"And yet to every bad there's a worse."—Thomas Hardy.
Porsche been feeling disoriented ever since the accident. At this moment, he is feeling tired and drained. He doesn't feel much either, as if he's walking through life in a haze. He didn't feel hungry, even though he knew he should eat. Whether he was at a business meeting or at home, Porsche had to maintain a straight face. He's afraid to show any weakness to Kinn, as he thinks it might make him appear vulnerable.
He has been working diligently since taking over his father's position. He aspires to be a source of pride for his family. His father always guides him to carve out his own path of leadership. He sometimes offers advice as guidance, but refrains from interfering in his work and decisions.
Porsche is sitting in his office, going over the details of the project his team presented during the meeting.
"Not again," Porsche mutters, pinching his nose shut. This is the second time today he's had a nosebleed.
He came back from the bathroom, dabbing at his nose with a tissue, and settled into his chair, gazing out the window.
"Sir, there's someone downstair who says it's urgent and needs to speak with you. Should I let him in?" Lu's voice came over the intercom, snapping him out of his daydream.
"Let them in," Porsche said.
As the doorknob turned, Porsche's eyes flicked up to see who was coming in.
"You got 5 seconds to get lost, or I will put a bullet between your eyes, and trust me, I have a gun," Porsche sneered.
"I don't doubt that, but I really wanna see my brother-in-law," Kim brushed off Porsche's threats and walked towards the sofa with ease.
"I said..." Porsche started, his voice rising in frustration.
"Yes, yes, yes, you said if I come to see you, you will shoot me in the head and kill me, and feed my body to the shark, or is it to the scary birds...I forgot the name," Kim ridiculed.
"Fuck off,"
"Don't worry, I won't stay too long," Kim said, casually putting his shoes on the coffee table. "I'm a bit hurt though, come on, you're practically my family now that you're married to my bro. But sorry in advance for being annoying," Kim joked, enjoying Porsche's irritation. "I want to ....."
"You have nothing to say that I want to hear, especially after what you did," Porsche's words were laced with anger.
"Come on, it was just a race. Don't exaggerate. I was just trying out my new car," Kim said, rolling his eyes. Just recently, Kim pursed Porsche in a high-speed car chase. The memory of the near-accident lingered in Porsche's mind, leaving him feeling upset.
"Get out, I don't have time for your nonsense,"
"Just curious. Is it Kinn or his status that you love?" With a deliberate motion, Kim set his shoes down from the coffee table.
"Hate to say it, but my brother doesn't love you and never will. "So.... why are you so glued to him like gum?" Kim questioned, with a raised eyebrow.
Porsche clenched his fist, feeling his nails digging into his palm. Although he couldn't care less about Kim's feelings towards him, he didn't want to be insulted by him. Kinn's disrespect was sufficient, no need for another one.
"What? Was his affair supposed to be a secret? He fucks Tawan every night before he goes home to play house with you," Kim taunted with a mocking laugh. "I hope you're not letting him touch you. That would be gross,"
He gets up and walks to the Porsche desk. His finger traced the letters of the title 'Porsche Chief Executive Officer' on the gleaming gold name plate.
"I can't stand guys like you. It's obvious why you marry Kinn. You want to take advantage of him and my family," Kim says with hatred in his voice."You'd be surprised how much I know about you. I advise you not to play with my family. I won't forgive you,"
"Let's set the record straight. It is your family who needs me, not the other way around," Porsche twirled the pen around his fingers. "Do you want to know why I sign that contract? I know it will anger you more than anyone else. That's why you're here, right? Hey kid, I know what your father have in mind, so I crushed that idea. Don't forget, I'm not Kinn," The contract is for launching a semiconductor company that'll export materials to clients all over the world. He totally knew he hit a nerve when he took his in-law out of the deal, and he was loving it.
"You need to grow the fuck up. Don't push your luck, Kim. Next time a bullet might come whizzing by and you better hope you can dodge it. Been practicing a lot lately, you know,"
"I wonder how long you can keep this mask on," Kim says, slamming the door behind him.
This family has left him utterly drained. He decided to head home and sleep. Maybe that will relieve his headache.
***
"Kinn, what's wrong?" Tay could tell that kinn mind was elsewhere.The dimly lit bar was where they found themselves seated.
"Porsche didn't show up for Pa's birthday dinner tonight. Tried calling him but he didn't pick up. He's always screwing me over,"
"Try to understand him. Vegas said he doesn't look well," Tay said, attempting to reason with him. "I know Tawan has returned, Kinn. It's sad about how things end between you two, but you're a married man now"
"Please, not even you. Chan gave me an earful the other day," Kinn kept staring at his wedding ring, twisting it absentmindedly around his finger. "Can we please talk about something else? I just want to drink," Kinn said, downing his whisky.
"Can't you see...."
"TAY!" Kinn warned.
Tay knows better than to push Kinn any further. The mere mention of Porsche always touches a nerve with him.
When Kinn started getting drunk, Tay decided it was best to end the night.
***
In the garden, Porsche sat cross-legged on the grass and watched the stars twinkle in the night sky. His mood has been sour since he met Kim earlier.
As he heard the car pull into the driveway, he knew that his husband had finally arrived home.
