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If only I looked at you the way you look at me, we would've ended the catastrophe.
---
Click after click.
Chaeyoung could see through her peripheral vision—all her friends laughing, smiling, enjoying every bit of their time being together and here she was, being so proud and all of how they all turned out to be.
It's been years. Chaeyoung still couldn't forget. No, it's more like she doesn't want to forget.
Why do you like taking pictures so much?
Most people ask her questions like that.
Chaeyoung just can't help but to look at her own black camera. Even if she would explain as to why she cannot detach herself from this precious time-freezing thing, details after detail, no one would understand. No one.
That's why she would end up saying it's just her hobby and she likes photography. Some may continue to fret but most of them end it like that. Nothing more.
Looking through the lens, Chaeyoung can't help but to click again; Sana and Dahyun watching over the stars, hands on their waists as a yellow-colored blanket protects them from the cold wind; it was such a picturesque moment.
"Still doing that photography stuff, huh?" Tzuyu joins the small, noticing she has been quiet for a long time now.
Their group had planned this outing for a long time—an overnight stay at the Yoo's house. Chaeyoung just chuckled to Tzuyu's concern.
"Haven't you gotten used to it yet?" Chaeyoung holds out her camera and points it at Tzuyu, attempting to give it a shot.
Tzuyu sighed and replied, "Stop with the antics, Chae." But Chaeyoung ended up clicking the button anyway.
Pressing some keys, Chaeyoung pushed the buttons gently to look at Tzuyu's face. "This is so unfair, I was expecting a funny one," she held out the screen for Tzuyu to see.
Her face was still the same. Small, pretty, but with dimples showing as she was smiling giddily the whole time she started the conversation.
"Seriously, Chae," Tzuyu continues, not really minding what her face would look like. She knows she's gonna be pretty at any angle. Chaeyoung could just envy her confidence.
"I don't buy the reason why you like taking pictures now."
"I remember how you would cringe at that thought two years ago. What happened to the old Chaeyoung we knew?"
Chaeyoung really doesn't want to explain because no one would understand. But the truth is, she just couldn't help but to avoid that topic. She doesn't want to share her memories with that girl to anyone. Not even with her closest friends. She wanted to keep all her feelings inside. Or else she would be lying on the floor at her old apartment all over again, crying like a helpless little baby.
"I told you everything I want, nothing really much." She briefly replied.
"Really, don't think we would believe that ever again, Chaeyoung." Nayeon interrupts.
"We're worried for you," she added, standing beside Chaeyoung, glancing at the black camera.
"It's been months since you bought that camera. Sure, I love seeing my face with different expressions when you send it to us but... Chaeyoung, you hated pictures so much that I think you would even burn a whole album of yours if you can see any."
Chaeyoung just looked at Nayeon deep into her eyes. Of course, she couldn't avoid this situation. Now, she couldn't just feel the two pairs of eyes looking at her but seven.
"If I could, I would. But, you know... It's better to keep it for myself and besides, can't a person change for the better?"
Her friends seem to be disappointed at her answer but a lot more relieved. Jihyo then entered and mumbles, "It's okay Chaeyoung. We're here for you. Don't be pressured to tell us your story but just don't forget we're here okay?" while tapping her shoulder.
Chaeyoung replied to them with a little nod. Just as she thought that the conversation was already over, Jeongyeon went out of their house and asked, "Even if you won't tell us your story, mind telling me who the person is inside your wallet?"
Then again, the whole place was engulfed with awkward silence. Chaeyoung never kept pictures. As in, never.
The 'old her' believes that it's ridiculous. You can have lots and lots of memories rather than just wasting your time for a picture. Also, she hated it since it can only bring up painful memories.
Because pictures were the only thing Chaeyoung could hold onto her family back then and it hurts her the most.
Just by looking at those different timelines through a piece of paper, her heart crumbles apart. That's why she vowed to herself to never ever give a damn about pictures ever again.
Pictures only make you remember the painful things. Yes, there are happy ones too but the latter eats Chaeyoung a whole lot more.
She thinks that was the best decision she had made but in the end, she regretted all of it.
