Last time: "Let the pain stop now," he whispered to himself. "Please, let the pain stop."
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February 10th, 2023, 9:50 am, Jain Counselling Centre, Jodhpur
The room was so silent that even the sound of a pin dropping would have echoed throughout the space. The weight of Kabir's words hung heavily in the air as each person in the room processed what he had just revealed. Shobha watched their reactions intently, her eyes darting from person to person. Sandeep's forehead was creased with deep lines, indicating the intensity of his concentration as he worked tirelessly to find a solution. Shobha couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration for him, particularly noticing his adorable look of determination as he tackled a particularly complex problem.
Meanwhile, Kabir and Banni were staring at each other, their eyes locked in silent communication, their hands still tightly entwined. Kabir seemed to be experiencing a sense of exhaustion mixed with relief as if a heavy emotional burden had been lifted off his shoulders. On the other hand, Banni had a look on her face akin to someone who had just been struck, her eyes wide open and her mouth slightly agape as she processed the bombshell that had just been dropped on her. Shobha wondered if it was time to address the elephant in the room and ask Banni how she was feeling, but she decided to let the moment pass for now. Instead, she returned to Sandeep and Kabir, eager to see their next steps.
Finally, Sandeep took a deep breath and broke the silence. "Thank you for sharing this with us Kabir. I am sure this is difficult to relive. So this period was the entire duration of Tulika's pregnancy?"
Shobha noticed Kabir shuddered again when Tulika was mentioned. The reaction was brief before he composed himself and replied, "Yes, the first memory was the day after the pregnancy report came, and the last was from the day Atharva was born."
"I see..." Sandeep replied as he shared a glance with Shobha that contained relief and sadness both. Shobha could clearly see Sandeep's thoughts from behind his brown eyes. She remembered his words from their first discussion about this case when they discussed his debut album.
"If he was channelising his emotions through this album, then I am dreading to discover what he went through during this time."
Now they knew what had happened during that time, what Yuvaan had gone through. And it definitely was as devastating as the song had suggested. While they were glad that this mystery was now solved, they were both sad at the thought that Yuvaan had to face one more trauma after all he had gone through in childhood.
Sandeep looked at Kabir with a hint of suspicion in his eyes. "Did you know about these memories before today?" he asked.
Kabir shook his head. "No, Dr Sandeep. I never dug into Yuvaan's memories from when he was in control, so I only had surface knowledge of that period. I had assumed that Yuvan and Banni's separation was a mutual decision."
Banni inaudibly mumbled, "I thought so too."
Shobha noticed the look of shock on Banni's face and spoke up. "Banni, are you okay?"
Banni was startled by Shobha's question but took a moment to compose herself before replying, "Yes, I'm fine. Let's continue."
"So what happened after you saw the memories Kabir?" Sandeep asked him.
"I was initially overwhelmed..." Kabir began.
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February 10th, 2023, 7:30 am, Kabir's mindscape
Kabir was overwhelmed with emotions as he relived the memories of Yuvaan's pain and suffering. Kabir felt immense sympathy for Yuvaan but also a great sense of guilt. He couldn't help but wonder if he could have done more to prevent this heartbreak if he had only known about this. Suppose he had only bothered to dig deeper into Yuvaan's memories when he regained control.
Amidst the jumble of emotions swirling within Kabir, one stood out above the rest: anger. A fierce, burning rage consumed him from within, a fire he struggled to contain. But it was not an anger directed at the world or fate; no, it was directed squarely at Banni, the woman who had caused Yuvaan so much pain and suffering, despite loving him immensely. To Kabir, it was like a betrayal of the highest order, breaking the sacred bond of trust between two people who were supposed to love and care for each other. For Yuvaan, the impact was devastating. The once-unbreakable trust he had placed in his wife had been shattered into countless pieces, leaving behind a trail of devastation that was difficult to comprehend. As Kabir grappled with his anger, he also felt a deep sadness for Yuvaan. How could anyone who claimed to love someone abandon them like this? How could Banni force Yuvaan to clean Kabir's messes like this? He screamed as the anger burned within him, wanting to release his emotions somehow.
