You slammed your locker and started walking through the hall. You were tired and sad at the same time, and you just wanted to leave the school as soon as possible that day.
For a while, you had been thinking of leaving this place, disappear from this nightmare. But what would they think about you? That you were a coward?
What about the people that you had hurt for months?
This was a thing that had begun since last year, even though you were not totally a part of it until a few months ago, in August, when school had started.
However, you knew your friends were doing this since last year.
You remembered it so well, the day they approached you and sat next to you when you were sitting alone, eating your lunch. It was a sunny day of April, and you really didn't have friends at that time.
At first, it was lovely. You were finally part of something. You felt like someone cared about you. Things were not easy at home but being at school made your life happier.
You found some of their behavior weird, though. You couldn't explain why, for example, they hated other people from the school. And why those same kids were scared of them.
You eventually forgot about that during summer, but it was kind of weird as well how they got mad at you when you couldn't do really simple things, like going out with them because you were busy.
But that's what friends were for, right? They were the only ones that understood you so, eventually, your life began revolving around them.
It wasn't until this school grade had begun when you realized what was going on. You would never forget the first time they forced you to do something to another person from your grade.
You were bullying people because they would threaten you to do those exact same things to you if you didn't obey them. That's how it worked.
You were protecting yourself because you couldn't let another bad thing happen to you. You had enough with your parents.
Not, it was the end of November. You were in 8th grade, too young for all of this. But you knew other people had it worse than you, much worse.
Still, you continued doing it. They were the mind, but you were the body. You were as bad as them.
While you were thinking about all of this, you passed next to one of the school bathrooms. You saw your friends but hoped they didn't catch you.
"Y/n" Pieck called you.
You stopped walking. Shit. "Yeah?" you asked.
"Come here" she ordered. You did what she told you, like always. You entered in the bathroom and saw a common scene.
There were Falco, Gabi, Pieck, Porco and Marcel. They had cornered a boy in a circle against the wall.
You knew who he was, because he was in some classes with you, but you didn't know his name. He was brunette, but what you couldn't stop looking at were his eyes. They had the most beautiful color, but they were so sad that it hurt you by just looking at them.
"What are y'all doing?" you asked, really concerned.
"This one here has been trying to complain about us lately" Porco explained you, "He thought it was going to work because his brother is one of the teachers, but he doesn't know that they couldn't care less about their students, even if they're their family".
His brother? Who is him?
The others laughed, all of them except you. You knew that teachers wouldn't actually pay attention to their students, but his own brother? Really?
"The thing is that he doesn't seem to be scared of us, and that concerns me" Pieck continued, "Y/n, doesn't it worry you?".
You were completely paralyzed. You couldn't stop looking at the boy, and he wouldn't stop looking at you. It was like he knew your thoughts. He was begging you with his eyes to stop all of this, but he couldn't talk.
"That's why we cornered him, right?" Falco asked, "Because we're going to teach him that he shouldn't mess with us".
Marcel smiled, "Yeah, Falco. Y/n, do you want to do it for us?".
Your heart skipped a beat, "What?".
Gabi rolled her eyes, "You heard him, y/n. It's your turn to do something about it. We cornered him, and you do it".
You felt like you were going to die right there, "Why me? I... You guys were the one who started this. I was going to class now and...".
"Wait, am I hearing that right?" Porco interrupted you, "Are you disobeying us? Really?".
All of your friends looked at you dead serious. You began to be scared.
"Y/n, do you know what happens when someone doesn't think like us, right?" Marcel asked.
You nodded, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, really. What do I have to do?".
Gabi smiled and gave you a bottle of water. Your hands began shaking. You had done something like this before, but this time was different. You didn't know if it was because of yourself or because of the boy. Either way, you really didn't want to do this.
"Come on, y/n" Porco said. "Do it".
"Do what?" you asked.
"Pour that water on that guy there" Marcel commanded you, pointing with his hand at the boy.
"B-but..." you began talking.
