" its your own fault " the distant voice stated, ringing through his head
" I know you like it " he panted and kyungsoo closed his eyes annoyed, the sound of skin slapping against skin was like acid to his ears as he lowered his head onto his lifted knees, hugging them to himself as a cold breeze went by.
" lets have some fun, little runt " he stabbed his knife into the ground besides him and started counting numbers to himself because he knew it were only memories. Whatever he was hearing wasnt real anymore and whatever feeling of dead and disgust wasnt justified anymore, the eerie feeling of realizing what was about to happen, it wasn't justified because nothing would happen now, even if he dreamed it. Dreams werent real and he wasnt justified.
Most of the alphas and betas he still dreamed of werent even alive anymore any yet he still couldnt stop himself from feeling it all.
It was infuriating, logically their death should satisfy him and give his fears no more meaning but it didnt change a thing. they were dead but he kept them alive. " I'll take good care of you"
and then as kyungsoo buried his face in his hands over his knees, groaned annoyed and frustrated over everything he was feeling so horrible for, boots stepped up in front of him.
the omega lifted his eyes to them, traveling ip to meet no other but jongins frown directed down and at him, the moon shining bright behind him " what are you doing ?" He asked, he wore a jacket, no shirt underneath but black jogging pants pushed messily into his dirty boots.
Any other day kyungsoo would find the lined scars on jongins chest traveling down to his torso suspicious but at that moemnt he couldnt care less.
The omega didnt answer, instead he looked to the side as if the beta hadnt even been there to begin with and halfheartedly he wished he wasnt and would just go away.
jongin hesitated, seemingly thinking of what to do himself " it's 4 am.. "
yet again the omega kept his mouth shut, looking out and into the forest. that idiot, he was unable to just leave him alone. whatever he did jongin was somehow there or close by and usually hed grown to not care or mind, occasionally he'd liked that jongin was there or he wished he was to make certain things easier but on that day he wished the beta would just close his jacket and walk away.
the beta shifted looking out before getting down to sit beside him, raising one knee to rest his elbow on " you ok ?.. "
kyungsoo looked down at that, blank eyes scanning the grass. he learned that the beta had a sort of rightousness to him, he'd been more of the quiet type but not because he was shy. kyungsoo couldnt recall the beta ever showing even fear or any stronger emotion like the other pack members, he didnt laugh loudly along and he never looked sad or cried, the most hed seen the beta react was when he would be mad but even then he somewhat seemed to hold back on it.
" what were you doing this late ?" he asked and jongin turned to look at him slightly and explain
" I shifted for a run "
Silence followed but the omega couldnt help and wonder even without questioning, Why he never ran with the others, why now at night alone.. did he always do that ?
Kyungsoo closed his eyes exhaling as he looked at the moon again, it didnt matter anyway, it wouldnt make a difference if he knew and as he breathened through, more silent moments passed in which he cleared his loud mind by simply watching the moon, despite still feeling somwhat anger toward it, the times which he could watch it had always been one if not the most peaceful he would allow himself to feel. how the clouds slowly passed it and its light wouldnt flicker or suddenly dim, the moon always stayed as it was and it always appeared every night. In a way that was the only reliable thing he had, knowing the moon would be there.
" do you believe in her ?" jongin then asked, interrupting his thoughts and causing him to finally look down from it.
He shock his head " no.. "
Kyungsoo blinked, playing with the Gras beside him. Having the beta sit there before him was somehow grounding him in reality. His thoughts had quieted down but his feelings hadnt.
The anxiety, the feeling of needing to be alert, of being watched. It was eating away at him.
" you know in the past I would look up to the moon and just curse her" the beta started again and kyungsoo looked over to him slightly
"I used to wish she she would make shit go down " jongin smirked " like cause a weird coincidental thing that would decapitate a few bastards.. or you know anything, anything but just fucking watch "
kyungsoo pressed his lips together as he now fully turned to him who hesitated " and then.. when I became part of this pack and saw sojoon turn enemies into friends and saving people. I didnt get it but over time- you know you understsnd things more its not just about me or you or him or anyone really.. if she was real I think- there.. " he thought for a moment " theres nothing she should do. humans and wolves are responsible. she didnt tell anyone to do what they do if she did then she might aswell just take control of us all like wild rogues or pets and then whats the point in that"
Kyungsoo frowned over his expression " so watching us kill each other is fair"
" no " jongin answered " its not but its what we chose " his eyes were strict and honest, it was enough to cause the omegas frown to fade little" neither of us deserved what happened but these things have been happening for who knows how long and all effort always goes into just surviving or repeating, lets not pretend you and i are good people, porcelain but sojoon is, people like him make the choices I want people in the future to make, thats why I stayed.. thats why I would die for him "
Yet again the shorter looked over him and took a moment to attempt reading the betas eyes in search of any hint of a lie. He doubted jongin could be that fond of their alpha to even give his life for him but then at the same time he believed it, eujin seemed set on protecting the alpha just as much from what he heard.
