Part two of Living For the Night!
Such damage was done
But I made it through, 'cause somebody knew
I was meant for someone
Honey
6 weeks ago
"C'mon, pretty girl, you gotta punch out!"
My head is fuzzy as I come to, but I'd be able to pick up Jake's voice in a crowd with no difficulty. That's when I finally hear Coyote frantically yelling my name, telling me to eject.
"Copy! Eject, eject, eject!" I grip the handle and tug hard, wind immediately whipping around me as my seat launches from the plane. I sigh in relief when I turn to see Javy following close behind me. In my daze, I don't realize how close I was to the tree line. The second green flashes in my vision, I pull my chute and make a hard landing, which knocks me unconscious once again.
The next time I come around, I'm woken up to the sound of various monitors beeping and am in a hospital bed. I catch a glimpse of Javy running out of the door, quickly returning with a nurse in tow.
"Hi sweetheart, do you know where you are?" The elderly nurse with a kind smile asks me.
I shake my head no, or at least I try to, the motion sending searing pain through me and making me groan. "I know I'm in a hospital, but I don't know where or why. What happened?"
The nurse, whose name tag says "Joyce," tells me that I'm in the hospital following a hard ejection and pauses to let me sip on some water before she starts in on my injuries.
With a deep breath, she asks if I remember anything, which I softly answer no to. "Alright, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna go for it. You have a severe concussion, multiple fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a ligament tear in your hip, several deep contusions, and you suffered a miscarriage."
It takes me a second to process everything she said thanks to the concussion. When her final words hit, I suck in a breath that is accompanied by sharp pains in my chest and stomach. "A miscarriage? I didn't even know I was pregnant...I wouldn't have gotten in the cockpit if I knew, I swear! I would never-"
The nurse quickly grabs my hand and cuts me off before I send myself into a spiral. "Oh, honey. I don't doubt that for a second. You were only about 6 weeks along, I'm not surprised you didn't know. I know it won't make it less painful, but the baby probably hadn't even attached to your uterus yet, that's how early it was. Given that, we won't have to do anything surgical as it passes. It'll most likely feel like a really bad cycle for you with stronger cramps and heavier bleeding. We can talk about it more later, you need your rest right now."
She gives my hand a gentle squeeze before pushing more medicine through my IV and then heading for the door, pausing to let me know to push the call button if I need anything. Once she leaves the room, I turn to Javy.
"Javs..."
My eyes fill with tears and he's quick to gently tug me into his arms. "It's ok, Honey. You didn't know. We're just happy you're alive, we thought we lost you for a little bit. Jake was beside himself, we all were."
"Oh my God, Javy! Jake! Where is he?!" I'm scanning the room, looking for him or anyone else who may have tucked themselves into a corner, but I come up short.
"The rest of the squad got redeployed. Apparently the planes that intercepted us were part of a much larger fleet and they didn't even make it off the carrier before they were sent back out. They're still out there, which is why he's not glued to your side. Since you and I both had to eject, we're grounded until we're medically cleared." Javy explains as he gently rubs my back.
"Javy Thomas Machado! Are you ok? Please tell me you fared better than I did?"
I jerked back to eye him, instantly regretting it because holy fuck does everything hurt.
"I'm fine, Bubs. You pulled your chute too low, I'm guessing because you were barely conscious, which is why you probably feel like you've been hit by a truck. My landing was textbook, only a few scratches from the trees on the way in, but I'm perfectly fine otherwise."
"Does...does Jake know? About the baby?" A fresh round of tears starts leaking down my cheeks.
"Yeah, he does. He...might have found this out under the insinuation that he was your fiancée when he called. They said they wouldn't give out any info if he wasn't family, and since y'all don't have the same last name, he said you were engaged. Which is why they told him about the baby so easily. I'm so sorry, Honey. I'm sorry I didn't do more to keep you from getting hurt."
Javy's grip around my shoulders tightened and I felt his own tears drip onto my shoulders.
"Don't you DARE. You protected me better than anyone else ever could. Don't even think otherwise. You saved me, ok Javs? I may be your backseater, but you've had my back more times than I could ever count. I'm gonna be just fine, I promise."
