[vlogs, irl!]
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TW: MENTIONS OF BREAKDOWNS, EPISODES, AND MORE TALKS ABOUT THE ABUSE!!
[vlogs!]
LILY GROANS, HIDING HER FACE, to keep nick from recording her.
although, considering that she has her own youtube channel, she shouldn't feel this shy.
but maybe, even though she doesn't want to admit it, she's scared to get to know everyone—the thought of growing attached to them and then them leaving her is what is holding her back.
or maybe it's because of how toxic the fans can be and she's worried of the hate she'll get. or how alex will react.
she knows that she shouldn't care what he thinks.
but, even if she did hint at him to leave her alone when she punched him, it doesn't mean he's going to go away—god knows he doesn't know how to leave her alone.
but, even with all of that worry and stress overwhelming her, lily pulls her hands away from her face and glares over at nick.
nick laughs in response. "so, as you guys can see," nick says in a teasing tone of voice as he turns the camera to face himself. "we have a special guest!"
lily rolls her eyes as he turns the camera back to her.
"hey, guys!" she says with a strained voice as she tries to ignore the throbbing pain in her shaking fist.
"you guys may know her from her youtube channel! which, if you aren't already subscribed to, you guys should go do that! i'll put a link in the description when i post this."
nick turns the camera back to his face again. "anyways, we were planning on doing a vlog with lily, but some unexpected turns of events have happened." nick states in a dramatic tone of voice.
lily groans again in frustration. "nick, as i've said almost a million times, it's not a big deal!"
the camera turns to face elliot, who's sitting in the middle, between both lily and nick in the back seat. "seeing as you probably seriously injured your hand, i don't think you have room to talk." elliot states seriously and glares at her best friend.
"yeah, i agree." madi agrees from sitting on the floor, while they're driving—she's squished, but seeing as there's not a whole lot of room for everyone, madi volunteered to be the one to sit there.
nick laughs when even matt and chris jump into the conversation, "yeah, you're just lucky we found out when we did." matt says seriously, giving her a pointed glance through the mirror, but keeping his eyes on the road.
chris, however, says the exact opposite, but very expected, response. "well, i think it's hilarious."
lily, glaring at him from behind her seat that's behind his, is quick to bite his head off. "well, it's a good thing that no one asked for your opinion, christopher." she says sarcastically, not even flinching when he turns around to glare at her with a death stare.
"yo, if you don't stop fucking calling me that, i swear—" he's abruptly cut off by nick, who shoves back into his seat.
"as entertaining as this seems, we actually had to change our vlog plan, so that we can take lily to the hospital to get her hand checked out."
lily sighs quite dramatically, slumping in her seat as she looks out the window.
for the next ten minutes, nick rambles, trying to keep the details too himself about how lily really injured her fist.
then, they're making their way into the hospital.
nick jokingly follows her closely as she walks through the doors. "miss quinn, how are you feeling from your very, very injured hand?"
lily turns with a scoff, rolling her eyes at him. although she seems like she's annoyed, she's not—the small lift of her lips is proof of this.
their friends snicker behind them.
"i don't know, mister paparazzi! how do you think it is?" she whispers jokingly as she walks up to the front desk.
just as she gets to it, she turns back to them, looking over at elliot. "do i really need to actually do this? i still think this is a big waste of time."
from the glare elliot directs at her, she doesn't even have to get a real answer.
"ugh, fine!" she grumbles under her breath, before turning back to the desk.
the woman sitting down, is chewing some gum very obnoxiously loud with an annoyed expression on her face. "yes?"
pushing down her irritation, lily takes a deep breath, before willing the biggest and fakest smile that she can muster on her face.
"hi. um, i had a little..." she turns back to her friends, almost pleading with them to let them leave, before it's too late.
elliot's persistent stare makes her sigh in defeat completely.
"i had a little accident earlier. i really messed up one of my hands and my friends here," she says, nodding to the group behind her. "they are really worried."
the woman raises her eyebrows, only annoying lily further. "and?"
lily scoffs, not able to ignore and push down her frustration.
nick, however, beats her to snapping at the woman. "so, we need you to get us a doctor, asap, to check it out!"
lily turns to face him with an appreciative smile, finding comfort in the fact that they share their irritation.
when she turns back to face the quickly bored and annoyed woman at the desk, lily waits impatiently for her to give them a simple answer.
"you'll have to sit for a moment and fill out this form." she says, after a long silence as she stands up to hand her a form held by a clipboard and a pen attached to it.
"thank you so much for the help!" elliot states in a fake enthusiastic voice as they turn and walk away.
then, she mutters annoyedly, "so not a help at all."
"for real." lily mutters as they go to sit down.
lily sighs annoyedly as she tries to fill out the form, but it's hard to fill it out with one hand. especially with the one that's injured.
she groans annoyedly.
after a few more minutes of frustration, she looks over to elliot on her right side with a pleading look in her eyes. "ellie, can you please help me out?"
after a few seconds of no answer, lily notices her airpods in her ears.
she groans and rolls her eyes—it looks like she's on her own.
a throat clears on her other side, noticing the person in the seat, who she hadn't even noticed before.
