Chapter 21: Selfish
Quote of the chapter:-
"one thing is important.
one thing does matter.
the way you see yourself.
the way you believe.
the way you make others
believe.
all else changes.
all else goes on."
~r.m. drake
♚♔♚♔♚♔♚♔♚
My legs shook as I looked into the face of my parents murderer. He was sitting smugly enjoying the scene playing out in front of him. I shouldn't have left, he took that as a sign to easily get to Colton.
I am so stupid.
My heart was thumping as I could feel myself starting to have a panic attack. This is not true, maybe if I pinch myself he'll go away. My head was spinning as a shriek escaped my mouth, I was trying to calm myself down but couldn't.
He was sitting right in front of me. The one man that I had been running from for so long, and he knows. He knows who I am.
I began to hyperventilate as I screamed again.
"Get him out of here!" I screamed pointing to Alpha Herald as I stumbled out the room. My heart was racing and legs shaking, he knows where I am now. Even if I do leave Colton he will hurt him, this was not supposed to happen.
I didn't want to cry or be scared, but I couldn't control the panic that ensued me.
I have to protect Colton.
"Why is no one listening!" I yelled again stumbling further back as Alpha Herald stood up a smug smile on his face. He knew I was here, that's why he came.
My dream was correct he's going to try and harm Colton.
My mate.
I couldn't let him.
Alpha Herald turned around and faced towards me and away from Colton he gave me a sly wink before reaching out to touch my hand.
I quivered back as I heard Colton growl, it didn't sit well with him that another alpha tried touching me.
"Don't touch me!" I screamed as I quickly escaped the room. I couldn't bare being in the same room as my parents murderer.
He's the man who destroyed my life.
I slammed Colton's study door and ran upstairs trying to get away from him. He wants me and he will do anything to get me, but why?
Why does he want me?
Why am I so significant?
I sat curled up in the corner of Colton's room willing myself not to cry. I am stronger than this, I won't cry because he's after me. I have to face him at some point.
It's not facing him that scares me, it's the possibilities of why he wants me that terrifies me.
"Casey" Colton yelled as I curled up further into the wall.
"Get him out of here" I whispered quietly but Colton still heard me as he looked me dead in the eye.
"Why?" He asked skeptically trying to get me out of the corner, I stayed rooted to my spot as he forcefully pushed me onto his lap.
"Please Colton get him out" I repeated as my wolf felt uneasy. She needed to be let out and she was scared of the situation too.
"I will, just relax" Colton soothed as he placed me gently on the bed and turned to leave. I quickly grabbed on to his arm forcing him not to leave me. I was scared I didn't want to be in the room alone, also I didn't want him to speak to Alpha Herald alone.
"Don't leave me" I said in a small voice as Colton shook his head slightly. He seemed frustrated with me, which was understandable, I mean I had been A-wall for the last few days and all of a sudden I show up forcing Colton not to leave me.
He turned around and lifted me off the bed as I dug my face deep into his chest. I was scared, I didn't want to be in Alpha Heralds presence again, but I had to.
I had to make sure Colton isn't hurt, I have to be there to protect him. Although I'm sure Alpha Herald wouldn't try to hurt him due to the fact that he's in Colton's territory.
As we drew closer to Colton's study I snuggled further into his arms. I was terrified of what might happen, but it was important for me to be there. He placed me on the floor and looked me dead in the eye.
"Stay behind me" he said as I nodded in approval. I didn't want to look at Alpha Herald anyway, just looking at him strikes fear in me. Colton slowly opened the study door as Alpha Herald stood there arguing with Kyle. I shrunk back behind Colton as he growled loudly.
The whole room went silent as Alpha Herald turned to face Colton, I stayed stuck behind him as I could feel his back muscles tense. The silence was making my heart beat faster, it was the calm before the storm.
"Get the fuck out of my territory" Colton said through gritted teeth. He sounded angry which made me flinch lightly. I had never heard him speak to someone in such a degrading tone.
"Oh so she's told you" Alpha Herald cackled lowly as I shuddered at his tone of voice. He gave me the creeps.
"Im here for the girl" Alpha Herald said as two members of his pack flanked each side of him. Although I knew they were outnumbered I was still terrified. Alpha Herald is a cunning man he doesn't need numbers when he has intelligence on his side.
I wanted Colton to kill him here but I knew he wouldn't. The alpha code states that you cannot kill another alpha unless your in battle, so if Colton did end up killing Alpha Herald here not only would his reputation go down the drain, but also he would be in trouble with the governing werewolf's.
"If you give me the girl no one has to get hurt" Alpha Herald spoke breaking me out of my thoughts. I shrunk behind Colton placing my hands against his back. His muscles tightened further as my hands made contact with him. He growled so loud I was scared that he would defy the alpha code and just end Alpha Herald here.
"I suggest you leave Herald before I do something I know I won't regret" Colton said his tone low as I hugged his back even tighter.
