Chapter 15
Viv
It's been an up and down rollercoaster of emotion the last several days. Cal hasn't left my side. We left the hospital three days ago and he has been waiting on me hand-and-foot, taking all his business dealings from the house.
On top of dealing with Cal's hovering, I get calls from Chris several times a day and he's been texting me nearly all day every day to check-in. Nessa, Mira, Martina, Caitlin, and Iris aren't much better. The group chat is consistently blowing up.
I try to assure everyone that I'm okay.
I'm so preoccupied making sure they all know I'm okay that I don't know if I actually am okay or not.
It's a strange thing – thinking you're about to die.
So many things flash through your mind. And then the inevitable acceptance.
When I woke up in that hospital bed with Cal looking at me, I knew that I couldn't waste another moment of this life. I had to tell him how I felt. It was scary – terrifying, even. But I had to do it. I couldn't go on without him knowing the truth.
The attack brought back so many emotions, and new emotions too. Emotions that I hadn't let myself fully feel and dive into when my parents died.
Had they accepted their fate when they had a gun pointed at them?
Did they have regrets?
My heart aches, as it always does when I think of them. Of the lives they could have had. There was still so much to do. And then, darkness – nothing.
I had beat that.
I shudder at the thought of Chris losing both me and my parents like that. The idea that he'd have to somehow find a way to cope with that kind of loss made me physically ill.
I've been crying a lot.
I've always tried to get a handle on my emotions. I spent years trying to be strong for my brother. I didn't want him to see me weak. I needed the others in our lives to know I could handle being a parent to my brother. Therefore, I'd found ways throughout the years to compartmentalize that grief.
It seems that being attacked and almost dying opened the floodgates.
Each time I think about my time on this earth being over, I sob uncontrollably.
Cal understands.
Each time it happens, he just holds me in his arms, strokes my hair, lets me cry, tells me he loves me – that he'll always love me.
He tells me that it's okay to cry. That I should let it out.
He's also set me up with a therapist to talk to once I'm ready. I've never gotten therapy before, but I know it'll be a good idea. It will make me better for the future.
Kate Callahan comes over every day, too. She brings me books and treats. Sometimes we talk business, but mostly she just sits, and we talk about nothing at all.
I find myself growing closer and closer to Cal's mom.
Her presence has been so appreciated, and it's felt like she's filling a gap that has long been cold and empty.
The day she stroked my hair in the hospital and kissed my forehead reminded me so much of my own mother that I had become overwhelmed with emotion.
I couldn't remember the last time an adult held me like that. I'd be alone for a long time – doing all of that, but for my brother.
It's been officially a week since the attack.
I've forced Cal to get back to work. There's a lot to do, especially now with the threat of Cormac Tomlin lurking around corners.
He leaves me with a team of soldiers this time.
The security on the house and the office has been higher than ever.
I don't feel unsafe. I miss Cal being near me, but I feel safer.
The bruises are still there, my wrist is still wrapped in the temporary cast, and I ache when I try to move too much, but I'm alive. I'm here.
I'm munching on some homemade chips – or crisps as they call them here – that Kate made me yesterday and watching re-runs of my favorite reality shows when my phone buzzes.
I'm surprised to see Iris's name across the screen.
"Hey," I smile into the phone as I answer.
"Viv, hey," she sounds relieved that I picked up.
"Is everything alright?" I ask.
"I was calling to check on you. Everything is fine," she laughs lightly. "I noticed you've been quiet in the group chat...and well, I just wanted to call..."
My heart swells with warmth.
If anyone knows what I'm going through, it's Iris.
Unlike me, though, Iris was trapped for days, repeatedly tormented – when she was attacked. Thinking about it now makes me ill.
I try to stop myself from crying again.
"I'm doing well. Alistair is back at work today. He's got a dozen guys here watching over me..." I mutter.
Iris chuckles, "That sounds like Cal."
I let out a shaky breath. "I was so scared..."
There's a long pause. I hear her shuddering breath. I know she feels what I'm feeling.
"I know," Iris says shakily, her voice breaking with emotion.
My tears explode out of my eyes. I can't control them.
I hear Iris crying on the other end of the phone.
If only she were here. I could hold her and she could hold me – both in mutual understanding of what it means to still be here.
"I can't live with regret anymore," I whisper finally once I rein my tears in.
"I understand."
"I told him I love him," I bite my lip, smiling through my tears.
"Oh, Viv. That's wonderful," Iris laughs happily. "What did he do?"