Present
Javy barely left my side my entire hospital stay, which lasted a little under a week. Once I was stable, I was sent home on medical leave to rest for the next 2 months at minimum. Since I was on crutches for 5 weeks to heal from the surgical repair of my hip, I decided to crash with Penny and Amelia. Their house has no stairs, comes with two mother hens who double as guard dogs, and a certain blonde haired aviator doesn't have a spare key to let himself in.
I haven't been able to face him since they returned 2 weeks ago. I've ignored every call, text, email, and hell, even Instagram message from him. I'm not ready to see the look of disappointment I'm sure he'll be wearing. Not only had we not talked about having kids, we hadn't even discussed whether or not we were even exclusive. Did I know neither of us were seeing other people? Sure. But we hadn't had the conversation. Plus, I had and lost his baby. I'm close enough to both him and his family to know that he's definitely hurt. I'm not ready to hear him tell me he can't do it anymore, that he can't look at me without seeing what he lost. Despite every plea for me to call him, just talk to him, I leave him on read. He's man enough to let me down in person, he won't do it via text. So maybe, if I just keep ignoring him, I won't have to feel the hurt I know is coming when he tells me he's done.
Javy, Nat, Bob, and the rest of the Daggers have tried telling me that I have the wrong idea, but I know they're just protecting me because they know I'm fragile. Between all the therapy to help me heal from the event and process my future, I've been a train wreck. My physical pain has all but disappeared, only a few twinges here and there if I move just the right way. But my emotional pain hasn't made much progress. Getting over the terror of almost dying in the wreck, the damage the injuries did, losing the baby, and the constant anxiety over my future in the navy has been heavier than I ever expected. I've slowly warmed back up to everyone. Everyone but Jake.
And the old lovers sing
"I thought it'd be me who helped him get home"
But home was a dream
One that I'd never seen 'til you came along
Jake
The squad finally convinced me to join them at Penny's tonight for Mav's birthday. I'm holding out hope that I'll bump into Honey tonight, but I don't think my odds are favorable. Knowing her, she escaped the house she's been staying at before everyone else was expected to get there. She can be evasive when she wants to be. And damn does she want to be. It's apparently a surprise party, so she asked us to all come straight over from work since Mav planned to stop by Ice's grave on the way home. I walk up to the door, a bottle of Mav's favorite scotch tucked into my elbow, and lift my hand to knock on the door. Before my knuckles make contact, the door is yanked open to reveal Penny with her finger at her lips to shush me. My brows raise in confusion but I roll with it.
It's oddly quiet when I walk in and I see my closest friends silently standing around the dining room table. Javy then points to the couch. My heart damn near falls out of my ass when I see what he's pointing at. It's a vision I've missed desperately; Honey napping on the couch. She's always been perfection to me, her soft body curving in all the right places. I've never been the guy that's into model skinny girls. I like to know I won't break her when I get rough, and I really like to get rough. Honey's always had warm, soft skin that's perfect for leaving hickies and fingerprints on her chest, hips, and thighs. Which is why my heart crumbles a little more, seeing her looking so frail, her face significantly thinner and her arms looking a little bonier with less muscle.
My eyes dart to Penny, wordlessly searching for the ok to lift her into my arms and carry her away from the crowded room. She seems to understand what I'm asking and nods before tipping her head to the hallway on her left. I silently scoop her up and almost cry when she nuzzles her cheek against my chest. Once I find the open door, I peek into the room and my suspicion that it's the room she's been staying in is confirmed when I see her favorite blanket at the foot of the bed. I gently shut the door with my foot before sinking down into the bed, still holding her tightly to my chest. I tell myself I'll let her go in just a minute, I just need a little longer to hold her, a little longer to let her warmth fill the cracks in my soul. I shift on the bed until my back is leaned against the pillows, Honey's head is laid on my chest, and her legs are draped over mine.
Just a few more minutes.
