Eddie Munson - A Collection of One-Shots!

015. High on You

We were all high.

Blissfully high, at a music festival, having the time of our lives.

We were all high on the brightly coloured pills of various shapes and sizes that we'd been given.

And we were all caught up in a personal drug fuelled haze of our own.

My vision was encased in a purple and blue frame; everything I looked at, had this striking coloured outline to it, and it was almost like I was looking through purple tinted glasses.

The music felt close; as if it was a part of me, and I liked it alot.

And then I saw her.

Dancing fluidly, like a river runs downstream.
Her hips swayed effortlessly and her arms were open and out as she moved to the music.

Something told me that she was riding out a high similar to my own, as she connected with the music in a different way before my eyes.

It was like the music was a part of her too.

She was completely in time with the music, which I was so acutely aware of, as I stared at her with sudden and unexpected tunnel vision.

All I could see was her.
Her and colour.

Her in colour.

Her eyes were closed as she lost herself, and I could feel myself losing myself at the sight of her, lost in her movement, completely hypnotised.

She was enchanting; like a mistress of magic.

The various drug fuelled lights that I was seeing bounced off her and the sounds of the panpipes warmed me, making me vibrate with the rush.

They lightly kissed her brunette hair and her tanned skin, as I was hypnotised by the movement of her hips, and she paused as the music stopped momentarily.

I watched her take a series of momentary deep breaths before the music kicked in again, and she continued to dance, mesmerising me.

I sank to the floor, the grass feeling weird against the skin of my legs and my hands as I touched it for a moment, becoming familiar.

I crossed my legs and she had my undivided attention after that.

And then she saw me.
She discovered me; she could see I was watching her.

Her eyes watched me, as she danced towards me until she was metres away.

And when our proximity was close, she sank to her knees and slowly crawled over to me.

She gently climbed onto my lap and I let her, in complete awe of her, feeling like I was present in the moment but also floating away, as her mouth hovered over mine. As much as I was in awe of her, I couldn't deny the sudden desire stirring up inside me, and I wanted her to know.

"You can't be real." I whispered.

"I am real." She whispered back.

"How can I tell that you are?" I asked, as she smiled sweetly, showing me a row of perfect, straight white teeth.

Her response was that her lips suddenly covered mine and she pressed her tongue against my own as she kissed me once, softly on the mouth.

And when she retreated from me, I realised that she'd delicately pressed half of a pill onto my tongue.

She stuck out her tongue, showing me that the other half was sitting on it; she was showing me that she was sharing it with me.

"I'm real." She said, sounding serene.

The panpipes and the drum beat continued, as her sparkling green eyes watched me, and when she saw me swallow the pill voluntarily, she smiled.

"You're beautiful." She said, and her voice sounded like bells, ringing loudly in my ears.

"You look beautiful when you're high." She continued, as she began to dance.

She was dancing for me.

But she was also dancing away from me, much to my disappointment.

"If you want to, you can come find me." She whispered, before losing herself in the music again.

********************************************
When I awoke the next morning, I was a foot away from my tent, and Jeff was prodding me with a stick, checking I was alive as I lay motionless on my back.

"Jeff man, I'm up." I said, my voice muffled by my arm that was across my face, shielding my eyes from the morning sun.

"Have fun last night did we?" He asked, in a teasing tone, as I dropped my arm from my face.

I stared at the unfamiliar fabric, and frowned.

"Who's jumper am I wearing?" I asked, groaning.

"Where's your shirt and jacket?" Jeff asked.

"No idea. I don't even remember getting changed." I said, a little bemused.

"You were clearly away with the fairies." Gareth said, laughing, as I sat up and groaned.

"It was a good ride whilst it lasted." I said, trying to wake myself up.

"Time did you drop?" Gareth asked.

"About two hours ago." I said, stretching.

I yawned softly and Gareth frowned.

"How many pills did you take man?" He asked, as Jeff started to laugh.

"Uhm, two in the end." I said, counting my fingers with blurred eyes.

"I saw you take one." Jeff said.

"And then I had half..... and then this girl.... There was this girl, she shared one with me." I said.

"What girl?" Grant asked, peeking out of his tent.

"There was this girl, I was listening to Enigma on the second stage. She was dancing, and she came over to me." I said.

"Yeah we were there, with you." Jeff said.

"So you saw her then?" I asked, hopeful.

"I don't remember no dancing girl." Jeff said, shrugging.

"She had long brown hair, tanned, she was wearing like a black body suit with a belt, black boots, and a white sheer floor length kimono. Man she was fucking beautiful." I said, shaking my head.

"She was just dancing away all by herself." I added.

"How far did those fairies take you man?" Grant asked, laughing.

Gareth and Jeff joined in too and I rolled my eyes.

"We didn't see her. We saw you spaced out on the grass. You said it felt weird." Jeff said.

"She was fucking there when I sat down on the grass. She came over to me." I said.

"Oh wait.... It's coming back to me." Jeff said, playfully.

"Is it?" I asked him, with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I don't recall seeing her." He said, laughing loudly.

"Well I didn't bug out and imagine her. She was there. She came over to me. Sat down right in my lap, kissed me and planted half a pill on my tongue. Told me to come find her." I said, adamant.

"Did you find her?" Gareth asked, as they all stated at me open mouthed.

"She made out with you?" Jeff asked.

"No I didn't find her, and trust me I tried. And no, it was just one kiss. Long enough to pop the half a pill in my mouth." I said, answering them.

"She has dark hair, wearing a bodysuit, kimono and boots... and has green eyes?" Jeff said.

"Yeah, how dya know?" I asked, shocked.

"Oh, because she's behind you." He said hurriedly, looking at something over my head.

Grant cleared his throat and gave her a small wave as I slowly turned to greet her, my mouth suddenly dry with nerves.

"Hey." She said, with a nervous smile.

"Hey, you have fun last night?" I asked, reaching for my backpack to occupy my sudden, shaking hands.

I opened it and pulled out a bottle of water as she knelt down on the grass in front of me.

"Probably too much fun." She said, laughing nervously.

"You want a water?" I asked her, offering her the second bottle.

"That would be great, thank you." She said, taking it from me gently.

"No problem." I said, with a smile.

There was a moment where neither of us spoke, we both opened the bottles in sync and took a hefty swig each.

"Did you have fun?" She asked me, breaking our silence.

"Yeah, I did. Like you, probably a little too much." I said, with a smirk.

"I don't even know who's jumper I'm wearing." I added, as she laughed.

I was finding my confidence from somewhere; I wasn't sure where, but I wasn't knocking it.

"I wouldn't paint you as a fan of Enigma." She said, as I chuckled softly.

"I branch out every now and again." I said, playfully.

"How long are you here for?" She asked.

"Until tomorrow. What about you?" I asked.

"I leave tomorrow." She said, with a smile.

"Who are you watching today?" I asked.

"I'm heading to stage 1 for Billie Eilish in about an hour or so, and then this afternoon I'm gonna watch Fever Ray and I'm torn for tonight. Not sure who I want to watch. And you?" She asked.

"Think we're heading over to stage 5 in an hour or two for Silverchair, and then I think we're gonna watch Kasabian. Tonight? Not sure yet either." I answered.

She took another swig of the water from the bottle in her hand then and she smiled warmly at me.

"I uhm, probably should have asked if you were okay with it before I kissed half a pill into your mouth." She said, sounding awkward.

"Totally fine with it, don't worry." I said, chuckling softly.

"I tried to find you actually." I added.

"You did?" She asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Yeah." I said, as she laughed slightly.

"Where'd you end up?" I asked her.

"I watched Maggie Rogers and then headed back." She said.

"These guys found me on the floor unable to comprehend how weird the grass felt." I said, as she laughed loudly.

"And then they all crashed and I eventually made my way back here, but just outside of my tent." I added.

"I need to find mine." She said, looking all around her as if she'd only just remembered.

"Need any help?" I asked her, offering my services.

And then she waved at someone behind her, and I deduced that she'd finally found whoever she'd come here with.

"That's my friend, I'd better go, but thank you." She said, rising to her feet.

"Thank you for the water." She added.

"No problem. Have fun." I said, hiding my disappointment at her leaving with a warm smile.

"And you." She said, with a girlish smile as she waved and walked away.

And as I turned to my friends, they all started laughing.

"Mock all you want, I told you I didn't trip her. She's fucking real man." I said.

"We should skip Kasabian, check out Fever Ray." Jeff suggested.

"And why would we do that?" I asked.

"Because dude, she seemed like she wanted to see you again later." Gareth said, as though it was obvious.

"You really think so?" I asked.

"Absolutely. You want to risk not finding her again tonight?" Grant asked.

I lay back down on the grass, and rolled onto my front, sighing loudly.

"There may only have been chemistry because we were both high as shit man." I said, as Jeff shrugged.

"We're here to have fun, so I wouldn't even think too much about it. If you want to see her later, we'll try and catch her at Fever Ray instead." He added.

"You guys would do that?" I asked.

"Course we would. You'd do it for us." Gareth said, as I rest my head on my arm and smiled.

"Alright, yeah." I said.

"But seriously, I need to get out of this jumper." I added, as we all laughed.

"Brings out your eyes." Grant said, jokingly.

"Let's get some food and head over to stage four." I suggested, rising unsteadily to my feet.

"Let's do this!" Grant cried, rolling out of his tent.

****************************************
"Did you enjoy Enigma last night?"

I turned to my friend Jade, and smiled broadly.

"I loved it." I said, as I changed into another bodysuit. It was dark green, and I pulled a black sheer kimono out of my case and slipped it on.

"Aw that's pretty. I like the silver stars on it." Jade said, as I secured a black belt around my waist, over the top of it.

I slipped on my red docs and ran a hand through my loose hair.

"Did I see you kiss someone last night?" She asked me suddenly, a coy smile on her face.

"Yeah." I said, laughing nervously.

"Who was he?" She asked.

"I have no idea. I just saw him and I dunno, thought he was really handsome." I said, as she giggled.

"Was he the same guy I saw you talking to?" She asked, as she dressed.

"Yeah, he seems really nice." I said.

"Think you'll bump into him again?" She asked, as I shrugged.

"There's hundreds of people here, I doubt it." I said, with a small sigh.

"If it's meant to be, it'll be." She assured me.

He was a complete stranger, but I couldn't get him out of my head.

I might have been buzzing loudly from the high I was wrapped up in, but I was acutely aware of how soft his lips had felt, against mine. I was almost hyper aware of how attractive he was, and that it had lured me in. I was confident, sure; but never quite that confident.

I felt something, even if it had only been fleeting.
He'd tasted delicious, too.

After we'd watched Billie, we stumbled out of the tent with jelly legs after dancing solidly all the way through. I was sweating slightly, giddy and happy.

As we walked out, Fantasy was playing over the food van speakers, and I reached into my bag for a small yellow flower shaped pill and popped it into my mouth.

"This could almost be about lover boy last night." Jade said, giggling as I popped a green diamond onto her tongue.

"Shut up." I said, laughing.

And as we were dancing I saw a familiar face.

He was wearing a black T-shirt and jeans, with sunglasses on his head and a chain around his neck.

As he walked past us, he smiled widely at me, his friends giving me a wave.

"Having fun?" He asked, as I nodded.

He confidently took my hand and spun me around once, dancing with me momentarily and as I released his hand, his fingers clasped around the gift I'd left within them.

