Note: This chapter might be uncomfotable for those who are easily triggered by scenes of self-harm. Please read at your own accord. Thank you.
“Ma’am, wala pa po si Carmella?” I roamed my eyes in their office but she is still not here.
Ma’am Ramirez looked at me curiously. It's already my fifth time coming back in here but she's still nowhere to be found.
“Baka mamayang 12 pa matatapos meeting nila. I thought it would be done early too but they must have tackled some issues.”
I looked at my wrist watch and it was 30 minutes to 12.
“Can I wait for her inside?”
“Oh, sure. You may take your seat.” I looked at Mrs Ramirez as she was still so curious why I needed to come back here repeatedly for Carmella.
Carmella actually warned me not to disturbed her and she means I should not come into their office. Pero malapit ng matapos ang sem break namin at hindi ko pa siya nakakasabay na kumain ng lunch.
I find her rule a little bit unfair on my part, 'cause I need her presence too! At ang hirap kayang kumain kapag iniisip kong may kasabay siyang iba tapos ako wala, but whatever.
Umupo ako sa dating upuan namin. Carmella occupied the whole table as she is working here alone. Her things were placed neatly on her table, and even her trash bin looks cleaned and organized too. How's that even possible? Of course, she is Carmella, everything is possible for her.
I patiently waited for her until I heard a group of men opening the door's office. I looked at them with my hands crossed on my chest and their chats slowly died down. They slowly and quietly went to their own cubicle. I roamed my eyes and my eyes quickly found her making her way to me.
She gave me a glance and sat down on her chair like she just didn't see me here waiting patiently for her. She is wearing her usual white long sleeve polo, black slacks and coat.
Kaya naman ako ng ang kusang lumapit sa kanya. I slid down to her side with my swivel chair and put enough distance between us.
"What do you want?" She icily said while looking at her monitor.
Napalabi ako sa kalamigan ng kanyang boses. "Please...let's eat our lunch together. We haven't had our lunch together since you worked here…" I pleaded and used my ultimate voice.
She breathed in deeply and that is when I knew I got her attention. She is really weak when it comes to my pleading. Should I start using it every damn time?
"We'll eat in my office..." We need privacy of course...I want it just the two of us.
Her eyes went wide with my suggestion. "Your Dad is just right their Gaston!" She almost panicked.
I chuckled at her reaction. "Papa didn't come here today. He went abroad, so don't worry. Solo natin ang opisina...tayo lang."
I wiggled my brows suggestively to tease her and she just rolled her eyes. God! I really love her reactions!
She stood up and started gathering her things. What now?
"Wait for me here. I'll just use the comfort room."
I almost raised both of my hands with her approval but she looked at me like a kid stopping her child from making a scene. I put down my hands and gently smiled at her.
"Okay! I'll wait for you here!" I excitedly said.
I waited for her for a few minutes and she went out. She got her bag then I stood up.
"Let's go." She cooly said.
I let her walk first and I quickly noticed how the employees eyed us curiously. Well, they might find it weird that she didn't seem intimidated by me. And probably thinking what's our relationship aside from being partner interns since we are not here as interns this month.
I tried matching her steps and opened the door for her. I looked at her face and she doens'nt really give a fuck about the stares. Napangiti ako ng wala sa oras, her attention is really expensive and she doesn't mind me being seen with her and just let them speculate what our relationship is.
Well, ako lang naman si Gaston Lynx Esquivel, and dakilang manliligaw niya. How about that?
And so, I was humming happily as we rode the elevator, while she suddenly looked so stiff. She's still probably thinking that I am lying about my father's whereabouts.
The elevator opened and I lead her the way. I quickly saw Jess at his desk with our lunch for today. Kaagad siyang tumayo ng mapansin na kaming palapit.
"Sir, it just got delivered." Then he handed me the paper bag. He looked at my behind and looked at Carmella curiously.
I suddenly smirked. Tumikhim ako kaya muli siyang napatingin sa akin. "She is Carmella, you are familiar with her right?" I asked, smiling smugly.
"Ummm...Yes, sir…You two are partner interns." He said seriously.
"Yes, that is a fact, but I am courting her too." I smiled proudly.
He then let out a small chuckle then quickly stopped himself too. Pinanliitin ko siya ng mata.
"Sorry Sir…I just thought you will never court someone." He lowly said and avoided my eyes.
That's understandable. "If we get married, I'll inform you first. So please, pray for my luck!" I tapped his shoulders and left him there dumbfounded.
I opened the door for her and she went in. I locked it and Jess knows what to do for the next hour.
We need privacy.
I let her eyes roam around as I made my way to the kitchen. "Make yourself comfortable." I slightly shouted.
I opened the kitchen door and unpacked our lunch. I transferred the steak and our steamed veggies into a fancy plate and our watermelon drink in a tall glass. I also ordered soup for us and put it in a bowl. Everything in here is already clean but I called a helper again this morning just to make sure. I need a spotless office for her.
I made it quickly and made my way to the table in the visitors lounge. I quickly saw her looking at the huge skyscraper painting just behind Papa's desk.
"Let's eat." I smiled at her as she looked at me.
She made her way and I pulled her chair out.
"I need to wash my hands." She suddenly said.
"Oh...right. That door is the kitchen. We have complete hand soaps there."
She nodded and so I waited for her. We started eating after, and she started asking questions about my mother.