"give it here and just tell me what to write down." he mutters, taking the forms from her.
lily rolls her eyes, but keeps her irritation and insults to herself—it's quite clear that they probably won't be getting along for a while.
nick's voice speaks up with a sarcastic tone, causing lily to jump in shock—she almost forgot about the vlog. "oh my god! they're not fighting. it's a miracle!" he dramatically gasps.
lily scoffs. "just because we don't get along doesn't mean we hate each other."
after a while and after chris finishes helping lily fill out the forms and he hands them back to her, a middle-aged man walks up to them with a welcoming smile.
"hi. i hear you're having some hand pain."
lily chuckles as she stands. "yeah," she states, suddenly stressing about what she's supposed to say about the details when he'll ask her what exactly happened.
"well, follow me." he motions for them to follow, leading them down a hall and into a small room with multiple small areas with curtains closed.
"now, can you explain what happened?" he asks as he opens a curtain and leads her to sit down on the bed.
the rest of her friends stand on the other side of the small bed, while lily sits on the bed and the doctor grabs a few things and starts to inspect her hand.
"uh..." she trails off, trying to figure out what to say.
although, before she can even try to explain, the doctor's eyebrows furrow in confusion and notices the purple marks on her wrists. "and would you mind telling me what these bruises are from?"
lily's eyes widen in realization, her panicking expression filling her features when she shares a look with elliot.
"um," she struggles as she gulps nervously.
"hypothetically, if she got into a fight from self-defense, would you have to report it?" matt asks, stepping forward as he drags the doctor's focus from lily's marks.
the doctor glances around at everyone, noticing everyone's looks of realization and then at lily's downcast and shaky gaze.
"technically, yes. but, i can't force you too." he answers, feeling some pity for the girl as he goes back to inspecting her fist.
chris steps forward this time. "look, all you need to know is that she hurt her hand so bad that she thinks she heard her bones crack and she's been feeling some throbbing and burning pain."
lily looks up suddenly, shock filling her features—she's shocked that he was even paying attention to the details at all.
chris' face stays stoic and lily wears a small smile. "thank you," she mouths, before looking away before she can really dwell on her appreciation towards him.
the doctor is silent for a moment as he continues to inspect her fist.
"okay," he says. "well, it seems to be just a sprain."
lily groans, kind of hoping it would've just been all a big misunderstanding. "really?"
he nods as he starts to wrap her fist in white bandages. "all you can really do is avoid using this hand and let it heal for a few weeks."
lily sighs and nods, but as she turns to face her friends, she glares as nick amusedly zooms the camera in on her face.
"c'mon, nick! this isn't funny."
the doctor laughs for a moment, before speaking again. "alright, you're free to go." he says as lily nods.
"thank you."
he nods, starting to walk away, before pausing to turn back to her. "just be careful. if you hurt it more, it could make things worse."
lily nods as she starts to get up when he finally pulls the curtain open and walks out.
lily finally gets up, quickly becoming annoyed. "ugh. this is the worst."
matt suddenly steadies her when she almost falls from almost losing her balance.
she sighs. "thanks, matt."
"just be careful." he says seriously and she nods.
then, she turns to nick with annoyance clear in her expression and tone of voice, "well, at least someone is taking this seriously." she sarcastically says, directing at him.
he just shrugs with laughs leaving his lips.
"ugh. let's get out of here already." she mutters and walks out with all of them following.
—————
[irl!]
EVEN OVER THE LOUD SOUND of lily's favorite comfort artist of all time playing in the room, elliot finishes watching the rest of the most recent vlog video that nick just uploaded, seeing the last of the outro with matt screaming into the camera.
elliot shuts her laptop, before turning and standing up to sing at the top of her lungs and dancing excitedly, just like her best friend.
for the last few days, lily and elliot have been hanging out at nick's, chris', and matt's house in l.a.
and they've been staying in the guest room that the triplets have had empty for most of the time, since they've moved in.
lily giggles with her best friend as they grab each other's hands and dance, while belting out the lyrics with no cares in the world, whatsoever.
"and i can go anywhere i want.
anywhere i want, just not home.
and you can aim for my heart, go for blood.
but you would still miss me in your bones.
and i still talk to you (when i'm screaming at the sky).
and when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)!"
they both stop for a second, taking deep breaths, before singing the rest of the lyrics gently—at least elliot, whereas lily's voice is cracking with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"i didn't have it in myself to go with grace.
and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves.
you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same.
cursing my name, wishing i stayed.
you turned into your worst fears.
and you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain.
crossing out the good years.
and you're cursing my name, wishing i stayed.
look at how my tears ricochet."
elliot stops short, immediately noticing lily's sharp and shaky breaths and sobs leaving her body. her tears are now hot and overwhelming—she can't stop crying.
elliot rushes towards lily's phone to pause the music, before walking over to her best friend.
"lils? what's wrong?"
lily's shaking now, trying to keep everything in. "i—it's nothing, okay? it—it doesn't m—matter."