A few minutes turned into a lot of minutes, my shitty sleep schedule finally caught up with me and I quickly fell into a deep sleep. I wake up when I feel Honey stirring and moving to sit up and see the dark sky through the slats of her blinds. The sun was most definitely still up when I brought her in here.
"Jake?" Her sleepy voice is soft and the confusion is clear in her tone.
"Hi, Honey. I didn't mean to fall asleep, I'm sorry," I grumble out, lifting my hand to rub the sleep from my eyes.
"I thought I was on the couch? Oh man, did I miss Mav's party? I bet Penny's pissed!" She shifts to stand but my hands land on her hips, preventing her from going anywhere.
"She's fine, I promise. If anything, she's happy you've been resting and that we finally have a chance to talk. If she was upset, she would have woken you up when you were on the couch instead of letting me carry you to bed."
"Jake, I can't do this. I'm not...I'm not ready for this! I don't think I'll ever be. I know you're mad at me, I do. And I deserve all the anger, but I'm not ready for my heart to break again before it's even healed because I ruined everything!"
Tears flow freely from her eyes as she half heartedly pushes at my chest.
"Honey, no. You're wrong, I- " My words are cut off when she shoves at my chest again and raises her voice.
"No! Don't lie to me Jake, I know you hate me! You don't have to let me down easy, ok?! Just get it off your chest and let me go!" She starts sobbing and I tug her into my chest again, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight.
"Honey, shhh. You can let it out. Crying until there's no tears left if you want. But when you're done, you're gonna listen to what I have to say, alright?!"
I feel her nod against me then start rubbing soothing circles on her back with one hand, the other tangles in her hair and tucks her face into my chest as she cries. We stay like that for a while, whether it be minutes or hours I'm not sure. Her sobs turn into stuttered breaths before eventually evening out into a steady rhythm.
"You ready to listen to me now, pretty girl? I've been losing my damn mind waiting until you were ready, but now that I've got you here, I don't think I can let go until you've heard me out." My hand started gently stroking her hair, a tried and true trick to bring her comfort when she's stressed.
Her voice is hoarse and weak when she replies. "Go ahead. I've held you off long enough."
My hand continues its pattern for a few minutes, running my fingers across her scalp and through any tangles they encounter in her hair, as I articulate my thoughts. I drop my forehead to the top of hers, taking a deep breath, then kiss the crown of her head before I start talking.
"Honey, being away from you these last 6 weeks has been the most painful experience of my life. First, not being there when you woke up. Then not being by your side when you got the awful news. And then you avoiding me? That shit sucked, babe. But the worst part about it all is you thinking that I'd be disappointed in you, that I'd be mad at you, that you think I'm not so stupidly in love with you that I can't breathe without you! Darlin', I know we never talked about it, but it hurt me too knowing we had a baby and lost it. I can't imagine how painful going through that must have been, not only physically but emotionally. I wish you would have let me be there for you." I take the chance to pause when my voice cracks over the last sentence.
"...you're not mad at me?" She squeaks out. "Not just for losing the baby, but for getting pregnant in the first place?"
I let out a harsh chuckle at that. "Sweet girl, it takes two to make a baby. How could I be mad at you for that? Besides, the idea of having a baby with you isn't one I detest, but we can have that conversation another day."
"Wait...what? You're stupidly in love with me? Is this some way to make me feel better? Because if it is, I-"
"Dammit woman!" I cut her off the only way I know how, by slamming my lips against hers and kissing her until she's breathless.
We pull apart and she opens her mouth to speak again, but I cut her off by clapping my palm over her mouth.
"God, you're so fuckin' stubborn, but damn if it doesn't make me love you more! Now, are you gonna listen to me or do I need to kiss you some more?"
She locks eyes with mine, giving me a slight nod to let me know I can continue.
"Now, explain to me why you think it's just a way to make you feel better."
She sighs and shifts her gaze to her hands where they're clasped in her lap. "We never talked about our...relationship being more than what it is. You've never been a long term kinda guy, you said it yourself! I thought that maybe it was your feeling like you owed it to me to be there or something, I dunno. I've seen the trail of broken hearts you've left behind and I don't know if I can handle being one of them, ok? I thought maybe if I didn't give you the chance to break me, I'd get away unscathed. But then this happened. And now that I know there will always be a part of me that was also a part of you, even for a tiny bit of time, I also know that's not a possibility anymore. As if it was ever a possibility."
