I entered the elevator casually. I was surprised to see him this soon. But of course, he is my boss and we are in the same building. We might see each other anytime at hindi na iyon maiiwasan.
"Good morning, Sir!" Eng. Alfredo greeted him.
I looked at him again and his eyes were still on mine. Umiwas ako ng tingin ng hindi ko nakayanan ang instensidad ng kanyang mga titig.
"Morning." I was quite shocked by his voice.
He sounded so cold and distant. Malayong-malayo sa dati niyang pakikitungo sa mga empleyado nila.
Tumingin ako sa katabi niya. He was with his father's assistant. I stayed in the corner, trying to avoid him as much as possible.
But why would I avoid him, though? Maybe my guilt? I was the one at fault and I definitely hurted him...and no matter how long since it happened, it still happened and I hurt him in the process.
And if given the chance...I would like to apologize.
Unless he moved on. And treated our past like it was nothing.
I find breathing extremely hard at my last thought. But who knows...maybe the past meant nothing to him now.
I held onto my chest and concentrated on my breathing.
"Are you fine, Eng. Ada?"
I looked at Eng. Alfredo, looked at me with concern, and that is when I realized that his voice was too loud and all three pairs of eyes were on me.
Napalunok ako ng malalim ng makita ko ulit ang malamig niyang titig. Binitawan ko ang hawak ko sa nananakip kong dibdib at umayos ng tayo.
"I'm fine…" I whispered it to him.
He looked at me still at sakto namang bumukas na ang elevator para sa amin. We both walked out at nagulat na lamang ako ng alalayaan niya ako sa may siko ko.
I wanted to remove his hold but I do not want to make a scene again. Kaya naman hinayaan ko siya hanggang sa malapit na kami sa may pintuan ng canteen.
"I'm fine now. Thank you." Ako na ang humawak sa kamay niya at tinanggal ito sa pagkakahawak sa akin.
Calyx doesn't like it when someone unfamiliar holds me. Naiinis siya at pagsasalitaan ang sino mang humawak sa akin. Siguro namana niya sa akin ang ganoong ugali niya?
And that is why he calls me Mama too. He doesn't like it when a guy approaches me, kaya naman nasanay na rin siya akong tawagin ng ganon. It was his uno card for the men who he thinks have motives for me.
He opened the door for me and we quickly saw Ina reserving a table for us. The canteen here is famous, the food is excellent kaya marami kaming kumakain na empleyado dito. Lutong bahay na lutong bahay kasi ang dating ng mga ulam, kaya minsan ay unahan kami ng lamesa.
"Eng. Alfredo will join us today."
He smiled at Ina warmly. For some reason, his smile resembles his smile a lot. But that was before, and judging from his action in the elevator a while ago, he wasn't the same anymore.
"It's fine, ako na ang kukuha ng orders natin."
Tumango naman ako at sinabi na sa kanya ang ulam ko ngayon. I miss tinolang manok from the province kayo yun ang napili ko. Afterwhich, Eng. Alfredo assisted her.
We ate our lunch after at silang dalawa lang ang nag-uusap. They kinda have the same vibe, and they were so engrossed with their conversation. Sasagot lang ako kapag tinatanong na ako.
Eng. Alfredo and I were in the same office while Ina was on the other side, we are on the same floor kaya sabay-sabay na rin kaming umakyat.
"Mauna ka na Alfredo, restroom lang muna kami."
See? First name basis. Ina can just vibe with anyone. Kaya nga naging magkaibigan kami?
He nodded and we both turned around for the restroom.
"He really likes you, Ada." Bulong niya kaagad sa akin.
I didn't mind her words and continued walking like I didn't hear her.
"And he kept on looking at you, kala ko matutunaw ka na." Pumasok kami sa loob at walang tao.
"You are just imagining things, Ina." Then I entered an empty cubicle.
I did my business and saw her heels near my door. "Totoo Ada. He's been like that since you came here a year ago. Ikaw lang ata ang hindi nakaka halata."
Of course, I knew it. Kaya nga iniiwasan ko hangga't maaari. I don't wanna be involved with such things now.
I washed my hands and she walked into one of the empty cubicles. I washed it thoroughly hanggang sa makalabas na siya.
"What if he asked you one of these days?" She asked again like my love life is a vital part of her.
"He won't. Kasi wala naman talaga." I assured her.
I heard her sigh heavily then we both went out. Her office is nearer kaya mauuna na siya.
"Call me if you'll have overtime, para sabay na tayong umuwi, okay?" I just raised my brows at her at iniwan na siya doon.
I entered my office and continued my work again. But I took a look at my phone one more time before proceeding. My wallpaper was Calyx, he was smiling so brightly while looking at the camera. I opened my messenger and Auntie sent me a picture of her and Calyx.
Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti ng mapagmasdan ang masayang mukha nila. And think that everything that I have sacrificed is worth it.
They ate outside for lunch. Ganito kasi ang ginagawa nila para mabaling ang atensyon niya sa ibang bagay sa pag alis ko ulit sa bahay.
I asked about Calyx's situation after I left the province again and I turned it off. Alam na ni Auntie na mamayang hapon na lang ulit ako makaka reply o mamayang gabi.
Before, Calyx would cry for hours at iiyak ulit siya kapag tumawag na ako pagkarating ko ng Maynila. It was hard for me to let go of him during those times, pero isang taon na rin ang nakalipas at naiintindihan na niya ang sitwasyon ko.