"oh, honey. c'mere." elliot murmurs softly, pulling her into her arms.
but still, lily doesn't let it out.
"this song reminds me of him..." she trails off, breathing shakily.
elliot's face darkens, hating how much pain alexander has caused her.
"alex?"
lily nods wordlessly, whimpering and clenching her eyes shut.
"it's okay. you can let it out," elliot murmurs. "you don't have to be strong," she says seriously as she pulls away and holds lily's face in her hands. "it's me, okay?"
lily sighs shakily.
it takes her a few seconds, but it happens; she breaks into breathless sobs, her entire body shaking.
"why did he have to do all of those things to me?" she cries, falling to the ground and to her knees.
"did...did i do something wrong? was i not enough? what did i do?" she whispers, lying her hands over her knees.
elliot quickly kneels down in front of her, grabbing her hands. "hey, hey, no. don't say that!"
"why not?" she whispers. "it's true, isn't it?"
elliot shakes her head insistently. "no. no," she says, her voice shaking from the anger. "you didn't do anything wrong. this is on him."
lily shakes her head. "but...maybe i did something to make him act that way..."
before elliot can answer, a knock sounds at the doorway.
"guys? what's going on?" matt's voice is heard and lily immediately turns away, desperately wiping away her tears.
but, really, it's no use, since her face is practically beat red.
"uh, nothing," lily laughs, getting up with elliot. "just getting in our feelings with our favorite artist!"
matt gives her a serious look, and thank god chris isn't around—for some reason, the thought of him seeing her like this worries her.
"seriously?" he asks her, not believing her for another moment.
instead, lily ignores his question and walks past him, causing them both to quickly follow.
"wait, lily!" elliot calls, bringing madi, chris, and nick to look up in confusion.
"no. i...i have to get back to the apartment. i need to take care of rascal—he can't be there alone." she says, ignoring how badly her body is shaking.
"come on, lily. you can't do that!" she says, walking up behind her with matt behind her as madi, nick, and chris watch from the couch.
"yes, i can!" she yells suddenly as she whips around.
"i can't be scared of alex, anymore! i am sick of letting him control me and my life like this, okay?"
elliot is silent, and lily takes the moment to turn back around to grab her purse.
then, she walks past everyone to walk back into the guest room to grab her speaker and phone, shoving those into her purse.
"look, i get that you want to not be scared of him anymore. but, that's not going to change the fact that he can hurt you and get to you if you go back." matt says genuinely from behind her.
lily turns to him as she notices everyone else stood behind him.
"matt, i can't be afraid of him forever. besides, i need to get rascal. i can't just leave him there to fend for himself."
"i get that," he says, walking over to her. "so, let me and elle go and get some stuff and you guys and rascal can stay here until you figure something else out."
lily's eyebrows widen as she shakes her head. "what? no."
"what do you mean no?" nick asks, stepping forward. "we don't mind."
lily scoffs. "you may not mind. but, i do. i'm not going to be a burden!"
elliot walks over to her. "you're not! why do you keep saying that?"
lily scoffs. "god, you don't get it!"
"okay, then explain it to me."
"fine," she turns back to her, taking in a deep breath. "you don't get how it feels to grow attached to someone, even after being shown that you've never been loved—being neglected by your own family. and then, to find out that the one person that you thought was different, is just like everyone else."
"you don't get how it feels to know that no matter what you do, that you'll never be good enough—that everything is on you." she states, frustratingly setting her purse down on the bed.
"alex spent this whole time in our relationship...showing me that love is not real—that it's just anger and violence and betrayal. that no matter what i do, i will always be a burden."
elliot's eyes fill with tears, regretting being so insensitive.
"so, don't tell me that i don't have any right to feel this way!" she yells, before motioning to everyone else in the room. "i can't stay here and bring you all into this!"
"you don't have to go through it alone." matt says, which just causes tears to fill lily's eyes.
"look, matt. you and madi and nick have been nothing but accepting and welcoming to me and i appreciate it. but, i don't think that you get what i'm trying to say," she says, taking in another deep breath. "if you guys get any deeper into this—if you try to protect me—you're putting yourselves into it. he. won't. stop. and i can't let you guys get dragged into my drama."
with that being said, she grabs her bag again and starts walking out of the room, nick, madi, and chris moving out of the way.
though, she doesn't make it far.
"you're not protecting anyone—you're just running away from your problems."
"what does it matter, chris? he's going to keep trying to get to me, no matter what." lily turns around, raising her hands into the air.
"if i can choose to drag you guys into it or to deal with it myself, well, i know what i'm going to choose."
chris steps closer to her, a look in his eyes she can't quite understand. "just stay, like matt said. stay until you figure this out."
lily sighs. "why?" she asks, looking back at him.
"because you don't deserve to go through this alone. just stay for a day at least to think about it."
after a few seconds, lily finds herself wordlessly nodding. she doesn't know why she's choosing to listen to him, but she does.
—————
A/N: yall this long omg?? i know lily's acting out a lot and feeling a lot of things, but i didn't want to make all of this seem like she's just suddenly moving on. so yeah! that's it.
—hannah <3