"Enjoy." I whispered, as he grinned broadly.

He leaned forward and his lips pursed at my ear.

"Can I find you later?" He whispered, as I nodded.

Jade squeaked with excitement next to me, and I grimaced slightly, blushing.

"I'll see you at Fever Ray." He whispered again in my ear, as my eyes widened.

He'd remembered where I was going today and was clearly ditching the act he was supposed to have seen today, to see me. My heart fluttered slightly, and I tried to steady my breathing.

"Eddie man! You want a beer?"

He turned and acknowledged both his name and the question shouted his way, and gave a heart thumbs up.

"Sure man! Be right over!" He called back, with a refreshing smile.

So, his name was Eddie.

He didn't know my name though, yet.

Which just excited me a little.

"I'll catch you later then." He said, with a smile and a nod.

I watched him walk away, and I was sure my heart had danced it's way out of my chest, and followed him.

How could a complete stranger make me feel like this?

"Baby girl, you've got it bad." Jade said, from behind me.

"He literally has the face of an Angel. Did you see that smile? Those teeth?" I asked, with a deep sigh.

"He has a kind, inviting face doesn't he?" She asked.

I nodded, as I watched him fade into the crowd ahead of him, and the last thing I saw was him dancing along to Silverchair.

*******************************************
Eddie's POV.

I was lost in yet another haze, the sounds of Fever Ray buzzing loudly in my head, and everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion.

The song she was singing was sultry; it was a slow beat, intense and I focused on her voice and the words as I swayed slightly, from side to side.

The colours I was seeing so far today, were hues of red and pink, unlike the purple and blue yesterday.

I felt the beat of the drum vibrate through me, as Jeff appeared at my side, choosing not to partake in recreational activity today.

"She's good. I really like this." He said.

Laying down, eating snow.....
My fur is hot, my tongue is cold,

On a bed of spider web,
I think of how to change myself....

"This song is cool, I like it." I said, my voice sounding distant in my head.

"We're just over here man." Jeff said, squeezing my shoulder, leaving me with a broad smile, to watch the pinks and reds dance before my eyes.

I was happy to partake recreationally again tonight. Mainly because I wanted to see the lights dance off her, when I saw her again.

And the crowd suddenly parted and she was there.

It was as though they dispersed to show me that I'd found her.

She was dancing fluidly again, slowly and she was lost in the music, much like she was last night.

Whispering,
Morning, keep the streets empty for me.....
Morning, keep the streets empty, for me.....

And as though she sensed me, she slowly turned around and her intense green eyes, locked with my own.

She'd seen me.

Her mouth curved into a smile, and we seemed to migrate towards each other, through the crowd that had parted like the Red Sea.

I could only see her. And she could only see me.

When she came level with me, I felt my mouth curve into a boyish, happy grin.

"I told you I'd find you." I said, as she nodded.

"You did." She answered, reaching for one of my hands as they hung by my sides.

I let her take my hand, and our fingers locked together loosely, the sparks coursing through my skin at her touch.

It appeared to have the same effect on her, as she closed the gap inbetween us.

"So, what happens now?" She asked me.

Her voice was husky, laced with hints of desire and I felt a sudden arousal swirl in my stomach.

"I mean, I'd like to know your name." I said, with a slight nervous chuckle.

"Daphne." She said.

"I know your name." She added.

"You do?" I asked.

"I do. Eddie." She confirmed as I felt my grin grow wider.

"Would you come somewhere with me?" She asked suddenly, as my mouth grew dry with nerves.

I swallowed, and with slight widened eyes, I nodded.

"Yeah." I answered, my response a little breathy.

She took my hand and led me through the crowd, and we exited through a sea of dancing bodies, walking slowly towards the woodland on the outskirts, that surrounded the festivities.

As I willingly followed her, I realised just how intoxicating she was to me, how much she seemed to have me deep inside whatever thrall she had over me.

Whatever this spell was, I didn't want it to break.

She walked me towards the far edge of the forest, where the live music was now barely audible, sounding more like a heartbeat in the distance.

The only light, was the moon as it crept through the tall trees and it was almost silent here.

And as we walked through the clearing on the other side, I realised we were on the beach.

Wordlessly, she led me along the sand, until we came to a large rock formation, with a small alcove in the middle of it.

"It doesn't go that far back." She whispered, leading me inside.

And once we were in there and darkness had engulfed us, she turned towards me in the dark, and I blindly reached for her.

I held her for a moment, before leaning down to kiss her softly. She kissed me back with a similar fever and desperation, and we sank to the cave floor together, almost in sync with each other.

She straddled my lap expertly, and I unfastened the belt around her waist, pushing the kimono off her shoulders. I kissed her bare skin softly, and her head tilted back in pleasure, at my touch.

Her hands hurriedly unbelted and unzipped my jeans and I shuffled out of them enough to free myself.

And as she ran her hands through my hair, and kissed me sporadically, I blindly rolled a condom onto my hard shaft.

I pushed the straps of her body suit off her shoulders, pulling her free of it, and she leaned down enough for me to tug it down and off her legs.

I tossed it to one side, and in the slight moonlight, I could see her perfect, slender, naked body in front of me.

I hastily removed my jeans, and she settled back into my lap, perching herself above me, and as I nodded, she lowered herself onto me.

We gasped in unison; she sounded divine.
And as if it was in slow motion, she rolled her hips, her hands wound deep in my hair as we kissed deeply.

"Oh fuck....." I whispered against her parted lips, as her pace quickened and I could feel myself begin to sweat, the pleasure taking over me.

"You feel so good....." I whispered, my voice sounding strained.

I held her to me, crushing her against me and she moaned softly, her head tilting back with pleasure as I lowered my head to kiss her petite, naked breasts.

"Oh god...." She said, with a deep sigh.

And I was overcome with a desire to just devour her whole.

I lay her down, and comfortably repositioned before lying along the length of her body, thrusting deeply inside of her.

We were a mass of limbs, as we kissed, touched and as I ground my hips against hers.

It was passionate, unlike anything I'd ever experienced as I bucked my hips against hers, feeling every exquisite inch of her around me.

Her legs were splayed beautifully either side of me, as she willingly let me take her, her hands in my hair as I kissed her deeply on her plump, red mouth.

I felt my movements grow sloppy, and I knew I was close then; her breathing had quickened and she was shuddering underneath me, which just aroused me even more.

"Jesus...." She bleated, shakily.

"I'm close baby girl....." I whispered.

And it was enough to see her slide effortlessly off the ledge and she unravelled before my eyes.

I heard her climax in a series of sharp, short, breathy moans and I felt as though if all sound suddenly disappeared from the world, and I could choose what sounds I wanted to hear for the rest of my days, it would be to listen to her in the throes of sexual bliss.

I'd play it on a constant loop.
She was beautiful; she sounded beautiful and she felt beautiful.

I was a man of the world and an experienced one at that, but this girl had come from nowhere, and completely had me under her spell in just two nights. She was mysterious, fun and seemingly carefree and I had been drawn to her from the moment I'd laid eyes on her.

"Say that again...." She whispered, her chest heaving as she trembled underneath me.

The sound of her voice, and the closeness of her face to my own, I felt my arousal hit the pivotal peak I was driving towards and she held my face in her soft hands, her nose nuzzling against mine as she gently coaxed me to reach the wave of pleasure I was desperately seeking.

And when it came, she held me close to her, and I collapsed against her, breathless and shaky.

I opened my eyes and searched hers before we both smiled broadly at each other, the moonlight coating us in a silver glow.

"Can I hear you call me that again?" She whispered, with a girlish grin.

"You liked it?" I asked her, as she nodded.

"I did." She said.

"You'll be mine until we part ways tomorrow?" I asked, as she nodded.

"I'm yours for the rest of tonight." She said.

I kissed her neck softly, and she writhed underneath me, relishing my touch; I paused by her ear and pursed my lips.

"Then it's a done deal..... Baby girl." I whispered.

I felt her shudder and a grin the size of a planet spread across my face.

And we remained within the small alcove for the remainder of the night, listening to the music in the background back at the festival, wrapped in each others arms, as we lay naked in the moonlight.

We lay close, kissing and talking in whispers, accepting that this would just be what it was, for the remainder of the night, and that tomorrow would surely come, where we'd part ways and almost probably never see each other again.

We'd liked each other instantly, and we'd let that be, seeing it through to the natural end of its course.

And as the sun slowly rose in the sky and the mornings warm breeze blew through our hair as we lay entwined together, I bade her goodbye in the only fitting way I knew, which was to make love to her again, slower this time; slower but just as meaningful.

We were painfully close throughout, noses touching, breaths mingling, moans merging as I moved above her, and I kissed her, giving her every inch of care I could possibly offer.

The morning broke and had fledged by the time we had walked back to the festival grounds, and we reluctantly parted ways, with a hug and a tender kiss, before I went one way, and she went the other.

And as we walked back to our respective friendship groups, we shared one last lingering look at each other over our shoulders and we both waved.

She walked out of my line of sight and I chose to ignore the sinking feeling in my heart as she disappeared from my life.

No, I knew I'd never see her again.
It had been exactly what it was.

A fleeting, but wholesome, perfect experience.
One I doubted I'd ever forget in this lifetime.

"Any regrets?" Jeff asked, sitting outside of his tent.

I turned to look back, knowing I wouldn't see her behind me and shook my head.

It would be a lie, but I answered anyway.

"Not a single one." I answered, as he grinned.

I had no regrets of the events themselves.
No, the only regret I was holding close to my chest was a simple one.

I'd never see her again.

And that was a real shame.

******************************************
Eddie's POV.

All I'd heard since we'd landed back in Hawkins, was Billie Eilish on the radio.

The universe clearly didn't want me to forget about her.

It didn't want me to ever forget Daphne.

Beautiful, carefree, spirited, Daphne.

I didn't think at almost 22 years old, I'd experience the scenario of the girl who got away.

But here I was. And she had.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her even with the aid of Billie constantly playing on most radio stations; my brain was already assisting me with that.

I'd returned to work, band rehearsals and D&D, almost like none of it had happened, or at least that was what I wanted the guys to think anyway.

But I felt restless. Restless, and almost like I wasn't completely satisfied.

I wanted more days with her.
Just to see if the spark would be continuous.

Or confirm if it would ever fizzle out.

I knew what it had been, and I knew I'd have had to say goodbye to her.

But did she feel the same as me, right now?
Did she feel as though the door hadn't quite closed and that there was potential to explore further?

I'd never know.

*****************************************
A month had gone by, and me and Jade had been off on other adventures, and I couldn't deny that I was living my best, free life.

I was just loving the road, the freedom, the free spirited ways in which we were doing our own things, when we weren't working at our respective jobs to pay the bills.

Jade fortunately lived with her parents still; I didn't have that luxury.

Because I had shit parents.

Both were addicts, and I was estranged from both.

Had been since the moment I had finished high-school.

I'd sell their supply of weed and pills to senior parties, take my cut when they were too blasted to notice, and then squirrelled it all away until I'd graduated.

I'd donned the cap and gown and then I'd come home, packed my things, took my savings and I was out of dodge before they could even notice.

They did notice eventually, but not for the obvious reasons.

They'd noticed, when I'd found myself a nice little house and saw I was paying rent and bills every month.

