.hogwarts is my home.
Everything was bright, happy even. Thousands of candles hung in the air, lighting the Great Hall with a golden glow. Banners from each house were hung all throughout the grand chamber, proudly representing their students.
Seven years I had been at this school. As I looked back, it seemed like such a short time. I remembered walking into this hall for the first time, a terrified child. Fearing the wrath of my mother and father if I was not sorted into the correct house. Not much had really changed, it seemed. I was departing these halls terrified, though the terrors I now faced were no significantly darker.
Branded and marked by death. It was how I would leave these walls.
I took a deep breath, trying to push away the dread that threatened to overcome me. Instead I focused on tonight. This last moment in the only safe place I had ever known.
The hall was grand. The high table at the front had been taken away and replaced by throne-like chairs. Each Professor was seated and dressed in their finest robes. And standing proudly before them was Dumbledore's owl lectern. It's ornate wings extended as if in mid-flight. It's shimmering gold feathers almost blended in with the golden glow of the candlelight.
It was tradition for either the Head Boy or Head Girl to take part in the commencement proceedings and address the student body, along with Professor Dumbledore. I hadn't been particularly thrilled about the idea, so Regulus graciously agreed to do it, not wanting me to be too stressed out about anything else.
A hundred seats sat in the forefront of the room, and then chairs for all of the family members attending were lined up row by row until the back of the hall. The ghosts had even made an appearance and were entertaining the audience by performing formation gliding.
There was a happy chatter that reverberated off the walls. Parents who were proud of their children, and bragging about their accomplishments. students who were excited to start their new lives and gushing about their prospects. I didn't have it in my heart to join the merriment. I couldn't find it within myself to be happy as the rest of them were. I was not excited to leave these walls. I was terrified. Part of me wanted to put my hand on the staircase and perform an unsticking charm so that they could never make me leave.
I felt myself start to spiral into that dark pit that so often beckoned to me. But then I felt warmth at my side. A reassuring presence surrounded me as Regulus slipped his hand into mine. I turned to look up at him, struck by the way he looked as the golden glow reflected off of him. I normally associated him with the colors of midnight. Silver as the stars, dark as the night sky, pale as the moon. But tonight. The golden haze suited him. It brought life to his features. Accentuated the fire in his eyes, and the dimples on his cheeks. He squeezed my hand, trying to comfort me enough to hold it together. I felt a sad smile slide onto my face.
And even without words, he understood. Out of anyone present, he knew what this day meant because he felt it too. He felt the same beckoning of the darkness. The same fear of being pulled away from safety. The terror of knowing the life that awaited us.
But as I looked into his eyes, his loving compassionate, fire filled eyes, I felt the dread dissipate slightly. Because as much fear and uncertainty as there was for our future, there would also be joy and there would be love because we had each other. We had made a sacred vow to one another, and that vow would ensure some humanity remained in my life.
A fanfare sounded in the Great Hall, making me jump a little. It summoned all to stand, and immediately, all attention turned to the entrance of the chamber where we waited. Professor McGonagall gestured to me and Regulus to walk into the hall first. As Head Boy and Girl we were responsible for leading the procession of students. I clung tightly to Regulus's hand, and he steadied me as we walked together through the Great Hall one last time.
As we made our way down the aisle, I scanned the crowd, searching for the scrutinizing gaze of my mother and father. There towards the front, was a crash of venom and ocean. My parents sat proudly, polite smiles on their faces. I could see them take in the boy at my side. A dangerous look flashed across my father's face. I shot him a smirk, pleased to see his irritation.
Almost subconsciously, I searched for another figure next to them. With a jolt, I realized I had been looking for the face of my brother. My brother who was gone. My brother whose face I would never see again.
I quickly pulled my gaze away from them, clenching my jaw and willing my eyes not to well up with tears. In my mind, there had never existed a world where my brother was absent from my Hogwarts commencement. How naïve and wrong I had been.
I felt a sharp, familiar ache settle deep inside of me.
We took our seats in the front row. I smoothed out the wrinkles that had collected on my commencement robes, and adjusted the pins of honor. One for each O.W.L. I had received, along with one for being a Prefect, and one for being the Head Girl.
Rounds of applause rang out through the Great Hall as the final student sat down. Dumbledore made his way to the stand, gesturing that all may be seated.
"Good evening." His amplified voice reverberated off the stone walls. "It is with great joy, and a hint of sadness that another school year comes to a close." His eyes twinkled as he spoke, and his periwinkle robes reflected handsomely in the golden light. "Endings are bittersweet at Hogwarts. With a melancholic farewell, we send off another group of talented students into the world. But you have been well prepared for this day, and we have every faith that you will do great things in this world. This is not an ending, it is merely the end of a chapter. The turning of a page to something new."