"Come on, y/n" Gabi whispered in your ear. "Do it or you'll take that boy's role".
You swallowed your saliva. You took a step forward and placed yourself in front of that unknown boy.
"Please..." the boy begged. "Please, y/n. D-don't do it".
You could hear his sobs. You wanted to cry too, to apologize, but you knew that if you do that, you will be the next. They would do the same thing to you.
I'm sorry.
And with that, you closed your eyes and poured the water.
Tears fell from your eyes, but your friends didn't notice it. Pieck laughed, "That was too funny, let's go y/n! You finally do something for us".
But you weren't listening. You couldn't stop looking at that boy. His eyes were watery, but he couldn't stop looking at you. He didn't look mad, nor even sad, but... mesmerized by you? You couldn't guess.
"Okay, we go now, I want to eat at the cafeteria" Porco announced, and everyone nodded.
Before you left the bathroom, you turned your head back and took a glance at the brunette one last time.
"Guys, I forgot to grab my food from the locker" you said, "I'll go now, wait for me at the cafeteria".
Falco smiled, "Okay! See you now".
You entered again in the bathroom, making sure none of your friends realized that. You stopped walking when you were right in front of that boy, who was sobbing silently while drops of water fell from his hair.
You felt so bad for him. Of course, you felt like shit when you did these kinds of things to all of the kids, but this was different. You actually had felt like someone was stabbing you when you did that five minutes ago.
"I'm sorry" you said with a broken voice, "I'm so sorry".
The brunette lifted up his head and looked at you. You were mesmerized by his eyes.
"It's okay" he said. This was the first time you had heard his voice, because you knew that he didn't talk in class. It was beautiful.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
Why did I just remember all this?
You didn't know what you had done in the past hour, but your heart skipped a beat when you realized what was in front of you.
An open door. A train was in front of you.
What am I doing here?
You looked around, realizing that you were in the train station. You looked at the screen above you. It was indicating that there was a train leaving right now.
That train was going to Marley. You looked to the train in front of you. The door was open, it was basically an invitation for you to go inside.
You felt something in your hand. It was a train ticket, but you couldn't remember buying it.
You couldn't stop remembering this from years ago, like right now. What you had seen felt so real that you could swear you had physically gone back to the past.
The first time you ever said something to Eren went through your eyes so detailed that it scared you. You remembered the conversation like it happened just a few hours ago.
But remembering this all of sudden made you not realize what you were doing. You had just bought a train ticket to Marley and you didn't know why.
Going there was the last thing you needed, but at the same time what you needed the most. You had promised yourself last week that you would never come back.
However, you had also promised yourself that you'd leave this phase of your life behind, and with everything what had happened these past days, it was impossible.
No matter how hard you try, you'd be always that girl. Y/n L/n, the old student from Marley who was the worst person in the world.
"The train's door is going to close now" a worker informed you.
"Oh... I'm not going, sorry" you almost whispered. You turned around and left the platform as fast as you could.
As soon as you left the train station, you threw up in a trash can. Nerves and confusion were taking over your body, because you couldn't remember how you got there.
Still, you had that train ticket in your hand. For some reason, you couldn't throw it away. It was like you truly wanted to go to Marley.
I had the answers there. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to go.
Suddenly, it felt like you woke up. There was another y/n telling you to go there.
But for what? There were no answers there, you were just delusional that there was something behind all of this, but this was the truth.
Eren hated you. He had planned to make you suffer for months or, who knows, years.
Your old friend group from Marley had not forgotten about you. They knew you were Reiner's friend, and they made sure you'd be involved in something like that.
Probably, the only reason why the bullied Reiner from the beginning was just so they could blame you later.
You sat on a bench near to the train station. It was very close to the tracks, and on the other side of them there was a park.
Your gaze was lost. You couldn't stop thinking of your friends.
They had believed the worst people in the world, it was surreal. You didn't know how Historia could believe someone that was literally bullying one of her best friend.
