My parents were greatly surprised when they saw me in the house that day. Frustrated as I was, I threw a tantrum because they didn't tell me anything and my grandpa made me chill out with some ice cream.
I was mad because I was the last one to know about everything, always.
My grandma explained to me that my grandpa was the one who asked not to tell me since I was doing well in Seoul and was dating someone, he felt that it would just complicate things for me, and he was going back in some weeks anyway.
"I was brown there, and I will die there as well", he said that time.
I bawled like a kid when he said that. I regretted not spending more time with him when I could.
Sofia helped me to block my Korean SIM the next day, we had to do it fast because she was leaving in a few days as well. Her exchange program was coming to an end, and she was the only one I could trust with some personal information over there. I would have told Chan, but I had no way to talk to him. That really made me lose sleep at night.
I blocked both, the SIM and the phone. I feared something could be taken out of it. I think it was just a coincidence though, I don't think someone was aiming at it, I just had to take preventive measurements.
I wrote Chan a message on Instagram every single day in hopes he would see it, but I think it was an impossible thing to happen.
He was going to L.A thought, I had to make sure he saw me, even if we were uncommunicated for more than two months. So, I bought VIP tickets to get in the soundcheck and get a group photo with them. I didn't buy it for the photo, of course, but if he didn't see me at the soundcheck, that was the only and safest way we could meet face-to-face without me doing something crazy.
Little by little, I went back to my routine. I went to the office a couple of days of the week while in L.A., so I could spend some days at home with my grandparents too.
Since I was there already, I helped Richard to interview some people for the vacant positions, it was pretty urgent if we wanted to stop overworking ourselves.
"How come you are wearing a bracelet?" He asked me one day while we were working at the office.
"It's a present from my boyfriend", I said looking at it while organizing some papers for our upcoming meeting.
"Is that so? I thought you found them uncomfortable".
"Yeah, I did. I have got used to it already".
"Ah, maybe I should have given you one back then".
"Please, don't start with it. Can you?" I wasn't in the mood to handle him.
"Well, I should have guessed it was from him, you wear it every day. That necklace too".
"This is his, I just borrowed it". I touched the necklace in question. It was just a few days before I left Seoul, Chan gave me one of his necklaces, it was like a promise I was going back.
"Such a romantic... well, you like that stuff".
"Let's head to the meeting room", I hurried him getting up and leaving my desk first.
From the moment I set foot back in the office, Richard wouldn't stop mentioning my "new boyfriend". I didn't say much, but I don't know how he didn't notice he was pulling a sensible string.
Meeting Ella again made me feel nervous too. But when I got to our apartment, she wasn't there. I told her sister I was going back, but she never mentioned anything about Ella. Seems like she was in Mexico with her boyfriend and was coming back at the end of March.
When I finally bumped into her, she greeted me coldly. I wanted to talk with her but she avoided me all along.
"I will stay at my parents' house while I'm here so your sister can stay. I will move out as well. What do you want to do? You can stay with your sister here or find another roommate. We can return it as well".
"I'll stay. Angela will be in and out for some time, so it will be better that way". I nodded. "I will have to return it at the end of the year though".
"Yeah, the wedding, I know". I took in a big breath.
"And you don't have to rush to take your things out".
"Thanks. I already talked with my brother though, he will come tomorrow to help me out".
"Ok"
"And... about Chan".
"I got things to do", she started to look a bit anxious.
"Ok". And without any other word, she got in her room.
I didn't enjoy being on bad terms with my all-time best friend, but it seemed like our friendship was far from being saved.
I felt terribly stupid for going back to L.A without talking with my mom first. I wanted to spend time with my grandpa before he passed away, of course, but I didn't take into consideration some things, for example, that I had to wait a few months before going back to Korea. That meant my grandma was going to be alone too.
"It's fine, you were worried about me", said my grandpa.
"The plants were going to die anyway". Another example, the garden. "Maybe the reason some of them didn't is that she was away", joked my grandma. She had that type of humor.
The first week of April, my grandpa's condition worsened and he had to stay at the hospital. My dad had to fly to Seoul in a rush, and my grandpa died two weeks later.