"She knew I was coming, I just don't understand why she didn't warn you" Alpha Herald said as Colton turned around to face me. He looked so angry that I was terrified, I quickly looked towards the ground trying to avoid eye contact with him. I felt so guilty and disgusted with myself because I hadn't told Colton about this.
"Herald I advice you to leave, I will not repeat myself. If you are not out my territory in another 5 minutes I swear I will personally come and rip your throat out" Colton threatened as Alpha Herald lifted his hands in mock surrender.
"I will be back for the girl" Alpha Herald said lowly as I flinched lightly. I was so scared, this meant that our packs would be going to war and that only scared me more.
People would die because of me, I didn't want to live with that guilt.
"Kyle, Rodney take a few warrior wolfs and make sure they get out of my territory" Colton instructed as Kyle and Rodney nodded.
They both directed alpha Herald out the room as he intentionally brushed his arm against mine. I wanted to be sick and cry in a corner as Alpha Heralds bare skin touched mine, it only ensued more fear in me as he winked and walked out the door without another word.
I was just glad Colton didn't see his actions or my discomfort because I was sure he would lose himself.
After a few minutes me and Colton were alone in the room. He moved away from me and sat rigidly on his seat, staring at me daring me to speak.
I didn't know what to say, I was at a loss of words. My mind was so messed up and all I really wanted right now was a nap.
"What the fuck just happened here Casey?" Colton asked skeptically as he stared me down. I didn't say anything, I didn't want to speak about this right now, I was to tired and just exhausted.
"Answer my fucking question!" Colton yelled standing from his seat and slamming his desk. I flinched at his actions as I cleared my throat preparing myself to speak.
"Can we please talk about this tomorrow I am-" Colton interrupted me by slamming his hands on his shelf and coming directly in front of me.
"You want to fucking speak about this tomorrow!" Colton yelled in my face as I could feel anger radiating off of him.
"He wants to go to war. My pack members could die and you want to speak about this tomorrow cause your tired right now!" Colton growled as I glared at him.
"Don't speak to me like that!" I demanded as his eyes darkened, he was seething with anger and at that point I couldn't help but feel scared of him.
"I will speak to you like that if my pack is involved!" he yelled as I continued glaring at him. I only came back so he wouldn't get hurt and now he was sitting here screaming at my face.
"Why the fuck wouldn't you tell me you had history with another alpha!" Colton asked skeptically as I frowned at his words.
"I was about to sign a fucking treaty that stated I would help him find a girl he has been looking for, for almost 9 years!" Colton said as I flinched. I had never heard Colton swear so much in my life.
"Little did I know that treaty was for my own fucking mate" Colton whispered the last part. I felt bad, I shouldn't have kept Colton in the dark for so long, but I had to protect him by not being around him. I wish he had just initially rejected me!
I know Colton was worked up so decided to hug him so he could relax. He stiffened at my sudden affection, but made no move to hug me back.
"I'm sorry" I mumbled as he detached my arms from him and stared me straight in the eyes. My heart sank as he moved further away from me and rested his head in his hands.
"You need to tell me what happened" Colton said rather calmly as I flinched at his words.
"I cannot blindly direct my pack into battle when they don't even know what they're fighting for" Colton finished as I nodded at his words. I understand where he was coming from but I just needed some time to prepare myself to tell him.
"Please give me some time" I mumbled as Colton growled at me.
"Can you stop being selfish for once and think about our pack, we do not have time. For all I know Herald could attack tomorrow!" Colton yelled at me as I felt tears prick my eyes. The fact he called me selfish hit me so hard, it hurt to think that Colton thinks I'm selfish after all I've done.
"How could you Colton!" I yelled finally losing my cool as Colton glared daggers at me.
"How could you call me that? After everything that I did just to keep you and your pack safe your calling me selfish!" My eyes were filled with water as I tried to hold the tears back.
"I even sacrificed you so he wouldn't come after you and your pack and what do I get in return? Being told I am selfish!" I yelled as Colton flinched at my words.
"You can call me a bitch, rude, ignorant, mean but you cannot call me selfish! Not after everything that I have given up just to keep you safe!" I couldn't hold my tears back anymore as they began dripping down my face.
"I went through days of gruelling pain where I was in heat, I needed your touch more than anything but I went through it, I went through it so Alpha Herald wouldn't come after you!" I said pointing at him as his eyes softened.
"I am so fucking fed up of giving up everything for others and still being told I'm selfish because yeah I am a rude, arrogant little bitch, and yes I'm infuriating and get on your nerves. But I never, ever have or will put myself before you!" I yelled as I wiped the tears from my face and turned towards the study door. I could feel my body begin to heat up again as I prepared myself to go into heat.
"Now if you excuse me I'm going up to bed" I snapped, slamming the study room door shut behind me as I trekked up the stairs and walked into the guest bedroom.
Although I was in immense pain and wanted nothing more than for Colton to touch me I still locked the guest bedroom door behind me.
My body was aching and my bones felt weak but I wasn't crying because of the physical pain. I was crying because of the emotional hurt Colton had inflicted on me today.