"He said it back," I whisper.
"Of course he did."
"Did therapy help you?" I ask, leaning back into my pillows to get more comfortable.
"It did. I was reluctant for a while. As you know, I couldn't talk for so long after...but yes, it helped."
"I'm thinking about it."
"I think that's great, Viv."
I let out a soft sigh. "Miss you all."
"We miss you too."
Another pause.
Iris asks, "Will you stay?"
"Yes. I'm staying.
"How does Cal feel about that?"
"He doesn't have a choice," I tease.
Iris laughs – a nice, light sound. It makes me feel better.
"Good. Keep him in line."
I snort.
"Call me if you ever want to talk, Viv," she says, her voice soft yet serious.
"Same here," I nod.
"Love you."
"Love you, Ris."
I hang up the phone and settle back into the bed, thankful that I'm not alone anymore. I have a whole family – a whole support system, something that I never thought I'd have after my parents were killed.
They may not all be here with me physically, but I know they're always there for me, like I am for them.
************************************
Cal, Parker, Michael Quinlan, Colman Canavan, and I sit on one side of the living room as Colm and Mason Tomlin sit on the opposite side. Cal's got his hand resting on my knee comfortingly.
The Tomlin boys keep looking at me, studying my still healing bruises.
Mason can't seem to make eye contact with me.
I'm not sure how to feel – knowing their father was responsible for this. How could they not know?
It's hard to trust people like that.
But I also know they need Cal, and he needs them.
This is all a game, and it's important to remember that it has to be played right – one battle at a time.
"You have to know," Colm says, "we had no idea what our father was planning."
Cal's grip tightens on my knee. "He wanted to draw me out, force my hand, and it'll work. You don't want to see me crazy."
Colm sighs, "He doesn't know we're here."
"Doesn't he?" Cal narrows his eyes.
"You don't have to believe me. But it's the truth."
Cal and Parker exchange meaningful looks.
"Theo's going to stay with my aunt for the weekend next week," Colm sighs, running his hands over his jeans. "He'll be out of that house. So we can make our move."
Cal's eyes flicker. "I lead."
Colm nods, something ticking in his jaw.
"My team will come up with the plan, and you'll be expected to follow my orders directly. Is that understood?" Cal asks.
Colm nods again. "Understood."
Cal looks at Mason.
Mason nods too then, "Understood."
"Good," Cal sighs, gripping me again. "We'll be in touch. Best you don't linger. Never know who is watching in the shadows."
Something flickers over Colm's eyes.
He leans forward. "You really think I'd risk coming here?"
Cal shrugs, "How am I to know you're not going to betray me?"
"You don't," Colm bites. "But I won't. You know I want Limerick."
Cal nods. "Oh, I know. Time to prove yourself, little cousin."
There's a long beat of silence, the only sound the grandfather clock ticking in the not so far distance.
"Meaning?" Colm's eyes flicker again.
"If you deliver this. If you swear loyalty to me. Limerick is yours. No questions asked. You'll have my support."
Another long silence.
The promise hangs in the air. Not only that Colm will lead in Limerick, but that Cal will lead here. That he has come to a decision.
"I agree," Colm nods seriously. "My father will never be loved or trusted in Dublin like you are. I know what's best for me and mine."
Then, I watch as Cal and Colm stand up, shake one another's hands – solidifying this alliance.
"You deliver this, and we sign in blood," Cal frowns.
"Understood."
Cal nods again and Colm, Mason, and their soldier take their leave.
"I'll see them out," Michael mutters. Canavan sighs loudly, getting up with a groan, getting that Cal needs a minute.
"I need a smoke."
They leave Cal, Parker, and I alone.
"Well?" Cal asks.
"I don't fully trust them," Parker mutters.
"But..." I sigh. "They're our only option."
"We don't need them," Cal shrugs. "We can find another plan."
"Not without more bloodshed," I frown.
"True."
Parker runs a hand through his hair. "What are you thinking, Cal?"
"I'm thinking we test the little fuckers. We have more manpower than they ever will. I'm not afraid of a little blood. Are you?"
I tense at his words. But this is Cal. He's been an enforcer most of his life. This is who he is.
"Always, brother," Parker smirks a bit. "But you must realize what you just said...what you just implied."
Cal squeezes the back of his neck, his other hand comes to mine wordlessly. I lace my fingers through his.