I continued working after, lalo na at deadline na to sa makalawa. I continued working again. And after a few hours, I was able to concentrate well. Natapos lang nang may naramdaman akong kumalabit sa akin.
I looked at my side and saw Mrs. Ramirez.
"Good afternoon, Ma'am. What can I do for you po?" I asked politely.
She has gotten older but her positive vibe remains like she did not age at all.
"You will be part of the visitation process right? For the newly built grid lines?"
Kaagad akong tumango. "Yes, Ma'am. But the final list will be handled by Eng. Alfredo. Hindi pa niya po nabibigay sa akin."
"Right. Napaaga kasi ang schedule nito. It was requested by Sir Gaston. You know...he's the new CEO and he wanted to personally visit the plants after how many years. "
Right…I nodded at her. So, sasama siya? He'll be with us for the visitation.
I felt like something was stuck in my throat after hearing that information. I just nodded at her at umalis na rin siya kalaunan pagkatapos ng ilang katanungan.
I went off early. No, it's not early. I went home just at the right time but my body is so used to overtime. Pakiramdam ko napagod ako kahit na dati ko naman yung gawain. I kinda felt the office was suffocating me after I've seen...him.
And I just wanted to go home again. It's fine. Makakahabol naman ako sa deadline.
But that's what I thought. Because the next morning, just before my lunch time. Someone called me.
His secretary called. And he's looking for my budget report already. He wanted to see a complete budget report.
I began to panic as I scrambled through my file. Dapat sa makalawa pa deadline nitong akin. I haven't even completed it yet!
I printed what I have done, finish or not. My hands were slightly shaking as I compiled it. I should have worked overtime yesterday, para mas maayos sana ito ngayon.
But a deadline is a deadline, right?
But you are working in one of the most competitive companies, Ada. You should have finished your work earlier than the deadline.
But his father wasn't like this! His father gave us enough time to finish our work, he doesn't even encourage us to do overtime!
"What happened?" I didn't even notice that Ina was here.
Huminga ako ng malalim habang patuloy na inaayos ang papeles ko. "He wants to see my budget report."
"Huh? As in the finished one or he just wants to see what have you done?" Takang tanong niya.
"Finished one."
"Sa makalawa pa deadline niyan diba? Did you finish it?"
I looked at her as calmly as possible. "Not yet, hindi ako nag overtime kahapon."
I rushed and put it in a white folder.
"Paano na---Ada?!"
Lumakad na ako at iniwan siya doon. Kaagad akong sumakay ng elevator at pinindot ang top floor. I could feel my chest vibrating from too much tension. I should have foreseen this situation.
The elevator opened and I saw his secretary already waiting for me. I fidgeted my fingers as I made my way to him.
"Good morning, Ma'am Ada. Hinihintay na po kayo ni Sir Gaston." He is smiling widely and I couldn't even smile a little bit.
He opened the door for me and I knew I couldn't do anything. I tried to remain as composed as possible.
I walked in and quickly saw him reading some papers. He was wearing black dress shirt rolled to his arms and his black coat was behind his swivel chair.
Napasapo ulit ako sa aking dibdib ng maramdam ang mabilis at marahas nitong pagtibok. My legs are trembling and I am trying so hard to walk straight as possible. I quickly removed my hand from my chest when he suddenly looked up to me.
Looking at him this close, his body matured so much. I don't really look into the physical aspect of a person but I just now realized how good looking he is with his clean cut hair and stubbles.
I looked into his jet black eyes and saw no familiarity with it. I could clearly see how long and black his lashes are, and he looks like he has eyeliner on it.
Why am I only seeing and realizing these things now?
My eyes went down and looked at his lips, it was much more redder than my natural lip color. And his lips were much fuller too.
"Done checking me out?" He suddenly asked.
I stood up straight and acted like I didn't hear his question. I am checking him out but not the way he thinks it is. I am only questioning myself why I am seeing him this way now? Hindi ko naman napapansin ang mga ganitong bagay dati.
It's just that I noticed how much his physical appearance changed. And probably how good looking he is. I am just stating facts and no malice at all.
"Good morning, Sir. Here is my budget report."
I stepped forward and handed him my folder.
"Take a seat Miss…or is it Mrs.?" His voice sounded so cold and I could clearly hear his mockery in his tone.
He looked up to me and I felt like his eyes are insulting me.
Mas lalo akong nanlamig.
O ako lang ba ang nagbibigay ng kulay sa nga salita niya?
"Miss, Sir." I plainly responded but I could feel my voice quivering from too much nervousness.
"Okay…Miss Estrellia."
I just stood there, nervous with my own report. Hindi ko na kayang mas lumapit pa sa kanya. I am better off standing in here than being close with him by sitting next to his wide table.
"This one is wrong. This one too."
And just like that, he started throwing questions at me.
"You're a top notcher right?"
The mockery on his voice is very evident. I accepted all his words silently. I wasn't angry at him with it.
It's fine with me. And for some reason, hearing these kinds of words wasn't new to me. At may mga bagay na mas mahirap pa sa akin, mga bagay na naranasan ko. This is just a small problem and I can take it.
"Do better next time Miss Estrellia." Hindi ata ako masasanay na marinig sa kanya ang ganito kalamig na boses. It just felt different. Distant and very unfamiliar.
And his eyes too. It feels nostalgic yet no familiarity at all.
Lumabas ako sa opisina niya. My legs are trembling as I walk out and I don't even know how I was able to walk out straight.
And I could feel his eyes on my back as I made my way out too. At mas lalo ko lang naramdaman ang panlalamig ng katawan ko.