They didn't even give you time to explain yourself. But could you blame them, though? You were a stranger to them. They knew nothing about you.
Now you were thinking of your lies. Why didn't you tell them the truth from the beginning? Why did you hide it for so long?
And there was also Eren. Every time you thought of him, you sank a little more in misery.
All the memories you have built in recent months kept coming to your head. When you showed him the apartment for the first time, the first time he made lunch for you, or when he visited you in the school infirmary.
When he took some pictures of you and stayed with you all night at Floch's party because you didn't feel good. Or when he gave you some roses.
When he took you to the woods and said sorry in front of that beautiful river in the middle of the night, and two days later you moved to the apartment with him.
All the times he visited you in the bookshop. He was the first person you told about Marley, even though he knew everything already. That day you danced with him. You had matching costumes because of Halloween.
Those conversations you'd always have in the kitchen where he said he'd felt safe around you and wanted you to feel safe too. He said he felt in peace with you.
You also remembered how he got mad at you at Armin's birthday because he caught you talking with Colt just three days after you found out about who he really was. Eren wanted to protect you with him. That same day, you confessed your feelings towards him to Bertholdt, who wouldn't stop asking.
You still kept that drawing he made of you that rainy day you went to the park with him, the same day you found a letter for the first time.
You'd never forget about the fun you had at Shiganshina Park. And how days later he kissed you for the first time. The way his lips had pressed against yours made you smile even now, after what had just happened.
When you had your first date at that fancy restaurant. It didn't matter where you went, you always felt the happiest girl in the world. Like in that book fair, or when wrote your initials in that school bathroom.
They'd never fade now. That bathroom would always remember that lie you had believed.
You looked at your phone case, where you had put a copy of those pictures taken in the photo booth. Only a week had passed since that, but it felt like months.
Although there were three days between that and when Eren told you that he was going to move, the last good thing you could recall with Eren was at Sasha's house.
You talked with him while you were on top of the roof, and you'd never forget about that.
Everything felt so real. You had lived in a lie created by someone that hated you like you were a monster. Eren had planned all of this for months.
But you were the bad person, or that's what you believed. Everything started because of you, four years ago.
Talking things with Eren was not a possibility anymore. There was nothing else you could do to solve this.
You didn't know why all of this affected you so much. You deserved this, right? All of this would happen eventually.
You looked at the train ticket once again. I should throw this away.
No, I shouldn't. I have to go there.
And then, you felt like you woke up. It happened again, the person who said you should go to Marley was not the real y/n. You were literally self-sabotaging you into doing things you didn't want to.
Still, you didn't throw away the ticket, and you didn't know why you didn't do it.
You would not find answers there. What else did you want? It was pretty clear that Eren hated you and that you had no friends now. That wasn't really difficult to understand.
You looked at the hour on your phone. It had already passed two hours since that school day finished. That meant Eren already got all his things out from your apartment, if he followed your instructions.
Guess I should go now.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
You entered in class. A week had passed since you poured that bottle of water on that boy, and the past days you couldn't stop thinking about it
Obviously, you didn't tell your friends about your new worries. They'd go crazy if they find out that you were actually feeling bad for someone.
The first person you saw was him. The brunette was sitting in the third row, right in the middle of the room. You usually sit on the fourth, so that meant you'd have to walk in front of him.
"Ugh, what's he doing here?" Pieck entered right behind you.
"He has always been in this class?" you answered. She laughed, "Oh, you pay a lot of attention to him?".
You knew she didn't actually find that funny. It was more like a tricky question; she wanted to know if you actually paid attention to him, if you felt bad for him.
"Not really, it's just that he's sitting in front of me" you lied and then proceeded to walk to your seat.
Porco always sat next to you, and that day he was already there. You saw how he pointed to the boy with a head movement, indicating you to do something to him.
Not now, please. You couldn't do anything to him now, specially because you were seeing how Eren's eyes lit when he saw you walking towards him.
