april
ally's pov:
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"i want to break up" james said as he stared at me from other end of the couch.
two months ago i would've got on my knees crying and pleading for him to stay with me but the way we've treated each other since then honestly...im done. i don't want any part of it anymore.
at least that's what i told myself.
that same distant feeling after my relapse stayed for the rest of february and as it grew into march the feeling turned into james actually being distant.
he would disappear for days with no warning and when he would come home we would just fight and yell. it wasn't good for either of us.
i could tell the boys could see how toxic it was
too but they chose to stay out of it cause they knew how angry james could get and they didn't wanna escalate things more.
"okay" i replied.
he didn't look back at me he just continued staring at the ground. clutching his beer like it was all he had left.
a few tears welled up in my eyes and they silently fell as i stood up. i got up off the couch and walked over to james, i looked down at him and said "ill start packing my stuff".
he didn't look up at me, didn't nod, didn't even blink. i not gonna lie, it hurt.
i felt a quick rush of pain shoot through my body but tried to ignore it as i walked into james and i's room.
i grabbed my suitcase first, and threw all my clothes into it. as i was tearing my clothes off the hangers and throwing them into the suitcase i stopped abruptly when i found the metallica shirt that james had given to me awhile ago.
it made my heart swoon with pain as i thought of one of the nights they played when i was wearing the shirt.
all our friends were there and i was side stage, the whole time, clapping and cheering so proudly.
after their set finished james ran over to me and grabbed me in a hug before kissing me and saying "i love you" i kissed him back before replying "i love you more babe and im so proud of you".
fuck no, ally, don't do that.
don't do that to yourself.
i shook my head as to get rid of the memory.
i continued going through the room to get all of my shit. my tears had become known at this point as they were actively running down my face making my eyes red & puffy at the same time.
i just kept angrily throwing my stuff into the suitcase. my breaths were getting short and laboured until i fell to my knees and covered my face with my hands as i broke down.
i stayed like that for a few minutes just letting the whole situation sink in as the world crashed down around me.
i sat there sobbing, letting that awful feeling consume me.
i was quickly brought back to life when i felt someone slowly pull my hands away from my face, it was kirk.
he took my shaking hands and held them before saying "it's okay als".
i just sobbed more at his sweet actions and i let myself fall into him. he quickly wrapped his arms around me and comfortingly rubbed my back. after staying there in his arms for a bit i tried to pull myself together.
i looked up at kirk and said "promise me that we'll still remain friends" he instantly nodded and said "of course! you know we all will".
i held on to his arm tightly and said "i don't know what im gonna do without him. i know we are on eggshells all the time now but he's still my other half"
kirk just looked at me with the saddest most sympathetic eyes while saying "it's gonna be hard ally, like really hard, but we're all here for you and anytime you can't be alone..." we shared a knowing look "you call me, okay. and we'll be over there in a flash" he said.
i nodded and more tears fell from my eyes as i said "thank you" he just looked at me and replied "you just need to look after yourself ally, you always come first, okay" he said to me while pointing at me.
i smiled and said "i will try"
"that's all i can ask" he replied before getting off the ground and pulling me up with him.
"for now, let's pack" he said picking my suitcase from off the floor and putting it on the bed so he could properly fold my clothes for me.
he stayed in the room with me and helped me pack all the rest of my stuff up.
when i got all my stuff from james' room and the bathroom i very roughly shut the suitcase & zipped it up with kirks help. he also carried it out of the room for me.
we passed james in the lounge room, he was still just sitting on the couch nursing his beer.
kirk, with all my stuff in tow gave james the dirtiest most disgusted look. i had to try and contain my giggles because kirk was such a sweetheart it was hard to see him try and be mean.
anyway, he continued to carry my stuff to my car. i opened the backseat door for him and he put the bag in gently before closing the door.
after he closed the door we shared a sad look. kirk and i always had a good bond and he was definitely one of my best friends, this was going to be hard on all of us and i was going to miss living with my best friends.
kirk looked down and i almost swear i saw his eyes get a little glassy.
"i guess i should probably say bye for now" i said and kirk nodded. i hugged him really tight and he did the same, we stayed that way for a bit just embracing each other and preparing ourselves to not see each other everyday.
when we both pulled out of the hug we headed back towards the house so i could say goodbye to the others.
james was no longer sitting on the couch though. i just ignored it and walked straight towards lars' room. i knocked on the door and he said "come in" so i came in and shut the door behind me.
i walked over to his bed and sat next to him, he looked at me and said "it's over isnt it" with a quiet voice, "yeah, it is, larsy".
we were quiet for a moment before lars wrapped his arm around my shoulder and said "im gonna miss living with you ally" i smiled at him and said "i wish i could say the same, dane".
he looked at me with the most hurt look on this face ever and i actually felt bad "im gonna miss you so much lars... promise me we'll still be friends, i don't wanna lose contact with you guys because of him" lars nodded instantly and replied with "of course, plus, you know that james will come crawling back to you"
i froze "you really think so? he broke up with me" lars looked me in the eyes and said "oh yeah, for sure give it a couple of weeks, two months at most he'll be begging for you back. you were by far the best girlfriend he ever had"
i smiled at that thought. i wish things didn't have to end this way for us. to be honest i wish it didn't have to end at all. i shook away that thought as i reminded myself to spiral about it later.
