Jungkook swallows hard as he lies on his bed, drained and tired, staring into nothing. He fights a growl as he realises what he has gone through the last few days now that his rut is over. Admittedly, it was primarily his wolf responsible for all those rut feelings and fantasies from what Jungkook can remember.
He groans in discontent and shame at a passing scene with Jimin that, despite imagination, felt more than real. Rubbing his hands over his face, Jungkook turns on his side and buries his head in his hand. Looking back feels awkward and embarrassing, and the worst part is that it's not the first time he imagined Jimin during a rut. The memory of it evokes panic and irritation in him again, as it did back then after his first rut.
He would like to swallow it all and ignore it, but then what? It scares him a little to have to relive the same thing, those strange emotions that made his fingers itch as soon as he saw Jimin after his rut or that romp of shame, confusion, and anger he felt. It was confusing and didn't make any sense to him why he'd imagine those things. Usually, one doesn't dream about a friend like that. What if he finds out and thinks he's a creep? Why can't he stop thinking about him?
At the time, he wanted nothing more than for it to stop and for him to forget those fantasies as quickly as possible as if they hadn't happened. Seoyeon was by his side the whole time, but it didn't improve or ease his life in this respect.
Jungkook huffs, and his eyes flutter shut before staring helplessly into space again. He tries to calm the rising panic inside him and tries to think about how he should act. Knowing to react the same way as he did then wouldn't change anything about the situation, and after his conversation with Jimin, he also becomes increasingly aware that if he really wants to improve their relationship, he can't act the same, go by the board and distance himself from Jimin again. That simply doesn't work. Just because of what he dreamt or imagined.
Jungkook releases a grumbling sound. It's like sitting in front of a big puzzle, taking each piece into the hand and wondering how they all fit together. Nothing makes sense to him.
Therefore, Jungkook decides it's best to distract himself for a short while and clean himself. The glistening sweat on his skin is sticky, and there's cum everywhere. He's mildly disgusted and scrunches his nose before he shuffles to the bathroom, fatigued. Jungkook gathers the last bit of his energy, despite being in the mood to sleep for a long time, preferably for days. But the thought of falling asleep again like this makes him willingly get up and clean up.
He steps under the shower and washes off the remains of his rut off his body, humming under the water. Once done, Jungkook dries his skin with another cloth and puts on some clothing, he goes over to his kitchen and looks for some edible food, but seeing there's barely anything left, he groans. His stomach growls uncomfortably, and he's about to leave his hut to hunt when someone suddenly knocks on his door.
Jungkook tenses, shoulders slumping with relief when he hears his mother's voice. “Jungkook, are you in there?”
The concern laced in her voice nevertheless causes him to furrow his brows, forgetting that he had slipped away to his hut without a word and that he had not really told anyone about it. Guilt gnaws on him as he opens the door to his worried mother, and she falls into his arms. Her usually delicate daisy scent hits his nose in full force.
“Thank God you're alright. I was so worried something had happened to you when I didn't see you in the pack territory. Your father was so close to sending out a search party if I hadn't known you had your rut after Seoyeon came by.”
“Seoyeon came by?” Jungkook is confused. Why would she go to his mother? Was this after he kicked her out? Jungkook tenses thoughtfully, it irks him if this is why his mother is here and that she might have told her everything.
“It's none of my business why she appeared so angry when she approached me, but she also looked worried, and she told me to check on you. I figured it was your rut, so I waited a day. Came to look to be sure, though, and let your father know.”
“Yeah, it's kind of weird having a rut again after three years,” Jungkook blurts out, not really thinking over his words.
“What?”
“What?”
It’s only when his mother looks at him seriously, initiating with her gaze whether this is meant to be a bad joke, that Jungkook realises he has spoken his thoughts freely and, to his horror, she heard them. “Jungkook, did you just say you had your rut after three years?”
“I— I didn’t,” Jungkook mutters and stumbles over his words. He bites his inner cheeks anxiously and averts her gaze, darting to the floor. Jungkook becomes aware that this might not have been the smartest option just to hide the fact he's not having his ruts. But to be frank, Jungkook has felt embarrassed about it. He couldn't just go up to the healer (which would have been either one of Jimin's grandparents or Jimin himself) and tell them about it. The idea makes him feel light-headed and nauseous.
“I heard you saying it,” his mother makes clear and pulls her eyebrows together. Jungkook watches her crossing her arms over her chest and striding to a chair on the opposite side of the room. She holds her head high with unwavering eye contact, allowing him to know he’s not getting out of this conversation.
Jungkook scoffs. “Then why are you asking?”
He purses his lips, exhaling through his nose, but still decides to sit down on the other chair opposite her. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to confide in one person and talk about what's going on inside him. His mother is closest to him, as she used to be.
“So, what's the meaning behind what you just said? Is this true? Didn't you have your rut for three years? Talk to me, this is serious.” There's this flabbergasted look in her eyes that makes Jungkook sink deeper into the chair.