The money hadn't just come from the two jobs I'd had after school, it had come from them too.

But I wasn't going to do their dirty business for free as they'd expected because after all I was their flesh and blood; they thought they owed me nothing but they owed me the childhood I never got, and the happy memories I should have had.

Instead I had an abundance of bad ones that I never really dared to either dwell on or talk about for too long.

They'd had a lot to say when they'd realised I'd been taking a small portion as my cut, having sold for years on their behalf.

They were shitty parents; I hadn't heard the end of it.

And I was glad I was apart from them.

The little house I'd initially rented, wasn't my first home for long, as they'd hounded me, turned up daily, caused a lot of issues and so the next house I found was on the outskirts of Hawkins and up until they had moved out of Hawkins entirely, they had never found out where I'd moved to. I hadn't wanted them to know.

Anyone they asked, wouldn't part with a single syllable of my location. Trouble had caught up with them eventually and they'd been forced to move on, to outrun the law.

If they'd ever been caught, no one had ever told me. I didn't particularly care. They hadn't been parents; shit, they hadn't even been care givers.

Two selfish addicts who shacked up, and accidentally made a baby they never wanted.

I was only good for anything that benefitted them.

And when the child benefit had stopped at 17, in conjunction with the two jobs I'd already gotten to start earning a living for myself, I'd also had to earn my keep.

That, had come in the form of supplying small time drugs to seniors and other kids in school and it had been the perfect way for them to both benefit from me, and also make me worthy to remain under their roof.

It was either that, or I'd have been kicked out on my ass, with nothing.

But when I'd packed up and left, they'd been furious about it.

They were never happy.
And I was never happy with them.

Most had expected me to turn out just like them, and I did take some drugs recreationally, but what I had that they never did, was self control.

I knew my limits, I was never stupid about it.
And I knew what to look for from a dealer.

They had taught me something after all.

What to take, what not to take, what looked legit and what clearly wasn't. They'd taught me to do everything I needed to, to not wind up like them.

I'd been around enough drugs and drug use, to know exactly what I wanted from my life.

I was wild like my mother, minus the addictive personality. I was free spirited like my father, minus the smothering relationship with weed and alcohol.

I did have traits of theirs; that much was inevitable.

But I'd also learned to be my own person, and I'd had to learn wrong from right by myself.

And by other adults in my life, who'd tried their best to intervene or at least have some kind of relationship with me, to ensure that I didn't wind up dead or hurt in their care.

Social services had always been fooled by both my mother and my father; whenever they were due a visit, there was never a single drug in the house, everywhere was clean and tidy and I was showered with expensive toys and gifts.

It was the perfect deception, and it meant that their only child fell off the radar entirely for years.

Eventually, the social workers stopped coming to the house. There was no danger to me, and it was officially documented as such. They never physically abused me, they just never loved me like they were supposed to.

I provided certain benefits, just by being born.
And that's all they saw me as. A cash cow.

Shitting out money every month for them to squander.

And if they knew how to do anything at all, they were seasoned veterans in squandering money.

We never seemed to have any.
But we always had to pay someone back.

I'd lost count of how many times they'd sold my TV, my toys, even my bed, to pay back dealers, loan sharks or even just to buy a hit.

I'd slept on my bedroom floor for months at a time, for years. And they didn't fucking care.

And this was why I never looked to anyone, for anything permanent. I didn't know what that was.

Deep down, I knew that the boy I'd met at the festival a month ago, probably hoped that we'd meet again and something would blossom; perhaps he'd hoped that we'd exchange numbers to keep in touch.

But I had walked away, albeit reluctantly because permanency was something I knew very little about.

I was only good at fleeting.
And fleeting was all I felt I could offer.

It was the only lesson my parents had ever taught me.

And it wasn't a lesson to ever thank them for.

"Jesus, you're far in there aren't you?"

I snapped out of my intrusive, deep thoughts to find Jade in my office doorway, with a coffee in each hand.

"I was." I remarked, giving her a knowing look.

She placed one coffee on my desk and I smiled gratefully.

"Anything you wanna bounce off me?" She asked, sitting in the chair by the window.

"Oh just the usual. Nothing major, you know me." I said, dismissively.

"You were thinking about that guy weren't you?" She asked.

"There's no point thinking about him. I'll never see him again." I said, with a shrug.

She stared at me, looking a little torn.

"Spit it out." I said, rolling my eyes.

"How do you do it, Daphne?" She asked.

"Do what?" I asked.

"How do you meet a guy, who's fucking adorable, cute, has the most gorgeous smile, sleep with him, describe to me what can only be put down in words as being the best sex you've ever experienced, spend two nights with him and then just walk away without even say, exchanging numbers, or arranging to meet again?" She asked.

"You're the one who does long lasting. I'm here for the fleeting, temporary moments." I reminded her as she rolled her eyes.

"What if he's meant for you, and you let him get away?" She asked.

"What happened to if it'll be, it will be?" I asked her.

"You weren't supposed to remember that. But that was before you told me what happened on the second night. That changed things for me." She argued.

"It didn't for me." I said, simply.

"You know I'd love to see you find someone." She said, sincerely.

"I'm not built for permanent. I don't know what that even is, Jade." I said.

"Keeping every guy you meet and like at arms length, prevents you from finding out." She shot back as I huffed slightly.

"Look, I only knew this guys name. And I meant it when I said he was wonderful, he was gentle and he was kind. He was funny, he had the most breathtaking smile, the most beautiful eyes and I could just have gotten lost for days on end in those curls. We parted knowing it was just for that weekend, so why can't we just leave it there?" I asked.

"Because you won't admit it, but you're a little sad it did end." She said.

"I'm not sad." I argued.

"You're allowed to be a little sad about it. You had two really nice days with this guy, he was nice to you, you had chemistry. You're also allowed to be a little scared of it. You can be scared of the unknown. It would just mean you're like the rest of us." Jade said.

"Okay, it's bittersweet. That's how I feel." I admitted, finally.

"Real talk, finally." She said, sighing with relief.

"Yeah, and that's all the real talk you're getting." I said, as she rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I'll take it whilst I can. You're worth permanent, don't think you're not." She said.

"Fleeting and temporary has worked for me for this long." I remarked, as she rose to her feet.

"No, it worked for you, up until you met the diamond in the rough at the festival. The boy with the million dollar smile. It was tiding you over, and then you met him. Face it, you feel it's bittersweet because you are sad that it ended. For a moment, you considered offering your number, and then you bailed on the idea." She replied, clearly seeing through me.

"I don't know anything about this guy other than his name. I'll never be able to find him, and I'll make my peace with it." I said, causally.

"In fact, I already have." I added.

And from the doorway, she narrowed her eyes at me, and I raised an eyebrow.

She always had to have the last word.

"Then it won't hurt if I say... checked Facebook, Instagram and other social media platforms then would it? See if he's on any of them? Drop him a message, maybe?" She asked, airily.

"You wouldn't care if I tried to find him?" She added.

"Do what you fucking want." I told her sharply.

She grinned and flipped me the bird as she rounded out of my office, loudly shouting back to me.

"Twenty bucks says I find him by lunch time."

The girl was a fucking nightmare.

****************************************
By lunchtime, she was back in my office with an open, expectant hand.

"Twenty bucks. I found him." She declared.

"I know I didn't agree to this bargain." I said.

"You said I could do what I wanted. I've found his profile on Instagram. Twenty bucks please. I'll take two tens." She said, casually.

"You're getting fuck all from me." I answered.

"You're not even remotely curious? You don't want to see? He posts a lot, so he's active on there. I think he'd pick it up if you messaged." She said, as I shook my head.

"I'm good." I answered.

"Come on Daff." She whined, as I remained stubborn and adamant.

"No, Jade. I message him, and there'll be certain expectations I can't physically meet because I don't know how. It wouldn't be fair." I retorted, sternly.

"It's just a message. He won't expect your hand in marriage and your dowry." She snapped.

"Sorry." She added, regretfully.

"Okay. Send me his username, and if I decide to, I'll message. But if I do or if I don't, you don't bug me about it." I said.

That seemed to cheer her up.

My phone pinged almost immediately, and she grinned.

I rolled my eyes at her eagerness, and once she'd left the office, I archived her message without paying any attention to his username.

It would pacify her for now.

******************************************
Eddie's POV.

"You didn't find her anywhere on social media?"

I turned to Jeff as we sat in the beer garden at Chester's, just out of town and shook my head.

There was a few live bands on tonight, and we'd been excited to come here. We'd all had a rough couple of weeks at work, and just wanted to unwind.

"No, but I can't say that I really tried to look either." I admitted.

"Why?" Gareth asked, with a frown.

"It was obvious it was just for that weekend. I don't want to seem as though I'm pushing for more." I said.

"I mean, you would be. But what does that matter? You like her." Grant argued.

He had a point.

"What I mean is, I'm not wanting to push for more, with a girl who gave me a clear message that it was just for those two nights. I can't push someone for something they don't want." I explained, sighing softly.

"So she'll just always be the one who got away?" Jeff asked.

"Unfortunately, yeah." I answered.

"You've practically sulked for a month." He argued.

"I can be sad about it, which I am. It's alright." I said.

"Did you really like her, dude?" Gareth asked, seemingly disappointed.

Not at me though, for me.

"I did yeah." I answered, honestly.

"I think it's worth a message. There's a fifty percent chance she'll say yes or no. You think she'll say no already, so in theory, you have nothing to lose." Jeff pointed out.

"I think I'd just rather make my peace with it." I said, taking a casual swig from the bottle of beer in my hand.

I leaned on the bench, and sighed softly.

"Great, so another month of you moping then?" Jeff asked, playfully.

"I'll keep it to a minimum in your company, how's that?" I offered.

"That's just fine." He said, smiling.

I hadn't disclosed anything to any of them about that final night with her, I wasn't one to spill my guts about any encounters I had with girls.

Jeff had just keenly anticipated it and knew it had happened; he hadn't let onto the others, it was more that we mutually knew he was aware.

He knew I wanted to keep it private, and he'd respected it.

"Anyway, whilst you're all so busy trying to get me unsuccessfully coupled off, have any of you met a girl yet?" I asked, jokingly.

"With this face, are you kidding me?" Grant asked, poking fun at himself.

"I look permanently annoyed." He added, as I belly laughed.

"Someone will come to adore you for it." I said, as he scoffed loudly.

"Yeah, can you see that happening, really?" He asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"You look mad at me." I noted, before bursting into a fit of laughter at my own joke.

"We can't all be graced with a smile like yours." He argued, as I grinned broadly.

"It'll happen man." I said, sincerely.

"And you?" I asked Jeff.

"Not a sniff man." He said.

"You?" I asked Gareth, hopeful he'd come through for me.

I was starting to feel bad for all of us.

"Nah man." He answered, as I sighed with defeat.

"The worlds gone crazy. Four bachelors at this table, and no one wants to snap us up." I said, as Jeff rolled his eyes.

"That girl might snap you up, if you messaged." He said.

"We're not going through this again." I said.

"There's hope for one of us, and you know it." Jeff said.

"It's a dead end street, my old friend." I warned him.

"Okay, here's the plan. We're gonna have fun tonight. I won't be exchanging clothes with strangers, I'm not partaking in anything recreationally other than beer, I won't be disappearing to the beach all night. We're gonna listen to some good music, drink beer and be merry little hobbits all night. Who's with me?" I asked, drumming on the bench.

