That night. I couldn't sleep well. I tossed my body around my bed and still can't find the urge to sleep. I looked at my ceiling and remembered her scar again. It is too clear for me and there's no mistake that it is indeed a scar.
My breath hitched on my way of thinking of what she is doing now. Images flooded my mind of her and her scar. Huminga ako ng malalim at napahawak sa aking sentido.
It's fine, Gaston. Her wounds are already healed and it means she's not doing it anymore.
I thought I'm gonna convince myself but I ended up getting my phone on my bed cabinet and look at the time. I can't sleep thinking about her situation right now, I need to see that she is fine. I need to hear her voice and confirm that she is doing fine...that she is not hurting herself.
It is almost 12. Tomorrow is the weekend and on Monday would be my Mom's birthday. I dialled her number hoping for some miracle that she is still awake.
Two rings and she answered my call. I got breathless as soon as I heard her voice.
"Why are you calling at this hour? May problema ka ba?" She was concerned.
Nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng marinig ang boses niyang walang bakas ng kung ano man ang pumapasok sa isipan ko.
"Hmmm, did I wake you up?" I asked with my loving voice. I sounded so husky and low.
"No. I'm doing some advance reading. Malapit na tayong may klase." She interestedly responded.
Mas lalo akong nakahinga ng maluwag sa sagot niya. "I wanna see you please...let's have some midnight snacks."
I got out of my bed and started redying myself. "I'll come to your place. Just wait for me." Then I ended the call.
She will say no but I need to see her now. I got my baseball cap and my sweater. I wore a plain white shirt, black pants and shoes. I got my keys and quickly got in the parking lot. I was supposed to start my car when I received a text from her.
Baby:
Drive safely, please...
I smiled upon reading her text. She didn't say no but I think she just realized that I am determined to see her tonight.
I drove to a 24/7 pizza place and got some pizzas and fries. Afterwhich, I drove to her apartment, which took only a few minutes 'cause there was no traffic. I stopped my car on the side of their fence.
I got out with the food in my hand as I called her. I looked at her apartment then she came out.
"Wait for me." Then she ended the call.
I stood next to their gate and patiently waited for her. She is already on her jammies but my eyes quickly notice how she is wearing a short sleeve top. My eyes automatically went to her wrist and she is wearing her huge scrunchie again.
I bit my lip when realization hit me. That is probably the reason why she is always wearing her long sleeves, and if she is not on her long sleeves, she is either wearing her huge scrunchie. She wanted to hide it away, away from people's sight.
Huminga ako ng malalim bago niya tuluyang mabuksan ang gate nila.
"Why? Do you have any problems?" Her voice was still laced with concern as she approached me.
I wanted to bitterly laugh at her question. I wanted to ask her that. I wanted to ask that question to her very badly. More than I wanted if she wanted my kisses or if she is already my girlfriend. I wanted to ask her if she is okay, if she has problems.
I know traumas won't heal that fast. And she is still probably suffering from it right now. But I need to stop myself.
"Nothing...I just wanted to see you." I lovingly answered. My cap hid away my teary eyes, feeling pressured by her situation right now.
We went inside her apartment even though she clearly said that I am not allowed to visit her at night. I wanted to be happy right now that she allowed me to do so but I can't find an ounce of joy in that one.
I sat on her sofa and placed our food on her center table. The tv is on but it is on low volume. I made myself comfortable as she sat right beside me.
"Sorry. I disturbed your reading."
She shook her head. "It's fine...I am craving for something too because it is my time of the month." She shyly responded.
I quickly understood what she was trying to say. I nodded absentmindedly. I needed that information. Red days hurt like hell and she craves food. I could supply her cravings and if ever she has an emergency.
"I've got pizzas and fries. Is this enough?" I carefully asked and opened them one by one.
"Yes...I want some pizzas. The cheesy one." She enthusiastically responded.
We both washed our hands before eating. We ate silently and I just watched her eat her food like she had never eaten before. Slowly, my doubts died down but my eyes still won't stop looking at her wrist from time to time.
Tumikhim ako. "Are you sure you wanted to attend my Mom's birthday? We can decline it anytime, you know?" I chuckled a little bit to ease my nervousness.
She looked at me weirdly.
Huminga ulit ako ng malalim. Realizing it now, I might have sounded too insensitive about forcing her to attend Mom's birthday. She might be uncomfortable and knowing her situation now too.
But she gave me her little smile. "I would like to meet your Mom. I am nervous but I'll manage. And she's been requesting to formally meet me. I'm fine, Gaston."
Hindi ko alam kung makakahinga ako ng maluwag sa sinabi niya. Am I overthinking things or what? How do I handle this?
But slowly, I nodded my head.
"Your gown will arrive here tomorrow. And do you want to have a stylist?"
She swallowed her food before answering. "I can do it myself." She confidently answered.
Napatawa ako ng kaunti sa sinabi niya. "Then, I'll just fetch you by six, okay?" I asked again.
She nodded again while eating. "And ohhh...I have already learned your Mom's favourite song. Do you wanna bear it?"
Before I could even answer her, she stood up and walked to her room. I sat properly as I waited for her. Then, she went out with an electric keyboard, she also got her own chair.
I smiled widely at her as she looked at me before starting. I attentively watched her as she composed herself.
