[irl, social media!]
—————
TW: MENTIONS OF MENTAL HEALTH AND ALCOHOLISM!!
[irl!]
LILY HESITATES ON PRESSING THAT blue button on her phone for a straight minute.
she sighs as her eyes go back to reading over the long paragraph she wrote with her picture beside it.
"ugh!" she groans, setting her phone down on the floor of the living room as she runs her fingers through her hair in clear frustration and stress.
"lily? everything okay?" matt asks, walking into the room after hearing her groan from the hallway as she lifts her phone up again.
she takes a deep breath, staring at the words once again.
with another sigh, she forces herself to look up at the brunette boy, who's now towering over her with a worried expression.
"nothing." she says, immediately, but when he gives her a pointed glance, she hesitates once more, before replying again, "i'm just..."
her voice trails off with her breath coming out shaky.
she groans once more.
this time the rest of the group comes in—elliot, chris, nick, and madi.
"seriously. whatever's going on seems really stressful for you," matt says, going to sit in front of her. "i'm sure it'll help if you tell me."
"i was just trying to write out this post for instagram. about my bpd." she quietly explains, her voice small with her gaze downcast as she gnaws on her bottom lip anxiously.
as she lifts her legs up to push against her chest and leans her arms over her knees, she holds her face in her hand in stress.
"i don't know how to explain it," she mumbles, her eyes finding her phone again, glaring at it when she feels like the post button is glaring at her.
she takes in a shaky breath, trying to keep the blinding tears back. "how the hell am i supposed to even put into words what this means?"
elliot steps forward moving to sit on the couch, above her as she rubs her shoulders comfortingly.
she groans. "god. why do i have to get so emotional? i'm sick of this shit!" she mutters, moving to stand up to walk into the kitchen.
she pushes past her friends to walk over to the sink.
for a moment, she stands there, staring both blankly and full of tears.
with another deep breath, she turns back around, prepared to walk back into the living room to try to figure out a way out of this—this is just too stressful and it would be easier to just ghost everyone and isolate herself.
but instead, she finds chris leaning against the side of the wall, both nick and madi behind him.
"you wanna talk about it?" madi asks gently.
lily rolls her eyes, more at herself than anyone else. "no. because if i start talking about it, then i'm probably going to start crying and i don't think i'll stop."
with another deep breath, she walks past them, ignoring the slightly concerned gaze chris has on her.
she walks back to her old spot, sitting down and leaning against the couch, staring at the phone again.
"why don't you just have one of us read what you have so far?" nick asks, but lily's too stressed to refuse; she wordlessly nods, grabbing her phone and handing it to him.
madi reads it with nick, while matt and chris watch lily's quickly-by-the-minute stressed out state.
when they finish reading, madi and nick walk over to her, nick handing the phone back.
"i think it looks good." madi nods, as elliot leans to read the caption over her best friend's shoulder.
lily rolls her eyes at this. "okay, how about the rest of you read it? you're going to see it online anyways." she mumbles, handing it to elliot.
"you sure?" matt asks and lily shrugs numbly.
she walks into the hall and into her room.
she tries to keep the dam of emotions inside her guarded-up walls as she moves to sit on her bed.
she wishes nessa was here. as much as she's grown close to the triplets and madi and she feels like she can trust them now, no one would get this except for nessa.
with a shaky sigh, she walks over to her dresser and pulls open the familiar drawer.
with shaky fingers, she pulls out that familiar bottle and does her best to ignore the smell and the big urge to chug it all down.
a deep inhale behind her makes her turn around anxiously.
chris is stood in the doorway, a look of both apprehension and disbelief on his face.
though, before he can say anything, she holds a hand up.
"before you start accusing me, i swear it's not what it looks like." she says, before walking over to her bathroom sink with the bottle in one of her hands.
chris follows as she quickly opens the cap and pours the entirety of the bottle into the sink.
"i'm spiraling, okay?" she says after putting the cap back on and setting the bottle on the counter, before turning to face him. "and when i spiral...i do bad things that i don't mean for."
"i wasn't going to accuse you, alright?" he murmurs, raising his hands up in surrender.
she takes in a deep breath, giving him a pointed look. "really? because your expression said something else entirely."
he laughs, shrugging. "look, you seemed upset and i figured i'd check on you," he explains, a small smile forming on his lips. "although, when i saw you with the bottle, it really did feel like deja vu."
it takes lily a moment to put it all together, before she scoffs and rolls her eyes at him.