"Kabir! What are you doing?" Yuvaan's scared question brought Kabir back to the mindscape, and he noticed that his fury had been so intense that it seemed to manifest itself in the environment around him. The already cloudy sky had darkened further until the only light source was the frequent lightning that illuminated the area. The sound of thunder was loud and seemed to echo Kabir's rage. Even the sea grew rougher, with waves rising higher and higher as if they were responding to Kabir's emotions. The air grew thick with tension, and it seemed as if the whole world was holding its breath, waiting to see what would happen next.
Kabir was in a complete bind. He was feeling torn between two completely opposite courses of action. On the one hand, he felt a deep-seated impulse to confront Banni, to make her feel the same hurt that Yuvaan had felt. However, he quickly realised that hurting Banni would not solve anything, only making Yuvaan more miserable. Kabir's mind was in turmoil as he tried to reconcile these two opposing urges. He knew that he needed to find a way to deal with his emotions and solve the problem that would not harm anyone involved. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down, hoping that he would be able to find a rational resolution to the situation. Kabir's thoughts were racing as he tried to figure out what to do next, but he was suddenly jolted back to reality before he could decide.
Kabir tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down. He vaguely realised that he had fallen off the bench and was now kneeling on the ground. He felt Viraj's comforting presence next to him, which helped him feel better. However, he was still disoriented and struggling to regain his bearings. Suddenly, he heard a loud, familiar "Papa!!" cry behind him. It was Atharva's voice, and it sounded like he was in distress. Kabir's heart started racing again as he turned to see what was happening.
"Atharva!" he gasped, seeing his little boy crying out for him and, worse, trying to get down from the bench to get to his Papa. Kabir was struck with horror at the sight. Atharva had barely learned to walk. He couldn't climb down! He would fall and hurt himself! The mounting horror made Kabir be hit with a sudden burst of clarity. He had to save his son first. Banni and Yuvaan could wait. Having decided, Kabir turned to Viraj, who was trying to assist him.
"Viraj..." Kabir said, with laboured breaths, his eyes still wide with fear. "I need you to do something for me."
"Yes Bhai, whatever you need," Viraj promised.
"Take... Take Atharva and Shrey to safety. I don't... want them to be scared." Kabir instructed, still struggling to breathe.
"But Bhai, what about you?" Viraj asked with concern.
"I'll be fine, Viraj," Kabir said, his eyes closed. "Dr Sandeep taught me some coping techniques. I just need to focus on my breath. And, I will call him too. Just, keep the boys safe, please."
Viraj nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation. "Okay, Bhai," he said, his voice steady. "I'll take them somewhere safe. You focus on getting better, okay?"
Kabir watched as Viraj ran back to the tree and picked up Atharva and Shrey, nodding at Kabir one last time before walking away. His heart was heavy as he saw Atharva crying for him in Viraj's grasp, constantly trying to reach towards Kabir.
"I am sorry, Baccha," he whispered. "Just hang in there. Papa will come to you soon."
Kabir tried to focus on his breath once again but found himself struggling to take anything but shallow gasps. He desperately clung to the relief he had felt earlier, knowing that Atharva was safe. Still, the feeling quickly dissipated, replaced by an overwhelming sense of horror that seemed to consume him. Yet, amid this intense emotion, Kabir could discern the root of his panic. He immediately followed Dr Sandeep's instructions and re-entered the mindscape, determined to confront his fears head-on.
Back on the beach, Kabir realised the situation was worse. It was now pitch dark, with rain lashing down on him. The waves were now huge, almost drenching him every time. And Yuvaan was nowhere to be seen.
"Yuvaan!!" Kabir yelled out, "Yuvaan, where are you?"
"I am here...," Yuvaan responded from behind him. His voice was barely audible over the roar of the waves and the rain.
Kabir immediately rushed towards the direction of Yuvaan's voice and found him shivering in a small alcove behind him. The nook was slightly brighter than the beach, but the waves could still get inside. Kabir could see the fear in Yuvaan's eyes, knowing he had to act fast to reassure him.
"Yuvaan, everything is going to be okay," Kabir said, trying to sound as confident as possible. "Atharva is safe now, and Banni WILL return. She loves you, you know that, right?"
Yuvaan looked up at Kabir, his eyes wet with tears. "I don't know, Kabir. She left me when I needed her the most. How can I trust her again?"
Kabir felt his anger towards Banni rise again. He couldn't believe she had hurt Yuvaan like this, and he knew he had to do something to make things right.
He paced back and forth, thinking about how to make things right. He knew he couldn't just sit there and let Banni get away with what she had done. He knew Banni loved Yuvaan, but now he couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal from his mind.
