=====
I've been home for a couple hours now at this point, and I can't stop pacing my room. I told the boys I had homework to do— what a stupid excuse. I really just piggybacked off what Kyle said when in reality, I have absolutely nothing to do.
Well, that's not entirely true. Right now, I'm trying to work up the courage to go see her. I'm worried, multiple ignored texts in, and somehow here I am— still at my goddamned house.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'll tell you what's wrong with me, I like her. No, I like her. So bad it aches and in my lungs, like she's the air that I breathe. Like the rest of it is useless unless she's there. I need her like food, and water. Crave her touch, and beg for her eyes on me, and only me. I've spent no time with her, since I figured this out about myself. If anything, I've spent less time with her. It's exhausting.
I convince myself she needs me, convinced I'll be her hero if I show up right now, and that exactly what I plan to do.
No one can know, this is between me and her.
I need to be the only one.
It's not that hard, I'm making it harder than it needs to be. I can't help it, she's everything.
The closer I get to her street, the more I realize how true that is.
I look up into her window— nothing. Her blinds her drawn and it seems like no movement is coming from the inside.
My heart pounds up into my throat as I walk up into her bedroom, up the stairs and into the doorway and there she is. She's not facing me, but I see the way she curls herself into a ball, breath hoarse and wheezy while presumably, she kicked all the blankets off herself.
I place my hand on the inside of her hip bone, my hand curved to match the shape of her. My fingers tingle as I gently shake her, the feeling of her underneath my palm sending my brain into overdrive. I cannot handle the amount of her I need.
"You awake?" I whisper to her, leaning in closely.
She groans slightly, sluggish as she turns over.
"Stan.." She calls my name, desperately.
It's take all of my will power to control myself at this moment.
"What's wrong, baby?" I scrunch my features at her discomfort.
"Hot.." she whines.
I take a look around, I notice the fan is off and curse the dumbass who turned it that way. Quickly I turn it back on, when I spot a white rag on the floor. I pay no attention to it, and continue my worrying over her.
"Better?" I ask.
She slightly nods her head, letting out a despaired cry.
"I know baby, I'm here. What do you need?" My heart sinks in pain as I watch her struggle.
She only shrugs and I place my hand back on her. Rubbing small comforting circles into her back, it seems to bring some relief.
"When's the last time you took this?" I ask, holding up a unopened bottle of medical syrup.
Damn, I hate this stuff.
She notices the bottle in my hand and groans loudly, making her cough terribly hard in the process. I look at her with pity.
"It'll make you feel better". I sing, shaking the bottle in temptation.
"Fuck off". She crooks and turns over again.
Well that was unexpected.
I can't blame her, shit tastes like acid. So I let it go, choosing instead to help her take the ibuprofen again.
"It should regulate you're temperature, and help the aches." I smile at her as she lays back down.
I watch with a heavy heart as she sighs defeated, it's a terrible feeling to watch her struggle. I know she's in pain, her muscles must ache with tightness.
I tightened my lips into a thin line as she rolls over again, there's got to be something else I can do.
Ever so gently, I run my hands up her back, my aim— her neck. I cup her shoulders, applying pressure to her blades and massaging my way up to her neck and back down again.
She understands what I'm doing after a second, and sighs softly with relief.
I tighten my jaw.
I continue my movements, relieving the knots in her back and softly massaging. While she continues to breathe out and praise my handiwork.
I clear my throat, breathing as deep as can but I feel lightheaded, hot all over.
"Stan..." she groans out.
I stop my hands immediately, eyes shocked wide as I look around the room.
This is not a situation I'd want someone hearing.
"No, keep going", she breathes out. "Please?"
I choke on the air in my own lungs.
She's sick, she's delirious, she didn't know, She's sick, she's delirious, she didn't know, She's sick, she's delirious, she didn't know-
Oh god.
I hold my breath this time, continuing a little stiffer than before.
She sighs in pleasure.
Shit..
This is for her, to help her. I had no other intentions.
None.
...I'm dead for sure.
Man am I glad I came here alone.
=====