She closed her eyes then slowly played the keyboard. She breathed in deeply, and she started playing my Mom's favourite carpenter's song from the 1970's. She will just turn 45 but she loves much older songs. She got it from her parents.
This is my first time watching her play and I thought she's gonna only play the keyboard but she started singing too. My mouth hung open and I almost stood up from my seat upon hearing her soft and lovely voice.
Woah! I never knew she sings! Like what the hell? Why am I only discovering things like this now?
My expression remained the same looking through her all throughout. God! She has an amazing voice...I'm not being biassed here just because I love her. She could win a competition with her singing skills.
She finished and I stood up quickly. I clapped my hands hard but she quickly stopped me.
"Gaston, stop...It is already past midnight. We might disturbed our neighbour. She shushed and I stopped.
"Sorry, my bad." And I sat down quietly.
She joined me and my smile remained with her. "How was it? You think it's good?"
She was quite nervous and I only chuckled. "You are beyond good, Carmella. You are amazing!"
She blushed then looked at me with her hopeful eyes. "Will your Mom like it?"
I nodded repeatedly. "She will for sure, she will be surprised." I encouraged her.
"But aren't you nervous performing in front of many people?"
"No, sanay na ako. I've been competing before and attended wedding services too, it pays me well." She answered confidently.
"Oh...I didn't know that one." Another information I didn't know about her.
But it's fine, I'm still courting her and we are just finding out each other's interest.
I smiled at her warmly but her bright face slowly died down with my last statement.
"You still have plenty of time to know things about me...Slowly, Gaston...I'll open up things to you one by one. One at a time. Just be patient with me more."
Her sincere voice struck me and I can't help but put a double meaning on her words and her scars on her wrist again. Huminga ako ng malalim, I need to catch my breath or I'll die on the spot right now.
"I'll wait for you to open up...I'll patiently wait...Carmella. Always remember that." I looked straight into her eyes as I felt my world shaking with her teary eyes.
"I'm very much in love with you..." Para ulit akong malalagutan ng hininga sa mariing titig niya.
Her eyes suddenly glimmer with something after hearing my confession.
"I know...I know, Gaston."
"There. You looked good already." Mom tapped my shoulders as she fixed my loose tie.
I've got my phone after and there is one text from Carmella.
Baby:
I'm ready.
Narinig ko ang pagsinghap ni Mama sa aking tabi.
"Anak go and fetch Carmella, we will start greeting the visitors outside." Mom brightly smiled at me while looking so gorgeous in her silver gown and bun hairstyle.
"Okay. Wait for us. And please don't say anything that will pleasure her." I emphasized my last statement very well.
Mom brightly smiled at me. "No, I won't darling."
I breathed in deeply. I hope so, but Mom's calibre is different. She might ask Carmella when our wedding is. She might totally run away from me if Mom asks that question.
I kissed her one more time and looked at Dad already talking to some associates.
I went to the parking lot for my car and quickly manoeuvred it. There is quite a lot of traffic this hour but I'll manage.
I've got stuck from time to time but I manage to get there in time. I stopped my car in front of their apartment but before getting out, I looked at myself in the reviewer mirror and fixed my hair. I tapped my dress shirt for possible wrinkles and breathed in deeply.
I could do this. I'm handsome and clean. There is nothing to worry about.
I went out and texted her that I am already outside. My eyes were fixed on her door when it suddenly opened and revealed her. From a distance I could see her wearing a black dress.
My breathing hitched as she walked through their stairs. She faced my direction and I lost all my thoughts as soon as I saw her face and her whole outfit for today.
Fuck! She doesn't have to be this sexy and elegant with that black dress with gold accents, her messy bun hair, and the slit on her legs and her collarbone is on the show with that thin strap.
"Hi…" I breathily said as soon as she looked at me fully.
Her almond eyes went more smoky with her simple make up and her lips probably tasted so sweet. I licked my lips and bit it as she properly locked their gate.
And the fact that she isn't aware how beautiful she is made me tremble in fear. Men will line for her, suitors will come but I won't let it happen before my eyes.
She doesn't even have any accessory aside from her...she is wearing a huge black scrunchie on her wrist again. I swallowed hard as I felt uneasy thinking about it again.
"Uhmmm...Thank you for this beautiful gown, and the sandals too." She shly said.
My eyes went to her face and I unconsciously licked my lips again out of nervousness. Relax, Gaston. She is fine and there is nothing to worry about.
"You are too gorgeous tonight...I can't let that many people see you in that outfit." I breathily said.
I could see her face suddenly went red as she cleared her throat.
"Let's go. Nakakahiya sa Mama mo."
She avoided my eyes and went to open her door but I quickly did it for her.
I can't help but look at her from time to time. And I kept on biting and or licking my lips every glance too. Fuck! I need to be at her side anywhere tonight. There is no way I would let her walk alone in the party with all the eyes on her. I need to stay guarded.
We stopped in front of the venue and there were already plenty of people. I looked at her and met her nervous eyes.
I smiled at her warmly. "You'll be fine. Don't worry, I'll stay by your side." 'Cause there is no way I let her talk to any male species out there.
I went out and the camera went quickly to me. There are lots of media outside but we only have trusted inside. I opened her door and quickly held her hand. Napangiti ako ng wala sa oras ng wala siyang karekla-reklamong itong tinanggap.
"I'm here. Don't worry."