The wedding was small with mainly just our families. I was fine with that. I preferred that. I didn't need a lot of people there. It didn't even feel real. It felt like I was going to wake up any moment and this would all be a dream. I didn't realize how nervous I was until Anthony and I were alone in the carriage officially as man and wife. I tried my best to hide how nervous I was, but the second Anthony mumbled, "We need privacy." I did trust that the letter wasn't going to be my reality, but it was floating in the back of my mind.
We reached his chamber-a richly appointed, masculine room exquisitely decorated in shades of burgundy and gold- he planted his hand on his hips and demanded, "Didn't your mother tell you about...ah...about..."
I would have laughed at his flailing if I hadn't been do nervous. Instead of laughing, I felt as if I was only seconds away from bursting into terrified tears. "Y-yes in a way she did."
"Then what the hell is the problem?" He cursed again, then apologized. "I beg your pardon," He said stiffly. "That certainly is not the way to set you are ease."
"I just..." I looked down at my hands, trying my best not to pick at my nails. It was hard to even look at him. My heart was pounding do loud that I could hear it in my ears.
Then I heard it. A strange, horrible choking noise emerged from Anthony's throat that made me snap up towards him. "Charlotte?" He asked hoarsely. "Did someone...has a man...ever forced unwelcome attentions on you?"
The concern and terror on his face nearly made my heart melt. "No!" I cried out. "I just...I need time...I need...maybe we should just a wait...a week. A reprieve sounds like a good option."
Anthony let out a deep breath, stepping closer to him. I was drowning in his smell of soap and whiskey. If my brain wasn't cluttered now, it was now. He put his hands on my cheek, his lips moving down. "Tell me," he whispered, his lips pressing against her ear. "Tell me how to make it right. I don't think I can grant you your reprieve." He molded his body against mine. His strong arms holding me close as he groaned, "I can't wait a week, Charlotte. I simply cannot do it."
"I..." I made a mistake of looking up into his eyes, and I forgot everything I meant to say. He was staring at me with a burning intensity that forged a fire in the very center of my being, leaving me breathless, hungry, and desperate for something I did not quite understand. All the nights in his office were safe with the reality he would never let it go too far. All the feelings I had these nights were no match to the feeling I had now.
I know I could not make him wait. If I looked into my own soul, and looked with honesty and without delusion, I was forced to admit that I did not wish to wait, either. Letter be damned.
What would be the point of my reprieve? He would never love me. But I could pretend. And when he held me in his arms and pressed his lips to my skin, it was so, so easy to pretend.
"Anthony," I whispered, his name a benediction, a plea, a prayer all in one.
"Anything," he replied raggedly, dropping to his knees before her, his lips trailing a hot path along my skin as his fingers frantically worked to release me from my gown. "Ask me anything," he groaned. "Anything in my power, I give to you."
I felt my head fall back, felt the last of my resistance melting away. "Just love me," I whispered, the words leaving me before I could think to stop them. "Just love me."
His only answer was a low growl of need, slowly pulling my hair out of their pins. The loose curls fell over my shoulders and watching his eyes glow with hunger. Anthony put his hand back on my cheek, pressing his lips against mine. "I need you," He growled against my lips. "I need you now." He lifted me in his arms, taking remarkably few steps to reach the large four-poster bed that dominated his bedroom. I started to wonder what this bed could have seen. "What are you thinking?" Anthony asked.
"How many women you've had in this bed."
"None." Anthony smiled at me. "Only you."
There was no hiding any pride that went through my chest. He laid me down on the mattress, his eyes never leaving me as he methodically stripped off his clothing. First his gloves, one by one, then his coat, already rumpled by his ardor.
He looked up at me and smiled, slowly and with satisfaction. "You've never seen a naked man before, have you?" He murmured.
I shook my head.
"Good." He leaned forward and plucked one of my slippers from my foot. "You'll never see another."
He moved to the buttons of his shirt, slowly sloping each from its buttonhole. My mouth went dry, watching him. I nervously ran my tongue over my lips with hunger. His hands slid to the top button of his trousers and unfastened it, but stopped there. I was still fully clothed. Still covered in my innocence.
He climbed onto the bed and crawled toward me, inching closer and closer until my elbows, which had been propping me up, slid out from under me and I was flat on my back, staring up at him, my breath coming fast and shallow through my parted lips. He stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers, then slid them down my neck to the tender skin that peeked above the edge of my bodice. My gown was fastened by a maddening row of buttons at the back, but he's already undone nearly a third of them, and it was now loose enough to slide the silken fabric over my breasts.
"No chemist?" He murmured appreciatively, running his finer along the prominent line of my collarbone.
I shook my head, my voice breathy as I answered, "The cut of the dress didn't allow it."
One side of his mouth lifted into a very male smile. "Remind me to send a bonus to your modiste."
His hand moved ever lower, and he cupped one of my breasts, squeezing it softly, a familiar sound escaping my mouth. A sound I haven't heard since I the times I would sneak into his office.
"So lovely," He murmured, lifting his hand and letting his eyes glaze over me.
He lifted one of my hands, still wrapped in a long satin glove, and brought it to his chest. "I want to feel you," he whispered, then removed the two rings that rested on my fourth finer. He laid them in the hollow between my breasts, a space made shallow by my position on the bed.
I shivered at the touch of the cold metal against my skin, then watched breathless as Anthony pulled off my glove gently. Once my glove was gone, he, with a tenderness that could bring tears to my eyes, placed the rings back on my finger. He placed a soft kiss on my palm.
"Give me your other hand," He gently ordered.
I did and he repeated the same actions as before. But this time, when he removed the glove, he brought my pinkie finger to his mouth, drew it between his lips, swirling his tongue around the tip. A shriver ran through my body. The desire I felt in his office all that time ago was nothing compared to what he was awakening right now.
