I was a bit surprised he didn't up and leave this time. He offered to spark up and I didn't decline. I could use it. Him delivering on his promise and fucking me into the mattress was good enough, but this was a pleasant addition. Whatever to help me forget.
"Have you ever had a burger from mirage?" He asked, looking up from his phone.
"I have not."
"Okay, wait, what?" He sat up against the headboard. "How have you been here for four years and have never had a burger from Mirage?" I didn't have an answer for him so I just shrugged, taking a drag of the blunt. "You're not vegan or vegetarian or anything like that, right?"
"Nope."
"Then you have no excuse."
"And what if I'm just not a fan of burgers? Or I just don't eat red meat?"
"As valid as all of those could be, I don't believe it."
"Then what else would explain me not ever having a burger from there?"
"You have questionable taste in restaurants? You don't have friends who love you? Do you even have friends?" As much as that last one stung, I laughed it off and took another puff before handing it over.
"Wow."
"Those were the things that first came to mind." He said with a shrug, taking a puff.
"And they are wildly left field."
"Then what's your favorite food place?"
"I don't have a favorite."
"Top three." He corrected.
"Chi Chi's, Sunset, and...Kahari." I replied. He stared at me blankly for a moment before narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
"Okay, you get a pass with Chi Chi's, and also Kahari only because I've never been there. But Sunset is definitely questionable."
"Their milkshakes are bomb. What are you talking about?"
"See, if you had mirage, I doubt you'd be saying that." He handed the blunt to me.
"You think Mirage has better milkshakes?"
"I know they do and I'll prove it to you." He climbed out of bed and picked up his jeans. "Get dressed."
"What?" I said with a slight laugh.
"We're going to Mirage."
"I'm going to need a shower." I couldn't lie, I was confused. Was he really about to take me out to get food right now?
"We're just going through the drive-thru." He said with a slight eyeroll. I stared at him as he buttoned his jeans and pulled on his shirt and hoodie before I gave in. I handed the blunt back and threw on some sweats and a hoodie. He took another pull before putting it out on the portable ash tray he brought with him this time. Once I was ready, I followed him out. We walked up to a matte black Mercedes SUV. Made sense. A big man needs a big car even though I would have expected someone like him to drive a sports car.
He surprisingly opened the passenger door for me. I thanked him as I got in and settled into the seat. It was as cold as I expected for an October night but I didn't regret not bringing a jacket. I just tucked my hands between my knees after putting on my seatbelt. When he hopped in and started the car, he turned the heat on.
"You okay to drive?" I asked. I hadn't ever gotten into the car with someone who had been smoking weed. Sure, we had just gotten started and it probably hadn't hit him very hard yet, but still. Could never be too cautious.
"What? Nervous?" He teased with a mischievous grin. I glared at him and he laughed. "Don't worry, I'm good. It takes way more than a couple puffs for me to be incapacitated." I nodded, believing him. We really hadn't been smoking that long. He put on some music then started driving. It took a few minutes before it hit me again that I was in this man's car, on our way to get food. It felt way more comfortable than it should have for him to be just a hookup. Then again, it wasn't the first time we shared a meal. I guess it was different because it was in my apartment. This was out in public now.
"So other than burgers and milkshakes, what do they have there?" I had to do something to keep my mind from making this seem like more than it was.
"Your typical fast food shit." He shrugged. "Fries, hotdogs and sausages, chicken sandwiches and a ton of other sandwiches, salads for the health-conscious weirdos, and mac and cheese which is surprisingly pretty good."
"Why are you hating on people who like salads?" I said with a giggle.
"Who the hell goes to a fast-food place to get a salad?" His face scrunched in disgust which just made me laugh. "What's the point?"
"You're right." I nodded in agreement. I never really put much thought into it but my guess would be to give people who were at least vegetarian some options. But most of the salads always had chicken or bacon in it so it didn't make much sense that way.
"If I'm getting fast food, the last thing I'm thinking about is a fucking salad."
"Very valid." I said. "What do you usually get there?"
"It's between the Oasis burger or the Sahara burger, a red velvet milkshake, and fries." He said. "My go-to meal."
"Sounds good." I nodded.
"The best actually." He stated proudly. I giggled and relaxed into the seat. It was getting warm now. I focused out of the window at the passing lights from the streetlights and buildings. We were heading toward the bustle of the town where the shopping centers, mall, clubs, and other activities were based. Where you would find the majority of students during their weekends or other free time. I had barely made it out this far off campus lately. "Chocolate or vanilla?" He asked, getting my attention again.