They raised their beer bottles in a toast and we chinked them together in confirmation.

"To a good night." Jeff said, with a nod.

****************************************
Jade had mentioned a live music night at Chester's, and we'd just pulled up in the cab outside.

I'd needed this; work was chaotic at the moment.
If I'd done anything well in my life, it was the job I'd gotten myself.

I worked in finance, and was currently a manager.

Funny really, supplying drugs for my parents, and working out my own cut taught me maths like no school ever could.

Numbers were ever changing, never permanent.

Like me.

I ran a hand through my loosely curled hair, and Jade gave me a full inspection up and down.

"God you look good." She said, in awe.

I laughed nervously, a little self conscious.

I was wearing a black corset, with a pair of high waisted blue boyfriend jeans, rolled up to the ankle. I was wearing a matching, oversized denim jacket and brown rigger looking lace up combat boots.

My hair was loose, and I was wearing a little highlighter, eyeliner and red lipstick.

To me? Nothing major.
To Jade? I looked amazing.

"Don't sell yourself short baby cakes. Greens definitely your colour." I said, as she smiled sweetly.

We headed inside, purchased two beers at the bar and headed out to the beer garden.

The sun shone directly in my eyes and I pulled my ray bans off my head, placing them on my face and the scene infront of me came into focus again.

"There's an empty table over there." Jade pointed out.

"Sweet." I said, in a sing song voice.

And as we weaved in and out of several crowds, my eyes migrated to a table as we passed it, where four guys were gathered around, laughing and joking, several beers deep.

Two were standing, talking animatedly about something to the other two that were seated.

They had their arms around each other, and one had a kind face, an all too familiar smile and glorious brown curls.

Sunglasses on his head, nestled neatly into his curls, a brown T-shirt and a brown over shirt.

With a familiar chain around his neck.

And he suddenly looked directly at me, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"Holy shit." I whispered, in both surprise and disbelief.

It was him.

And as quickly as he'd met my gaze, I'd lost it as he turned back to his friends and continued the animated conversation.

I hurried over to Jade who was watching me from the table she'd acquired, staring at me in confusion.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Jade, it's him." I said, unable to believe it.

"The diamond from the festival? Shut up, really?" She asked, her mouth agape with shock.

"I didn't see him say anything to you." She noted.

"He didn't, he looked away as quick as he looked at me." I said.

"It's probably the sunglasses. When I walked past they were talking real passionate about something, he was probably just distracted." She said, before narrowing her eyes at me.

"Wait, you don't care anyway?" She asked.

"You're right, I don't." I answered.

"Tell your face that then." She answered with a smirk.

I went to answer, just as the first band walked onto the small outdoor stage, and I flipped her off instead.

During their set, the sun started to lower and I removed my sunglasses, no longer needing them.

I propped a cigarette between my lips and lit it, taking a deep pull on it.

I took a swig of my beer and settled into my seat on the bench.

I was just gonna have fun tonight and forget about him.

***************************************
Eddie's POV.

We were a few beers deep now and I was feeling a light, warm buzz all over my body.

We'd been talking animatedly about all kinds of things and there'd been alot of laughter already.

True to my word and my promise, we were all having a good time.

My mind momentarily wandered back to the girl who'd stopped dead at our bench and looked straight at me as though she knew me.

I hadn't recognised her and in a matter of seconds, I'd been pulled back into the current conversation.

When I'd eventually looked back, she'd gone.
She'd settled at a table a little ways from us, with her friend.

As I thought about her, my eyes drifted back over to the table where she was sitting, and she was watching the band.

The sunglasses were no longer shielding her eyes from the dying sun, they were propped on top of her head. I watched as she lit a cigarette and she turned towards the direction of the door that led to the bar and my heart stopped.

"Guys..." I said, in complete shock.

They didn't hear me, and I needed them to listen.

"Guys..." I said again, as they were in full swing of their current conversation about D&D.

"Guys!" I cried, over the music.

"Sorry man! What?" Jeff asked, as my eyes migrated back over to her.

Jeff followed my gaze and his mouth fell open.

"Well I'll be damned. That's.... That's her." He said, realising.

"The girl from the festival." Gareth said, wide eyed.

"Why are you still here with us? Go over there." Jeff said, like it was obvious.

Grant however, was watching me with a keen but merry eye and was apparently the only one presently sensing my reluctance.

"Guys, remember what he said, and respect it." He ordered, softly.

They sat down on the bench, a little dejected as I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from her.

I followed suit and lit a cigarette, feeling a little conflicted.

"Okay, if you spent a weekend with a girl, and you made it clear that it was just for that weekend, and you saw her again, in another place... if she came over and said hi, what would you think?" I asked, needing advice.

"I wouldn't think she was desperate, I'd think she was just being polite and acknowledging that I was here." Grant said, honestly.

"I don't think I'd automatically think she'd gotten the wrong idea. We'd have said it was for the weekend and nothing else sure, but I'd think we'd be able be polite to each other if we happened to be in the same place." Jeff said.

"I'd probably be a bit put out if she actively chose to ignore me. Yeah we'd been clear on what it was and we doubted we'd see each other again but I don't think a hello would be too much." Gareth said.

"And I was you? I'd go and say hi." Jeff interjected.

It was pretty unanimous.

"Well shit, it looks like at some point I'll be going over there then." I said, trying to work up the courage.

And when the other two weren't listening, Jeff gave me a knowing look.

"I know what happened that weekend. A simple hello and a light chat to be polite isn't going to translate into you asking for her hand in marriage. Chill out, have another beer and then maybe go and say hi." He said, with a reassuring smile.

And a little while later, I saw her wander inside and stand at the bar, and I necked the rest of my beer before rising to my feet.

"Okay.... I can do this." I said, giving myself a pep talk.

They watched me leave the table and walk inside and I approached her slowly, nervous and unsure on how this was going to be received.

I tapped her lightly on the shoulder and she turned around to face me. Her eyes widened in surprise and she blushed slightly, which I hadn't expected.

"Hey..." I said, with a breathy smile.

"Hey Eddie." She said, chuckling nervously.

She still seemed a little put out though and I believed I knew why.

"I'm sorry I didn't realise it was you earlier. The glasses, they threw me a little. That and Grant was deep in a debate about D&D." I said, explaining.

Her posture seemed to soften then and she relaxed a little.

I was saddened momentarily; she'd thought I'd purposely ignored her.

"I mean, I did just stare at you like you had five heads. You wouldn't have seen because of the sunglasses but that's probably a good thing." She said, chuckling softly.

"How are you?" I asked, as she smiled sweetly.

"I'm good, yeah. And you?" She asked.

"I'm good. Can I get you and Jade a drink?" I offered, as she toyed with the idea.

"You're sure?" She asked, hesitant.

"Absolutely." I said, finding my feet.

I flagged the bar tender and ordered a round for all of us, passing her two from the tray.

"You having a good time?" I asked her, over the bustling crowd in the bar.

"Yeah the first band was really good. Are you?" She asked, as we made our way back outside.

"It's been much needed that's for sure." I said, as we reached the table where my friends were sitting.

My friends, and also Jade.

"They asked if we wanted to sit with them. Didn't think you'd mind." Jade said, as I eyed Jeff carefully.

It was the very definition of the thing I wanted to avoid.

I didn't want to force her hand.
I hadn't; but our friends had.

But without hesitation, she chuckled softly and rolled her eyes.

"Complete set up." She remarked, with a grin.

But she sat down, none the less.
And left me standing in disbelief, awe and shock.

"Aren't you gonna sit?" She asked me, peering up at me as she lit a cigarette.

She was smiling and it was genuine; it wasn't forced or feigned.

I slowly sat down next to her and tried to relax.

And when our friends were all talking to each other, I relaxed and garnered her undivided attention. Her hand pressed on the small of my back and I turned in my seat to face her.

"You're okay with this?" She asked.

"Course I am." I answered, honestly.

"I was worried that you'd think we'd forced your hand." I added, as she laughed.

"You can't force me to do anything." She said, as I smirked.

"Duly noted." I said.

I was acutely aware of her hand pressed against my back, her other hand holding her cigarette delicately.

She passed it to me, and I squinted in the sudden sunlight, smiling at her as I took it.

"Thanks." I said, taking a deep pull on it.

Before she removed her hand, she rubbed my back softly; the action was subtle and went under the radar. She'd intended for that, though.

"Did you ever find out who's jumper you were wearing?" She asked me suddenly.

And when I met her eyes, they were sparkling and vibrant, and I suddenly felt at ease again with her.

In front of me, was the girl I'd met at the festival.

Zesty, laidback, mischievous and cheeky.

"I didn't actually. I just know that I couldn't wait to take it off." I said, laughing.

"I had fun." She said, lamenting almost.

And when I met her eyes for a second time, she was looking at me, with a look of reminisce and she was also silently hinting at our encounter.

She was hoping I'd be able to read it in her face, and understand.

Careful not to scare her off, I returned her gaze and there was a comfortable silence where we simply stared at each other.

"I had fun too." I said, in a low voice.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again." She admitted.

"Likewise." I answered, with a smile.

"Did you want to see me again?" She asked.

"You were very clear on what that weekend was, we both were. Do you need to know the answer to that? Do you want to?" I asked her, internally surprised at my forwardness and confidence.

"I was hoping you'd just humour me for a moment." She said, just as honest.

"My answer won't change anything." I said, chuckling softly.

"It won't hurt to answer me then." She remarked.

Touché.

"Yeah, I did want to see you again." I answered, taking her up on it.

"Did you want to see me again?" I asked her.

"My answer definitely won't change anything." She said, playfully.

"It won't hurt to answer me then." I said, echoing her previous words.

Touché again.

"Yeah I did." She answered.

She took a deep breath and I suspected that it had been hard to admit; I just didn't know why.

Yet.

"Who hurt you, Daphne?" I asked, suddenly.

She took it surprisingly well, more as if she had anticipated my question.

Perhaps it was a question she was asked a lot.

She didn't want anything permanent, but I wasn't sure of the real cause behind that.

She avoided my gaze as she provided me with a summary, choosing to look over my shoulder, rather than directly at me.

"Shitty upbringing, shitty parents who only gave a shit about the cheques that came from my conception.... Zero childhood, only bad memories and eighteen years of knowing just how unloved and unwanted I was." She said, bowing her head slightly.

"Shit...." I said, unable to believe it.

"Do you still see them?" I asked.

"I'm estranged from both, have been for almost five years." She said, still avoiding my gaze.

"I'm quite the buzz kill as you'll soon realise." She added, seemingly fighting with herself internally.

"Look at me." I urged softly.

"I'm not sure I can." She said, her voice hushed.

"Please." I begged softly.

Slowly, she turned to look at me, and I fixed my eyes on hers.

"My biological dad is incarcerated, he'll never walk free ground again. He's in a shared cell, with an ex con turned murderer, for the rest of his life, and he's in there for various, real shitty things. My mom? Dumped me on my Uncle when I was eighteen months old and never looked back. She's married now, I have two brothers who have no idea who I am because my mother feels I'm too much of a fuck up and would sooner pretend that I don't exist. I only know the parental love that my Uncle showed me." I admitted.

She seemed taken aback and I suspected why.
She hadn't expected me to have anything in common with her or understand.