Dumbledore's words started to fade as I glanced over at the boy sitting by my side. The boy I loved more than anything else in this world. Just the sight of him made the breath catch in my chest. The dark shadows of his hair, his perfectly chisled features, the slight smile upturning his lips. He was my light. The only thing that expelled the darkness from around me. He must have felt my eyes on him, because my gaze was met by pools of starlight. And I found it impossible not to melt into them. His smile grew as he glanced at me, and if it was possible, I fell even deeper in love with him.
I became so lost in thought that I wasn't even able remember the rest of Dumbledore's speech. Only the cheers that resounded when he was finished. And then Regulus was standing up, taking his place at the lectern.
He looked positively regal, as if he belonged before a crowd of this size. Completely at ease with all of their eyes on him. He shot them all a breathtaking smile, white teeth flashing in the golden glow, dimples deepening. I could have sworn I heard the swooning sighs of several girls seated around me. But out of all the faces he could have looked at, his gaze landed on me.
"It is an honor to come before you this evening." He started, his eyes leaving mine to roam over the crowd, the stunning smile seemingly fixed in place on his face. "As I think back on all the years I spent in this castle, I feel a rush of memories and emotions. Some of us I'm sure, thought this day would never come. But here it is. All at once we are expected to say goodbye to everything we have ever known. To let go of everything safe, and familiar. To start a new life."
"As I thought about what to say today, I kept coming back to one thing." He paused, his eyes finally finding mine again. "Hope. I think that it is easy to feel hope on a night like tonight. When we are surrounded by loved ones, by adoring teachers, while we are safe in a bright, glowing castle. But life won't always be like this. We live in a dark time, and there are dark days that lie ahead of us.
"Some of us will experience hardships and trials that will strip us down until we feel there is nothing left. Some of us will find ourselves in places so dark, we don't know how to find our way out. None of us will escape this life without any heartache. But that is why hope is so important. Why it is so important to never let it slip from our grasp. It is the belief that no matter how dark things get, there will always be a brighter tomorrow. My hope comes in the form of a person. And when I look at her, she makes me believe that there are still beautiful things left in this world. Find your hope. Find your hope, and cling to it so that when the darkness comes, you know how to find the light again.
"Leaving school can be a daunting and scary thing. But it also is the start of something new. It is a time when we can make something of ourselves. A time when we can make a difference. Hold onto the hope that you have, and use it to create a better world."
And as he finished and stepped away from the lectern, there was a roaring applause. Even the golden owl flapped its wings in appreciation of his speech. Many students and parents stood for him, clapping, a look of awed pride on their faces.
And not for the first time, I couldn't believe that he was mine. Couldn't believe that this beautiful, wise boy had chosen me.
He sat next to me, grabbed my hand and gently lifted it to his lips placing a featherlight kiss on my palm. I couldn't keep the smile off my face at the sincerity and the tenderness of his words. I was his hope. And that knowledge set my soul ablaze.
Dumbledore stood, and proceeded with the remainder of the ceremony, calling each student up one by one for their recognition before the crowd.
And then as quickly as it started, it was over. Dumbledore collected all of the students, and led us down into the boat landing where the school sat directly above the lake.
It was beautiful symbolism really. As first years, we came to the school the first time by boat. Seeing the beautiful glowing castle in the distance looming ever closer was truly magical. And now as Seventh year students officially finished with our magical education, we again board the boats, this time to depart for a final time.
It was a return to innocence.
Though for some of us, there was no innocence left. For some of us, it was the path to the destruction of our souls.
This time, instead of four to a boat, there were only two. I sat beside Regulus and clutched his hand. I didn't want to leave Hogwarts. I didn't want to leave the only home I had ever known. But it was as he said, as long as we had each other there was still hope. Together, we watched the lights of the castle grow smaller in the distance.
Regulus took my face in his hands, and gently kissed away a tear that had fallen down my face.
"I know it's scary. But as long as we have one another, we will make it through this." His long fingers brushed tenderly against my cheeks. And as I looked into his hopeful eyes, I believed him.
And then he was kissing me. But this was different than all of the other times. This was a kiss that was soft and tender. It was the gentle rain on a warm spring day. Softly falling and bringing life to everything it touched. It wasn't fierce or rushed. But it rang with the promise of more to come.
Then as the boat reached the shore, he pulled away and helped me out so I didn't fall into the inky water.
"I will see you soon, my darling." He whispered, sending a shiver down my spine as his breath hit my cheek. He planted a gentle kiss on my forehead and then apparated into the night with a sharp SNAP.
I turned to get one last glimpse of the castle. Of my home. Tears fell freely down my face as I turned on my heel and apparated away into the darkness of my future.