[OUTSIDE THE BUILDING]
As usual, Once and all the photographers are already waiting for us. What different this time is I'm feeling so terrible right now. Nayeon keeps whispering the sad stories to make me cry, just like what Mina did to me a few minutes ago. But I'm controlling my emotions. At one time, she stops and says to me,"Forget it! I know you how to hate your mother."
I'm stunned.
"I know what you will feel if she dies one day. You will be feeling relieved instead, won't you?"
That's...... So true.
"That person... Someone who always gets you into the problems. A troublesome that you have no idea how to handle."
People are taking pictures of us. I try to keep smiling.
"I bet she doesn't support your dream to be an idol. You were so alone in pursuing your dream. You were struggling because of her. Maybe so is your brother. Your mother treats him so badly....."
How can Nayeon know all of that? Is she just guessing them out?
"....She used to fight your father when he was still alive. Both of them argued a lot. Your mom didn't want to relent. He was a nice man and protected you and your brother. Now that he has gone, your mom becomes more ignorant and arrogant. And nothing you cannot do except..... hating her."
I'm still smiling.....
".....And when she dies, you will think someone who gives you the biggest pressure in your life has left. You'll remember how bad she treats you and your brother. How bad the words she uses to both of you. I'm sorry to say this, but I know when she's gone, you'll be happy. You and your brother can finally live in peace....."
How Nayeon whispering to me looks like she is telling something funny. She laughs a little bit so people think that she is just chatting with me. She is pretending to say something nice, but she is not. Anyway, now Twice is coming into our van. Nayeon makes me sit near the window, the closest to the cameras.
"....Without your mom, you and your brother will be free to pursue your dreams. You will live happily ever after. Remember how mean she is to you. Remember how relieving it will be to lose her......."
I don't know if I still can hold it anymore. I know I'm making a weird smile right now. I'm this close to crying. I can't control myself anymore, but... I really can't let people see me cry.
Nayeon embraces my shoulders. "Let it go, Haeju.... Just cry... It's fine. Throw away all the burden in your heart...."
I'm holding it so hard........
"Yeah, hold it, Ju. Hold it! You are an idol. Straight your back, pull your mouth, and make a wide smile. You cannot cry in front of the fans! In front of people who love you. You cannot let them know what you truly feel....."
I can't hold it anymore. That's it!
".....Pretend that you are happy at any time."
A tear comes out from the edge of my eye. I close the window hurriedly and whisper back to her. Remember this, Nayeon.....
.....This will be the last time I cry.
(to be continued)