Vivian's POV
I've been working out a little bit every week, and only have lost 4 pounds. To which, I've only been doing cardio. I've thought more and more about taking advantage of getting a personal trainer, and I decided to do so. I spoke with one up at Planet Fitness, and he's agreed to meet with me 3 times a week, as well as giving me a regimen.
I'm supposed to meet this guy after work, and I'm dreading it. I have no idea who he is, and I still have anxiety surrounding someone watching me. As I'm stocking the shelve's, Lola comes up to me while no one else is in the store.
"Hey, could you cover the register for the rest of my shift? I just don't feel great." She looks at me as I'm putting shampoo bottles on the shelf. "I would love to, but I can't. I have something to do after my shift." I break the news to her, and she doesn't seem happy about it. "Come on, I would do it for you if you ask." Lola seems to have attitude in her voice, and it throws me off. "I don't know that. Not only that, I wouldn't need you to." I retort back. She storms off, leaving me to finish stocking shelves.
Once I'm done at work, I quickly make my way back home to shower and change into gym clothes. I make sure to take my anxiety medication before I leave, to hopefully make this easier on me. I rush over to the gym, and make my way inside. "Hey, I'm here for Nathan. He's supposed to be my personal trainer?" I say to the women who's managing the front desk. She walks away to the back, leaving me at the desk alone. Soon, she comes back with a man behind her. "Vivian?" I nod my head. This man was gorgeous. He wasn't too muscular, but you could definately tell that he works out. Had the perfect brown hair, as well as hazel eyes.
Am I making googly eyes at this man that I just met? "It's nice to meet you!" He holds his hand out for me to shake it, and I comply. "Follow me." He leads me back to this room, so that we're secluded from the rest of the gym members. "This room has everything we need for you right now. I'm just going to show you the basics of everything starting out." Nathan sets the big water bottle he had on the floor, and leading me over to a mat that is on the floor.
"No matter what you're trying to accomplish, you have to stretch every time. We'll start with some basics." He shows me some stretches, and encourages me to do them. "So what are you going for with this?" He asks, as I'm finishing up the second stretch. "Really, I'm looking to get back into shape. I've gained a little weight since my..." I stop myself before I tell my life story to this random guy. "Things happened. So I really just want to lose that extra weight, and tone up a little bit." He nods his head at me while showing me the next stretch. "Okay, we can do that. I'm sorry for the 'things happened'. Do you plan on maintaining your goal once you get there, or?" We both stand up straight, and I assume we're done with stretching.
"If I can, I would like to just maintain it. I hate feeling the way that I do." Which is true. I hate having this extra weight. I also hate eating as unhealthy as I have these few months. He continues to show me basics, which is pretty much how to engage certain muscles depending on what I'm wanting to target. We do a little bit of cardio, but also focus on certain weight lifting. When I'm done, I definately feel the difference between this, and what I've been doing.
"See, when you're engaging the correct muscles, you get completely different results. It is going to hurt a lot more. But that's a good sign." Nathan hands over a water bottle, and I gladly take it.
"So, I'll be meeting you every Monday, Thursday and Saturday?" I take a sip of my water. He confirms, and leads me out of the room we were in. I say goodbye, and make my way out to my car. This definately sucks. My legs are killing me, as well as my arms. I need to do this. Maybe I will gain more confidence in myself too. I head straight home to get a shower, to get this nasty sweat off of my body.
I play music on my phone as I shower, and it was a mistake. The first song Noah showed me starts playing. Even though things ended with us, I can't bring myself to change my opinion on his music. It's good. Im silent for a moment before I start singing along. Half way through, I start to sing through my tears. The water hides this well, doesn't it?
I get out of the shower, and put on some night clothes. I check the time on my phone, and realize that it is 9 o'clock. I grab the paper that Nathan gave me that has a meal plan on it, and I go over what's on it. I have none of this. I check the freezer, and see nothing but TV dinners. I chose to eat one for just tonight, and plan to go grocery shopping tomorrow. After I eat, I hobble over to the bedroom to go to sleep.
All I can think about is Noah, and what he's doing at this exact moment. I wonder if he lays awake at night thinking about me, like I do him... I'm not over him, and I feel like I never will be. He was mine. I still can't rack my brain over why this happened.
..............