But I did.
I really did.

"You're not the only buzz kill. And you're not the only one with a tragic story. None of these guys will understand, they've grown up with the picture perfect family environment. It's not their fault; they can sympathise, but from one person who's been through this, to another... I do understand. I'm not surprised that you don't look for anything permanent." I said, as she frowned slightly.

"And why don't I?" She asked, testing the waters.

"You don't know what that is or looks like." I answered.

And it would seem that I had deduced correctly.

"You want to know something?" I asked her.

"Sure." She answered, slightly surprised I'd been able to read her so well.

"I don't know what that necessarily is or looks like either. I have my Uncle and that's what makes us slightly different from each other. But, no one has ever looked to me for something permanent, and it's not been through lack of trying. Girls just don't think I can offer it because I was the child my own mother no longer wanted. So I can't possibly be worth keeping around if she dumped me as a baby, can I? Because that's how every girl has always seen me. As a kid who's own mother gave him up, and never looked back or came to get him, never visited, never called." I said.

Her face creased with sadness, and I saw a flash of pity, for a split second.

"You don't need to pity me." I said, now avoiding her gaze.

"Oh I don't pity you." She explained, her eyes burning holes in the side of my head.

"I pity them." She said.

I turned back to her sharply, trying to register what she'd said.

"Why?" I asked, as the second band walked onstage.

They looked oddly familiar.

"It's obvious that you have so much to give, and you want to give it. You want to care about someone, who's yours. You have a lot to offer despite your upbringing, but also because of it." She answered.

"Do you share that view? Is that something you look to offer?" I asked.

"It's something I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give." She answered, looking down at her hands.

And just as the band started, we all stopped dead in our conversations and our tracks, looking at each other with open mouths.

"Is that?" Gareth started to say.

"Yeah." I answered.

"That's fucking Enigma." Daphne said.

"No fucking way." Jeff said.

"Did you know they were on, tonight?" She asked Jade who shook her head.

"They weren't on the line up." She said.

"It's like we were meant to be here tonight, and be here together." Grant said, in awe.

And as they started to play Sadness Pt 1, Daphne turned to me with a wide smile on her face.

She rose to her feet and turned to me.

"I mean it's only right, isn't it?" She asked, holding her hand out to me.

"What is?" I asked, letting her pull me up onto my feet.

"That instead of watching me this time, you dance with me." She said.

A crowd was already starting to form on the dance area by the stage and there were a lot of arms swaying in the air, as we all clambered hurriedly in between the benches, towards the area.

Jade and Jeff branched off and were dancing together, and I watched as a group welcomed Grant and Gareth to dance with them.

Leaving myself and Daphne, together.

She gently took both of my hands and encouraged me to dance with her.

I eased into it gradually, but perhaps a little too slowly for her and she smiled coyly at me.

"If only I had a pill to loosen you up." She mused, as my eyes widened slightly.

"Do you?" I asked, surprisingly hopeful.

"No." She said, chuckling softly.

"Damn. I'll just have to loosen up solo then." I said, playfully.

She then gently pushed my arms open and nestled in between them, her arms wrapping fluidly around my neck, and similar to the festival, she stared intensely into my eyes, nudging my nose with hers.

She pressed her open mouth on mine and in a swift, fluid motion, I licked the half pill that was already dissolving on her tongue, off and into my mouth.

To outsiders, it had just looked like we were kissing.

We watched each other swallow and she grinned broadly.

"You're sneaky." I said, grinning broadly.

"And a bad influence too." She remarked, as I shook my head.

"Like you, you can't really force me to do anything." I answered, letting her know that she had already received my consent in full.

By the time Enigma had started to play Return to Innocence, we were dancing close together, loose and relaxed. Her arms were wrapped around my neck, our faces close as I ran a hand down her arm softly, our eyes closed as we listened to the music.

It was only a mild high, as it was only half that we'd ingested, but it was enough to feel warm and fuzzy, and happy.

Jeff bounded over to me after a while, Jade disappearing to the bar and he seemed excited.

"She asked me to go for a drink tomorrow." He said, a little giddy. I laughed and squoze his shoulder in response, happy for him.

"Please tell me you said yes." I said.

"Course I did, she's stunning." Jeff said, before narrowing his eyes.

He'd noticed my dilated pupils, and I smiled sheepishly.

"Not doing anything recreational tonight... my ass." He said, nudging my playfully.

"That's my fault, sorry." Daphne said, putting her arm around him.

"You can't force him to do anything." Jeff said, waving her off casually.

"Yeah he said that." She said, chuckling softly.

"You're going out with Jade tomorrow?" She asked him as he gulped.

"Relax Jeff." She said, nudging him.

And just as he relaxed, she narrowed her eyes at him and delivered a statement to him; one I doubted he'd forget.

"I'll hurt you if you make her cry though." She said.

"I won't intend to, I promise." He said, as she burst into fits of laughter.

"Totally kidding." She said, as he relaxed again.

"Or am I?" She asked, with the same sinister gaze.

"Jesus Christ man." Jeff squeaked.

I liked her sense of humour; I liked the quick thinking on her feet. I was wholly amused at watching Jeff consider how to take her.

"No honestly, I hope you have a lovely time. She deserves it. Something tells me you do too." She said, sincerely.

"Thanks Daphne." He said, finally sure she was kidding.

He smiled warmly at her, as Jade returned with a tray of beers and we all took one.

"Having fun?" I asked Gareth and Grant.

"Best night ever." Grant declared.

"Even with this face." He added, as I suppressed a laugh.

"Enjoy man." I said, toasting him.

"Didn't you say you were laying off the old recreations tonight?" Gareth asked, with a coy smile.

"I did. But then I didn't. And man am I having a good time." I said, as Daphne seemed regretful.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." She said, seeming sad.

"Hey... hey, they don't honestly care what I do, that's not why they're saying it. They can't say anything anyway they partake in it too, often. We were high all weekend at the festival. We always make fun of each other, especially when one of us says something and goes back on it. It's just boys being boys, it's nothing in regards to you. Did you force it on me, or did I take it willingly?" I asked her, with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"You took it willingly." She said.

"Exactly. Because I wanted to." I confirmed, as she searched my eyes for reassurance.

"I feel like we're back to that weekend. You can let me have that, and be safe in the knowledge that they knew I'd cave, whether you were here or not. There's plenty of other people I could have gotten a pill or two off, and you can be sure that I know my limits. You don't have to worry about control, I have heaps of it." I said, smiling warmly.

"I didn't realise how similar we seem to be." She said, still searching my gaze.

"Tell me what you want." I said.

"What I want?" She repeated.

"Right now, tell me what you want. If you could do anything." I said.

And reassured that she could be unabashedly honest with me, teamed with what her body had been telling me as she'd danced up against me, I waited patiently for her answer, as she closed the small gap between us and I felt her lips brush against my ear.

"I'd want you to take me home, and I'd want you to do me all night." She whispered, as her breath on my ear and neck made me shudder with arousal.

"That would make this more than just one weekend." I warned her, casually.

"It would, but you've already decided that you don't care and you're going to take me home regardless." She said, unfaltering.

"You're right, despite that, I wasn't saying no." I confirmed.

Without giving too much away, we informed everyone that we were leaving, and we travelled by cab to my house, and once we were inside, the night I'd only daydreamed about up to now, began.

She was exquisite; she was beautiful and she set my skin on fire with her touch.

She was equally responsive to my touch, to every kiss I delivered.

And after the third and final time we'd had sex, as the morning sun crept through the gap between my curtains, we lay facing each other, limbs entwined, similar to the weekend at the festival, we talked to each other in quiet whispers.

There were secrets told, thoughts voiced and smiles from each other, until we fell asleep.

*****************************************
I'd fell asleep to the early morning sun and when I awoke, it was slowly dying and I deduced that we'd slept for most of the day and part of the early evening.

I turned over slowly, careful not to disturb Eddie, only to find him slowly waking, himself.

"Hey...." He said, rubbing his eyes free of sleep.

"Hey...." I answered, unable to fight the smile creeping across my face at the sight of him.

He was already changing my world.
And I hadn't expected him to.

"We really crashed didn't we." He said, as I chuckled softly.

"Yeah, we really did." I said.

"Have I overstayed my welcome?" I asked him, as his eyes widened slightly.

"Of course not, no. You're welcome to stay for as long as you feel comfortable." He said, reassuringly.

"You might not believe this, and I don't know whether that's through choice or assumption, but I'm glad you're still here." He added.

"I'm trying to let you in." I said, as he sat up with an expression of mild concern, shuffling across the bed to wrap an arm around me.

"There's no label on this, neither of us expected this to happen again. We both assumed we'd never cross paths again. The one night we head just outside of Hawkins, I see you again. And I'm real happy about that. This was a chance second meeting, one I'm grateful of." He said.

"I'm just not sure I'm built for anything lasting. I don't want to offer something I'm not altogether sure I can deliver. It doesn't seem fair." I admitted, bowing my head slightly.

He lifted my head almost immediately, hooking his finger and thumb under my chin, and coaxed me to meet his eyes.

"What matters is what you can offer." He said.

"You'd be happy to take that?" I asked.

"I think you're putting a lot of undue pressure on yourself and you're assuming I'm expecting you to know for sure of what you can offer, when I'm not. I'm saying that if you can offer me something as simple as your company and we simply see where this goes, I'd take it." He said.

"My company." I repeated.

"I don't know whether you've noticed, but I quite enjoy your company." He said, chuckling softly.

"No I have. I enjoy yours too." I answered, truthfully.

"Wouldn't you want to see what you could potentially have with someone? It could end up being more than you think." He suggested.

"Don't close yourself off to possibilities Daphne, you deserve them more than you realise." He added, giving me a knowing look, with slightly raised eyebrows.

"Do I?" I asked.

"You do. I understand the life you had, it was my life too at one time. But I have an Uncle who loves me and I have a good circle of friends who love and care for me. You have Jade, and she feels the exact same way about you. You are deserving of love, if you allow yourself to be loved." He said.

"What does that look like?" I asked.

"You won't know, until you put yourself out there." He said.

"Do you put yourself out there?" I asked.

"I try, I try everyday, and most days have been unsuccessful. But I know I deserve it, and so for that reason alone, I'll always keep trying." He said, with a small smile.

"Aren't you afraid you'll get hurt?" I asked, as he gently stroked my arm.

"Terrified. But I still try." He answered.

"Will you stay tonight?" He asked, when I failed to answer.

Truthfully, I was going over his advice in my head and considering it.

"Yeah, I'd really like that." I said, finally.

He smiled broadly, and cupped my face gently.

"I'm just gonna take a shower. You're welcome to after and there's a spare toothbrush and hair brush under the sink." He offered as I nodded, grateful.

"Thank you, for the kindness you've shown me." I said.

"It's the same kindness you've shown me." He said, simply.

************************************
Eddie's POV.

Something I'd said, had evidently resonated with her.

So much so, that I hadn't heard her walk into the bathroom, and climb into the shower behind me, fully clothed.

I only noticed her, when she wrapped her arms around me from behind, and I jumped slightly, startled.

"I'm sorry." She said, over the sound of the running water.

I half turned and she embraced me tightly, pressing her face into my back.

"I just needed to feel you. Be close to you. Just for a moment." She said, sounding emotional.

