My legs were shaking as I made my way to the entrance. Lumiko lang ako at kaagad akong napasinghap ng makita siyang nakaabang sa pagdating ko.
The whole rooftop was decorated with small lights and roses. And he is there in the center, waiting for me with a huge bouquet of red roses in his hands.
My eyes were glued on him as I slowed down. With my slow movements, hindi na siya nakapaghintay na makarating ako sa kanya, he walked towards me too hanggang sa tuluyan kaming magkalapit.
I looked at his eyes. He is nervous, I could clearly see it in his face.
Nangatog ang binti ko. He licked his lips then he handed me the bouquet.
"Thank you for coming." He slightly smiled at me at halos mapasinghap ulit ako.
"Thank you." I slowly got it from him and guilt started creeping into my system.
Makakaya ko ba talagang gawin ito ngayon?
"Uhmmm...I prepared some midnight snacks for us today...and we'll watch the meteor shower too."
My lips trembled with the etched excitement in his voice.
"That is why I chose this date, and we could clearly see Saturn tonight too." He added more.
I looked around and saw a canopy bed on the side. There is also a lounger chair and a set of comfortable single sofas. There is a table full of different midnight snacks too. And in the center, there is a huge telescope. And the whole area is filled with roses with different colours.
It was gorgeous. And he definitely prepared for it.
I looked up to him and his eyes were looking at me full of adoration and love. My defences were slowly crumbling down. I could feel it.
Why does he need to look at me like that? Like I am his life? Like I am the center of his universe?
I don't deserve any of it. Not a single bit of it.
I swallowed hard and tried to smile at him. "You prepared all of it?" I asked breathily.
Napakamot siya sa kanyang batok. "Uhmmm, Peter helped me. But it's almost all my ideas. You like it?"
I smiled at his shyness. "Yeah. I love it."
His eyes sparkled with my answer.
"Let's sit and eat for a while. Mamaya pa ang meteor shower, but I could locate Saturn now." He led me to one of the lounge chairs.
I tried sitting comfortably, I looked at the table full of food and there was also a huge, glass jug full of watermelon drinks.
He really did prepare for it, huh? I can't help but smile bitterly while looking at his back.
My fingers started trembling again and I quickly held into it. Umalis siya saglit sa harap ng telescope at sinalinan ako ng inumin.
"Do you want some food?" He asked gently while scanning the variety of snacks on the table.
"Ako na lang ang kukuha mamamaya." I insisted.
Muli siyang bumalik sa harapan nito at muli ay may kinalikot doon. I watched his back do it all and I couldn't help but feel amaze.
I sip on my watermelon drink, trying to relieve the nervousness that I am feeling. Nang nakaipon ako ng lakas ng loob ay unti-unti akong tumabi sa kanya.
He jolted a little bit with my sudden presence beside him.
"You own this one?" I asked interestingly while eyeing the telescope.
"Uh huh...Papa gave it to me after I turned fifteen."
I looked at his smiling face as he said it.
He has a perfect family, he has great cousins whom he got along well with. His parents are good people and I could tell the first time I saw them. He is good at making friends, and he is a great coworker too.
We are almost the complete opposite. Pero ako pa rin ang nagustuhan niya. It is almost unbelievable.
Napakagat labi ulit ako at umiwas ng tingin sa kanya.
I swallowed hard as I remembered all the things that I will be doing tonight. My eyes got misty again and I quickly wiped it all away.
My decision is final. But I need a ton of strength to do it tonight.
He will get hurt, for sure. Pero dobleng sakit ang mararamdam ko.
Am I really going to do this? Makakaya ko ba siyang saktan?
Napatikhim ako bago ulit bumaling sa kanya. The area is not well lit and it's just perfect to hide my already swollen eyes.
He looked at me too, smiling brightly. His smile is contagious and it's one of the things that I love about him.
"I already located it but we should wait for at least another 30 minutes. Is it fine?" He asked shyly again.
Kaagad akong tumango. "No problem. It is my first time experiencing this so…"
Kaagad na nagliwanag ang mga mata niya sa sagot ko. "Then I'm glad, you'll do it with me first."
We started grabbing food on the table. At kahit na marami namang upuan na nakahanda ay magkatabi kami ngayon sa iisang lounger chair. He got us a small table instead at doon namin linagay lahat ng napili naming kainin.
"Our sem will end soon, will you work at the company again for the summer?"
I wish. I wish I could.
Ngumiti ako ng marahan sa kanya. "I'm still not sure."
"I can vouch for you, and I am sure Mrs. Ramirez would want you again."
Binaling ko ang tingin sa inumin ko. "Uh huh…"
I heard him breathing heavily and the next thing I knew, he suddenly hugged me sideways. He put his other leg on my back and the other one remained on the ground, his hands made it way to my waist and pulled me closer to him.
My eyes looked at him shocked, but as soon as I felt him kissing my head softly, my eyes automatically closed on their own.
My trembling body automatically relaxed on his hold and I can't help myself but feel his hug and soft kisses more. Like my body and mind knows its owner, and it just completely surrenders it all.
Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganitong klaseng ginhawa. Sa kanya ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong kaginhawaan.
And I'll admit that it terrifies me a lot. I'm so scared that he could make me feel at peace with his single touch and kiss. Nakapanghihina ng loob. But it gave me assurance.
With my eyes still closed, he hugged me tighter at nagpaubaya ako. Humawak ako sa braso niyang nakapulupot sa akin.
"I wanna stay like this forever, with you." He gently whispered to me.