"Definitely chocolate." I replied.
"I figured." He nodded.
"And how did you figure?" I challenged.
"You just seem like a chocolate person."
"Wow, that obvious huh?" I said flatly. He glanced at me then laughed.
"Not what I meant. But that's okay, I like chocolate very much." He winked. I rolled my eyes.
He soon pulled into the drive-thru. There were a few cars in front of us so we weren't close enough to the menu board just yet.
"Wanna look up the menu to see what they have?" He suggested.
"Nah, just get me whatever burger you don't get." I said. I trusted his judgement. Also, it really didn't matter all that much to me.
"I got you." He said. His phone lit up on the console and he picked it up to respond to whatever message he received. I resisted taking my phone out of my pocket. There was no point. Then I remembered I never responded to Jongin so I decided I probably should do that now.
To: Jongin [21:15]
Sure. What time and where?
May as well get that out of the way. I put my phone away again and just waited. From the corner of my eye I saw Chanyeol typing away on his phone. I wondered who he was talking to. I wondered what his friends were like. I wondered what his life was like. The times that he stayed after, we talked shit about school then about dumb stuff we saw on the internet recently and watched viral videos. Nothing deeper than that. I mean, we didn't need to go deeper but I was now curious about him. He still felt kind of like a stranger but I wasn't sure if he should be more. He was just a hookup. That I hooked up with more than once. Twice in twenty-four hours now. Shit.
When it was our turn to pull up to the window to order, it had started raining. It was still pretty light but enough to start the windshield wipers. He pulled up to the speaker and ordered. He was directed to the next window to pay and he warned me to not argue with him about paying so I stayed quiet. After a few more minutes, we received our order. He handed me the bag and one of the milkshakes before pulling out of the lot.
"Try the shake." He said as he sipped on his own red velvet one. He ordered me the double chocolate. I took a sip and was impressed. He was right. It was better than Sunset's milkshakes.
"Okay, you got me." I admitted. He laughed.
"Told you. Mirage is top tier."
"You are not wrong." I took another gulp. I expected him to drive back to my apartment but instead he pulled into the lot of a nearby park And stopped the car. I glanced over at him curiously.
"I'm not trying to kidnap or murder you. I promise." He said.
"That's exactly what a kidnapping murderer would say." He laughed.
"You grew on me a little too much to wanna kill you." He said.
"Wow, comforting." I said dryly. We stared at each other for a moment before breaking out in laughter.
"I just like sitting out here every time I get food from there." He said once the laughter died down. "Plus, it's raining. It's peaceful." I nodded and didn't protest. I could use some time out of my apartment.
He did the honors of unpacking the contents. I felt kind of weird eating in his pristine car but he didn't seem to mind at all. He handed me the Sahara burger, which he revealed was his actual favorite, and kept both orders of fries in the bag on the console, folded down for easy access. He watched me carefully as I took my first bite. I couldn't help but laugh. He was cute.
"Verdict?" He asked.
"I believe your judgement when it comes to food." I said. He had an accomplished grin on his face.
"I have successfully converted you."
"Don't say it like that." I laughed. "And I still like Sunset." He narrowed his eyes at me.
"Okay, time to return you to where you came from." He put the car in drive, causing me to laugh harder.
"No one told you to bring me out in the first place."
"I had to show you the light." He returned the car to park.
"Whatever." I said. "Just take the win that you got me to say Mirage is better than Sunset."
"I mean I guess." He huffed, taking another bite of his burger. The only sound in the car for a while was the soothing lo-fi beats coming from the speakers and the pattering of the rain on the car as it grew heavier. There wasn't much to look at, just an empty park, but he was right. It was pretty peaceful. I was so zoned out after some time I almost didn't catch it when he started speaking again. "You seemed pretty...intense last night." He wasn't looking at me as he spoke. He sounded unsure of himself. "Everything...good?" He finally peeked over at me. I chewed slowly, wondering what to say. If I should even say anything. It really wasn't any of his business. I guess it was a bit strange that he was just over and then I called him back again so soon. But it was nothing to warrant questioning being as though he was just as much there for the sex as I was.
"Yeah. Just...stressed. Needed a distraction." I stared straight ahead again, taking long sips of my milkshake.
"I get that." He nodded. There was a pause for a moment before he spoke again. "Did it help?"
"Yeah. It did." I admitted. I caught his smile.