I turned fully in her arms, and as I faced her, I embraced her tightly, kissing the top of her head.

"Talk to me." I said, urging her to confide in me.

"I know I said that I don't feel like I can offer anyone anything permanent. And I still don't know if I can. But a part of me aches. Aches because I also feel now like I perhaps haven't found anyone I even remotely wanted to try with." She explained.

"And then you came along, this wonderful, surprise of a person, who tries every day to be enough for someone. Who's failed so far and still keeps trying." She continued.

"I think I want to be like you. I think I want to try. But I'm scared I'll just end up disappointing you. I'm terrified you're going to discover one day that I'm not worth the time and the energy that I know you're going to need to put into this. Time and energy that without meaning to, I'm going to ask of you." She said.

"The beauty of it, is the unknown. It's a risk we all take, eventually. It's also my choice too, to offer the time and the energy. And I'd like to." I said, stroking her wet hair as she clung to me.

Her voice was pained, and she was terribly hard on herself. It saddened me.

"I should let you shower." She said, as I stopped her from moving.

"I am showering." I said with a smile, before reaching for the hem of T-shirt I'd loaned her to sleep in.

I peeled it off of her skin and she raised her arms to allow me to pull it over her head and remove it from her body completely.

I wordlessly sank to my knees, pulling her underwear down her legs and she stepped out of them, careful not to slip on the shower floor.

"And now you're showering too. With me." I said, looking up at her. I straightened up, coming level with her again and kissed her softly.

And as she relished the hot water, I lathered soap onto her shoulders and her arms and her eyes closed.

I could see her body relaxing, something I hadn't quite seen her do without some assistance from a recreational perspective.

I surmised that her mind was always a busy one, and that it was no simple feat for her to relax without help, some days.

They were also an adequate mask for hiding her true feelings, her true worries and concerns.

She let me gently cover her body with soap, and she nervously returned the same gesture by covering me, something I guessed she hadn't done before.

The closeness and the intimacy of this was new to her. It was almost new to me too, but I just wasn't as guarded as she was.

And as the soap washed off our bodies, I held her to me and we embraced under the water, heads together, eyes closed, sharing sporadic kisses, relishing in the closeness of each other.

We dried off and dressed, and I loaned her a T-shirt and some joggers to change into.

As I busied myself with preparing us both something to eat, she had a brief conversation with Jade, letting her know that she was staying here again and would be home tomorrow, to catch up with her. She kindly wished Jade luck I her date tonight with Jeff, and she hung up just as I placed a bowl of chicken pasta in front of her at the kitchen island.

I sat down next to her, and we ate together in a comfortable silence.

"How has no one wanted to snap you up before this?" She asked, seemingly unable to believe it.

"Even just from your cooking alone." She added.

"It's good?" I asked, with mild surprise.

"So good." She answered, with a sigh.

"Like I said yesterday, I think girls assume I'm not built for it. Or I can't offer what they're looking for. They know I've been given up on before I guess, and it's then inevitable that they would eventually give up too." I said, honestly.

"That's not giving you a fair chance though, and that makes me sad." She said.

"No, it's not fair. But I've just always brushed myself off and tried again." I answered.

"Do you believe in love?" She asked me.

"I do. Do you?" I asked.

"I've only ever seen it from Jade. And from people who tried to intervene, when I was growing up. I guess I've seen glimmers of it towards me. But not the storybook love, from a guy." She admitted.

"There has been guys though, who've liked you enough to try?" I asked, as she shook her head sadly.

"I've never let anyone close enough to." She said.

"Would you let me try?" I asked, as she paused.

As she gently placed her fork down into the bowl in-front of her, she seemed to consider it.

"I'm here now, and I don't feel like running. I haven't felt like I want to run." She said.

"That's a big step." I said, smiling sincerely.

"We don't need to label this, we don't need to directly say what it is, not right now. But if you want to spend time with me, and see where this goes, then let's just do that. But you have to promise to communicate with me, and be honest with me. It's important that we talk." I said.

"At least let me try and show you." I added.

"Show me what?" She asked.

"That there's something here. That there is something here that can be built on." I explained.

"And when you feel like running, tell me. Tell me so we can try and work it out." I continued.

And there was a long pause as she stared into my eyes, weighing up my proposal in its entirety.

"Okay." She answered, finally.

*******************************************
Three weeks went by, and the feeling of running hadn't come, much to my surprise.

Eddie made me feel an ease I'd never felt before.
He was patient, and he was kind.

He was naturally funny, had an answer to everything and didn't always take life seriously.

On the other hand though, he always seemed to know exactly what to say. He was wise; a lot wiser than I'd expect someone of our age bracket to be. His wisdom was something I'd expect from someone older; perhaps his Uncle had played some part in that.

Tonight we were at a bar in town, just the two of us, and we were lost in each others company, dancing the night away in each others arms.

No recreations of any kind; just each others unfiltered, uninfluenced company.

We were talking quietly to each other, smiling and laughing and I felt an ease I'd never quite felt before.

I felt like I fit snugly in his arms; like I was meant to be in them.

When we kissed, it seemed to make my body vibrate, and my skin felt like it was on fire.
His lips seemed to fit mine, perfectly; as though he was meant to kiss me.

He held me close and I let him, our bodies gently grinding together in time with the music, and we were just lost in our own little world as we danced to Pictures of You, by The Cure.

Something I was starting to slowly feel I could get used to.

He was taking things at my pace, as much as he didn't potentially want me to know; but I knew he was. He was allowing me for the most part, to lead.

There were times when he took the lead though.
He was taking the lead tonight, encouraging me to just relax and dance with him, his hands gently caressing the skin of my arms, stroking my hair, holding my face.

Touching me with the most gentle of touches.
And as our foreheads were pressed together, he smiled down at me, and I couldn't help but to smile back. He was infectious; it was hard not to.

"Do you want another drink?" He asked me.

"Does that involve you leaving me to go to the bar?" I asked.

"It does." He confirmed.

"Then no. I like this, can we stay like this a little while longer?" I asked.

"Absolutely, baby girl." He said, as I shuddered with satisfaction.

"You haven't called me that in a while." I noted, as he chuckled softly.

"I almost forgot how much you like it when I do." He answered, grinning.

He took my face into one of his hands, and he planted a soft kiss on my lips. Before he could part from me, I held him to me, deepening it almost immediately.

He smiled against my mouth, and peppered it with several, deep kisses; my head started to swim with lust and desire.

"You're intoxicating, you know that?" I asked, when he'd broke for me momentarily, our lips still close together.

"Is it a good thing?" He asked, with a smirk.

"Yeah." I answered, with a deep sigh.

And with that, we continued to dance the remainder of the night away, close together.
Our bodies brushing and grinding together, until I wasn't sure I could take it any longer.

I was sweating, with both desire and anticipation and it was clear he was feeling the same way.

"I know we said there wouldn't be a sleepover tonight, but if you'd allow me, I'd very much like to take you home with me." He whispered in my ear, as I trembled against him.

"Your body is speaking to me, princess." He added, with a deep sigh laced with lust and desire.

"What's it telling you?" I asked, as he chuckled softly in my ear.

"All kinds of things." He answered.

Choosing to be transparent and perhaps a little forward, I pursed my lips at his ear then, and felt him shiver at my breath on his neck.

"Then you'll know I want you to take me home and fuck me all night." I whispered.

And when my face came level with his again, his eyes were practically black with passion, lust, desire and from experience with him, I knew he was aroused. Very aroused.

He was breathing deeply, his chiseled chest heaving with each breath, as his jaw clenched and he looked all around him for a moment.

And then he took me by the hand and led me through the dancing bodies, outside to the pavement, flagged down a cab and we travelled to his house, riddled with anticipation as we sat inches apart from each other.

And the moment we walked through his front door, he picked me up, earning a small cry of surprise as he rushed us both upstairs, holding me in his arms as he barged us through his bedroom door.

The moment he set me down onto the floor in front of him, the long, much anticipated assault on each others bodies began.

I watched his head bob up and down in between my legs as he ate me within an inch of my fleetingly short life, my head tilted back as my mouth expelled a series of shamefully, loud cries of pleasure, my hands woven deep into the soft brown curls I could never quite get enough of; I returned the gesture once I'd ridden out my shaky, loud climax and he got to watch me in the throes of that gesture.

I hadn't heard him moan quite like it, before tonight.

He'd liked that very much.

There was a little more feistiness from each other tonight; there was a firm, equally delivered dominance and assertiveness from either side as though we were finally at a comfort level for one to safely confirm one thing to the other.

You are mine; I am yours.

Whilst I wasn't running or wanting to run, I was his. And if I did run, I now felt and firmly believed that at this crucial point, a part of me would still remain his.

And I sensed that whether I ran or not, he was unequivocally mine.

I felt as though I'd given him my body, and I felt I'd even gone as far as to give him my soul.

Only, I'd yet to give him my heart in its entirety.
I wasn't allowing him to take it fully and I couldn't see far enough to know if I ever eventually would.

But there was a feeling I suddenly had deep in my chest, as we made rough, passionate, assertive love in the dark, and it was overwhelming.

It was profound, and it rang loudly in my head.
And as we shared a cigarette on the veranda of his house, wrapped together in a blanket as he stood behind me with his chin resting on my shoulder, I realised just how much meaning he'd brought to my life in such a short space of time.

I wanted to be around him, I didn't like it when I wasn't. I enjoyed being in his company; I missed his company when he wasn't around.

He made my cautious and reluctant heart swell from the kindness, the care, and the love he always seemed to want to shower me in.

The feeling raging away inside of me was suddenly so obvious to me.

I wanted to give my heart to him.

But there was a difference between wanting to, and actually being able to.

And I just hadn't quite overcome that.
I was secretly hoping and praying that one day he'd show me how.

****************************************
One month later.

I'd already had a bad day at work.
The numbers weren't quite right and it had been up to me to try and sift through oceans of paperwork to find the error someone else had made.

I was officially the mop up crew, and it had narked me something chronic today.

I was mildly irritated by the time I'd climbed out of my car, and that was due to become severe, when I met an all too familiar face.

They were leaning casually against my front door, staring expectantly at me.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I haven't seen you in five years, and that's the first thing you say?" She asked.

"You didn't give me chance to roll the red carpet out and hang out the welcome home banners." I answered, sarcastically.

"What do you want?" I asked again, when she didn't answer.

"I need your help." She said, stubbornly.

"Oh that's rich." I answered, shaking my head.

"You're past help." I added.

"Where's dad?" I asked her.

"Took off again didn't he." She mumbled, avoiding my gaze.

"And that's my problem now is it?" I asked.

"We got kicked out of the place we had." She said.

"So you want money?" I surmised.

"And a place to stay." She confirmed.

"You're not staying here." I said, refusing.

"How did you find me anyway?" I added, suspicious.

"You always had a roof over your head." She argued, avoiding my question.

"I did. Always a different roof every so many months though. There were times when I didn't have a bed, or nice things, or toys like the other kids did, but you always like to leave that out don't you?" I asked her.

"There might have been a roof, but there was never any stability or care. You say it like I should be thanking you." I added.

"Can I just crash for one night?" She asked, huffing.

"No." I answered, defiant.

"You always did think you were above us, even as a kid. Had half the neighbourhood looking out for you, didn't you. Nosey fuckers." She said, angrily.