Opening her wallet, Chaeyoung held it all out. There was a girl, smiling ear to ear with a teddy-bear like headband planted onto her head. She looks so happy that you can mistake her as an angel laughing, holding out her hand to show her pure white-blinding invisible wings.
"Her?"
Chaeyoung chuckles.
"Remember I went to Japan for some business? I met her there." and that ends it.
The group doesn't want to dig deeper as they can feel that even showing them the picture she keeps inside her wallet is already the hardest thing to do for Chaeyoung. The girl needs her space. And that's all they can give for the meantime.
It didn't take them much time to go to their own beds, only Chaeyoung remained awake.
Sipping her hot chocolate at the windowsill, Chaeyoung took a glimpse of the moon illuminating the whole place.
Just like her.
Chaeyoung held her wallet again, this time, she appreciates the girl more by caressing it gently with the loving stare she only gives to her.
I am sorry, I miss you.
---
This brat?!
NO! I would never sign this papa!
Calm down Mina, it's not good for your health, I am sure there's some kind of explanation...
I'm so sorry, miss... What happened last time was an accident, I didn't mean to be rude and I was having a really bad day—
You don't get to decide whether or not I would sign the papers cause this is my company and I wouldn't like you to have yours as my business partner!
---
How long are you really gonna follow me?
Miss Myoui, please hear me out, I am not following you and I am so sorry for what happened in our first meeting—
I don't have time to listen to what your excuses are, stop what you're doing or I'll call the police.
B-but... I really have to do this Miss Myoui a-and...
Like I told you, I don't have enough time.
...
...
...
Just... make an appointment.
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Where do you wanna go Miss Myoui?
Shut your mouth up or I wouldn't give you another chance.
---
We've been taking pictures for a month already and I did everything you asked me to do... I don't mean to be rude but... are you really gonna sign the papers?
...
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Can you hold onto this camera for a while?
...
Chaeyoung agreed and couldn't help but to be curious about what the woman has been up to ever since they started 'traveling' together.
She couldn't understand. Why was the woman so fixated with her camera? What was in it that made her glued onto that thing like it's not gonna last forever?
Unfamiliar buttons were on Chaeyoung's peripheral view. She hated cameras. Chaeyoung was more like what's in the present shall remain in her memories, not in this type of digital thing.
Surprisingly, the woman takes really good pictures of scenery. Click after click, Chaeyoung stumbled with not just an ordinary landscape picture but...
Why is this all me?
Chaeyoung heard the woman coming out of the bathroom and began to exit all the things she had recently discovered.
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Why don't you look at me?
Look at me, take a look at me
Should I really tell you to?
Look into my eyes
Don't turn your gaze away
Please take a look at me, honey
---
Chaeyoung, Can you take a picture of me?
You know I hate taking pictures.
Just one, please?
I am sorry, I can't.
This is the last, I promise. I would sign the papers and you'd finally be able to go back.
I...
Can you just look at me even for a second?
please?
...
click.
---
Chaeyoung already knew Mina had a heart disease.
They first met at the hospital where she accidentally went into the CCU in Japan.
Chaeyoung wanted to get her burned hand treated because of a waitress' mistake at the airport but due to miscommunications because of the different language, she was led there.
Upon looking for the right room, she couldn't help but to panic and began to unconsciously bump into people as she walked and ended up colliding with Mina who also seems to be in a bad mood.
With their feelings getting mixed up, they both fought a little and Mina did end up guiding Chaeyoung into the right room.
Chaeyoung knew about her condition not because of that but because of Mina's father.
Chaeyoung knew. Chaeyoung knew Mina had a serious heart disease. She definitely cared. But what more could she do? She was just being with Mina because she needs to do her job.
Chaeyoung only looked at Mina that time. The time where she had to click that thing. The time Mina asked her to.
Mina always looked at Chaeyoung ever since... But Chaeyoung was too busy minding her job that she forgot to be a human.
The latter decided to go and talk to Mina before she departs after signing the paper but ended up looking at Mina for the last time at the highway where her body was covered with red liquids that also came from her own in front of a car.
Mina didn't die because of the disease but...
running up to Chaeyoung hoping that she would finally realize what the pictures of her means.
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Author's note
I tried a different writing style but I do hope y'all got the point even though it's a bit messy, stay safe everyone !