It hurts so much
Knowing that you will not
Look at me
The way I look at you
Anonymous pov
" what are we doing dad?" I asked looking at the live footage, my mom was crying what it look like funeral but that's not shocking part.
She was crying on the funeral of me and my dad but we are alive " We died in her world" he answered and I frowned, my 12 years old brain wasn't able to come up with any excuse to even define situation.
" she is crying dad, I wanna meet her, let me go" I said and tried to open the door of car but he hold my arms tightly and yanked me back " you can't if you want to see her alive" he said more like threatened.
Is he going to kill her if I meet her?
" You are bad" I screamed and look out of the window, soon it started moving. The big building and cars look like they are moving along with the vehicles. My eyes are filled with tears. I wanna see my mom it's been three days now.
The car halted and he opened it for me " come out" he pulled me out of car and pushed me to walk with him.
I did sniffing and wiping the tears from back of my hands, he look at the man in front, I was too shy to look up so I hide behind him " Take care of him" he said and pushed me toward the man.
" DAD" I screamed, he didn't turned around, he just walked without looking back at me and he is gone . That's the last time I have seen his ever.
" welcome to agency, sugar " I made a disgust face and glare the man " I'm not sweet" he chuckle and nodded proudly " then suga, how is it?" I didn't said anything back.
Few years later.
Now I know what's happening, where I am, my so called dad exchanged me to the killers for safety of her wife, and now I'm also a killer just like himself.
I hate him, but how hard I try to hate the country I can't, I love my country more than the hate I have for this agency.
" Hey kid move out" and I was thrown out of the chairs by senior, I gritted my teeth but look down and walk toward somewhere else, training drain out my whole energy and I don't wanna fight them.
Not a single seat is left in the hall except one beside that muted witch, King, that's what everyone call her, I have seen her in my batch before if computers and shooting, in fact she attend almost every single batch.
I walk upto her " can I sit?" And asked, she didn't even look up continue eating. I grumbled under my breath and sit nevertheless and started eating.
She is hella beautiful I won't lie but very conservative just like me, her eyes are active the way she is moving them and griping the fork. She can hit even before the seniors poured milk on her head " oops my bad" they laughed at her. Don't they tired fucking creating problem.
King balled her fist at side to control her anger, the face doesn't show any emotions at all, and now the soup poured on her head, they all giggled and laughed humorously, she scooted her bowl away so it won't get waste and ignored them.
" Apologize " it was the asshole who cupped her cheeks in his hands. She set a glare at his face " remove your hands before I break them" that's the first time I have ever heard anything from her mouth. I admit she sound so melodious that unable to differentiate is she trying to give a threat or seducing him.
" you can speak I thought you -" he wasn't able to complete his sentence she removed his hands off her face and try to walk but the others blocked her path " you little bitch" the cocky queen grab her by hairs and chock hold her neck.
I saw king smirk before she open her mouth " don't complain, I have warned you " she twisted the wrist of girl and freed herself before landing a kicked of the face of boy who touched her cheeks.
He screamed out in agony, I chuckled under my breath, within few minutes they all were groaning on the ground crying while holding their precious part.
For a mini second she look up and our eyes met, oh my God, my heart is reading to jump out of my ribcage. She scoop the blood out of hands and walk toward the bathroom.
I waited for her to come back and she did within less than 10 minutes, I quickly look down while she eat, a very big smile plastered on my face. Look like this agency is not that bad.
-
Few years later
I nervously gulp, today is the day which u dread the most, I quickly run on the rooftop and sat down. He never come to meet like others parents do like I'm not even his own son, I hate that man.
I didn't notice the women who was smoking behind me, I coughed when the smoke filled my nostrils and look back only to see the one who is keeping my heart captive.
You can say I stalked her from past few years but never had the strength to initiate a conversation, she is psycho and kill without thinking so it's better if I stay away.
" Why aren't you with your family? " She asked, she did what, she asked me something? My crush just asked me a question. My cheeks turned red and the butterflies filled my stomach.
" dead" I answered dryly but inside i wanna tel her everything, that's not wrong though, both of them died for me. She nodded and took a long puff of her cigarette. I scrunched my nose, alcohol and any kind of harmful substances are not allowed to intake in training. Where the hell she got it.
" your parents? " I asked and she shrugged " dead" with that answered she sat down beside me, a little to close to my liking because I'm screaming inside. Does she really have to do that?
" Can you like throw it away?" I asked pointing at her lips, her lips, her goddamm lips. I gulp not paying attention to what she said " Hey you good suga?" She waved her hands in front of my face.
She know my name? Can I get any more lucky she know my name fucking hell.
" I'm not good" her face shows the confusion when I said that, she didn't asked further keep looking at the city light from the 70th floor. I don't know if I ever get the chance to say it so I let it out.
" I wanna kiss you badly" she stare at me in shock, I dropped my gaze at her lips to her eyes, she gulp unable to speak anything.