"Yuvaan, I promise you that I will bring Banni back to you, even if I have to drag her back by her hair," Kabir said, his voice dangerously low.
He had never felt this angry before. He had to do something drastic to ensure Banni didn't hurt Yuvaan again. Kabir's heart was racing as he thought of his plan. He would confront Banni and make her apologise to Yuvaan. He would make sure that she knew how much she had hurt him.
Yuvaan looked up at Kabir, his eyes widening in surprise. "Kabir, you can't do that. You'll only make things worse."
"I don't care," Kabir said, his fists clenched tightly. "I can't stand to see you like this. You don't deserve to be hurt like this."
Yuvaan shook his head. "No, Kabir. Violence is never the answer. Promise me you won't hurt her."
Kabir felt his anger grow hotter as he listened to Yuvaan's words. He couldn't believe that Yuvaan was being so lenient, so forgiving. Kabir knew this made people think they could walk all over Yuvaan. Kabir turned to Yuvaan, his eyes blazing with fury.
"How can you be okay with this?" he snapped. "How can you let her get away with what she's done to you? Don't you have any self-respect?"
Yuvaan's face twisted with anger. "Don't talk to me about self-respect, Kabir," he said, his voice shaking. "If anyone knows about making mistakes, it's you. You're always making mistakes and expecting everyone to forgive you. Maybe it's time for you to face the consequences of your actions."
Kabir felt like he had been slapped. Yuvaan was right. Kabir had made many mistakes in the past, and Yuvaan had forgiven him even without asking. Kabir was overcome with guilt as he realised the truth of Yuvaan's words.
Yuvaan must have seen the guilt on Kabir's face because he immediately softened. "I'm sorry, Kabir," he said. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I know you mean well, but hurting Banni is not an option. It's not the answer."
Kabir took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He knew that Yuvaan was right. Violence was never the answer, but he struggled to control his burning rage.
"Yuvaan, can I stay in here for a while to calm down?" Kabir asked, looking at Yuvaan with pleading eyes.
Yuvaan nodded, but his face was creased with worry. "Who will take care of things out there?" he asked.
"You can go out," Kabir said instinctively but then queried as a thought struck him. "But how will you go out? Do you know how?"
"I know how to." Yuvaan admitted, leaving Kabir dumbstruck. "That's how I came to you all this while."
Kabir was left stunned by Yuvaan's admission. The fact that Yuvaan had been able to regain control at any time during these events, but had chosen not to, was shocking to him. Realising that now wasn't the time to dwell on this, he quickly composed himself and said, "That's good. Then you go out there, while I calm down."
Yuvaan's eyes widened in fear. "But what if I am stuck out there?"
Kabir could see the fear in Yuvaan's eyes and knew he had to reassure him. "Don't worry, Yuvaan. It's only for some time, and I know how to come out. If you get stuck, go to Dr. Sandeep. He will fix everything," Kabir said, putting a hand on Yuvaan's shoulder.
Yuvaan nodded, still looking scared. Kabir could see that Yuvaan was still worried about being hurt again out there. He sighed, knowing the reasons behind Yuvaan's fear. Kabir had to make things right, and he had to do it without hurting anyone.
"Don't worry, Yuvaan. Everything will be okay," Kabir said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. "Just go out there and take care of things. I'll take over soon okay?"
Kabir watched as Yuvaan slowly faded away, leaving him alone in the mindscape. Kabir took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He knew he had to think of a way to make things right with Banni. He couldn't let his anger get in the way of his judgement. Kabir closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and trying to focus on his breathing as everything faded to black.
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February 10th, 2023, 10:00 am, Jain Counselling Centre, Jodhpur
Kabir took a deep breath, his hands shaking slightly. "That's what happened this morning," he said, finishing his story. He looked up at Sandeep, who was watching him intently.
Sandeep noticed that Kabir was short of breath and exhausted. "Let's conclude the session for now," he said gently. "I have some questions, but those can wait until tomorrow."
Kabir nodded. "Thank you," he said quietly.
Sandeep smiled at him. "I'm relieved that the switch between you and Yuvaan was not a triggered one, but a consensual one. Accomplishing a consensual switch with Yuvaan is a big step in your treatment, Kabir. I'm proud of the progress you've made."
