I squeezed Eddie's hand as he stared at the entrance of the mall. We were still in his van and had parked about fifteen minutes ago. After his attempts to get into my pants were unsuccessful, he just got quiet and stared at the building.
"Can't make up with Dustin if you don't get out of the van," I said, my tone teasing and kind. He sighed and leaned back into his seat before looking over at me.
"Can't make out with each other if we leave the van," he quipped. I laughed and shoved his shoulder.
"I'm being serious, you pervert," I replied. His smile was nervous, and he swallowed hard. He looked away again.
"I think I missed Dustin the most after I left," he said quietly. I felt my heart soften. I hated when he was vulnerable with me. It made my affection for him worse, and soft and malleable again. I had come far from hating Eddie Munson – I liked him, and, even worse, considered him a friend.
Before I could stop myself, I moved my hand to his hair, stroking it gently. He closed his eyes and hummed happily.
"He missed you, too."
"No – he hates me now," Eddie insisted. I felt an overwhelming urge to placate Eddie and make him feel better.
"He's just angry – whenever people are that kind of angry, it's because they really care," I explained. He looked at me, setting a large hand on my knee. His calloused fingertips started tracing designs into my leg.
"Is that why you were so mean to me?" he asked. I felt my face flush as he squeezed my thigh.
"I'm still mean to you. And we aren't talking about us – you are trying to avoid our mission," I pushed. He watched me carefully, his eyes crinkling.
"Okay, sweet pea. Let's go find Dustin," he finally conceded.
I grinned and started to move to get out of my seat when Eddie caught my arm. I turned, surprised, and before I could stop him, he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck. He yanked me to him, setting his face close to mine. He searched my eyes, and then kissed me sweetly. I pulled back, a flush blooming on my face, and didn't smack him or say something snarky. He smiled, still nervous, and kissed my cheek.
"Just needed some luck – I was the luckiest the first time you kissed me," he said before getting out of the van. I felt my body heat and could barely contain myself. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my heart down.
I was becoming too soft. And I didn't hate it.
Eddie opened the door for me, and I hopped out, smirking at him. I started walking towards the mall, my smile growing as Eddie got underfoot, walking close behind like he always did.
"I can't believe you got me to do this," he said quietly. I looked up at him and winked.
"Friends challenge each other. They make each other better," I quipped. A wicked smile spread across his face.
"They do? Could I challenge you to let me spend the night again?" he flirted. I scoffed and looked straight ahead, willing my blush away. He pinched my ass and I yelped. I spun on my heel and tried to smack his chest, my heart skipping when he grabbed my hand and pulled me close.
He watched me closely, his eyes tracing my features. He had started doing that more, staring at me and refusing to tell me what he was thinking. It made it impossible to keep my head on straight and made me fluttery.
"Holy shit, Eddie?" a voice called out. Eddie kept his hold around me and watched me for a beat longer before turning to the person calling out to him. A tall boy with tight curls and a letterman jacket had a bright smile on. Eddie's face lit up into a similar smile.
"Lucas!" he cheered, dropping me and trotting over to the boy. They embraced each other and started laughing as boys do when something stupid seems funny to them. "Dude, you got so tall!"
"And you stayed the same!" Lucas teased back. Eddie laughed harder and Lucas punched his shoulder. "You still have the same stupid haircut?"
"I spent years growing it out!" Eddie replied, shocked by Lucas' candor. Lucas smirked.
"Not much of an accomplishment," he quipped. I laughed and Lucas finally noticed me, his smile warm. Eddie crossed back to me, setting a hand on the small of my back.
"Lucas, this is my friend Elle—"
"I remember – you were my tutor for a while," Lucas interrupted. I smiled and nodded.
"It's good to see you again," I replied.
Lucas had grown up so much. I remembered the lanky teen who had to balance two different worlds – one of Hellfire and his goofy friends, and the other basketball and the effortless jocks who I steered clear of. Based on what he was wearing – a letterman jacket over a Ghostbusters t-shirt – he had managed to find it. His parents had hired me to tutor him in English, the only subject he had an A- instead of an A+ in. He was a sweet kid, always polite and eager to learn, and I enjoyed tutoring him.
"You too – I'm sorry you have to hang out with this asshole," Lucas said, elbowing Eddie's side. Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me close.
"She's doing charity for putting up with me," Eddie said, leaning his head onto the crown of mine.
I felt my face heat and tried to remain cool and collected. I cleared my throat and looked at Eddie, prompting him to ask about our mission. His smile faltered, but he nodded, looking back to Lucas.
"Hey, are you, I mean, is...are you here by yourself?" he asked lamely. I groaned and rolled my eyes. Lucas smirked.