Perhaps thats why alpha sojoon was so feard undeR the alphas kyungsoo had been with before. Loyalty is a stronger concept than fear. Most betas in the past would sacrifice their alpha in a heartbeat for their own lives if it came to it but kyungsoo had a feeling no one would sacrifice anyone in this pack for anything. It almost felt like a rule, a standard he had to be up to
" i dont think I would die for him " He then stated in honesty but somewhat unsure. Hed always known not to sacrifice himself if it came to it yet he couldnt deny there were timed he'd nearly died for stupid reasons, he didnt know why he chose. " orr anyone "
" what about jennie ?"
Almost offended kyungsoo frowned at him by his side " are you serious ?"
" yeah" jobgin lifted his eyebrows before smirking slightly " you seem protective of her"
Surprised he kept his irritated gaze eyes on him as if to question what he meant silently before realizing it on his own " she told you, didnt she?" About the twins.
Jongin adjusted his seat but nodded " yeah.. and I think its stupid to keep this from sojoon "
Kyingsoo sighed, hand up to lean his head agsinst " I dont care but jennie doesnt want to because then she'd have to explain what she was doing on the public training grounds"
" he will find out anyway its inevitable " the beta eyed him hesitant as he noticed the shorters expression become more displeased and angered " what did they say ?-"
" I know she told you what they said so dont "
He rolled his eyes looking the other way but jongin kept his calm, only watching him.
" you know they cant get you " he said " youre part of this pack now, touching you or taking you would cause sojoon to go after them with his alliances again... all of them is, its basically an army against a single pack, even if they had 5 meatballs of twins, they're no match. "
At last kyungsoo couldnt help and chuckle, pulling Gras to toss away an glance back at him again " meatballs of twins?"
" yeah you know when they melt into each othe-" he laughed lightly as kyungsoo pushed him by his shoulder
" are you fucking braindead ? Huh? "
" asshole " jongin huffed shaking his head and kyungsoo bit away his smile and leaned into his legs at the wind picking up again, causing a shiver to run through him as he burried his nose into his arms resting over his knees.
Jongin leaned back at that and observed him for another moment. Thinking of it he'd never really heard the sound of the boys chuckles. He wouldnt even call them chuckles, little giggles sounded more fitting. Understandably Kyungsoo never was a joyful person. He showed more anger and attitude than anything but something jongin appreciated was that the omega, despite at first appearing to be, he wasnt arrogant or self centered.
He didnt believe he was flawless, instead he listened and although not verbally acknowledging it if he was wrong, Jongin could tell the moment he would realize he was and then he would do what he could to fix it or change.
He wasnt stubborn in a way that prevented him from learning and growing and jongin somewhat admired that because he remembered clearly that he himself when he first got here wasnt like that. He didnt have the strength to dare and listen. He was too emotional.
Jongin felt like laughing at the thought of kyungsoo getting more into emotions other than anger and annoyance. He wondered what he looked like if he actually laughed. What it would sound like. How he would laugh, the kind that made you fight to catch your breath again. The kind that made your stomach hurt.
He couldnt imagen it, he could only wonder.
The omegas shoulders shock again in a shiver and he inhaled leaning his forehead onto his arms as if to bury himself.
Jongin swallowed hesitant as he looked around them before he took his jacket off and simply threw it over kyungsoos shoulders. He knew the boy wasnt going to go in now specially if he suggested it again and he didnt feel comfortable in leaving him alone now, not because he didnt think he would be fine but because he thought he may feel better with another presence there.
" when I was new to all this.." he started, to break the silence " I was having tons of nightmares.. you see those railings on the roof ?"