"shut up." she laughs, playfully shoving him.
as she walks past him, he says, "is this so hard for you because nessa's not here for advice?"
lily sighs, turning to him. "wow. are you a mind reader?"
he shrugs with a smirk. "might be."
"so?"
she sighs. "yeah. i guess since she's gone through it and accepted it more than i have, i thought she'd be able to help."
he nods.
"i just hate this, you know? i didn't ask for this. and it literally ruined my life to find out about this stupid mental disorder. and on top of that, i have to deal with everyone seeing me as a broken, crazy toy whenever they find out and then they leave. not that i make it better because i can't help but see myself as crazy too."
lily doesn't know why she's admitting this to him. maybe it's because she feels like he won't judge her. or maybe she knows that she trusts him now.
he sighs, a part of him hurting that she's hurting.
"you know not everyone sees you like that, right?"
she sighs. "yeah, but most people do."
he nods, before motioning towards the doorway. "why don't we go talk to our friends and we can figure out how you can announce this together."
wordlessly, lily nods as he leads her out of her room and into the living room.
—————
[social media!]
lilquinn has posted!
liked by nicolassturniolo, nessabarrett, christophersturniolo and 560,457 others!
lilquinn me being genuinely happy with the people i'm surrounded by daily.
hey, guys. this is going to be a long one. as some of u know, in one of my recent vlogs, i mentioned having a mental disorder. it's one i share w a very important person in my life. and although i couldn't ask her how to announce this, i know she'll be proud of me. i won't name her due to respect for her. but, i WILL say that some of my best friends have made it easier for me to announce this and they were a BIG help to me finding the words to explain this. the point is, i don't want to lie and i want to be honest. but, earlier this year, i was diagnosed with bpd by my therapist. for those of you who don't know what this means, it stands for borderline personality disorder. it's something i've been struggling w a lot and hopefully with time, i can learn to control it and heal from it bc it has been something that made it hard for me to be me and to keep myself from hurting people closest to me. i hope all of u will be kind and not hold this against me. i love u all and please know u are loved and appreciated. ❤️🩹
tagged: madifilipowicz, nicolassturniolo, ellejames_, matthew.sturniolo and christophersturniolo
view all comments!
nessabarrett so, so proud of u angel ❤️🩹
liked by lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn ily babes i genuinely wouldn't be here w put you 🫶🏻
liked by nessabarrett!
ellejames_ i'm so proud of my best friend 🥹
liked by lilquinn!
matthew.sturniolo we may have helped but UR the one that made this big step. we're all proud
liked by lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn thank u matthew!! ur such a good friend 😭
liked by matthew.sturniolo!
nicolassturniolo this one was all u bff
liked by lilquinn!
madifilipowicz so proud of u 🤍
liked by lilquinn!
sabquesada so glad i have u in my life!! ur grace and resilience is so inspiring
liked by lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn ily my wife <3
liked by sabquesada!
ralfiemoon 🤍
liked by lilquinn!
jakemanks ur mother and i are crying in pride 🫢
liked by allsquinn and lilquinn!
↳ allsquinn fr 🥹
liked by jakemanks and lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn mom and dad...ur making me cry 😒
liked by jakemanks and allsquinn!
alahna111 i love u 🫶🏻
liked by lilquinn!
andy_anders girl u have no idea how proud i am!!
liked by lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn ur making me cry ily babes <33
liked by andy_anders!
christophersturniolo 🙌🏻
liked by lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn thank u christopher 🤨
user i'm so proud of her
liked by lilquinn!
user shes so precious she needs to be protected 🥺
liked by lilquinn!
user i hate that the haters made her think that she couldn't come forward ab this. love her even more for this. this is just another amazing thing ab her.
liked by lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn ily bae ❤️🩹
liked by user!
↳ user omg ily!!
liked by lilquinn!
↳ lilquinn ily more!!
liked by user!
load more comments!
—————
A/N: hey guys! i can't tell if this is a filler chapter or not but i think this is pretty good! i know i said i'd do the chapters on what i was hinting at but i completely forgot that lily hadn't come forward ab her bpd yet so here this!! ily guys i'll write some more soon!!
—hannah <3