[irl!]
—————
TW: MENTIONS OF MENTAL HEALTH, TOXIC PARENTS AND ANXIETY!!
[irl!]
THE LAST FEW DAYS HAVE been extremely stressful for everyone.
but, nessa convinced lily to stay over at her house, where her and ralfie had been hanging out before, while she called elliot to tell everyone that she was safe and sound.
and for lily, those few days before their friends came over has been nothing but exhausting.
but, the first thing nessa helped lily do to help her feel much more at ease was blocking her parents—needless to say, it should've been the first thing she did, but nonetheless, it's done.
and lily's nothing but anxious and drained when the group gets to the house—it's only the triplets, madi, elliot, allison, and jake, since the others had visited her and checked on her a few days ago.
having just a smaller group come in to check on her and talk to her is a whole lot easier than having the whole, big group of friends surround her. especially when she's so drained too.
lily's clearly a mess when they get there—even though ralfie and nessa tried to help her take care of herself before anyone came over.
she'd showered and brushed her teeth, but she still looked obviously different; her hair was thrown into a messy bun with her hoodie over her head, dark and red eye bags, fidgeting fingers and anxiety and stress and drained-energy clear on her face.
lily's sitting with her head in her hands and her head is dipped down.
her leg hasn't stopped bouncing since elliot texted nessa telling her that they'd be there in an hour.
when the door creaks open, lily anxiously looks up and immediately stands up.
she gulps guiltily when she sees the worried look on elliot's face.
elliot opens her mouth to say something, but lily beats her to it, "i'm sorry."
elliot's worried face turns into one of shock. "what?"
lily sighs, glancing down at the ground as she says in a quiet voice, "you were right and i'm sorry," she looks back up at her and gnaws on her bottom lip anxiously, once more. "i shouldn't have left. i should've just stayed and talked to you."
despite her being shocked, elliot asks the question she's had in her head since they fought, "then, why did you?"
"i was scared. and embarrassed," she says, trying to find the energy to apologize, even though she feels so drained from everything. "i think i didn't want to admit how bad things were getting."
elliot sighs, rolling her eyes at her best friend when she asks her next question, "are you mad at me?"
"of course i'm not, you idiot!" she scoffs and rushes forward to throw her arms around her.
lily frowns as she accepts the hug, knowing that she really needs it.
despite knowing that everyone has a right to be worried, she avoids looking at them until they directly greet her—one thing she hates than anything else is pity and being vulnerable in front of others, which is something that she's trying to work on.
she's still frowning when elliot pulls away and gives her a comforting touch to her shoulder.
despite wanting to be beside her friend's side no matter what, she not only knows how lily feels about being smothered, but also because she's not the only one that needs to talk to and see her.
so, with that, she drops her hand from lily's shoulder and walks over to sit by nessa on the couch.
who steps forward next is both allison and jake.
allison throws herself at her sister's body, trying to hold in the trembling breaths of worry that she feels.
"please, don't do that again, okay?" she murmurs quietly, causing lily to quietly nod as she pulls away from her.
"why didn't you just talk to me? you know i'd understand." allison asks worriedly as jake grabs her hand to comfort her from how insanely worried she's been about her little sister.
lily frowns, dipping her head down to look at the floor for a moment, to try to come up with both the energy and the courage to admit the truth.
taking another deep breath when allison calls her name, she looks up and begins to explain, even with the trembling and wavering of her voice, "i get that you know some of it, but—and i'm sorry—you can't get it."
allison frowns and knits her brows together in both confusion and offense.
lily sighs before continuing again, "you do know a little bit of it and you have some experiences with it, but i went through it more intensely. especially when you moved out after you graduated."
allison, once again, is offended.
although, before she can defend herself, madi steps forward, "i don't think she's blaming you—she's just trying to explain."
lily nods in both acknowledgement and appreciation and madi nods back.
allison deflates, but waits for her sister to explain more.
"she's right, okay? i'm not blaming you—i never have. i just mean that i was usually the target for mom and dad and especially with my bpd, nessa was the only one to understand that." she explains, gulping when she sees the hurt look on her big sister's face.