"Dustin's here. He works at Tape World, now," Lucas answered. He nodded in the direction of the store. "He's been holding a Talking Heads cassette for me. Want to come?"
Eddie's hold around me was now a vice grip – one of panic and terror. I had yet to touch him back since entering the mall, outside of my attempted smack, and felt that urge to placate him again. I wanted to kick myself. I set a hand on Eddie's back and rubbed it gently. He looked down at me, stunned. I forced a smile through my butterflies.
"Come on, sugar. He just misses you," I said quietly. He smiled and nodded tightly.
---
When Elle dropped me, I felt an ache for her touch. She started to follow Lucas, asking him questions and being the warm and kind version of Elle I rarely got. I was close behind, wanting to always be near her and getting the opportunity to even be on the periphery of her kindness.
"Your parents still tough on you about English?" she asked, making him laugh. He shrugged.
"A lot of what you taught me still helps – I've kept up my grade there," he answered. She smiled brightly.
"Good – you were always so smart," she complimented.
I felt a surge of a positive emotion I couldn't quite name. I was surprised and happy to learn that Elle knew Lucas, and that they had positive interactions. I was proud to be with her, even if it was just in a platonic capacity.
God, I hated that it was just a platonic capacity.
Lucas slowed to a stop and turned to me; his face was serious.
"Do you want me to give him a heads up?" Lucas asked. I let a breath out.
"No, just need to pull the band-aid off," I answered. I looked to Elle, and she smiled knowingly. When I started into the store, she didn't follow me, and I panicked. She winked.
"Your mission. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here when you're done."
I watched her for a beat. When she was like this – supportive, warm, kind – I was practically in love with her. I liked her when she was mean. I liked her when she was nice. She made it so hard to be just friends.
I nodded and followed Lucas in, jamming my hands into my pockets. I looked around the store, smiling. I used to take Dustin here all of the time, showing him what music to listen to and what would make him cool. We would laugh until we were practically pissing ourselves, and I would drive him home, where Mrs. Henderson would insist I stay for dinner. Dustin had suggested that we set her and Wayne up on more than one occasion.
"Henderson!" Lucas called out, striding in front of me and over to the front counter. Dustin looked up, his smile bright and happy to see his friend. They clasped hands in a handshake and started chattering on about something.
Dustin was like an actual adult now – he had gotten so much taller, practically shooting up a foot since I had left. I smiled as I realized that he was dressed like me – he had an Iron Maiden shirt on under a denim vest and silver chains. I could hardly believe it. Dustin Henderson looked cool.
"Here's your lame-ass tape," Dustin joked, handing Lucas a cassette. Lucas groaned and snatched it from him.
"Not all of us borrowed our music taste from Eddie, Henderson," Lucas sniped. Dustin's smile disappeared and he looked down at some papers, pretending to be busy.
"Fuck you, dude – I like metal music," he replied. I felt a pang in my chest. I cleared my throat and Dustin looked up, finally noticing me. His face twisted into fury, and Lucas tried to calm him down.
"Dustin, Eddie just wants to—"
"Get out," Dustin ordered to me, pointing at the front entrance. I felt my stomach drop.
"Dustin, buddy, I'm sorry," I started. He shook his head. My stomach twisted when I saw his eyes well with tears. Even if he had grown up, I still managed to hurt him.
"Save it," he snapped. He sniffed and shook his head. "I have the right to refuse service. And I don't allow assholes into the store."
I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to yell at Dustin to grow up and quit being a dick. I wanted to tell him to shut up and just listen to me. But that was the old Eddie. The one who left him behind.
I looked down at my feet and started to trudge out of the store, feeling lower than ever. I heard Lucas and Dustin going at it, Lucas trying to convince him to talk to me. I got outside of Tape World.
"How did it go, sugar?" Elle chirped. She was picking at her nails, not looking at me. I couldn't bear to answer her and draped myself over her for a heavy hug. "Eddie? Are you okay?"
I buried my face into her neck and tried to blink back my tears. She was panicked, pulling me tight to her for a hug and rubbing my back.
"Eddie, what happened?" she asked, worried about me. I wrapped her tighter to me.
"He hates me, Elle," I croaked. She pulled back, looking up at me. Her eyes were worried and soft, concerned for me. She set a hand on the side of my face and traced my cheek with her thumb.
"He didn't want to talk to you?"
"He thinks I'm an asshole. And I was," I answered. She watched me for a beat, her mouth twisting as she thought. She nodded once and dropped me before turning on her heel. I furrowed my brows. "Where are you going?"
She looked over her shoulder as she walked into the store, smiling brightly.
"Friends also help each other with their missions," she answered before walking in. I felt my chest tighten.
She was making it practically impossible to just be friends.