"Well...I don't mind being your distraction every once in a while. If you need it." I turned to him with a raised eyebrow and he shrugged. "So far it's been fun. And sometimes I need a distraction too." Okay, what was happening?
"So..."
"If you're down, I'm down."
"But that's it? Right?" My heart was pounding now.
"For sure. Unless you were looking for something more then I can't-."
"No. Absolutely not." I said. He chuckled.
"Then I think we're good."
"Yeah." We smiled at each other. I wasn't sure if it was a relief or not. It was nice to finally put a meaning to all of this. Now we were clear of what we were and what we were doing. I no longer had to worry if he was ghosting me or not. I've never had a fuckbuddy before and honestly, I think it's all I really need at the moment. So far it's been golden. Hopefully it would stay that way.
We continued to talk and joke as we finished our meals. He showed me more funny videos he found before taking me back to my apartment. I was in a much better mood than when I first called him over. Now I was sure this arrangement was what I needed. He really worked wonders in and out of the bedroom.
"So, Kahari next time?" He said when he stopped in front of my building.
"Oh, there's going to be another outing?"
"If you're down. I think sex, food, and weed is a pretty good combination."
"You are not wrong."
"Then another outing it is." He smiled. I nodded and was about to hop out but stopped.
"Your ash tray, want me to bring it down?" I asked.
"Nah, I'll get it next time." He said. "Think you can make it inside on your own?"
"I think I can manage." I rolled my eyes and opened the door.
"Good night Brooke."
"Good night Chanyeol."
Sunday afternoon I was heading into Oasis to meet Jongin for brunch. I had been mentally preparing myself all morning for what I assumed he would be planning to say, but I don't think anything could honestly prepare me for it. Chanyeol had distracted me enough to calm down about what happened with Sehun and Danielle, but knowing Jongin knew something and wanted to talk about it only brought the anxiety back. I could only hope that I wouldn't walk out later having lost yet another friend. It wasn't like I was being a very good one lately...but still.
He was already seated but stood to greet me with a hug when he saw me. We got settled and made small talk and ordered drinks and food. Once the server left, Jongin grew serious and I knew that it was time.
"Sehun told me what happened." He dove right in.
"What did he tell you?" I needed to know what I was dealing with. Was he telling everyone everything or just his version of it all? Whatever that may have been. Jongin took a gulp of his orange juice before continuing.
"He said...you took him back to your place and then freaked out on him all of the sudden." I couldn't believe it. I scoffed and shook my head.
"That's not what happened-."
"I know." He said, stopping me. "He was...worked up about it and a bit tipsy so I knew something was off. When I tried to talk to him again about it yesterday, but he didn't want to. Thought I'd ask you what was up." This is why I loved Jongin. First impression, you would assume he's cold and intimidating but he was truly a sweetheart and cared deeply about those around him. This was why I didn't have a problem with finally telling him what was going on.
"I drank too much and was feeling crappy so I let him take me home. We made out for a little bit but then I got nauseous and threw up. Then I realized what the hell I was doing and told him to leave." I said. "I guess he was saying I freaked out on him because I finally told him how he was making me feel." Jongin's eyebrow went up but he didn't say anything. It was his silent way of telling me to continue. So I did. I was reluctant, but I may as well. The news was probably going to get out soon by the way Sehun was acting. I was actually a bit surprised Jongin didn't know yet. Or maybe he did and he was just waiting to hear it from me. "We were hooking up for a while." I said before taking a deep breath. "I felt like he was playing games though. He would sleep with me but then keep his distance and tell everyone he would never have anything with me. But he kept doing it. Acting sweet but then basically talking shit about me like how I wasn't his type or whatever." Those words still stung and I knew it would always. "I would be at his beck and call until I had enough and got with...Eric." He shifted in his seat at this and glanced out of the window for a moment before meeting my gaze again. "After that was done, when we were back on campus this semester he "heard" about the breakup and tried to get close to me again. This time he made it seem like something between us was possible even though we were still sneaking around. But then he invited me to a party and was cuddled with Isla all night and I realized how tired I was. That's why I kicked him out." I sipped on my hot chocolate and waited for Jongin to say something. Anything. But he was quiet. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and he looked as if he was turning everything over in his head. It took a few more moments before he finally settled on what he wanted to say.
"I kinda figure you two were hooking up." This wasn't as much of a surprise that I thought it would have been. "The way Sehun acted...I knew better. I guess at the same time though, I knew he was treating you...so badly. I'm sorry for not saying anything."
