─ 12. broken
[ tw: violence, abuse, panic attacks ]
***
That night, I was able to sleep for a couple hours before being awakened by my dreams of Mister Jeon and Dae again - and the flashes of Mother beating me with the ruler.
It was only four o'clock in the morning.
Even though I was fully aware of the fact that it was a dream - tears still dripped down my cheeks as I remembered watching Mister Jeon and Dae smile lovingly up at Selene as Mister Jeon's hands cradled her swollen stomach.
I felt sick, and the grip Mother had around my neck tightened as she forced me to watch the scene that tore my heart in two.
For the third time in a row.
And it was more than likely happening in real life.
I stumbled out of bed, face planting on the carpet before my shaking, sore hands pushed me to my feet. I was left in a daze as I hurried downstairs and into the music room - the only place that felt like home to me.
My long pale hair hung in limp tangles around my face.
It made me feel ashamed of how far I'd fallen since leaving home. My entire body shook in relief as I took my place on the piano bench and buried my face in my arms.
Sobs tore out of my throat, replaying the scene over and over inside my head.
I didn't want to think of it.
It hurt too much.
I sniffled, head resting on the fallboard and closed my eyes. My hands gently traced over the piano, the familiar texture calming me.
I missed Vic and the others so much.
I wiped my tears off my cheeks hastily. Hopefully Mother had already sent a message to Mr. Blackbourne and Vic. Maybe Kayli was already on her way.
***
I never did fall back into my slumber after that nightmare woke me. My limbs ached terribly from laying on the piano for hours. I watched the sun rise, exhaustion already weighing on me.
Happy Birthday to me, I guess.
Nothing felt special about today.
Although Mother and Father threw this 'party' in my honor, I knew it was just another way to use me to rake in even more money.
You would think one hundred thousand dollars would be enough by now. But they were greedy, and it would never be enough to please them.
"I see you're already practicing," Mother remarked, heels clacking loudly on the marble floor. Her knee length maroon colored dress contrasted beautifully on her tanned skin as she walked into the music room.
As always, Jasmine Morgan was perfectly put together. Her lips curled downwards into a frown, cold eyes raking up and down my ragged form.
"You will need to leave soon - Mary and the others have dresses and other accessories for you to choose from. You need to look your best tonight, Elena."
She looked down at my hands and huffed, "To my understanding, Kayli - that friend of yours is being picked up at the airport. I sent Carlos after her. And for god's sake, leave and go bathe yourself, girl. I won't have you ruining our reputation like this."
I stood up, swaying on my feet slightly before I righted myself.
The women couldn't even wish me a happy birthday.
But happiness sparked up inside me at the mention of Kayli.
She would be here soon.
Sadness clung to my features as I slunk past her and to my room upstairs.
I nearly fell a time or two before I finally made it to my room.
Mary and Dorcus were inside my bedroom, amidst the ridiculous number of dresses and accessories.
I cringed, knowing I would have to try most of them on before Mother approved.
Mary's head snapped up the moment the door closed behind me. She bowed her head slightly and nudged Dorcus to attention.
"Happy Birthday, Miss. Morgan." They both spoke up, smiling.
A slight smile allowed my face to perk up.
"Thank you." My smile widened.
I felt happy that they wished me a happy birthday. They didn't have to.
Mary and Dorcus brightened.
"Of course, Miss. Your Mother told us to help you pick out a dress for this evening. Which one would you like?"
I pursed my lips and scanned the dresses that were hung up on a hook. Some were floor length, some were short, and brightly colored.
"I have no clue." I slumped my shoulders.
"Pick anything that Mother would approve of." I said softly, "Mother told me to bathe before anything else."
Dorcus nodded, her fiery curls bouncing around her face, "We would be happy to, Miss." She grinned - displaying bright white teeth.
"Mary already had an assortment of gloves for you to try on." She said, eyes darkened as she gazed at my swollen, bruised hands.
I felt ashamed and deeply embarrassed.
It seemed like everyone in this house knew what Mother had done to my hands. I was positive they heard my screams and sobs while it happened.
I flushed brightly and avoided their eyes while hiding my hands behind my back.
"Thank you, Dorcus. I better get going." I said quietly, ignoring the scolding look Mary had sent her younger friend. Before anything else could be said, I hurried to the ensuite bathroom and closed the door behind me.
Once I was alone, I slumped against the door and sighed.
I wanted this day to be over already.
It wouldn't be too long until I was done being used for their personal gain.
Something told me it wouldn't be too long until that moment came.
I busied myself by starting the shower and stepping inside. I washed, shaved, and made sure my hair was thoroughly and carefully washed and conditioned before I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around my body.
I felt better than I had in a while, knowing I'd get to see Kayli soon.
I slathered lotion all over my body and dressed in one of the satin robes in my bathroom after slipping on my undergarments.
I paused while brushing through my hair as the voices on the other side of the door grew louder.
