it didn’t look like she was pregnant.
She didn’t know what to say as she stood still in front of me, hesitating a bit before she let out a small smile and quickly walked out. I wanted to roll my eyes at them all for walking on eggshells around me as if I would break down at any minute. I was already broken to the point I wasn’t feeling anything anymore.
I was dead on the inside.
“I’ve got some clothes for you.” Nicholas picked up a bag that was on the floor. He helped me get out of the hospital gown I was, wearing and dressed me in some comfortable clothes. I tried to get up to dress myself but he gently kept me from moving and continued to dress me.
“I want to walk.” I muttered and stopped him from carrying.
“You shouldn’t be moving around just yet.” He said but I ignored him and got up on my feet. Nicholas quickly held onto me to steady me as my legs wobbled from still being weak.
“Let me carry you.” He tried again but I shook my head at him and held onto his arm instead and carefully took a step. I needed to do something to distract my mind from the constant thoughts and images that wouldn’t stop haunting me. It was working as the only thing I could think about was how heavy my body was and how tired I quickly got from taking a few steps. But I didn’t let it stop me as we continued our way out at a snail’s pace.
The hallway was heavily guarded by his men. Some were in front of us and some were behind us, almost forming a complete circle around us in protection.
Finally coming outside to the parking lot, a pair of shoes. stopped in front of me. I looked up, seeing it was Giovanni. He -looked around my face, a slight frown appearing on his face the more he studied me. Then his eyes went down to my stomach.
“Don’t. Please…just don’t.” I said to him before he could say anything. I couldn’t handle hearing about it. The pitying looks
I was given were already too much for me to handle. I just didn’t want to talk about it or have anyone ever mention it to
I know what I lost.
Giovanni gave a slight nod before stepping aside side so I could get in the car.
I was completely exhausted as we sat silently in the backseat. I rested my head against the window and I so badly wanted to close my eyes and sleep, but I couldn’t. Her face was all I saw when I closed my eyes so I had to distract myself by keep looking out of the window.
Nicholas was sitting close to me and held my hand in his, caressing me.
“How many days…?” I asked quietly, continuing to look out of the window, watching as we drove past the fields. I had no sense of time and I had no idea how many days had passed since that day.
“You were out for three days.” He said and I was surprised by his answer.
“Five days have passed.” I swallowed hard at the information. Five days had gone by. Five days I had somehow survived and lived without a mother.
How was I supposed to continue living my life like this?
“We’ll figure it out.” Nicholas said softly to me as if he had read my thoughts.
We arrived at the manor and it seemed unusually quiet when I stepped out of the car. Or maybe it was just because I was in deep sorrow that I thought everything was dark and gloomy. Even the majestic manor didn’t seem very majestic at this moment. It was as if I had lost all vision of color and all I could see was dark grey.
I saw Tessa when I got inside. She looked at me with her sad, red eyes and her disheveled hair. She quickly walked up to me, embracing me as she broke down. My arms were down by my sides. I stared numbly over her shoulder, avoiding eye contact with anyone. I didn’t think there were any more tears for me to spill. I wasn’t even feeling anything at this point.
I was a standing empty hollow
I felt the tears seep into my shirt and I slowly patted her on the back, trying to comfort her in some way. I had no idea what to say to her. I wasn’t sure if there even was anything I could say that would make anything better. So I just silently patted her on the back like some kind of robot.
Tessa leaned back to look at me but I avoided her eyes and looked down. I didn’t want to be reminded that I had lost a mother and a baby at the same time.
“I…uh…I’m tired.” I said the only excuse I could think of so I could be left alone.
I made my way to the stairs, looking up at them and knowing in my current state, I wouldn’t be able to handle walking up on my own.
“Let me.” Nicholas said and he carried me in his arms. We were in his room when he placed me on the bed.
“The bathtub is ready if you want to wash up now.” I nodded and made my way to the bathroom. If there was one thing I desperately needed, it was the need to scrub myself clean and raw from all evidence of what I had been through.
I kept looking down at my hands. Even though there was nothing on them, I felt like they were covered in thick blood, and I unconsciously kept wiping them against my clothes to somehow get rid of the feeling. But no matter what I did, the feeling always came back.
I carefully undressed with the help of Nicholas , trying not to move my arms too much as my ribs still hurt to the point I couldn’t move my arms above my head without immediately wincing in pain.
Then I made the mistake and looked in the mirror, shocked to see my appearance.
My body was discolored with bruises, and dark bags under my eyes, and my skin was unusually pale. I swallowed hard as I with a trembling hand touched my throat where it was visible to see I had been choked with the nasty dark purple color that covered my throat.
I looked like I had died and been brought back to life.
Nicholas quickly stepped in front of me to block me from looking at myself in the mirror. It was the first time I had looked at myself, and if this was how I looked after five days, I couldn’t imagine what I had looked like when he found me.
“Come.” He gently led me to the bathtub. The hot water felt nice to the point I let out a small sigh of relief and was able to slightly relax. I was exhausted and my body was aching like crazy.
I guess the drugs were starting to wear off.
Nicholas was being careful and gentle with me. He washed me and dried me off when I was done and brushed my hair after getting dressed.
“Elsa , you have to eat to get better.” He kept trying to make me eat something but the sight of food was unappetizing to me and made me nauseous.
“I’m not hungry.” I moved away and lay down on the bed, turning my back to him and closing my eyes. Whatever pills he had given me made me extremely sleepy and I struggled to keep my eyes open.
Nicholas let out a sigh and placed the food to the side. He got in bed with me, gently caressing my head, and for once, I let myself give in and fell asleep.
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