But you had to do it, because Porco's eyes wouldn't stop looking at you.
Just as you were about to walk past him, you looked at him with a disgusted face and gave him a shove with your shoulder that almost made him end up sitting in his chair.
Porco smiled and gave you thumbs up in a way to show you his approval. However, you didn't smile back.
The boy, on the other hand, was so surprised that you did this tat he didn't say anything.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
The class begun and you sat. You had biology with one of your favorite teachers, Mr. Fritz. Now that you thought about it, it reminded you of someone, but you couldn't say who exactly.
During all the class, you felt like shit. You couldn't tolerate doing those things anymore; you hated being so selfish that you couldn't even tell your friends 'no'.
But this was different; you didn't know why you felt so bad for him. It was like you knew him personally.
When the class finished, you couldn't talk with him, because the group came to you and congratulated you for shoving that boy. You tried to act like them, but it was impossible. No one seemed to notice your reaction, or that's what you wanted to see.
It was lunch time now. You went to the cafeteria, but when you were about to seat you realized that you had forgotten your phone in class.
You went to your usual sit. Just as you thought, your phone was behind the table.
When you picked it, something caught your attention. You looked at your table and realized there was something written,
You seem sad, wanna talk about it?
You looked around in the class, checking if there was someone there. Who had noticed about you and your problems?
Maybe that person was that brunette boy?
No, I literally bullied him. He definitely wouldn't want to help me. But who is it then?
You needed to talk with someone so bad right now, that this message excited you a lot. But you didn't know how to begin a conversation without your friends realizing.
You grabbed a pencil and wrote something in the table,
How?
You hoped they would answer you as soon as possible, because knowing that someone would actually like to hear you and your version of what was happening was the best thing that had happened to you in literally months.
Next day, you went to that same room because you had Biology too. You had forgotten about what you had read last day, and it wasn't until you sat when you noticed it again.
That stranger had written something again. Write me a letter and leave it under the teacher's desk.
You looked at your Biology teacher, Mr. Fritz. Wouldn't he pick the letter if he finds it?
You knew you had to write that letter now, as it wouldn't be possible later if you had to be with your friends at the breaks. Plus, you had to leave it under Mr. Fritz's desk.
You grabbed a piece of paper and thought about what you could say. Writing something to a person you didn't know was a hard task.
The best idea was to start with something like 'Dear stranger', you thought.
You talked about everything in that letter; your friends and how they controlled you, what they'd do to you if they found out about you writing letters to someone.
You also wrote about your selfish actions, and about how you felt about them.
Obviously, you thanked them for wanting to listen to you. It was something that you had never experienced, and that you thought wouldn't happen like ever. Who would like to do it, though?
The last thing you wrote was the place where they had to leave their letter; the School library.
When Biology class finished, you waited for everyone to leave the class and left it under the teacher's desk. You couldn't wait any longer for their answer and to find out who they were. All of this made you happy but exhausted you at the same time.
You went back to reality when you left the class and searched for your friends. You left the school and walked to the soccer field to see if any of them were there.
That's when you heard some disgusting, cruel laughs. Your heart skipped a beat, you totally knew what was happening.
Behind the soccer field's bleachers, all of your friends were in front of that same brunette boy you had seen the other day at one of the school bathrooms.
You hide under the bleachers so they wouldn't see you, but you had a full view of what was happening. You felt like you were going to cry.
That boy had tears falling from his eyes, and Pieck was saying something to him that made the rest of the group laugh.
It kept going like that until Porco suddenly punched him in the stomach. You gasped; this was too much.
You wanted to do something, approach them and telling them to stop. But you couldn't. Really, when you tried to move your legs, they were weak all of sudden. It was like someone was controlling you.
You cried of impotence and because of how much you hated yourself right now. You hated that you were the most selfish person, that you couldn't stand up for people that was suffering for no reason.
I'm even worse than them.
A couple minutes later, the group left. Luckily, they didn't see you, but the boy stayed there with a hand on his stomach.