"thanks for everything lars" i said as a turned to him and hugged him. "no, thank you for everything, ally" i smiled at him as we pulled out of the hug.
i got off his bed and walked over to his door, i put one hand on the doorknob and said "i guess i'll see you later?" he nodded and replied "i guess i will, or as we say in denmark 'tot de volgende keer, vriend" i smiled as i walked out the door and quietly shut it behind me.
i held my head high as i walked towards cliffs room, i knew this would be hard. cliff was my rock.
i strided towards his room and the door was already partially open so i quietly entered. cliff looked up at me as i walked in the shut the door behind me. he was sitting at his desk working on something.
"hey ally" he said while rubbing his tired eyes, "hey cliff" i replied and sat on the end of his bed, he turned around in his desk chair so he was facing me and he said "what's up?" while grabbing a smoke out from the packet that was resting on this desk, he quickly flicked his eyes towards the packet as to offer me one, i nodded and said "yes please".
he handed one to me and lit mine up before lighting his own.
"so..what's going on?" he asked again after taking a drag from the cigarette.
i exhaled smoke before saying "well...james broke it off with me but im sure you knew that was coming because of your physic abilities" i explained while a small smile rested on my lips at that last part.
cliff always had a grasp on what was gonna happen before it did, he was magic like that. i guess he was just really intelligent.
"no one needs fuckin' physic abilities to see that, he's been treating you awfully, im sorry ally" he said to me with a sad look on his face i nodded and said "well, i just came in here to say goodbye for a little while"
cliff looked down and back up at me before saying "you are james' person, ally. he's just too much of a asshole to see it himself right now" i nodded again unable to say anything because of the tears that we're starting to spill.
cliff was always so right.
i felt as if james was my person too and i knew this was going to be the hardest break up and i truly hope it's not the end of us completely, i hope we can at least be friends again after awhile.
cliff just gave me an empathic look before opening his arms for me, i instantly fell into his arms and sobbed against his chest "thank you cliff" i said, although it did sound kind of muffled due to my face being against his shirt.
"yeah of course, ally. and im sure you already know this but just because this is the end of you and james' relationship it doesn't mean you've lost all of us. you're still like family to us and we all can't imagine our life's without you"
that gave me some peace, to know i still always had friends in the guys & that i could always turn to them.
after our hug cliff reassured me a few times that everything was gonna be okay.
now to james.
at some point during my goodbyes he had moved to the shed. i knew because i could hear faint sounds of guitar coming from the shed.
so i quickly straightened myself up and walked towards to shed. when i was about to walk in i resisted for a moment but i had to do this.
so i walked in.
his eyes shot up from the fret board of his flying V to my eyes.
i had never really seen james like this. he had a cigarette hanging from his lips, his eyes were red, swollen and he had 3 empty beer bottles on the table next to him as well as multiple cigarette butts. he was never really a smoker so this made me realise he must be going through it too.
"james" i said softly. he didn't say anything back he just inhaled his cigarette and flipped the button on the amp so it was turned off. he picked his half drinken beer up and took a long sip.
i walked over to him and sat down next to him on the beat up couch. i turned my head to look at him and he had his eyes squeezed shut but there was a tear slowly falling down his face.
out of instinct i wiped it off and said "a break is good" he opened his sad blue eyes and said "ally, this isn't a break, it's a break up" i felt a sting go through my heart as he said that. as if any chance of us being anything ever again was gone.
"it's whatever you make it james" i told him.
he didn't look back at me but instead took another drag from his cig as more tears soaked his face.
"well, this is my goodbye for a while" i said not knowing wether to hug him or kiss him or what to do. he looked at me and gave me a slight nod.
my heart had torn, i really thought he would at least hug me goodbye, but no, nothing.
so i stood up and walked out of the shed. i didn't look back once. i walked straight to the front of the house and got in my truck.
i turned the engine on, as i did i noticed the rest of the boys come out to the front of the house, they started to wave goodbye as i pulled out of the driveway.
i put my window down to wave & blow them all a kiss as i drove away.
where i was going, i have no clue.
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anyway, what's next for ally? who knows 💓
stay safe, love you xx