Kyungsoo turned his head, not commenting on the jacket but instead silently accepting it as he clung to it and looked up at the house behind himself, spotting the old railings attached to the edges of the roof " I used to climb up the roof and look at the moon for houres.. sojoon was so worried but eventually he knew to trust me handling myself.. well " he shrugg his shoulders "with railings at least he said "
Kyungsoo put his arms through the sleeves noticing they were too long and the smell jongin carried surrounded him like an embrace. It was sort of nice, he thought and he glanced back at the beta who still carried the ghost of a smile most likely from still thinking of the past.
" he cares so much.. " kyungsoo admitted " do you know why ? There has to be a reason"
Jongins shrugged his shoulders " you Mean reason? Or Motive?"
The omega pressed his lips together looking out into the forest again as he listened to the other continue " trust me, he doesnt have a Motive.. he likes helping people, its just who he is " he explained " I'm lucky to have been found by him. Being part of this pack.. with these guys.. it's a blessing. Not many packs like these exist outside of the city, mostly they're nothing but miserable and strict, cold and eventually they either fall apart or die but I dont need to tell you that, you must've seen plently of those packs yourself "
" I have " kyungsoo nodded " and I know..I'm lucky to have escaped into his territory..and I'm glad it seems safe its just so.. meaningless, I used to always worry about what would happen next and how to stay alive, how to escape and use opportunities now all I worry about are some dumb numbers on papers, its stupid "
jongin pressed his lips together and the omega leaned onto his knees again seemingly brushing it off again.
" why dont you join me and jay after school monday? tell sojoon your going to extra tutoring"
" why where are you going ?" he asked and jongin titled his head thinking " I'll explain it then, lets go inside its late enough "
he'd moved but kyungsoo didnt instead he looked the other way almost ashamed " I cant"
" why ?"
" I just cant " he repeated so jongin got down again looking at him with a frown " why ?"
the boy bit both his lips before sighing
" sojoon is in my room "
" so ?" jongin frowned, ever since kyungsoo came, sojoon has been sleeping in his room regularly in order to keep him calm and be there incase of another nightmare, he didnt understand why it mattered now all of a sudden.
" I- dont want to be close to an alpha right now " he mumbled annoyed and it took jongin a moment to understand, whatever shock him enough to end up outside had to do with an alpha and he assumed one who'd hurt him deeply at a time back then, he hesitated thinking of what to say when he looked around them. he couldve went to sojoons empty room then or perhaps he didnt feel comfortable alone either..
" fine.. why dont you sleep in my room " he suggested instead looking into the distance as he kicked the ground and kyungsoo frowned turning to him for a moment, in which the beta regret his suggestion but then he figured the omega just couldnt help but be uneasy about asking for help. " you could sleep in my room or I'll wake sojoon and have him do his rant of worries "
kyungsoo looked down but eventually gave in, being glad it was made easy for him " fine.. " he stood up standing beside the bets but not looking at him as he started walking.
Jongin shock his head looking after him with a disbelief of a smile and they went back inside.
-
" he looked like a jellyfish what was I suppose to do ? I couldnt even remember hus damn name" eujin chuckled, sipping her coffee as she sat by the table with chanyeol, a cup in his own hand as he joined her with a laugh and looked up at their alpha arriving.
" you guys are up early for a weekend ?" he commented, walking up to them and glancing over to the training grounds outside when a little frowned formed on his eyebrows, seeing how empty it was" wait.. kyungsoo, isnt he up aswell ?"
eujin and chanyeol shrugg their shoulders at each other shaking their heads " we didnt see or hear him?"
sojoon only looked at them at first before he turned back to the stairs, " kyungsoo ?" He called out, skipping steps upstairs and rushing toward the bathrooms only to find them empty aswell and he looked around before at jay exiting his room with sleepy eyes. sojoon pushed passed him glancing into his room " what the- sojoon" he groaned tiredly rubbing hus eyes and watching his alpha turn to eujins room and then jennies, who was still sleeping unbothered in her bed so at last he turned to jongins room and basically bursted inside.
he had to freeze at the unexpected sight of kyungsoo sitting up startled and the alphas eyes moved down from the omegas to the slipping arm around his waist as a shirtless jongin sat up behind him.
sojoons eyes lit up in red and jay gasped behind him also seeing the view as eujin and chanyeol arrived aswell, eujin pressing her lips together in order to mask her smirk while chanyeols eyes widened.
"what ?" kyungsoo frowned at them annoyed and more confused than guilty.