Your eyes met for a second and your heart began to beat very fast. You didn't know what it was, but there was something about him that made you really nervous. Maybe it was that feeling of guiltiness that was beginning to grow inside of you.
You turned around and walked towards the opposite direction because you couldn't stand looking at him, so he'd realize that you didn't do anything in order to help him.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
You were at the school library. Two days had passed since you left the letter under the teacher's desk, and still, you didn't receive any letter.
I should had been more specific with the location. The school library is really big, it could be anywhere.
There was also the possibility that this person didn't want to talk with you in reality. That was the option you were starting to believe because, who would like to spend time with someone like you?
You packed all your things and got up to leave the library. You were tired of waiting for something that wasn't going to happen.
The library's exit was between two bookshelves. From the corner of your eye, you noticed something.
You turned your head to the right. There was something between those books from the bookshelf. You grabbed it, seeing that it was a paper.
A letter. You looked around, making sure that no one was looking at you. You smiled, this had to be the letter you had been waiting for.
What you read, though, was something that you didn't expect.
Dear y/n,
I didn't expect you to write me a letter. It honestly surprises me that you want to get in contact with me.
Thank you for following my advice of writing these letters so we can talk. It's kind of sad that your friends won't let you talk to anyone else, especially if it's someone like me.
I don't think you're a bad person. I know that a lot of people hate you, and I understand them, but I also understand you. Even though your group hurt me sometimes, I noticed that there was something different in you.
Thank you for staying with me in the bathrooms after your friends did that to me, it meant a lot. You don't know how many times you saved me.
I thought that you would know who I am when I wrote something on your table, but I guessed it is difficult to know who that person is when you think everyone hates you.
My name's Eren. I'm the one that you always stay with whenever your friends or you (forced, of course) do something to me.
I'd love to spend more time with you; you seem an amazing person just by staying with me all the time and making sure I'm okay.
I'll leave this letter in the School Library, where you told me. Next time leave yours inside of my locker.
See you later.
You couldn't believe it. It was that boy you couldn't stop thinking of. Eren.
His name's Eren.
You couldn't help but let out an enthusiastic laugh, which caught the attention of the librarian, who told you to shut up.
You smiled, even though there was no reason for you to be this happy that this person was that boy. You didn't know why, but you couldn't stop thinking about him since that day at the school bathroom.
You walked through the school hall with that piece of paper in your hands. You couldn't stop smiling.
When you were walking across the same bathroom where you met him a few days ago, you saw Eren through the corner of your eye.
He was sitting on the floor, looking down. You couldn't see his eyes, which you liked a lot.
You entered in the bathroom and closed the door. He looked up, and his face lit up when he saw you.
You smiled and showed him the letter, "So, it was you?".
Eren smiled, "Oh, you finally saw it. I wrote it two days ago, when I read your letter".
"Really? I hadn't seen it until now" you explained and saw on the floor, next to him. "Thank you for doing this to me. I don't know why you'd do that, but I'm really thankful".
He didn't say anything, but words were not needed.
"Why did you help me that day after... you know?" Eren asked. You froze; you felt so bad for him that you didn't want to remember it.
You sighed, "I don't know. I just felt so bad... But it doesn't count if I poured that bottle of water on you just a few moments before".
"I just don't know why I do all of that. I guess I'm protecting myself from them" you continued, "But that's not an excuse for what I constantly do".
Eren looked at you. His eyes were so beautiful yet so intimidating.
"It's weird; I feel like I should hate you, but I just can't" he explained, "I don't know why, but when I saw you the other day, even when you poured that water on me, I felt... like you were not part of that".
You sighed, "You just say that because you want me to not feel guilty about it".
Eren shook his head, "I'm saying the truth. Plus, is it not good that someone tries to understand you?".
You nodded, "I guess so? But why you, out of all people?".
The boy shrugged and just stayed in silence for some minutes. It wasn't an awkward silence, you felt at peace for a moment.