Kinn stumbles out of the car, and Big quickly rushes to his side to steady him. "Here you are, my dear husband," Kinn said, pulling away from Big's grasp. He staggered towards him, swaying from side to side with each step he took.
"Where were you today?" Kinn asked, his feet wobbling as he tried to steady himself.
"Missed me already?" Porsche said as he gets up.
Kinn stumbled, but Porsche's strong grip prevented him from hitting the ground.
"Kinn!" Porsche called out, but he had already blacked out.
"You're nothing but trouble," Porsche muttered. He had to practically drag kinn into the house.
Porsche struggled to keep his balance as he held onto him and used his free hand to open the door of Kinn's room. He gently put Kinn on the bed. Porsche removes Kinn's shoes and jacket.
He tenderly shifted him onto the bed so that he could comfortably rest. It's been a while since he's been in Kinn's room. Memories came rushing back to Porsche as he glanced around the room.
Flashback
"Why do I need a reason to fall out of love?" Taking a seat on the bed, Kinn loosened his tie.
"I just don't love you anymore. No, I never loved you from the start. I don't think it's necessary for me to explain how marriage works in our world,"
"Why put on an act?"
"Are you always this stupid? I need you in this marriage. Well, it was easy to fool you,"
Flashback ends
The buzzing of Kinn's phone interrupted his thoughts and brought him back to reality. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he saw a text message notification.
Tawan: Can you call me?
Tawan: Where are you?
Tawan: Babe?
Porsche placed the phone on the nightstand.
"I don't love you," Kinn said, his eye still closed. His voice was barely a whisper, too low to be heard.
"Me too," he replied. Tears began to well up in his eyes as he sat down next to him. With a gentle touch, he moves kinn's unruly hair to the side.
"I shouldn't love you." Kinn said again, as he opens his eyes and hold Porsche's hand. Then, with a contented sigh, he closes his eyes and falls into a peaceful slumber.
Porsche's eyes lingered on him for a moment longer before he exited the room.
***
Porsche is having his breakfast in the dining room. He has a plan with Mile today. Following their last meeting, they exchanged numbers and agreed to stay in touch.Porsche felt thankful for Mile's help and could see that he was a genuinely good person. Porsche insists on treating Mile for lunch despite him saying he doesn't have to.
"Free your time in the afternoon," Kinn demands, as he takes a seat across from Porsch. Even though he wanted to sleep more after a night of heavy drinking, he had an important meeting in two hours that he couldn't miss.
Porsche's eyebrow shot up in disbelief. "Try again," he said.
"We need to...." Kinn began.
"Sorry, I'm busy. How about you contact my secretary, and schedule a time?" Porsche interrupts. With a smile, he took a sip of his favorite orange juice. "Mmm, delicious," he says, putting down his glass and closing his eyes to savor the taste.
"Who knows, maybe she'll find you some time if you told her you are my husband," he said with a wink before heading to the garage.
***
"Personally, I find playing guitar to be cool. " Porsche says. They just finish having lunch and now they are drinking wine.
Mile is telling him how much he loves music and playing the guitar.
"Have you ever wanted to try?" Mile inquired.
"No, not really. I cannot picture myself with a guitar,"
Their conversation was interrupted when his phone vibrated with a text.
Unknown: I have something to say.
Let's meet.
Tawan
Porsche is just staring at the message in disbelief. The man's bravery really wows him.
"Is everything okay?" Mile asked, wondering why Porsche was so fixated on his phone, showing no expression.
"Yeah," He said, putting his phone away. His head is spinning with lots of question. He can guess why Tawan want to meet him, but him reaching out to him makes his blood boil.
"Why don't you leave him?" Mile asked.
Mile felt a sense of caution as Porsche's eyes locked onto his, afraid he might unintentionally disrespect him "Sorry, I didn't mean to..... I just...."
"No worries," Porsche reassures with a smile. "Do you want to have Ice cream? I'm craving for one," Porsche said.
***
Porsche stayed in the car after arriving home, reluctant to go inside. Mile's blunt question caught him off guard, and he didn't know how to respond. Ending this marriage could be the best decision for both of them. Kinn's happiness is evident to him when he sees him with Tawan. His emotions are overwhelming, a mix of anger and sadness as he realizes he has been used and manipulated, and left feeling too small to fight back.
"PORSCHE!" Kinn raised his voice as soon as he caught sight of Porsche's arrival.
"Where were you today?" Your secretary said you don't have anything planned in the afternoon.
"Can't you remember? I said I'm busy today," Porsche spoke wearily, his eyes drooping with exhaustion.
"Is it important enough to cancel a meeting?"
"I don't ask when you don't come home. I don't ask when you don't answer my call. I don't ask who you were with. I don't ask ANYTHING. ANYTHING. SO CAN'T YOU DO THE SAME!" Porsche let out all of his pent-up frustration.
Porsche's sudden outburst caught Kinn off guard. He can see the emotions playing across Porsche's face, threatening to spill over into tears.
"I..."
"Leave me alone, Kinn. Just leave me alone," As Porsche walked away from Kinn, he felt a sudden dizziness and fell to the ground.
"PORSCHE!" Kinn runs to him and holds him in his arm.
"Porsche! Porsche!" Kinn calls him with a trembling voice, feeling scared.
"BIG!" Kinn shouted. "BIG, GET THE CAR!"
***