"Until...we growl old…"
Napangiti ako ng mapait sa sa mga salita niya. I wanna feel scared with his words, but I don't. 'Cause I know deep inside, I wanted it to happen too. I wanna be with him as much as he does with me.
I hid away my bitter smile and snuggled his chest. His chest vibrated from his small chuckles.
My eyes started getting watery again. Mas lalo kung siniksik ang mukha ko sa kanyang dibdib. I felt him caressing my hair, pushing me more to his chest.
Paano ko ba siya papakawalan? Bakit ba kasi ang hirap-hirap niyang pakawalan. Just thinking about it...it sounds like death to me. I feel like I'm going to rip myself off if I do that.
I heaved out a heavy sigh. We remained like that until I was the one who pushed him away.
Sumimangot siya sa akin pagkatapos. I made sure I looked okay again in his eyes.
"Let's cuddle more." He demanded.
Ngumiti ako ng marahan sa kanya at umiling. "Go check it now." I demanded too.
Umayos siya ng upo at labag sa loob niyang tinanggal ang pagka-kayakap sa akin. He removed his legs on my back too. He looked at his telescope again and a few more minutes, he looked at me surprised.
"We could see it clearly now!"
Kaagad niya akong pinaupo sa pwesto niya. He told me to just look at it and I was in awe as soon as I saw it.
"It's beautiful, Gaston." I looked at him, amazed with what I saw.
He chuckled at my remarks. "You can watch it more...mamaya naman ang meteor shower."
I want to say no. He doesn't have any idea how I wanted to watch him more than anything else. But still, I nodded at him and looked at it again.
Matapos ako, ay sumunod naman siya. And all I did from that moment was to watch him. He will look back at me and we will smile at each other each time. Maya't-maya ay nararamdaman ko ulit ang pamamasa ng nga mata ko at muling iiwas ng tingin sa kanyang likod.
And now, as we wait for the meteor shower we both sat on a single lounger chair again. It is almost 12 and according to him, we will see the meteor shower soon. We just need to wait more.
I don't mind though...kahit siguro hanggang umaga kami dito okay lang. I do not want to end this yet...dahil alam ko ang susunod pagkatapos nito.
I looked at him freely as he looked up into the sky. He seemed so genuinely happy. He is a happy go lucky guy, but I know that his happiness right now is true and genuine, rare and only mine.
Lumingon siya sa akin pero nanatili ang malambing kong tingin sa kanya. Then he suddenly went serious looking at me.
Umayos siya ng upo, at maya-maya pa ay may linabas siya sa kanyang bulsa. It was a small silver square box.
I looked at him surprised.
"Carmella…" I looked at him and the way he looked at me made feel weak. Nakakapanghina ang kanyang mga titig at ngiti.
He slowly opened it and revealed a silver bracelet. Marahan niyang kinuha ang pulso ko at halos mabalik ako sa realidad ng hawakan niya ito. I was supposed to withdraw it when I remembered he got the other wrist.
Hindi ko alam kung makakahinga ako ng maluwag o hindi.
He slowly folded my sleeves and carefully wore the silver bracelet. I looked at it carefully and it has roses on it, and at the center of every rose, there is a diamond on it.
Napasinghap ako. I got nervous. What is this for?
"I've been dying to give this to you. But it's fine, it's hard to find one so I need to make something custom made...do you like it?" He sounded so nervous and I could feel his hands shaking a little bit.
I do not know how to answer him. And before I'd even answer him…
"It's starting...the meteor shower is starting." He suddenly blurted out.
I looked up into the sky and my heart almost broke that it happened. Ayoko pa. Ayoko pang matapos ang gabi namin. Ending this night means ending my everything.
I looked at the night sky with meteor showers, and I couldn't even appreciate it. My heart started pounding so fast and hard.
I thought I'll be ready with this day, with this moment to happen. But no, I'm not yet ready and I do not know when I will be ready.
Pero mapipilitan akong maging handa.
I felt his hands caresing both of my cheeks, muli akong napatingin sa kanya. My insides are trembling so bad and I just wanna cry right now. The way he looked at me with so much love and respect, I couldn't even give him half of what he made me feel.
I don't deserve him.
And slowly, he looked at my lips. And before I even realized it. He slanted his head and slowly, I felt his lips on mine. He kissed me on the lips.
My tears started streaming as I closed my eyes. His lips felt so soft and sweet. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam?
I felt him slowly moving his lips on mine and all I could do was to stay still as I let him kiss me throughly, slowly, and sweetly.
My tears won't stop but I dont give a thing now. Masaya ako. Kahit sa huling pagkakataon, masaya ako.
He made me feel love and important. At siya lang ang taong nakapag paramdam sa akin ng ganito. He made me realize that I am capable of loving too, and that I can make people stay in my life. That I deserved to be surrounded with people who love and respect me.
Slowly, he withdrew his lips. His forehead is still on mine. I opened my eyes and saw him licking his lips and smiling. He opened his eyes and it met mine.
Halos mapugto ang hininga ko ng natagpuan ko ang nagsusumamo niyang mga mata.
"Carmella...baby. Please be my girlfriend---"
"Let's end this."
My voice broke at the end and all I could do was cry in front of him. Humiwalay ako sa kanya at tumayo kahit na nangangatog na ang mga binti ko. Kahit pakiramdam matutumba na ako.
Kaagad kong pinaalis ang mga luha ko at kaagad niya akong dinaluhan.
"What did you say? Hmmm?" He asked as he chuckled nervously. He tried caressing my cheeks.
Lumayo na ako bago pa niya ako mahawakan. And I almost regretted doing it as soon as I saw how hurt he was.