"What should I bring as a gift?" She seemed so nervous.
I smiled when I remembered that just the mere presence of her would be my Mom's greatest gift. So, I looked at her warmly.
"You are the best gift she'll ever receive, Carmella. Trust me."
Her cheeks reddened with what I said. "Pero nakakahiya na wala akong regalo…" She lamented more.
"You play piano, right?" I asked her carefully as I remember the first guy who made me extremely jealous.
She looked at me curiously. "Yes. Why?"
"Then, just dedicate a piece for her. Or if you want, just play her favourite old song. She will love it for sure." I suggested.
She stops munching her food and thinks for a little bit. "Yeah...I could do that."
She suddenly smiled at me a little bit and I instantly choked on my food. I coughed and drank my water quickly. Akmang tatayo siya para tulungan ako pero pinigil ko na.
"Geez, Carmella. Don't smile at me so suddenly!" I protested after.
She raised her brow at me.
"You don't know how much you affect me, one touch and I'm doomed, everything will stand up including my dick. Do you understand?" I added more.
Her eyes widened after a few moments of realizing what I had said and immediately stood up from her chair.
"I-I do not n-need that information!" Her voice panicked and her eyes were nowhere to find mine.
I chuckled at her reaction and she looked straight into my eyes. "Carmella, this is normal. Of course, I would feel this way. Paano tayo gagawa ng mga anak natin kung hindi ako makakaramdam ng ganito?"
I wiggled my eyebrows more to tease her. She gasped and looked at me unbelievably.
"Wa-Wala pa akong balak magkaroon ng anak!" She sat down but her voice remained the same.
I chuckled again 'cause she is answering me like she is willing to do it with me in the future.
I looked at her teasingly. "Of course, not now. Maybe after our graduation?"
She drank her water like she was out of energy from all my statements. Then she breathed in deeply. "Listen, Gaston…" She breathed in deeply again like she was out of patience.
"You know what? Let's just eat our lunch in peace. Okay?"
Mahina akong natawa sa sinabi niya. We continued eating like we didn't just discuss our future. I mean, my own self imaginative future with her, but whatever.
Ako na ang nagligpit sa pinagkainan namin ng mapansing kong hindi niya masyadong ginalaw ang watermelon drink niya.
"You don't like this?" I pointed her drink.
She looked at it too. "I love it and I'm reserving it for my snacks." She said it almost shyly.
"Oh...I could give you another one for your snacks. How about that?" I asked her, smiling widely.
Her eyes went excited and then she slowly nodded at me.
"I'll let Jess deliver it for you for your snacks."
I wasn't supposed to wash the dishes but she stalked me up until the kitchen sink. She then started folding her sleeves up to her elbow and then washed the dishes herself.
"Hey! My helper will come any minute now."
She looked at me and I knew that looked already. "I mean...we'll wash it both…" I swallowed hard and started folding my sleeves too.
"No need. Ako na lang, ilang piraso lang naman. Go back to your table." She initiated with her stern voice and I knew I couldn't say no.
Still, I stood by her side and watched her do it. There were only a few of it and she washed it so fast yet so meticulously. She is a pro at it.
She started rinsing it with water and that is when I noticed something strange on her wrist.
My shoulder instantly fell and my knees felt weak. I almost gasped loudly when I realized those were suicide scars.
I quickly avoided my gaze to her wrist as I clenched my jaw hard. Pinatong ko ang isang kamay ko sa counter ng mas maramdaman ko ang panghihina ng mga tuhod ko at panginginig ng kalamnan ko. I bravely looked at it one more time and saw the same thing.
It was healed already but it cuts too deep. And the lines are very visible.
"Fuck…" I softly cursed at myself.
"What?" She looked at me and I quickly averted my eyes again.
"Nothing…" I tried smiling at her and I knew I was failing miserably.
She washed her hand and dried it with the hand tissue. She fully faced me and instead, she started wiping my sweats which I didn't even notice. My whole face is sweating.
"Why? Naiinitan ka ba? You should go back to your table. The aircon is cooler there." She gently nagged me.
My eyes went soft with her words and for some reason her words seemed so warm. She finished it off and she gave me her little warm smile.
My eyes can't help but go back again on her wrist and my insides continued shaking. I licked my lips then looked at her eyes. I do not have the right to cross the fucking bridge but I have to try.
"Carmella---"
She then lowkey rolled down her sleeves right away when she might have realized something. She did it so smoothly I almost wanted to stop asking her the question.
Pumikit ako ng mariin. I need to stop.
I breathed in deeply and slowly shook my head. I tried giving her a warm smile as I looked straight into her innocent eyes.
"Nothing…"
She looked at me weirdly then nodded her head slowly. We walked out of the kitchen and she was ready to go back to her office. I watched her grab her things as my eyes settled on her wrist again.
"I'll go first. Thank you for the lunch."
I stood up quickly from my seat and opened the door for her. "Huwag mo na akong ihatid."
I only nodded at her and she went out. I watched her walk to her office until I couldn't longer see her back. Muli akong napahinga ng malalim ng isara ko ulit ang pintuan ko.
I rested my whole back to the door and looked at the ceiling. I clenched my jaw hard as I walked to my table.
"Fuck...fuck…" I softly cursed and leaned my elbows on my desk as I grabbed my hair out of frustration.