"Not your battle."
"But you're my friend too."
"You were friends with him first. I don't expect you to challenge your friend on something you didn't even know the full story about."
"I could have asked."
"Not on you." He was sweet. He really was. But this was between me and Sehun.
"If I said something, he may have not played with your feelings as much as he did." He really looked guilty and it was making my stomach turn.
"Jongin, stop. It's not your fault. And I'm good. I really am." I gave him a soft smile. He still looked uncomfortable as he picked at the sleeve of his grey sweater.
"You left the group chat." He met my gaze again. I had removed myself earlier that morning. I didn't feel as if I belonged anymore. Plus, my fight with Danielle and the whole thing with Sehun didn't seem reparable. I hadn't even been part of it in months anyway. It wasn't as if they were going to miss me or anything.
"There was no point of me being in it." I shrugged nonchalantly.
"Brooke, are you okay? Like, really okay?" His eyebrows creased with worry. It was a loaded question, but at the same time, it wasn't. I knew the answer, but I couldn't tell him that.
"Yes, Nini, I'm fine." I tried. He didn't believe it. I saw it all over his face. He knew I was lying and he looked a bit hurt by it. I was doing my best to spare him the worry but I was clearly failing.
"Really? Because after you broke up with Eric...you've been...different." I wished he didn't bring it up. I really did. I needed his name to stop coming out of their mouths. I had finally gotten to the point where it was all out of sight and out of mind and I felt good about it. Now he was being brought back to the forefront of my memory and I did not like it.
"I just realized I needed to make some changes." That was all he was going to get from me. I really did not want to go there. We maintained eye contact but both stayed silent. He gave in first.
"If you say you're okay, I'll believe you." He said. "But please if you're ever not okay, come talk to me?"
"I will Nini. Thank you." I meant it, but at the same time didn't. I appreciated the gesture but it would take a lot for me to talk to anyone about not being okay. If I didn't after all that happened with Eric, I doubt there could be anything worse that would drive me to cry on someone's shoulder. It definitely wasn't a healthy nor productive way to think of it, but that's the way it was going to be. Although he seemed skeptical of my answer, he nodded, and left it at that.
It was Halloween weekend. Two weeks since my brunch with Jongin. Not much changed since then honestly. Neither Danielle nor Sehun had tried to speak to me. I even walked by them a few times on campus but no greetings were exchanged. There was radio silence from everyone else as well. Except for Jongin. I didn't mind it though. Gave me less of a reason to linger on campus when I didn't need to. I'd rather be in my apartment anyway. I thought I would have missed the interactions with my friends, but honestly, I was fine with it. After realizing that Danielle knew about Eric but said nothing, it made me wonder how many others also knew. I understood why they wouldn't have said anything, but...why didn't they say anything? Even if I denied it, at least it showed they were aware and concerned. Even if I declined their help, at least they offered. It made my head hurt to think about it.
It was Saturday evening and I spent all day in the library working on assignments. It was a day I knew I wouldn't get anything done if I stayed in my apartment. I was glad I was able to find the motivation to go to a studious environment instead to get nothing done. I was in my own world half of the time. I got one reading and half of a paper done which was definitely something, but absolutely not enough. My mind was constantly drifting until it finally landed on Chanyeol. Despite our agreement, I hadn't heard from him since. I was starting to think that two weeks were our regular intervals now. Somehow, I felt as if I would hear from him soon. Or maybe I would find it in me to initiate again. Whichever way, I knew I was getting antsy and would need to get that distraction soon.
I was getting ready to leave when the chair beside me was pulled out and a body dropped down in it. My heart seized in my chest when I saw the jaguar tattoo that went up their left arm.
"We need to talk." That smooth voice that put me under a spell countless times now made me nauseous. His eyes twinkled innocently but I knew better.
"No we don't." I quickly started to pack my things until his hand gripped my arm. It immediately brought the repressed memories back. I felt myself starting to shake.
"Yes, we do." He said firmly. I glanced down at my arm that he was squeezing, bringing his attention to it as well. He quickly let go. "Sorry. I'm sorry – I didn't mean to...I just...hear me out. Please?" I was stuck. My body was in fight or flight but decided to freeze instead. It wasn't until my phone started to vibrate on the table that I broke from my trance. I scrambled to pick it up and saw that Chanyeol was calling. I kept my eyes on Eric, who now looked annoyed, and answered.