My father held his funeral and stayed with my grandma for a couple of days. He had to help her with some papers too, and he tried to convince her to live with him but she refused every single time.
The death of my grandpa brought silence to the house. It had been years since I stayed for so long with them and it felt kind of awkward. Normally, my mom would tease me about it and would ask about stuff from when I was in Seoul, but nobody asked anything. I didn't want to either, but it felt weird. Everything.
Dinner was the most challenging part of the day since it was the three of us in a heavy silence at the dinner table.
The thought of not being able to see my grandpa ever again felt weird too, and made me a bit uneasy. I can't imagine how my dad was feeling, but he was not doing great, I could tell that much. Or my grandma!
We all noticed that Grandma was feeling lonely. She didn't say it, but we could feel it. She was always ready to put on a fight with you for whatever, but now she was rather quiet every time we called her.
"You want to stay here, don't you?" She asked me one evening while we had some tea over a video call. You could tell spring was making its entrance looking at all the flowers there.
"Yeah, I do. I don't know if I want to stay forever but I need to be there for the time being".
"We will help you to stay. Your dad is moving some string and using some contacts to get you a job here, that way you can stay without a problem".
"Really? When did all this happen?" I asked fully surprised. Dad never told us anything!
"I talked with him a few weeks ago".
"Thank you".
"He wants me to sell this house, but you can stay and keep it if that's what you want".
"What do you mean? It's yours, don't talk like you're going to be good soon too", I said nervously.
"I'm old too, there's a point in which you have to acknowledge the possibility you won't wake up the next morning".
"Grandma, what are you talking about? You're not that old yet". She just smiled and kept drinking tea.
I went back to the office entirely at the beginning of May after an interview and a few meetings with my dad's acquaintances.
I was offered a job at their publishing company. It was not bad but I felt guilty leaving Richard and the team, so I talked to them and came up with a proposal that would benefit both companies.
I still couldn't get in touch with Chan though, I even spam him on a YouTube live he did while we were still mourning Grandpa. But seems like nothing worked out. After the last live, I was in high spirits once again though. I saw my lamp next to his bed and Kuririn on his bed. Some Stays asked about the plushy, and he gently moved it to his lap and said it was an important thing he had to take care of. That gave me hope and some patience to endure the few weeks left for the concert.
I was counting the days to see Chan again once May started, it felt so long that when the day came, I was surprised and awkwardly not excited.
"Where are you going so dressed up?" Asked my brother who was watching television in the living room. I got to know that he always stopped by for lunch ever since I left to Korea. His excuse was my parents felt lonely, I say he was just too lazy to cook for himself and took his chance while I wasn't around to complain about it.
"To a concert". I said putting on my shoes.
"Want me to drive you?"
"Mom lent me the keys to her car, thank you". I had lent mine to her since my car was more comfortable to travel in, she and Dad were on a little trip that weekend.
"Ah", he simply replied and turned to the TV again.
"Mom, I'm leaving! Good luck this weekend!" I shouted in her bedroom's direction.
"Bye!" I heard her shouting back.
"Have fun", muttered my brother hypnotized by the screen.
"I will", I left the house almost running.
In the end, I couldn't attend the soundcheck in the morning because of Richard. I was raging. He forgot to send the printing order the previous day for a new book we were publishing. I wanted to kill him!
We were lucky enough that the person in charge answered my call and let us send the paperwork even after the deadline was over.
I asked myself if trying to keep working with them and not just transferring to the other company was worth it.
The photos were going to be taken in the same place at the concert. The staff had arranged a large room for it and was decorated with the tour theme colors.
I stepped into the saloon with my heart throbbing like crazy. There were around 40 people, and all the Stays were so stylish. That was quite a lot of people though, therefore I had to wait a while to meet them. But I was already there, that was the important thing.
We were going to take the photos in small groups so I stepped back to avoid any trouble. After waiting months, a few more minutes didn't bother me at all. It was kind of funny to be in that type of situation again.
After a while, I cursed myself for stepping back and letting other people go first. The anticipation was growing every second, I was dying to see him.