"Oh, my sweet Honey girl. You were never gonna be part of that trail, because you're the destination. I didn't know I needed you until you popped into my life. With your bubbly personality, damn near permanent smile, incredible sense of humor, brilliant mind, and let's be honest, jaw dropping looks, you knocked me on my ass. I didn't think I'd ever wanna settle down, I didn't think I'd ever fall in love. My parents adore each other and I knew anything less than what they have isn't worth it. I never thought it was in the cards for me because I didn't think I would ever look at someone like my dad does my mom. But then there was you. Javy knew it before I did, but you're my once in a lifetime girl. Remember that trip we all took to Mexico, when that monkey clung to you and wouldn't let go?" I pause to let her answer and she lets out a soft "mmhmm."
"Well, turns out my wingman snapped a picture of me looking at you. He waited until we got back and he dropped me off at my house to show it to me. When he did, he grabbed the picture I have of my parents I have in my living room. He handed it to me, not saying anything as he unlocked his phone and flipped it around to show me the picture. When I looked between the two, I noticed two things. One, that I'm a dead ringer for my dad at the same age. And two? The look in my eyes as I smiled at you was identical to the look in his as he smiled at my mom. Now you're who I wanna come home to. Whether it be just you and me, a dog, kids, or all of the above; I want it all. Wherever you are is where I want to be, for as long as you'll have me. I love you, Honey. With every fiber of my being."
My eyes flit across every freckle on her face as she processes what I just said. Tears drip from her eyes and I start to worry I royally fucked up. I'm about to start talking to try and dig my way out of the hole I found myself in when her hands land on each of my cheeks.
"I love you too, Jake Seresin. I want all of that and more, I want everything you'll give me. I do have a question for you though, and I need you to be completely honest with me."
"Of course, anything." I'm quick to reply.
"Would you still love me as much if I wasn't a badass WSO, saving your ass at every turn?"
I almost think she's just teasing me until I see the sincerity in her eyes. I reach out and brush my thumb across her cheek, swiping away the remnants of her tears.
"Sweetheart, I'd love you just as much as I do now in any situation, in any lifetime, in any universe."
"They're talking about permanently grounding me. They discovered a heart condition while I was in the hospital and I haven't told anyone about it. I've been killing myself over trying to decide what to do, over whether I should fight the medical retirement option or accept it and move on. I don't want you to think this is all dependent on you, but if the dog and the 2.5 kids is what you want in the future, I think I know what I wanna do."
My chest squeezes at her admission, she's gone through so much by herself and it kills me that I haven't been here to help her through it. But that all changes right now.
"Honey, I'll be beside you no matter what you decide. You wanna fight it? I'll be right there with you, ready to duke it out. You wanna take the out, use that brilliant brain in one of the thousands of other ways you can help people? I'm here for that too. Whatever you decide, you won't be alone in your journey. You have me completely, and now that you know it, I hope you'll let me help shoulder some of the burden from her on out."
It's her turn to kiss me breathless as she crawls into my lap and locks her arms around my neck. My hands land on her hips and every ounce of tension my body has been carrying for the last two months just melts away. Laughter from down the hall reminds us of where we are and the fact that we're not alone. Honey pulls away from me, much to my dismay, and rests her forehead against mine. We sit like that for a second, basking in the comfort that only we can give each other, before she climbs off of my lap and onto the floor, then reaches her hand out for mine. I wordlessly tangle my fingers with hers and she tugs at me until I stand up. She pulls me to the door, opens it, and I happily follow her down the hall like a puppy. Once we step into the light of the living room, all eyes fall on us and our joined hands.
"Thank fuck! Best birthday present ever!" Mav says, jumping up to wrap us both in a tight hug. The room erupts in cheers, and I swear I see a tear in Javy's eye.
"I'm so claiming the first speech rights at your wedding, since it was my birthday that brought you two back together and all!"