He smiled, and looked at the ceiling, "I hate the bathroom lights, they look like the ones from the..."
"Hospital" both of you said at the same time. You looked at him and he did the same thing, and both of you laughed uncontrollably.
It felt so good to laugh at something dumb, but you couldn't stop thinking why this boy you had bullied was here laughing with you.
"My name's Eren" he said. You smiled, "I already knew that. Y/n".
"I already knew that" he repeated, "I like that name". You blushed, "Thank you! Yours is cool too".
Suddenly, you remembered when Porco said Eren had a brother who was a teacher in this school. "By the way, is it true that your brother is a teacher?".
He nodded, "Yeah, Mr. Fritz, the biology teacher. He's much older than me, though, that's why people don't know we're related".
That's why he asked me to leave the first letter under Mr Fritz's table.
"Oh, so you're Eren Fritz?" you asked. Eren shook his head, "Not really. My name's Eren Jaeger. We have the same dad, but different moms. In reality, his name's Zeke Jaeger, but he changed it a few years ago to his mom's last name. Don't ask me why, though, he never told me the reason".
"Woah, but Jaeger sounds much cooler!" you smiled, "It sounds like a hero or something, I really like it".
His genuine laugh made you the happiest. The way his eyes closed when he laughed was like music to your ears. You only knew Eren of 5 minutes, but he had made you way happier than other people in months.
"Can I ask you something?" he questioned. You nodded, "Sure, go ahead".
"Why are you friends with them if you're so nice in reality?" Eren asked.
That question surprised you, but you couldn't give him a proper answer.
"I think it's because I didn't have anyone" you responded, "I'm not the coolest person in the world, you know? I didn't have friends in this school until they approached me one day and all of this happened".
"But you know you can stop being their friends, right? I'm sure you'll find other people eventually" Eren said.
You sighed, "It's complicated. You heard what they a few days ago in this same place; if I don't do what they want, I'll be the one who's bullied. They'll probably hate me if they find me talking with you".
Eren nodded, understanding everything. For you, it seemed unreal that someone finally understood you. Every time you tried to explain to someone, they would just ignore you. But with Eren it was different.
"What about you, who are your friends?" you asked. His eyes filled with sorrow, "Oh, I don't have a lot of friends here. But I have two best friends that live in another city. Their names are Mikasa and Armin. They have a whole friend group there, and sometimes I hang out with all of them too".
You smiled, "That's so cool, I wish I had true friends".
"Well, if you don't mind, we can be friends from now" Eren proposed.
Your face lit up, "Really? That would be awesome!".
But you thought about what you just did to him when the others were there, and how that thing would probably be repeated more times.
You didn't want to do that to anyone, but with someone that was actually willing to be your friend?
"Wait, I don't know if this is a good idea" you said, "I'm sure you don't really want us to be friends. Trust me, it would be easier if we stay like this".
"That's stupid, why wouldn't that be a good idea?" Eren asked.
"I don't want to hurt my friends" you confessed, placing your head on the wall, "They... they hate you, Eren. And I don't want to hurt you if we're friends. I don't want to hurt other people in general, but you...".
The boy smiled, "Don't worry about that. I know who you are, y/n. I know you're not a bad person".
"But how can we be friends if they can't see me with you?" you asked. Eren smiled, "Why do you think I planned all of these letters' thing?".
"Oh, that's why you did it" you smiled. This was the first friend you ever had in your entire life, and that made you the happiest.
Still, you felt so bad for him. "Eren, would you hate me in the future?" you questioned.
He shook his head, "I don't think I could ever hate you, y/n".
You laughed, "Why do you assume that so fast? You don't know me that well. Maybe when we get to know each other you'd find me boring or something like that".
"You don't seem boring" Eren pointed out, "Besides, hate is a big word. I don't hate anyone. Not even that group".
You sighed, "I don't know how you manage to do that, then. I'd hate them if I were you".