" That's not just it, whenever you look at target with those concentrated eyes, I drown stand in front of your bullet, I can die to see your smile once, just once, I wanna hold you in my arms even if it's doesn't last long. I wanna make love to you and list doesn't end here" she gulp, her moon shaped eyes tuned wide she didn't expected me to be blunt.
She know that I do love her, she does because I follow her everywhere like her shadow, we haven't talked before today but our eyes did many times before.
" I can't love" she said coldly and walk away not looking back, I sat there not knowing what else I could do.
-
A couple of years later
" She did" Rm glared at king with the intensified hate, they hated eachother very much at the point people call them enemies but I know better, he is just jealous why? Because he can't do what she does.
She is rebel and doesn't listen to anyone while he can only do whatever his father asked him to, he is chained in the rope of responsibility.
" she was with me" I answered and glared him back, he look at me in disbelief. I'm the last lesson he thought would betray him but I can't see king striping out of her position.
He complained about her unhealthy addictions, she smoke practically burning her lungs and he took the advantage of her secret and told chief about it. Smoking and alcohol in agency is same as killing someone in normal world. They are paying for our everything not just to us killing ourself.
" He is lying " rm said and I clenched my jaw " we were on date, she was with me now do you gotta problem rm?" I asked and his mouth shut.
" You both were on date?" Chief, his dad asked king and she look at me before nodding her head. I smiled in response.
" That's great, hope you aren't smoking or consequences won't be pretty" he said and pulled his son along with him. The murderous gaze that Rm gave me was definitely not a good news.
All the spies left the room mumbling to themselves while stand there staring at her while she stare back " Can I get a favor back?" I asked and she nodded, it's big matter to her also, she never wanted to leave the agency after all the hardship.
" Stop smoking " her emotionless face fell " Please" I added to it, she still didn't answered. I pulled out my favorite chewgum from my pocket and thrust in her hand.
" It'll help you overcome, so do I " the very small lift in her lips made me feel euphoria. What will happen to me if she actually smiled?
I walk back in my room and welcomed by a punch, I know who it is, I punched back, what he think of himself " A pussy can make you lie ?" His choice of words made me mad, I kicked him back and gripped his collar, he did the same.
" you could have tried another method to lower your anger, why only her?" I asked and he slammed me on the floor.
" Because, she ruined me, my dad he expect me to be like her, perfect but I can't be her, I'm just me, I do make mistakes" he said and some tears slipped out of his eyes.
" you should have supported me, you are my friend suga " he said plopping at my side, I waited for him to calm down a little.
" Look, we all have our problems, we can't just put a blame on someone who is not at fault, you don't know her situation and the problem is only yours here, you have to talk it out with your Dad, she is not even near your matter dude, leave her" I Said more like defended her, he huff out.
" you love her, don't you?" He asked and I nodded, no denying I do " I'll try to talk my dad" he said lowering his head.
We don't share much bond but we does talk or should I say only he have me to talk so it's understandable for him to act that way.
-
Few years later
" suga, V, king, Jimin ready?" Rm asked or should I say our Chief, after death of his father he is on the position and he is handling very well. The beef is still there, he can't talk to her without taunting and she can't reply without sarcasm.
The chaotic duo grin at Rm and nodded, king look serious, I held her hands under table and she gulp before squeezing it back.
We are all settled for the new mission in Korea, Some information and a revenge of bomb blast in our country.
When we walk out, I didn't let king slip out of my hands and jerk her to me " Let's make a deal" I Said " what is it?" She asked and grin . It was easy.
" if we finish the mission without dying, you'll marry me?" She chuckled and shake her head at my childish attempt, I waited for her to reply " and if we don't?" She asked back and shurg.
" Let's not think about it" she grin at my answer and nodded " but I don't love you" the fact I know very well, I'm aware of it still my heart aches at answer.
" But you don't have option do you?" I asked smirking at her, I don't care I can't live without her what if she don't love me, I just wanna live with her.
" deal?" I asked and she nodded " deal"
☆☆☆
I should I have known she is Profesional liar and when she said she can't love, she was lying.
She loved him that much that she killed herself, but not for me.
I closed my numb eyes and look at him crying over her dead body, can I just touch her one last time can I?
I shook my head and backed away from the room clutching the ring in my hands, the ring I bought for her, my heart was in pieces, million pieces,
But not a single tear was ready to slip.
I can't belive she died? But she was lying dead in front of my eyes though.
She loved Jungkook not me
Not my parents, not even her
Why I'm so unlucky?
I just wanted to be loved, was it hard for her to do that?
Why my heart is hurting so damm much?
I love you
Me making love triangle should be -🚫
I love him too guys, do don't come to me.
Joon doesn't had much role over here, hope you won't mind, I tried like really did but his character was not fitting.
Bye one more chapters then it's the end .
☆☆☆
Loving you was like living inside the strom,
In the end, I only come out broken, twisted and shattered