His tongue slide down the inner length of my inner, then traced the lines of my palm. "Such lovely hands," He murmured, nibbling on the fleshy part of my thumb as his finger entertained with mine. "Strong, and yet so graceful and delicate."
"You're talking nonsense," I said self-consciously. "My hands-"
He silenced me with a finger to my lips. "Shhh," he admonished. "Haven't you learned that you should never ever contradict your husband when he is admiring your form?"
Husband. I love hearing him say the words.
"For example," he continued, the very devil in his voice, "if I want to spend an hour examining the inside of your wrist it is certainly my prerogative, don't you think?"
"It would be rude for you to torture me tonight."
Anthony leaned down and captured my lips in a brief, yet searing kiss. Lifting his head just as inch, he murmured, "It is a wife's place to agree with her husband in all things, him?"
"If," I said with an amused smile, "his opinions are agreeable."
One of his brows arched imperiously. "Are you arguing with me, my lady? And on my wedding night, no less."
"It's my wedding night, too," I pointed out.
He chuckled and shook his head. "I may have to punish you," he said. "But how? By touching?" His hand skimmed over one breast, then to the next. "Or not touching?"
He lifted his hands from my skin, and he leaned down, and through pursed lips, blew a soft stream of air over my nipple.
"Touching," I gasped. "Definitely touching."
"You think?" He smiled. "I never thought I would say this, but not touching has its appeal."
"Kiss me." I ordered. "Just kiss me."
"Anything you wish, Lady Bridgerton. Anything you wish."
His lips were on mine, teasing and devouring, while his hands were lifting me into a seated position. His fingers worked nimbly at the buttons. The cold air grazed my body as the dress fell down the top of my body. His hands slide down my skin to lift up my hips and pull the dress off of me. I have never felt so exposed and so thrilled all at the same time. He had never seen me like this. This wasn't the first time it had crossed my mind, but this was more than that. This was my reality. He told me to lift my leg and when I did, he slid my stocking down my leg. Once I was completely bare in front of him, his hand slide down my stomach.
"I think I'm a little over dressed, don't you?"
I felt my eyes go wide as he left the bed and stripped off the rest of his clothing. I knew his body would be perfection. His chest finely muscled, his arms and legs powerful, and his-
"Oh, my God," I gasped.
He grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment."
I didn't want to seem nervous. I didn't want to be foolish or naive, so I forced a smile on my face.
"Trust me," He murmured, sliding onto the bed behind me. His hands settles on the curve of my hips as he nuzzled my neck. "Just trust me."
All I could get myself to do was nod as I felt his hand move on my body. Down my curves until he brushed the edge of the hair nestling between my legs. My muscles quivered having him so close. Anthony kissed me, his tongue sliding into my mouth, but it wasn't enough to keep me from noticing his hand reaching the head of my womanhood. He had come so close before, but he never let himself cross a line he could never come back from. Now, he had no reason to stop himself. Eventually his body settled between my legs, his hardness pressing against me.
He whispered my name. It was hard to focus on him through the haze of passion. "I'm going to make you mine now," He said inching forward. My body tightened at the pressure building between my legs. "Tell me if it hurts," He whispered moving so slowly.
I nodded.
Anthony froze, looking at me with concern. "It hurts?"
I shook my head. "No, I only meant I'll tell you if it does. It doesn't hurt, but it feels so very...odd."
Anthony slightly smiled, leaning down to press a soft kiss on my nose. "I don't know that I've ever been called odd while making love to a woman before."
"Perhaps," I said softly, "You've been making love to the wrong women."
"Perhaps so," he replied, moving forward another inch.
"May I tell you a secret?"
"Of course," he answered me, but he didn't stop slowly moving deeper into me.
"When I first saw you...tonight, I mean..."
"In all my glory?" He teased, lifting his brows into an arrogant arch.
"I didn't think this could possibly work."
"May I tell you a secret?"
"Of course."
"Your secret wasn't very much a secret," he grinned. "It was written all over your face."
I felt myself smile. It felt good to have him know what I was feeling without having to be told.
"This is where it might hurt a little, Charlotte. But I promise you, the pain will never be repeated."
I put my hands on his cheeks, "I'm ready." I pulled him down kissing him again. It felt so good to have him as much as I could. He pushed against me, leaving no room between our bare bodies. The pain wasn't enough to keep my body from needing more of him. "We aren't done, are we?" I felt myself ask against his lips.
Anthony shook his head, slowly starting to move between my legs. "Not even close."
This feeling was something I never even thought about before. The sound of our breathing and skin moving with only the care of passion. Whatever was coming over me was a feeling I had never felt before. "Don't stop," I felt myself beg. "Please don't stop. I'm so close to something...I don't know what?"
"Oh, God." He groaned, plunging back in to the hilt, throwing his head back. "You're so beautiful, so unbelievably beautiful." I felt onto the bed to keep the wave of something from crashing over me. His hands moved between our bodies touching me in the most intimate way. I screamed, my body tightening and shaking like all the air was taken from me.
Anthony went utterly still above me, his mouth open in a silent scream, and then he collapsed on top of me. I loved the weight of him."Oh, my God," He gasped, his body now shaking. "Never...it's never...so good...it's never been so good."
I waited a moment, watching him carefully as he rolled next to me. "May I tell you a secret?"
"Always."
"I didn't think there was anyway to enjoy that."
Anthony lifted his head with a strength I didn't know he had.
"I've never been so pleased to be wrong."
He chuckled, pulling me closer to him and giving me a soft kiss.
"Can we do it again?"
"In time, my wife. In time." He kissed me again and I felt like I could melt into this moment forever.