"Elena!" Kayli's familiar southern lilt nearly made me drop the hairbrush on the floor in excitement. A squeal left my lips as I scrambled towards the door, threw it open and leapt into her arms.
"Kayli!" I sobbed, raising up to my toes to hug around her neck. Her familiar vanilla scent put me at east instantly. Kayli's arms tightened around me and swayed us from side to side.
"I missed you." I mumbled into her neck, eyes tearing up slightly. Kayli laughed, near tears herself and pulled away slightly.
"I've missed you too, E. We all have." The sadness in her voice made me want to cry again.
Mary and Dorcus - who were both seated on the sofa in my room smiled widely as they watched the scene in front of them.
"Happy Birthday," Kayli grinned, pushing her brunette hair behind her ear with one hand, while the other held out a medium sized square black box - daintily wrapped in a satin pink ribbon.
"Kayli..." I sighed with a smile, "you didn't have to get me anything. I'm just so happy you're here."
Kayli's jaw tightened before it relaxed again. Her dark brown eyes peered down at my hands before I hid them away again.
"I know. This is a gift from all of us combined - we all picked it out for you before I left." She smiled grimly, placing the box in my hands, gently running her thumbs across the bruises.
"Jasmine?"
Crackers.
I avoided looking into her eyes. I played with the ribbon and slowly nodded.
"Yeah." The answer left my lips in a whisper.
"That bitch." She hissed underneath her breath.
I ignored her words, and instead looked at the box in my hands. I undid the ribbon, and slowly lifted the lid of the small box. Peering inside, the air in my lungs left me in an instant once my eyes collided with the pink stone, surround by glittering clear gems.
"Wow." I gasped quietly, "Crackers, Kayli! Is this thing real?"
Kayli released a laugh and nodded.
"Of course, E." she snorted, watching as I took the necklace out of the box as if it was made of glass. "Owen was the one who found it."
"This...this is too expensive." I gulped, afraid to even touch it.
Crackers, how much did this necklace cost? Gosh, I was afraid to even ask.
I don't deserve a necklace this expensive and beautiful.
"You deserve it, E. Plus you're twenty years old." She shrugged, "You can take care of it."
I held the beautiful necklace in my hands and smiled.
This was probably the most expensive thing I owned.
I would protect it with my life.
As the hours passed, Mary, Dorcus, and Kayli helped me pick out an outfit, and even helped take care of my hair and makeup before Mother arrived.
Kayli, dressed to the nines in her own evening dress, clenched her fists once Mother came inside the room and beckoned me with a wave of her hand, the diamond bracelets on her hand jingling with her movements.
A sigh left my glossy lips as my gloved hand came up and gently held the pink diamond on my necklace.
"Come, Elena. Everyone is waiting for us." Mother said icily, eyes boring into mine.
The small click of my heels echoed through my bedroom as I hurried across the room to join her.
"I'll see you later, right?" I asked Kayli, suddenly vulnerable.
I didn't want to her leave.
Kayli smiled softly, recognizing my panic and soothed me.
"Yeah," She nodded, forcing a smile in Mother direction, clutching onto her phone as she did so. "I'll see you in a couple minutes."
Relief filled my body as I relaxed. Mother snapped her fingers - waiting for me by the door.
"Now, Elena." She snapped, growing increasingly annoyed.
A flinch left me.
"Yes, Mother."
I followed her out of my bedroom, and soon enough; we were walking across the lawn.
Mother glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.
"Do exactly as I tell you, girl Remember your manners and do not mess up your performance."
A shudder left me as I noted the barely hidden threat in her tone. I knew if I messed up, I'd be in for a world of pain come morning.
"I understand."
As we joined the crowd of snobby socialite - who all wished me a happy birthday, I tensed.
I was never comfortable around these people.
There looked for any weakness imaginable and exploited it.
I have now entered the lions den.
Crackers
"I've heard you play beautifully, Elena." A man nearly Mother's age told me, sticking back his gelled reddish hair with blinged out fingers.
His wife, Mrs. Wolff nodded in agreement, wine colored lips lifted in a smirk.
"They all speak of how you surpass your brother's talent." She tutted, champagne flute in between her red nails. She tipped back the glass and took a sip.
I felt Mother stiffening by my side as Father's hand clenched tighter onto my shoulders - letting me know I had been too silent.
"I could only hope to be as talented as my brother, Mrs. Wolff." I said, sending her a small sweet smile.
Mr. and Mrs. Wolff's smirks widened. "Of course." She said.
The women soon turned to speak with Mother.
"What concerts have you planned, Jasmine?"
From across the room, I was able to spy Kayli, phone to her ear as she paced. Worry clawed at me as I watched her.
Mother returned her smile with a cold one of her own.
"We have concerts planned out for the next two years. Most out of the country."
What?
My heart dropped into my stomach as those words left her lips.
The conversation continued as I swallowed hard, panic rising.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
It couldn't.
I couldn't take being with them for two years.
I couldn't survive that.
I was barely getting by as it was.
I felt a panic attack dawned upon me.