"Hello?" My voice shook a bit but I hoped he wouldn't notice. I carefully started to pack my things, watching Eric cautiously.
"Hey, Brooke, what are you up to?"
"I-I'm just about to leave the library."
"Plans after?" He asked. I shook my head, losing my words, but then remembered he couldn't see me.
"Uh, no." Eric's knee started to bounce. He clasped his hands together and his jaw was set. Before, he would have snatched the phone from my hand. I guess there were too many witnesses. I was glad I didn't choose a cubicle today. On the other hand, maybe if I did, he wouldn't have seen me.
"Would you be down to meet up? Got a blunt?"
"Sure. Give me like fifteen minutes to get back."
"I'm actually walking by the library now. I'll meet you outside."
"Out-you're outside?" Eric's eyebrows furrowed.
"Yeah, come on it's cold." He said.
"I'm coming."
"You definitely will be." He said slyly. It was amazing how he got me to roll my eyes when I was still in panic mode.
"I'll be out in a minute." I said standing. Chanyeol hung up and I picked up my bag. "I have to go."
"We didn't even talk yet." He stood with me. His hand reached out for my arm but I quickly backed away. He scowled. "Don't be like that."
"Leave me alone." I sped walked out of the library. I welcomed the cold air as I practically burst through the doors, taking a deep inhale. As he said, Chanyeol was leaning against one of the pillars outside of the building. Phone in hand, waiting. He wore a gray beanie and gold, wireframed glasses. It was the first time I was seeing him in glasses. I didn't even know he wore them. He was also in jeans that weren't distressed and an orange hoodie. He glanced up when I was closer and gave me a smile. I don't think I will ever get over how cute that dimple could make him when he smiled. Also sexy as hell when he decided to be in demon mode.
"I would have assumed you would be out partying tonight." I said. My heartbeat was returning to its regular pace. My hands didn't feel as sweaty. The shaking slowed.
"Later. DJing tonight."
"Ah." I nodded. "Don't you have to set up or something?"
"It's barely even five." He chuckled.
"Right." I forgot clubs don't open until late.
"Wanna come? It's not far from campus."
"I think I'll pass. Thanks." I definitely wasn't in the mood to party. He didn't push it.
"Ready?"
"Oh, yeah." We started walking but instead of going off campus, he turned toward the parking lot.
"Do you drive?" He asked. I nodded. "Do you have a car?" I nodded again.
"I barely drive it though since everything is basically walking distance."
"Ah, so then that explains why you have such a nice ass." I was so caught off guard by this I burst out laughing. "I'm not lying." He shrugged.
"Well, thanks?"
"You're welcome." He smiled. "What did you do all day?"
"Was just trying to get some work done in the library." I said. "What about you?"
"Getting ready for tonight."
"Do you DJ often?"
"As often as I can with school and my internship and other shit." He said.
"You're interning?"
"At a record label my friend's dad owns."
"I would think you would do that during summer?"
"I did, but I didn't want to stop just because school started." He said. "Plus, it's super chill and they let me do what I can."
"That's pretty cool." We arrived at his SUV and he pulled the door open for me before going over to the drivers side.
"What about you?" He asked when he started toward my apartment. "Are you interning?"
"I did last summer and I'll be starting again next summer."
"Do you like it?"
"I mean, it's alright. Nothing too exciting like making music would be."
"Do you even like lawyer-ing or whatever it's called?"
"It's alright."
"Is that what you want to do though?" He glanced over at me. I didn't have an answer for him. I didn't know why. No one had asked me that lately and I guess I have just been in autopilot for too long to think about it.
"Do we need to talk about this now?" Not answering was an answer. He must have known by the way he responded.
"Nope." He kept his focus on the road as we drove in silence. His phone vibrated and he picked it up. I would have scolded him for texting and driving, but we weren't that close. Plus, I didn't care enough in the moment. "Shit." He huffed out a breath.
"You good?"
"Sorry, I can't stay." He said. "Apparently one of my flash drives is missing and they need me to come in to the club early."
"Oh my gosh, oh no." I knew that flash drives were important but he seemed very unbothered by it.
"It'll turn up." He shrugged. "Sorry I have to leave you after promising you a blunt."
"You don't have to apologize, you have shit to take care of." He pulled into my lot and stopped in front of the entrance.
"I can come by after?" He offered. I scoffed.
"I'm sure you'll be going home with some girl after."
"You're probably right." He nodded. "Next time then?"
"Hit me up."