"You said you'd sign in blood. You said he could have Limerick. That's only your call to make if you're leading here in Dublin. So..." Parker's voice trails. "Does that mean you've made your decision?"
Something bobs in Cal's throat.
His eyes move to me slowly.
I squeeze his hand encouragingly.
"I said what I had to say to get the deal done. One battle at a time, right?"
"Right," Parker nods.
Cal claps his hand on Parker's shoulder. "You've been a big help in this. Thanks for being at my side."
"Nowhere I'd rather be. Let's get this shit done."
Parker nods at us. Cal doesn't bother seeing the others off, he gently leads me out of the room and up the stairs to my room – the room he's been sharing with me ever since my attack.
We're silent as he moves to the bathroom, filling the tub with warm, soapy water. I stare at him as he slowly takes off my sweater, my jeans, my underwear. He wraps my cast, then helps me into the tub.
Cal is so gentle as he bathes me, running the warm cloth all over my skin.
I grab his wrist. His blue eyes meet mine.
"Talk to me," I whisper.
"There's nothing to say," he whispers back.
"There is," I smile a bit. "You know there is. Come on, Alistair. Tell me what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking that I can't leave Dublin," he admits finally.
I nod.
"I'm thinking that they need me. And maybe...maybe in some way...I need it."
I nod again, understanding.
"I'm also thinking that I can't fathom staying here without you by my side. That I'm still terrified I can't do this. That I'm going to miss the shit out of my old life."
I lean forward over the side of the tub and kiss his cheek, moving my lips slowly till they touch his lips.
"You're the best man I know," I whisper against his lips. "And I'm not going anywhere. I told you that."
"Vivi..."
"Shh..." I kiss him again. "You can do this. You've always had it in you." I pull away, a small smile cresting my face. He returns the smile, his eyes warming. "I believe in you."
"I love you, Vivian."
"I know," I grin, shrugging a bit. He chuckles. I bite my lip and run my thumb over his lip. "I love you, Alistair. We can do hard things, remember?"
"Hell yeah. We can."
**************************************
Cal
I don't want to leave her.
I haven't left her side in weeks, but Viv is a strong, tough woman.
"You've got this," she whispers, throwing her arms around me, under my coat. I absorb her warmth like a lifeline as she buries her cheek against my chest. "I'll be here when you get back."
"Okay," I whisper, leaning down to kiss the top of her head, memorizing the scent of her. Lilies, as always.
She smiles up at me.
Fucking devastating, that smile.
She makes me feel like I could do anything.
I believe in you.
Her bruises are healing well and she looks like a warrior – my strong, amazing woman. I kiss her again, long and slow.
Quinlan, Canavan, and Parker are waiting in the SUV. We've got several soldiers coming with us, including Colm, Mason, and their guys. The rest of my guys are watching over Viv and my mom here at the house.
"If I don't come back..." I whisper. "You know the code to the safe. There's some documents in there. They'll take care of you, my mom, and Gwen..."
"Alistair Eoghan Callahan," Viv snaps, frowning up at me. "Don't you fucking dare."
I can't help but laugh at the angry tone in her voice.
Viv is kind of terrifying when she wants to be.
"I have to go," I mutter, looking over my shoulder at the guys waiting. We only have so much time to get this done. I really, really don't want to leave.
Viv bites her lip. "I love you."
"I love you, Vivian Chang."
I kiss her again.
Viv stands on the front patio, watching as the SUV drives away.
I squeeze the back of my neck, trying to ease the tension.
Colman and Michael sit in the front seat with Parker and me in the back.
Parker looks at me, a bit of concern on his face.
He cocks his head, as if asking if I'm okay. I nod. I appreciate that there's a friendly face from Chicago here with me for this. Once this ends, though, once I agree to what I need to do, I'll be starting over with this new crew.
I know it's for the best.
I know, inherently, this city is mine.
It has felt like mine for a long time, I just wasn't ready to admit it.
The truth is – everything about Dublin breathes home, breathes family. My father. My mother. Family. If I leave, I'm signing that all away for good.
And I realize I don't want to.
When I make this move against my uncle – I'm sending the official message.
It's time.
***************************************
The threat that my cousins might be betraying me still sits with me. I have no choice. If Colm and Mason mean what they say and want to prove their loyalty, this is their moment. If they betray me, then I'm ready for the fight.
I can't remember the last time I came to my Uncle Cormac's home.
The mansion is older, almost decrepit. It could use a power wash, to say the least.