Head spinning, I mumbled some sort of an excused to leave the group. My entire body was shaking at this point.
I could hardly breathe.
One moment I was racing across the lawn, and the next, I was in the music.
The only safe space I had.
Gasps escaped me as I tore the gloves off my hands, wincing at the pain before settling down at the piano.
I buried my face in my hands as I counted over and over.
A trick Kota taught me.
Minutes must have passed until I was able to move again.
The dizziness was still there, but one thing was clear.
I needed to get away.
One way or another, I was leaving.
Tears stuck to my cheeks as I breathed in shakily.
Suddenly, the door swung open and hit the wall with a bang. And in the doorway, stood Mother, looking angrier than I had ever seen her.
I clenched my jaw and looked blatantly away. Shaking hands placing themselves on the piano keys.
The action calmed me.
"Get up." She ordered, breezing into the room. Her lips pinched when I made no movement.
"No."
For the first time in my life. I had actually said no to her. And it felt great.
She balked, eyes wide in shock before it cleared and only anger was displayed on her face.
"You are making a fool out of this family, Elena. Get up and go back to the party." She hissed leaning down and glaring into my face. "you have a performance to get to."
"I'm not going to do it." I replied bravely, yet underneath my courageous act - I was completely terrified.
"I'm done being used by you and Father." I said, looking down at the piano keys, where my hands were still resting.
"Go find another naïve person to use for your own gain. I'm done." I said, lips slightly trembling.
Why couldn't I have just been brought up by parents that love me?
Mother raised to her full height and looked at me, emotionless, hands clenched around the fallboard.
A hiss left her hands as she lost control of her temper and with all her strength, she slammed the fallboard down with all her might.
Right onto my hands.
Pain exploded in every pore of my body.
A scream left my lips as cracks sounded out into the air. And I knew something broke. My legs buckled, sending me flying onto the floor.
I never felt so much pain in all my life.
Screams left my lips as tears left my eyes as she pressed down harder on my hands - the cracking of bones sounding against.
"Stop!" I screamed, trying to pull my hands free. "Please!" I begged.
Blood poured our from my hands and trailed down my bare arms as Mother pulled back her arm and backhanded me.
I felt the sharpness of her rings slice into my cheekbones, as I saw stars. The pain was severe.
Black dots swam across my vision.
She was trying to destroy my hands.
She brought the fall board up again, and before I could move my hands, she slammed it down once more.
Scream after scream left my lips as she finally let my pull my hands free.
I fell onto the floor, bloody palm prints shining bright against the white marble floor as I curled up in a fetal position on the floor and stared at my hands.
I was crying like I had never before.
Staring at the bloody mess that was now my hands, there were becoming numb.
I whimpered as I stared at my middle fingers, splintered bones protruding from the skin.
Bile crawled up my throat as I stumbled to my knees and vomited on the once pristine white floor.
The pain was before too much for my body to handle.
She ruined my hands.
I heard Mother's heels hit floor and the sound of the door closing entered my ears.
A wail left my lips as the realization of a chance of never being able to do what I loved most came to mind.
I couldn't ever play again.
Weakness of all my limbs made me fall into a heap on the ground beside the mix of blood and vomit on the floor.
Blood trailed down my face. Ignoring it, I cried louder, hands trembling like never before as my fingers stuck out in odd angles.
"My hands." I whispered.
I felt numb.
The thundering sounds of feet pounding on the floor didn't rouse me from my shell shocked state.
My entire body was trembling with effort to stay awake, stare never wavering from my hands.
The door flew open and a horrified scream entered the room.
It went in one ear and out another.
My hands.
Multiple pairs of hands grabbed onto me.
But my eyes never left my hands. They were bleeding heavily.
My hands.
Fire like eyes stared into mine as my face was grabbed quickly.
My eyes glassed over.
My hands.
Ruined.
Taps along my cheeks awakened me slightly.
"She's going into shock."
Sean?
My eyes looked at my hands again, and I feel into an endless void of despair.
My hands.
Ruined.
"Look at me!" Vic shouted, near to tears.
"Elena!" Kayli. She was crying.
Pain sizzled at my every nerve.
Bile once again rose in my throat. I kneeled over and vomited again.
I heard shuffling all around me.
"She needs a hospital."
My hands.
My face my grabbed again. Vic peered into my face, tears leaving his eyes as North picked up my twitching body.
"Hold on, muffin."
My hands.
My head fell back against North's shoulder.
Vic's taps against my cheek continued as they rushed out of the house.
"Vic." I croaked, eyes filling up with tears. My brother looked down at me as he jogged by North's side.
"My hands." A heartbroken sob left my lips, my brothers paused, faces etched in horror, "she broke them." I breathed quicker, chest rising and falling as my panic rose.
Black spots raced across my vision again.
I finally lost my will to stay awake, and fell back against North, limp, as there voices grew louder.
***
a/n:
this broke my
heart into
pieces.
^ elena's outfit ^
^ elena's necklace ^