"How could I have thought I was above you? I was a child. And they only looked out for me because you were neglecting me." I argued back.

"You were fed weren't you? Clothed?" She asked.

"I had whatever was left on your plates. That was my breakfast, lunch and dinner. You may never have laid a finger on me, but you didn't look after me. I never had a meal of my own, it was always your leftovers. And as for the clothes, they were never washed properly. They never fit right, they were ripped, torn, faded, too big or too small. You did the bare minimal. Until there was a social services visit and then I had brand new clothes, a new bed, new toys. Which all got taken away from me the minute they left the house. They got returned or sold on, and I was back to sleeping on my cold bedroom floor under an old bedsheet, because you'd sold my duvet and mattress too. It was neglect." I spat.

"The amount of times I watched other kids on the street playing with toys that I'd played with for not even fifteen minutes..... the amount of times I saw them getting the joy that I was supposed to feel, out of them. Because you and dad had sold them on to their parents..... Do you have any idea how that made me feel? You never wanted that for me, it was always just to keep peoples noses out of what was really going on in the house." I added, my heart clenching painfully.

"And then once you were satisfied that we'd fallen under the authorities radar, you'd take them all off me and I'd watch you pass them onto other kids. I'd look out of the fucking window and see kids on the bike I'd just been playing with, I'd see little girls playing with the dolls I'd just been playing with. Sorry Daphne, times up. Hand them over. Who the FUCK does that to a six year old child?" I continued.

"We raised you, and you forget that." She spat, pointing a dirtied finger my way.

"I sold drugs for you. That's what I did." I said.

"Took your cut too, behind our backs. Something else you forget." She argued.

"I just followed your example Ma, take whatever you can, work for nothing, and give nothing." I shot back, with a shrug.

"I can't change any of it." She said, casually.

"Like you'd actively try to if time travel was an option." I said, vibrating with anger.

"You're no better than us, you came from us. You took pills all through senior year and I'd wager you still take them now. It's a good thing you don't have my addictive personality, or else you'd be right down here with me, wouldn't you? You little bitch." She spat, with some sarcasm.

"Can you fucking blame me for wanting to be out of my head all the time? I went to school and I never wanted to leave there. I never wanted to come home. I wanted to be anywhere but at home, with you. If I was home, instead of focusing on my homework, I'd be bagging up ounces of weed, I'd be cutting crack and coke with you, and I'd be expected to drive all over Hawkins to drop them off. I should have been studying and instead I was driving around every night, alone, until the early hours. You let your teenage daughter drop drugs off to the worst kinds of people. Anything could have happened to me!" I yelled.

"The least you can do is give me ten bucks so I can catch the train onto the next town." She said, sniffing with indifference as she held her hand out to me, expectantly.

She was bored of hearing about my short comings, at hers and my fathers hands.

"Here's 50. You can leave now."

I saw someone lean around me and place a crisp 50 dollar note into her outstretched hand.

She was as surprised as me.

Eddie.

"You're not staying here. She was loud and clear about it. So take that, and get the fuck out of here." He said, when she remained surprised, staring blankly at him.

"Who the fuck is this?" She asked me, angrily.

"I'm being very fucking patient, that's who I am." He remarked, gruffly.

He was angry, I could tell.
I was more concerned with how much of that he'd actually heard.

I didn't like anyone knowing what it was like for me. Mainly because I'd never get over it, and talking about it just made me feel worse.

I liked to keep my past basic. I'd say enough that there wouldn't be questions asked, after.

He'd heard the basics already, and potentially had heard the finer details now.

"Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?" She asked, in disbelief.

"He's just give you fifty dollars out of his own pocket. Because that's how you always get by isn't it? Off the back pocket of everyone else around you. Take the money, and don't fucking come here again." I snapped.

"Enjoy the honeymoon phase whilst it lasts boy.... She'll push you away, like she pushes everyone away. She ain't damaged cause of me, she was just always too hard to love... unlovable I'd say. And you'll find that out the hard way." She said, casually walking up my drive and onto the pavement.

She was trying to hurt me, and sadly it had worked. My mother had just voiced out loud that I was too hard to love; I was always too hard to love. It was my biggest fear, and she knew it.

I was unlovable.

My own mother had said I was.

But dear sweet Eddie and his airtight loyalty swept on through for one final statement.

"If you're so loved, why were you knocking on this door huh? Where's everybody else who could help you? I'll tell you, there is no one else to help you. She was the kid and you were the adult. You were her mother. You're the only one here who's not capable of loving something or someone past her own self. I don't care what you do with that money, just make sure it gets you far away from here." He spat, in my defence and my honour.

After her final statement, I was suddenly very unsure on whether I deserved it.

Whether I deserved him.

And when he was sure she'd gone, he gently took my keys from my hand and opened my front door. He guided me inside, and closed the door behind him.

He sat me down on the sofa, wordlessly wandering into the kitchen and I heard him turn the kettle on. I remained on the sofa, her cutting words swirling around my head like a cruel disease.

He emerged from the kitchen a moment later with a mug in his hand and he passed it to me, before kneeling down at my feet.

I took it, with an overwhelming sense of numb mingled with dread and waited for the questions I knew were coming.

"I was calling around to see if you wanted to go for dinner." He explained.

"I bet you weren't expecting that." I said, solemnly.

"No I can't say as I was." He answered, just as solemn.

"How much did you hear Eddie?" I asked.

"Enough." He answered, with a deep sadness in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry...." He whispered, almost distraught.

He reached for my hands that were curled around the mug of tea, and I moved from him, unable to take the pity.

"Please don't do that." I begged.

He was surprised at my response, but respected it all the same.

"Course yeah, I'm sorry." He said, awkwardly.

"People pitied me a lot, and it got me nowhere. It didn't help me." I explained.

"I'm just sorry." He said.

"There's no point, it was years ago." I said, coldly.

"There's no shame in allowing someone to sympathise with you." He said, softly.

"Sympathy is the equivalent of pity, Eddie." I warned.

"Okay, I'm clearly not good at this. I'm not saying what you need me to." He said.

"You are, I just don't want to hear it." I answered, simply.

He raised an eyebrow and was suddenly wary of me.

"I told you I was a buzz kill." I added, giving him a pointed look.

"You're not." He replied.

"So after all of that, you'd still want to go for dinner, with me?" I asked, sharply.

"Yes." He said simply.

"Why?" I asked, frowning.

"Because I care about you, and I want to take you for dinner." He said.

"I'm not really feeling like going." I said.

"Then we won't. We'll just stay here or whatever." He offered.

"Okay, I can't do this right now." I said, feeling as though I was suffocating from my mothers words.

I was doing exactly what she said I would.
I was pushing him away.

"Tell me what you need me to do." He suggested, really trying to help.

I rummaged in my bag and retrieved four ten dollar bills.

I thrust them towards him and told him exactly what I wanted.

"I want you to take this, and then I want you to go." I said.

"I don't want that." He said.

"Thank you for paying her off, but she's not your problem, she's mine. I'm paying you back, because it's the right thing to do. I want you to forget about what you heard and I want you to understand that it's for the best if you perhaps forget me too." I said, feeling my bottom lip tremble.

I was trying to keep control on myself and I was precariously close to failing.

"You promised we'd talk things through, we'd talk through however you were feeling. So we could try and work through it." He argued, visibly disappointed and equally devastated.

"I can't talk this through. I can't talk about what you heard, nothing good comes of talking about it." I said.

"We said we'd talk about us though." He argued.

"Take the money and leave." I demanded.

"I'm not gonna say it again." I added, adamant.

"What did I do wrong? Shouldn't I have stepped in? Shouldn't I have protected you?" He asked, bereft.

"You did nothing wrong. I'm asking you to leave, so I don't inevitably, eventually push you away." I said.

"I did nothing wrong, but we're over. How is anyone supposed to understand that? What do I do with that?" He asked.

"That's a you problem. The me problem? Is finding somewhere else to live because I clearly can't stay here now she knows where to find me. The me problem is that no matter where I go, either one of them finds me. And they never have anything good to say when they're here. All they do is remind me of just how much I fucking suffered when I just want to forget it." I snapped.

"You'll never get over it and you'll never forget it until you finally face it for exactly what it is, Daphne. You have trauma. Trauma festers until you break it down, work through it and accept it. It's a part of you, whether you want it to be or not. You can either let it define and stop you, or you can break it down and realise that you are who you are because of it, and move on." He said, defiant.

"Okay, you want to talk about it? The session has started has it? Okay. Let's talk about it. So I'd say it's only fair to start with the fact that she tried to abort me.... Twice. Only I stuck around and boy was she pissed about that. And then a little birdy mentioned the benefits that came with a baby, and then she was all ears. My dad couldn't keep a job and they needed to buy drugs somehow, and I was the solution to the ongoing problem. I was only born, to fund them. Nothing more. I was left alone in the house for hours on end from 18 months old, I was left in a car on a summers day once too, whilst they got drunk in a bar across the street. Okay..... oh! she tried to sell me to a local drug dealer too once when she was short on cash... I was FIVE. He might have been one of the worlds greatest shits, but he said no. Even he knew it was insane and wrong. They always sold my stuff, when they needed anything, never theirs. I slept on the floor for months at a time, for YEARS! They sold everything I had, which was barely anything! They sold my bed for heroin! And well you heard the rest, showering me with gifts before every social services visit and then taking them away from me and handing them out to every other kid in my fucking street. I had to watch them do all of the kid things I never could! I worked two jobs through school and spent most nights driving drugs around for them when I should have been finishing my education! I just about scraped through senior year and now I'm an accountant. You know why? Supplying drugs taught me pretty decent maths. I've had to move twice in the last two years because she ALWAYS finds me! Talking about it makes me hate myself. I relive this every time I talk about it! It doesn't WORK for me, how many times do I have to say this before someone just LISTENS to me?! I hate that I wasn't worth loving, I hate that I wasn't worth anything to them, and I hate myself that I could never get them to want me. No one ever wants me!" I roared, before throwing the mug of tea at the wall.

Eddie managed to duck as it crashed behind him and the shards splintered across the living room.

When he stood upright again, he was mad.

"I WANT YOU!" He roared back.

"I want you! I'm standing here showing you that I want you! Someone wants you. Me!" He cried.

He was vibrating with anger, and something else I couldn't quite recognise.

Something I hadn't seen before.

"I told you not to close yourself off to possibilities, Daphne. I told you that you can be loved by someone, when you allow it." He said, trembling.

He was trying to steady his breathing, and failing miserably. His hands were shaking as he placed them on his hips, his eyes averting to the floor, shaking his head.

And when he finally met my gaze again, his eyes were brimming with tears.

"Whenever she comes around, a part of you wants her to see you, you want her to love you. I know what that feels like. You know how I know my own mother wanted to keep me a secret from her new family? Because I tracked her down. And she turned me away. I stood there hoping she'd be happy to see me, and she wasn't. And I told myself eventually that it was okay that she didn't love me. I had someone who did, and it was enough. Every time you see her, you wonder if that day will be the day she realises she loves you. And when that day doesn't come, you don't blame her. You blame yourself, for not being enough that day, for her to realise it. You have someone who loves you, Daphne. And it can be enough." He said.

"I know I have Jade." I said, as though it was obvious.

"I'm not talking about Jade." He snapped.