Noah's POV
"Fuck you man!" I yell out to Jolly, as this is about the 10th time he has killed me in GTA 5. We decided to play online together, and we've been battling since we got in. "Alright, alright. I call a truce. Lets do some heists or something." Jolly says, as he damn near runs me over with his car in the game. We continue to play a few missions, before deciding to log off for the night.
I meet up with Jolly in the kitchen. "You got any tonight?" He asks me, mentioning weed. "Hell yeah I do. You going to smoke with me tonight?" I ask him, making my way back into my bedroom to grab my stash. I hear him yell from the kitchen. "I was thinking about it."
After Jolly and I smoke, we head out into town to get some food. The munchies are real with this man when he smokes. Of course we wind up at a burger joint.
As we're eating, I notice how much of a fat ass I've become since I started smoking again. Can't lie, the munchies are real with me too. "Dude, we should hit up a gym." I say outloud to Jolly, as ketchup falls down my chin. He laughs at the irony. "We have to quit getting baked first. That's the issue here." That is going to be hard. I didn't want to give it up the first time, why would I want to the second time? After stuffing our faces full, we head back home to write out some music.
"I created this sick beat the other day, I think you should throw down some lyrics on it." Jolly says as he pulls up the editor app on his computer. "It's more of a mellow beat, rather than full blown metal. I think you'll like it." He clicks on the audio recording he made, playing it through the big speakers. I sit down, as he plays it for me a few times. I keep the tempo in mind, and I start jotting things down in my notebook.
I'm taking it slowly, you'd never know
How quick it gets lonely here at the top
Her skin feels unholy but I'm still drawn
The morals I'm holding, you know they're gone
My brain draws a blank after that. I sit for a little longer, then I give up. "I can't think of anything else." I hand the notebook over to Jolly. He gets annoyed, as I should know by now that he would rather hear it than read it. He takes it anyways, reading what I have down. He doesn't say anything for a moment. "I have nothing." He hands back the notebook. Okay, so maybe we aren't good at making music all the time when we're high. We give up for the night, and watch a little bit of anime before going to bed.
Tomorrow, Nick, Folio and I are supposed to be going to the Zoo to just fuck around with some animals. I have no clue why we're going to the zoo, Folio chose the place.
I make my way to bed, preparing for the long day ahead tomorrow.
...............
After getting our tickets to enter the zoo, Folio takes the lead. "Dude, I forgot how much you loved animals. That hardass look you give surely does disappear!" I laugh as Folio looks like a little kid running through the park.
Nick and I follow, taking in all the animals around us. While Folio is in front of us, Nick and I share a conversation that he can't hear. "Have you heard from Vivian?" I ask Nick. I know that just from what happened with us before the breakup, her and Nick got close. Nick sighs, waiting a moment before responding. "I have, why?" My heart jumps, wanting to know everything thats going on with her. I contain my excitement when I explain. "I just want to know how she is doing." We stop walking, as Folio grabs food to feed to some of the animals.
We grab some as well, walking over to the deer habitat. "She's doing great. I'm not going to tell you much because you don't need to think about any of that." Nick says, taking a small handful of the feed out of the bag. She's doing great? I feel like he's lying for some reason. Not that I don't want her to be doing good, I just don't see her doing better than me at this moment. As selfish and conceited as that seems.
We push the conversation aside to spend time together, taking photos with the animals and laughing about the funny things they do. After a couple of hours at the Zoo, we leave to go to a local bar. I order just a straight whiskey, while the other two order beers. "We have to throw a party soon and invite as many girls as we can!" Folio says as he takes a sip of the beer. "Since we're all single now. Can find some one night stands or something." He adds on. Im not sure how I feel about that. I don't think I can just have sex with anyone. That's not me.
Nick agrees, and I just nod my head. I don't want to just say no, and be the odd one out. After ordering a couple more shots, Nick drives me home. It was a good thing that he picked me up because I definately am not good to drive. I head inside, and decide to lie down and let this buzzed feeling wear off. As I'm laying in my bed, all I can think about is Vivian. How this was so unfair to the both of us. I want her back. Bad.
I notice that I have started to cry when I feel my cheeks are wet. This is killing me. If she is doing "great", I doubt she would want me back in any way. I hurt her, physically and emotionally. And I can't take that back.