“It’s true. I had one rut before, and that was after presenting. I was a late bloomer, and yet I’ve had my rut only once until now.” Jungkook’s chin dips down, and he shuffles with his feet underneath the table to distract himself from the fact that a flush creeps across his cheeks.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asks with disbelief in her voice, eyeing him before leaning forward and resting her arms on the wooden table. Jungkook still cannot meet her gaze and looks at her hands after their eyes meet.
“Mum, that’s not exactly something you talk about. It’s embarrassing.”
She nods but doesn't stray from the topic. “I get that. Have you at least talked to a healer about it?”
“I haven't.”
“Jungkook!” He doesn't have to look up to see that his mother has got up and is pacing restlessly up and down in his hut. The squeak of the chair on the wooden floor is proof enough of that. “Why wouldn’t you go?”
For obvious reasons.
“It could be something serious,” she adds scoldingly and shakes her head disappointedly. “I’m worried about you. I don’t want to lose you, Jungkook. I’m feeling worse that I didn’t notice anything about this.”
Jungkook shrugs and sucks on his lip. “What makes you think such a thing? It means I must have pretended good enough for no one to notice.”
His mother growls. “It’s like I’m talking to a wall. Are you even listening to what I’m saying? It’s almost like you want to avoid going to the healer.”
Ding. She hit Bullseye. However, it seems that she does not suspect it but has guessed wildly or does not believe her guess at first glance.
“What makes you think such things?” Jungkook questions, not helping, but being curious about what his mother thinks.
“Jungkook, are you even listening to yourself? Why do you react so indifferently? I’m telling you, it could be something serious. What if your father finds out?”
Jungkook swallows dryly and looks away.
“There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?” Jungkook shifts in his chair and peers at her through a side glance while picking at his finger cuticles. He understands his mother's concern well, he might react the same if he were in her shoes. But in order to make her understand why he's so stubborn, Jungkook needs to confide her into the issue that's been on his mind for a while. He tells himself repeatedly it's the right thing to do and a step into the right direction. That is if he still wants to work on Jimin's and his relationship.
“Do you remember how Jimin and I played together when we were pups?” His mother nods and so he tells her about what he can remember before everything fell apart. How happy they were and then they weren't. Jungkook admits how he resented Jimin that they weren't friends anymore and how his view of him increasingly got worse about him, especially after presenting. He leaves out the fact that he might have dreamt about him, but tells her about the chaos of feelings he's experiencing that they had a first conversation before he went into rut.
“Nothing makes sense to me.” Jungkook complains as his mother patiently listens to what he's saying. He's thankful for that. It feels like a weight is lifted off his shoulders that he hasn't felt before. Jungkook also feels less tense. “The point is, I don't want to go to the healer because it's already embarrassing as it is but there's no way I will tell Jimin about my rut problems.”
“I probably wouldn't want to do that either, but you could have gone to his grandparents. That's what they work for and are here for. You know how lovely they are.” They are. Jungkook knows they are lovely. But that isn't the problem. He's afraid of how much they know about him or if they were to tell Jimin about his rut problem. However, he can't fathom this would happen. It would imply they aren't reliable, but what if—
“You're overthinking. Look, I'm not proud of how you handled things with Jimin from what you told me and I could always tell something happened between you the way you avoided certain topics and simply stopped talking about him as a pup. I'm glad you're opening up and trust me with this. I can see that it bothers you and you want to work on your relationship. I think if you're patient and willing to figure things out it will help you and Jimin. I've always seen a special bond connecting you.”
“A special bond?”
“I think a visit to the healer might be worth it. After all, I could be wrong, but…” His mother chuckles and lazily crosses her arms, fondness and something akin to calm sparkles in her eyes. “Didn't you feel particularly close to Jimin when you were pups? Like you had an inseparable friendship? At least that's how it looked to me. Nothing could pull you apart. You said you hadn't had a rut in three years, but you recently met and talked with a certain person. Don't you think it's kind of strange? Maybe you even feel your wolf stirring inside you and trying to tell you something or maybe you're feeling strange?”
Jungkook is confused. His mother is talking in riddles and it messes with his head. Why is she talking like that and can't just tell him directly what she thinks?
“What are you trying to say?”
Honestly, Jungkook is ready to hear all kinds of illnesses, but what his mother says in response, nothing could have prepared him for that in the slightest. His body stiffens, and he leans back with a wide-eyed expression, face turning pallid.
“What if you're soulmates?”
Jungkook feels his heart racing thinking over the theory. That's simply a legend. There's no proof they really exist or have existed. There's no way this is true, isn't it? He remembers listening to an elder telling this story when he was five, but he thought it was merely a story people talked about like some fairytale.
“As if… soulmates don't exist. It's just a legend,” Jungkook mutters and sighs, fingers massaging his temples.
“But in every legend there is at least a little bit of truth. They wouldn't exist if nobody believed in them, right?”
Right?