Sandeep rose from his chair, his footsteps echoing in the quiet hospital room as he moved towards Kabir. "Kabir, you need rest," Sandeep said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "You've been through a lot and your body needs time to recover. But if you rest now, we can discharge you after lunch. You'll be able to celebrate Atharva's birthday with him."
Kabir smiled at the thought of spending time with his son. He was looking forward to seeing the bright smile on Atharva's face when he saw the presents Kabir had picked out for him. "Thank you," he said, feeling a little more relaxed.
Shobha turned to Banni, a kind expression on her face. "Would you like to stay with Kabir?" she asked her.
Banni sat in stunned silence, trying to process everything that had just happened. She looked at Kabir hesitantly, unsure of what to say.
Kabir, still holding Banni's hands, pleaded, "Stay, please."
Shobha nodded in agreement and said, "Banni, you know where to find me if you need to talk. I'm always here for you."
Banni nodded quietly, still overwhelmed by the situation. As Sandeep and Shobha left the room, the silence between Banni and Kabir became increasingly awkward.
They sat silently for a few moments, lost in their thoughts. Banni felt a pang in her chest as she looked at Kabir leaning on the backrest, his eyes closed and his brow furrowed in pain. She wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Was he scared? Angry? Hopeless? She couldn't tell.
Finally, Banni tried to get up from the bed, but Kabir immediately tightened his hands around hers, and his eyes widened in panic. "Please don't go," he whispered. "Stay with me."
"I'm just going to straighten the bed so that you can sleep," Banni said softly. Kabir nodded and released her hand. Banni felt his eyes on her as she straightened the bed and tucked him in, but she didn't want to look at him. She feared what she might see if she looked into his eyes.
As Kabir drifted to sleep, Banni sat quietly by his bedside, lost in thought. Her mind raced as she tried to process everything that had happened. Her guilt was almost overwhelming, but she didn't know how to express it. She had hurt Yuvaan so much and didn't know if there was any way to make it right. Her one decision had broken his heart and shattered him so severely that he believed living as Kabir was a better option.
Banni wondered if there was more to the story than what she knew. She asked if he had been angry with her or was simply too hurt to face her. She couldn't help but think about how different things might have been had she known how badly Yuvaan was taking their separation from the beginning. Would she have made another choice? Would it have changed anything?
Banni was pulled out of her thoughts by Kabir stirring in his sleep. She looked at him and saw his face twisted in pain and his breathing erratic. "Please don't go," he whispered desperately, his eyes still closed. "Stay with me."
Banni immediately held his hand and stroked his hair, murmuring, "I'm right here, Kabir. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here with you." She stroked his hair and whispered soothing words to him, trying to calm him down.
"Liar!" a familiar voice interrupted her affirmations. Banni looked up and saw Yuvaan standing opposite her, his eyes fixed on her. He looked at her with hurt and anger, his voice quivering with emotion. "You're a liar, Banni," he accused her. "You broke your promises. How can I ever trust your word again?"
Banni felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she looked at Yuvaan's face. She knew he was right. She had hurt him badly, and her actions had consequences. She could see the hurt in his eyes, the pain he had been carrying for so long. Banni didn't know how to respond, how to make things right. She felt helpless, lost in the guilt and shame that consumed her.
"Yuvaan," she whispered, her voice shaking. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
But Yuvaan didn't seem to hear her. He turned away from her, and Banni was left alone with her guilt. She looked down at Kabir, who was turning on his side, away from Banni, still clinging to her hand. She leaned in almost on top of Kabir, feeling the warmth of his body against hers. She looked up again and saw that Yuvaan wasn't there. It had been a hallucination.
Banni felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, and she yearned for comfort. She climbed onto Kabir's bed and wrapped her arms around him, feeling his warm embrace. As she lay there, tears streaming down her face, the weight of her guilt seemed almost unbearable. She knew she had to make amends for what she had done, but the path forward was unclear. As she held onto Kabir, she found solace in his presence and the comfort of his body against hers. Slowly, she allowed herself to release her emotions, feeling the cathartic release of her tears. As she lay there, she tried to think of what she could do to make things right, but for now, she could only hold onto Kabir and try to find peace in the moment.
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A/N: And that's all for this Chapter and the hospital parts. In the next chapter, Kabir will be finally discharged. Please let me know what you think about the chapter in the comments. And also, share what you think will happen next as Yuvaan/Kabir and Banni cope with the revelation.
Love, Ashley
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