"i'm sorry. it's nothing against any of you," she apologizes, talking to everyone now. "you guys could've tried to help and understand, but you couldn't do it to the extent that nessa could. and with how intense everything was, especially with what happened at the house, i was seconds away from an episode."
she turns to motion to elliot before speaking again, "some of you know," she says, then motions to the triplets and madi. "and some of you don't. but, with those episodes, i can't always control how i act, and i was scared of what i would say or do. so, i needed to leave before it got too intense."
"you could've called or texted one of us to let us know, though." jake says, for the first time, that tone of voice telling her how much of a protective father-figure he really is.
lily nods, frowning. "i know. i should've."
taking in a deep breath, she tries to ignore the tears blurring her vision. "i guess i was just so focused on staying in control that i didn't think about that." she says genuinely, sniffling.
"i'm sorry." she says quietly.
jake rolls his eyes. "don't apologize. you're fine."
and with that, both him and allison go in for a tight hug—this one being allison's second one and jake's first.
"i really am sorry. i didn't want to worry anyone." she says quietly when she pulls away from them.
"it's okay." allison says after a moment, nodding to jake to move to sit down with nessa, ralfie, and elliot.
as she turns back around, madi steps forward with a welcoming smile, proving to always be that comforting friend.
"hi." lily says quietly, still feeling a little guilty, with a hesitant smile.
madi walks forward and gives her a light hug before pulling away.
"i'm glad you're okay." she says seriously and lily nods gratefully.
"thank you." lily thanks her as she walks behind her to join the others.
nick steps forward and throws his arms around her in appreciation. "don't scare me like that again, lily!"
nick's sudden platonic-affection towards her shocks her for a second, fully expecting him to lecture her on her behavior and decisions, but ultimately being completely shocked.
she laughs, before wrapping her arms around him. "sorry—really, i am."
after a few more seconds, nick pulls away and playfully shoves her with a big smile on his face.
"seriously, don't do that again." he says in a playful manner, but his words meant to be genuine.
she smiles and nods.
as he walks past her and into the rest of the living room, matt steps forward with a comforting smile and gives her a gentle hug, before following nick—no words need to be exchanged between them to know how worried he was and how glad he is that she's okay, along with the obvious fact that he'll be there for her if she ever wants to talk.
however, seeing chris after the way she'd acted before proves to stress her out.
she can't quite explain it, but his opinion has always mattered to her, even when they first met—this is something she's found very strange, considering she usually tries to not care about anyone having an opinion on her ever, but for some reason, chris is different.
as he steps forward, she sighs. "hey."
"hi. how are you?" he asks, pulling her into a comforting hug—one that's entirely different than the comforting ones madi and matt gave her.
she laughs awkwardly when he pulls away, trying to ignore the goosebumps on her body and the strange nervous feeling in her stomach. "i've been better."
he nods, knowing that he shouldn't push her about it, but mentally noting to ask her later.
he's not quite sure if she'd actually listen and open up to him, though.
but, if only he knew that talking to him about things going on is different than anyone else—she feels safe and comfortable around him, even if she won't admit this.
with nothing else exchanged between them, lily takes in a deep, calming breath, trying to calm herself down.
as if he knows what she's worried about, chris grabs her hand and squeezes it comfortingly, completely succeeding on distracting her.
she doesn't have a second to process the moment or stress about it as he leads her into the living room to sit down by him on the floor.
—————
A/N: damn, another chapter?? i'm on a roll omg. anyways, here's another one. i wanted to add more moments in this chapter, but i figured i should take that part slow and ease it into the chapters, but i'm thinking i should start adding some feelings into some later chapters since i've already written up to twenty-ish chapters, so it wouldn't be rushed or anything for the relationship between chris and lily. BUT, i will say that i think things will definitely be still a little angsty because lily still has relationship issues and so does chris and also lily's bpd will make it hard for her to accept her feelings or want anything with anyone else. anyways, enjoy!!
—hannah <3