Eren looked at his phone, "Woah, it's almost time for next class. Let's get up".
He grabbed your hand and helped you getting up. He looked at the hand dryer and pointed at it, "I used it the other day when my hair got wet because of the water. Good thing I have short hair, because otherwise it would have been a nightmare".
"I think long hair would suit you really well" you commented. He smiled, "Really?".
"Yeah, and with those manbuns some guys use" you proposed. Eren nodded, "Sounds cool. Well, I guess you just convinced me in 10 minutes of knowing each other to let my hair grow".
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
Why am I remembering all of this now?
You were in the kitchen, making something to eat because you had forgotten you were still a living person that needed to eat in order to keep going.
You had decided to make pasta, and now you were cutting some tomatoes. You looked down, seeing a trickle of blood come out of one of your fingers.
You had inadvertently cut yourself with the knife while reminiscing about the past for the first time in a few years.
"Shit" you whispered to yourself. You went to the bathroom and opened the mirror cabinet to grab a band aid.
After you managed to stop the blood from coming out of your finger, you looked at the mirror.
Something felt off. You were not the person you were looking at, your reflection didn't represent the person you were until a few days ago. That happy, lovely girl.
What you saw was almost a ghost, the worst version of yourself that you had ever seen. Now you understood why your brain had forgotten about everything these past four years; this was your state if you remembered everything.
Why was all of this affecting you so much? Was this feeling going to last forever?
If you had known that all of this would have happened, would you like to have met Eren for the second "first" time? Was all of this worthy?
Your conversation with Eren the previous day was still repeating in your head. Those words full of hate and fear... They wouldn't disappear ever. It was a pain too big.
You began to cry uncontrollably again. You cried because you didn't know when you were going to be happy again. What made you feel like that had disappeared.
Was this a sign that you should come back to Marley?
You sobbed. It was only Friday; six days had passed since that party at Sasha's house. That day where you had felt that Eren was your favorite person. But that was only a thing you could dream of.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Eren's pov:
Flashback: Six days ago.
I love her. Again.
That's what Eren was thinking when you were kissing him on the roof of Sasha's house.
Thinking about that made tears fall from his eyes. All of this was happening again.
Even though you had forgotten about him, he kept remembering you. He was insanely happy and sad at the same time, and he didn't know if he was crying for one thing or for the other.
Your lips parted from Eren's and you wiped the tears from his cheek. "Stop crying" you whispered.
"I'm not crying" he lied. You smiled, "You are, though".
Eren hugged you really tight because he didn't want you to see him crying. You were so clueless, he hated and loved that at the same time. Not remembering anything should be great.
He lay down on the roof and closed his eyes, "My head won't stop spinning".
"How much have you drunk?" you asked. "I don't know, just enough to don't know what I'm saying right now" he answered.
Eren raised his head and had to stop from doing anything else because he got very dizzy, "I think I'm going to throw up".
You made a disgusted face, "Go to the bathroom right now. I don't want to see that".
You helped him getting up and not letting him fall from the roof. You both entered the attic through the window and went to the second floor.
You opened the bathroom's door, next to the stairs."Come on, I was just exaggerating when I said I was going to throw up" Eren complained.
"I'm not going to clean your vomit at home" you said, "Stay here five minutes and I'm sure you're going to feel better after".
"Fine, but where are you going to be?" he asked. You shrugged "I don't know. Probably downstairs".
Eren nodded, "Okay, I'll go in five minutes". He kissed your forehead and closed the door after you left.
He sat in front of the toilet, but he wasn't capable of throwing up. He didn't feel dizzy because of the alcohol, but because of what he had said a few minutes ago.
Why don't I just tell her? I should stop saying things about the moon and just say it to her.
But what if she finds out? She would hate me. Worse, she would hate herself. I can't let that happen.
Eren sighed. All of this was so frustrating: Nothing would have happened if he had told you the truth from the beginning, when you moved to Paradis. But he couldn't do that. They didn't let him.