My parents were never close with Cormac Tomlin. His arranged marriage with my Aunt Vanessa was a major point of contention for our family. The rare occasion we saw Colm and Mason was when they came to Dublin.
I hardly remember being here.
Memories of my Aunt Vanessa flash through my mind.
She was only 18 when she had Colm, then she had Mason a few years later. Her youngest, Theo, was born 7 years ago. She died during delivery from heart complications. My father was gone by that point, too, but my mother loved Vanessa like her own sister. That was a big loss for our family.
Around that time, Iris and James' mother died too.
It seems like tragedy was all around the Callahan family.
I wondered if this world I lived in was always destined to be tragic in some way.
I'll never forget the look on Cormac's face at Vanessa's funeral.
He was a bastard, but I do think he loved my aunt. In his way. He was heartbroken when she died. That's the only reason I hesitate now. There had to be something in him that made him human.
And yet...
He hurt Iris.
He hurt Viv.
He was the reason for so much pain, so much loss.
He betrayed me, and in turn, my father.
All for power.
Power and greed made most men stupid. I made a vow to myself a long time ago to never let the power get to me. I had to remember that, even now. Ronan was a good example of that – how to manage the power without letting it overtake you.
I could be more like him, like my father, like Finn Murphy and Connor Carmichael. I could be a good leader. I wouldn't become Cormac.
We park the SUVs on the main road and hike through the wooded area towards the house. Colm and Mason have all the intel on where the guards usually are this time of night.
We waste no time taking the six guards on the property out.
I hate to shed more blood, so the guys and I use tranquilizers instead of bullets on the guards. The last thing I need is to start this alliance with Colm and Mason on the wrong foot. Colm needs the loyalty of his father's men that remain.
We sneak into the house easily enough.
It's dark. Too big. Too silent.
Colm leads the way. I still don't trust the fucker, but I have no choice. It's this or war. The war has been brewing so long now, ever since my uncle aligned with Vitali. It's time to end this.
Colm nods towards the door to the office. There's a light still on inside, implying my uncle may be there.
I nod back at him.
I see the hesitation in his eyes. For that, I'm almost thankful. My cousin does have a soul after all. He's made his decision to turn in his father for his transgressions.
It's the right decision for a lot of reasons. We all know it. Doesn't make it any easier.
Colm takes a deep breath and opens the door.
Colm and Mason file in, with me, Canavan, Quinlan, and Parker behind them. Several soldiers linger behind, ready for a fight.
But there won't be one.
There are no other guards in the house right now.
Cormac Tomlin sits at his desk. Brows furrow briefly in confusion, then he almost seems resigned to it.
His eyes land on me.
"I'll give you this," he mutters, accent thick, "You played your Ace."
Cormac looks at his sons. Colm's got a gun on his father, his hand slightly shaking.
"What did you promise them?" Cormac asks.
"Get up, Uncle Cormac," I smirk, holding my gun at him. "Slowly. With your hands up."
"Oh, son," Cormac's sighs, his full attention moves on Colm. My cousin's hand is still shaking. He's breathing harder, and his eyes are rimmed with red. "I never expected a Judas in my own son."
"You hurt Iris," Colm snaps.
"She's hardly even blood," Cormac snaps. "I raised you!"
Colm's lip quivers.
"And you," Cormac turns his attention to Mason. "Do you have a mind of your own?"
Unlike Colm, Mason is unaffected by his father's jab, his gun hand steady.
"At least you waited till your little brother was out of the house. Tell me, are you ready to make him an orphan?" Cormac asks curiously. "First, he has to live with the fact that he killed his mother, now he'll be fatherless too."
"Theo didn't kill Ma!" Colm snaps angrily.
Pain flashes quickly over my uncle's face at the mention of Vanessa. He's a broken man. And that's very clear.
"Enough," I snap. "Get the fuck up."
Cormac raises his hands, resigned to this, and he slowly rises.
Parker and Canavan move on him, cuffing his hands behind his back.
We make quick work of loading him in the SUV.
We speed away from the mansion that holds too much gloom. Cormac sits between Parker and I, my gun buried in his ribs the entire time.
Cormac doesn't attempt to speak.
He doesn't attempt to fight me off.
He won't say it, but the betrayal of Colm and Mason threw him off. His confusion and hurt are all too apparent on his face. I can't bring myself to give a fuck. Not after what he did to Iris, to my Vivi.
He's accepted his fate.
And I'm more than ready to deliver it.