"This is nice," Grayson said as we got out of the car.
"Thanks. My family's been using this section of the cemetery for years. Except now I'm the last one," I sighed.
"That's...honestly kind of dark," he said, nervously glancing around as if something would come out to grab me and truly make me the last one.
"Yeah. I have to have kids to carry on the bloodline," I said wearily. The silent pressure from my deceased relatives sometimes weighed pretty heavily on me some days.
"Someday, if you die without kids, I'll come back here and visit," Grayson said, walking through the leaves with me. "That way you're not forgotten."
I smiled at him. "Thank you, that's sweet. And a little morbid."
"Fair," he laughed. But he quickly sobered as I stopped walking in front of a gleaming white marble headstone.
"Hi, mama," I said softly, kneeling down and touching the cool stone. "I'm sorry I haven't been visiting. I live in Canada now, but I'll be back soon. I got married, too. Not the way I should've, but he's really nice. This is Grayson."
"Do you want me to say something?" he whispered, looking terribly nervous.
My eyes crinkled with a hidden laugh. "You can if you want. Or if you think it's weird, you don't have to."
"How do you do, Mrs. Langford," he chose, stepping up behind me.
I smiled sadly. "I talk to her because she always used to talk to me. When I was a baby she'd talk about anything and everything. Then when I grew up she still made conversation and chitchat all the time. It annoyed me for years, until suddenly she stopped talking."
Grayson's eyes looked shattered. "I'm sorry, Jackie, that must've been awful," he whispered.
"It's okay. I know she'd be proud of me if she saw me now. Well, maybe not right now, considering you," I admitted, making him smile. "But I had her for nineteen years. That's a lot."
"You were practically a kid," he said quietly.
"Nineteen isn't a kid; especially for a kid as responsible as me," I reminded him.
"I guess," he sighed.
I took the flowers I'd bought on the way and set them down on the grass. "Mama, the way I met Grayson isn't the most conventional, but I promise, he's a good man. He's taking wonderful care of me and he's really sweet. You'd love him. I know it's a bit too late to ask, but I hope you can give us your blessing. If you were here, that is."
Tears stung in my eyes as I stood and stepped back, barely noticing as Grayson draped an arm around my shoulders. "She would've loved our wedding story," I whispered. "She would've been furious with me, but the idea of strangers waking up married would've made her laugh so hard."
"She sounds fantastic," he said softly.
"She was. Oh, and she'd tell us stories about how some people are soulmates. She loved soulmates. She always wanted one, but she never had one," I sniffled.
"I'm guessing your dad's not in the picture then," he said.
"No. Ran away when I was one. I have a picture of him, but that's it. I'm kind of glad he left sooner than later." My dad was a sore subject, but I'd learned from early on that dwelling over the matter didn't help anybody.
"Sorry, Jacks," Grayson whispered sympathetically.
"It's fine, don't apologize," I insisted, although his reaction was sweet. "I'm okay. I think I'm doing pretty well without him."
Grayson nodded and squeezed my shoulder. "I'll leave you two alone for a bit. Take your time, okay?"
"Thank you," I said, watching as he walked back to the car. I sat down in the fallen leaves, taking out my journal. Every time I visited her, I wrote her a letter. Half the time I talked about other things as I wrote, and today was no exception. I talked about Grayson and Vancouver, about my trip to Vegas. I lamented my own stupidity. I updated her on Kylie and Nina, since she'd always cared about my best friends.
Finally, I tore out the page I'd written and stuffed it under a rock. "Love you, mama," I whispered, blowing a kiss. My heart ached for her, but there wasn't anything I could do.
Nothing to do except keep spreading her love and joy the best I could.