Jean opened the bathroom door. Eren, seeing his face, stepped aside right before his friend began to throw up in the toilet.
"Ew, what the fuck did you drink?" the brunette asked, "It smells like cologne here".
Jean threw up again, "I'm telling you: Someone is trying to poison me. I threw up like five times already".
Eren was so tired that all he wanted was to lie down on a bed and go to sleep. But since Jean was so sick, he was afraid that he would lose consciousness and that no one would be there with him. That's why he lay down in the bathtub.
He looked with a disgusted face at Jean, who couldn't stop throwing up. At that moment, you entered the bathroom.
His heart began to beat faster, but he was falling asleep. Not even the sounds of Jean throwing up could wake him up.
"I better get out of this room" you announced, "Eren, did you...?".
You stopped talking, but Eren didn't think he would have heard you if you continued. His eyes slowly closed, and he fell asleep.
Twenty minutes later, Jean woke him up. "I think I have expelled everything that was in my stomach. You ok?".
Eren nodded, "Yeah, I'm good, just really tired".
He got up and sat, still inside of the bathtub. He felt better than before, but still, he couldn't stop thinking about you.
"Where were you before?" Jean asked, "I didn't see you down there".
"I was at the roof with y/n" Eren answered. His friend smirked, "Oh, that's cool. What were you doing?".
The brunette sighed, "Just talking, really".
Jean saw Eren's face, and he understood what his friend was thinking about. "You're confused, aren't you?".
Eren nodded, "Really confused. You should have been there, Jean. It was the most beautiful thing ever".
Jean laughed softly, "I know what you mean. The type of conversation that leaves you confused for like days about her, right?".
"Yeah. It's like everything is so clear but so confusing now..." Eren almost whispered.
"But what's so confusing? You like her and she likes you, everyone knows that" Jean said. The brunette nodded, "I know that, but...".
You can't tell him the truth, or else y/n's past life would be known.
"But what?" Jean questioned. Eren sighed, "It's nothing. I'm really drunk now, though, I guess tomorrow I'll be less confused about this whole thing".
Jean smiled, "Look, I went through that same thing with Mikasa, so, if you want to talk about it, I'm here, okay?".
I don't think your situation with Mikasa is any close to mine with y/n.
"Okay, thanks Jean" Eren smiled back. His friend opened the door, "I'm leaving now. You're coming?'.
"I'll stay here for five minutes; I still feel kind of dizzy" he answered. "I'll go downstairs soon".
After Jean left the bathroom, Eren kept thinking about this whole situation.
Honestly, there was not much to think about. But the past was there and couldn't be erased. A past that joined both of you.
And it was a thing that inevitably still hurt him.
You had been part of his past, and now of his present. What he was sure, though, is that he wanted you to be part of his future.
But things were not that easy. All the possible bad things had happened.
While he was thinking about all of this, Eren fell asleep for some hours.
When he woke up, it was almost 6 am. His head hurt a lot, but what caught his attention was a plastic red cup that was on the bathtub and that he was sure that was not there before he fell asleep.
He grabbed it and noticed that there was something written.
We should talk about y/n, right?
-Porco.
Eren was totally paralyzed. He read what was written over and over again, checking if what his eyes were seeing was true.
His breathing went faster, and he felt like he was going to pass out.
He looked around. The bathroom's door was opened. Someone had entered and had left this, probably the person whose name was written on the cup.
It was interesting how the last thing Eren had thought about before falling asleep was about you and your common past. It was like his nightmare had become true now.
They managed to find me. They're going to ruin my life again.
They're going to separate me from her again.
.•° ✿ °•.
A/N: hi everyone! I hope y'all like this chapter. This past month I have been studying for my final exams, and it's been really stressful, so as soon as I finished them on Tuesday I began to finish this chapter. I love it because it finally shows how Eren and y/n really met and the "real" beginning of this story.
Thank you so much for reading this story!!!