"Don't you get it?" He asked me, desperately.

And when I stared at him blankly, he laughed through the tears rolling down his angelic, pained face.

"I'm talking about me." He said.

That was it. That was the other emotion I hadn't initially recognised.

Anger.
And love.

"Please don't say it." I whispered, hurriedly.

"I love you." He said, ignoring me.

His voice was hushed, and my vision blurred with my own tears, as I tried and failed to accept it.

"Please..... just take the money and go." I begged.

He hesitated, before roughly wiping his face free of the tears that had fallen, and he reluctantly took the money from my outstretched hands.

He crossed the room to my front door and turned to face me.

"Just know, I'm not leaving because you've asked me to. I'm leaving because I told you that I loved you, and I have just watched you reject it. I've been patient, I've been supportive.... And I know I've been a good person. I know I've been a good guy. I think I've shown you enough kindness, care and I know that I've done all I can. I'm walking away, because I know I did enough to show you." He said, before opening my door and disappearing through it.

He disappeared from my home, and from my life.

***************************************
Jeff's POV.

Two weeks later.

"How is he, honestly?" Jade asked, as we sat in The Hideout, minus two obvious parties.

Gareth eyed her carefully, and shook his head.

"Bad." He answered.

"She won't even talk to me about it. She's totally shut down." Jade said, sadly.

"He told her he loved her. Said she barely flinched." Gareth said, with a hint of anger.

"I understand you're angry. I kind of am too, with her. He's such a good guy." She said.

"It was explosive. Alot of things were said. She was sarcastic, bitter and angry. Real angry. He's heartbroken, Jade." I said, sighing.

"What do we do?" Grant asked, forlorn.

"Nothing. He doesn't want us to either, he was very clear on that. No heroics, were his exact words. He's given up." I said.

"I really thought this time, he'd get the girl he deserved." Grant said, rubbing his face with frustration.

"She is worth it. She just had 18 years of being told she wasn't. She's scared of love, as much as she wants it." Jade said.

"The one thing he's always been consistent with, is trying. He puts himself out there no matter what. He deserves to find someone." I said.

"She is his someone." Jade said.

"Well she rejected that idea. Didn't flinch when he told her he loved her. Unloaded 18 years of trauma in one sitting and then asked him to leave. As much as she might be his someone, she pushed him away. Brutally." Gareth said, unforgiving.

"I'm not defending her, when I say this. But this is the longest I've known her be with someone. It's always been done in a week or two. This was verging on months. I think she did let him in. More than she's ever let anyone in. She's not perfect, and she has flaws. Her mom has a way of getting in her head and that's what's happened here. She needs to realise that, and when she does, I am praying to every god, that she puts it right with Eddie." Jade said, sighing.

"Guys, he's calling me." Grant said, as he answered and put his phone to his ear.

We waited patiently, and Grant seemed to shift uncomfortably.

"You want us to come over there dude? We can come sit with you. It's alright, it's alright." Grant said, sympathetically.

"It doesn't matter if you're crying, we can come over there." Grant continued.

"We'll finish up and we'll come over. Everything will be alright man, I promise you." Grant said, before hanging up.

"He's really upset." He said, as I downed my beer.

"Let's go." I said, without hesitation.

*****************************************
Jeff's POV.

"Hey man...." I said, as we all piled into his living room.

He was curled up on the sofa, and he looked tired.

Real tired.

His eyes were red and swollen, and he was crying.

Before any of us could reach him, Jade was already there, kneeling in front of him as she leaned over him, holding him.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry." She said, her voice hushed with sympathy and pain.

He acknowledged her, reaching for her and he let her console him as she held him in her arms.

She looked to me, and she looked worried.

"He's shaking. He's shaking alot." She whispered, as I leaned down and squoze his shoulder.

She was right; I could feel him shaking as I gripped his shoulder gently. He couldn't seem to control it.

"Are you cold?" I asked him.

"No...." He whispered, as he looked slightly panicked.

"Have you had this happen before?" Jade asked him.

"Once. It'll go away on its own." He said.

"We're here man. We're here." I said, as Jade rose to her feet.

"I'll be right back. There's a call I need to make." She said.

****************************************
"You're through to Mandy at my life is a shit show dot com, how can I not help you today?"

I had blindly reached for my phone, and had answered in my mild drunken stupor.

"You're real funny."

"Jade?" I asked, sitting up in surprise.

"The one and only. We need to talk." She said.

"Yeah, I don't really feel like talking right now." I said, dismissively.

"You know where I am right now?" She asked.

"How many clues do I get?" I asked.

"I'm at Eddie's. He's a mess." She said.

"I know. And I know it's my fault." I said.

"When he calms down, don't you think you should try and resolve things? Or worst case scenario, end them properly?" She asked.

"He was gonna find out for himself eventually that I'm not worth staying with. It's better this way. Once he reaches the stage of anger, he'll be on his way to getting over me." I said.

"Yeah? What stage are you at?" She asked.

"Getting blind drunk." I said.

"You know, he'd take you at your worst. He really fucking would." She snapped.

"Yeah? How do you know that then?" I asked, rising to the challenge.

"He's shown you he would. Dammit Daff, he's been so kind and so patient with you. And you've just thrown it back in his face." She said, exasperated.

"This is the longest you've ever stayed with anyone and I don't believe for a second that you don't feel something for him. Because you do. You absolutely do. And you're afraid of the possibility that you love him too." Jade said, as I clenched my jaw.

"He deserves better than me." I said.

"That's his choice." She snapped.

"He'll be fine eventually. He'll move on." I argued.

"My god, I can't fucking stand you sometimes." She spat, angrily.

"That's okay, I can't stand myself either." I said, solemnly.

"You don't get to mope or sulk. You don't get to be self deprecating. You have someone here who loves you, and you're breaking his heart. All you're thinking about right now is yourself and how you feel." She said.

"You rejected him Daphne, in the worst way possible. You asked him not to tell you. You refused to let him be honest, and you know what he did? He was brave and he told you anyway. He put himself out there to you and for you. And you shot him down. Shot him down and asked him to leave. You broke up with him for falling for you. If there's one thing I didn't know about you before, I know it now." She said.

"Regale me." I said, a little too cockily.

"You really are your mothers daughter." She hissed and I heard the line click as she hung up on me.

That had hurt.
And it had sobered me up suddenly.

I rose to my feet and ran a shaky hand through my unwashed hair, pacing my living room, breathing quickly. I was far from calm; I was close to breaking point.

How could I let myself be loved, when I couldn't even recognise it in someone's tone, actions or reactions?

He'd fiercely defended me and mixed in with the anger he felt, there was love there too and I hadn't seen it. So how could I allow him to love me, when it was an emotion I knew nothing about?

There was a knock on my door and I grumbled loudly with anger and frustration, before throwing it open.

"WHAT?" I cried, before coming face to face with my father.

"Oh for fucks sake.... I can't do this right now. She's in the next town, she has money. Go to her." I spat.

"I can't get there Daffy Duck." He said, sheepishly.

"Don't call me that. We never did terms of endearment. The social services aren't here." I hissed, as he loitered in my doorway.

"You're here for money too?" I asked him.

"I don't want to be." He said.

"Then fucking LEAVE." I cried.

"Why didn't either of you love me?" I asked, when he remained fixed on the spot.

"Don't answer that, actually." I added, hurriedly.

"I wasn't allowed to love you." He said, as I felt myself freeze painfully.

"What did you say?" I asked, in disbelief.

"I wasn't allowed to love you Daphne. You weren't wanted by her. If I showed any affection towards you, she'd go crazy and I was scared she'd eventually hurt you. I'm not proud of it, but I acted like I didn't care about you, to protect you." He said, bowing his head.

"Nicely done, pop." I said, clapping him sarcastically.

"That was Oscar worthy, honestly. Did you think that's what I wanted to hear? You were scared to love me?" I asked.

"Did you ever see me sell your stuff?" He asked me.

"I saw you stand by and watch her do it, and that's equally as bad." I snapped.

"I don't want to be here, begging my daughter for money so I can meet her crazy assed mother in the next town. But I am. I have no money." He said, wringing the faded grey cap in his hands sheepishly.

"I am not your daughter. Take what you need and fucking go." I spat, storming into the kitchen.

I heard him moving around, I heard him rummaging through drawers and when he'd accumulated what he needed, he stepped into the kitchen, hanging in the doorway, as I downed a glass of red wine.

"You deserved better. You were never a bad kid. You just had bad parents. Selfish ones. I could only have room in my heart for your mother, there couldn't be a space for anyone else, not even you." He said, just as a body shoved past him, their eyes on me.

"What's going on?"

Jade.

"Jade, this is my dad. Dad, Jade." I said, dismissively, turning away from them both.

"What's he doing here?" She asked.

"Oh, just turning my house over to take some things to the pawn shop down the road. So he can meet my mother in the next town." I said, casually pouring another glass of wine.

"Have you got everything you need?" She asked him, unimpressed.

"I'd say you should probably be on your way pops." I said, toasting him with my glass.

"I ain't telling you lies Daffy Duck, I really wanted to be able to show you that I cared. But she was jealous of you. She didn't want to share me, with you." He said, still trying.

"You're a fucking coward. And a god awful man. You've just willingly and shamelessly turned my house over and anything worth taking is in your fucking pockets right now. Call me Daffy Duck again, go on. Try it." I spat, incensed.

"What's going on?"

"Oh Jesus, what the fuck." I said, unable to believe it.

"You shouldn't be here." I said to him, as he eyed my father carefully.

He frowned before turning back to me.

"He can put everything back. I have money in the car. He can take that and you can keep your things." He said.

"I'm sure you'd prefer cash if it was on offer?" He said to my father.

"I just want to get to the next town." He said.

"Jade, get my wallet from the car." He instructed, as I watched the interaction from afar.

"You don't have to do this. Neither of you do. He can leave with nothing." She argued.

"Car, wallet." He said, unrelenting.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, as she walked through the living room.

"Isn't it obvious by now Daphne?" He asked.

His voice though, was devoid of all emotion but one.

Tiredness.

"Daff, I ain't proud of this." My father said, peering around him.

"You shouldn't be." I snapped, before downing the glass of wine in my hand.

"You can empty your pockets. You can put everything you've taken on the kitchen counter." Eddie ordered, softly.

My father shamelessly did as he said, his eyes hopeful with the prospect that cold hard cash was on its way to him and I shook my head in utter disbelief.

"Did you love me when I slept on the floor, dad?" I asked him, holding onto the kitchen side, with my back towards him.

"Did you love me when you bought me a bike, and then the kid next door rode it all summer?" I continued.

He was awful quiet.

"Did you love me, when you left me in the car as a toddler whilst you both got wasted in the bar across the road?" I asked.

Still quiet.

A hand clasped my shoulder, and a face appeared at the side of mine.

"Stop. He doesn't have the answers you want." Eddie said, his voice soft.

Jade appeared in the kitchen and reluctantly handed Eddie his wallet.

I watched him, as he seemingly shakily counted a thousand dollars in bills which he then folded and held out to my father.

"No, no.... No don't give him that." I begged.

"There's a thousand dollars here. You take it, and neither of you ever knock on this door for a single thing again. You never come back here and turn this house over for anything worth selling again. You move on, and you never see her again. You leave her be, and you let her be." Eddie demanded, ignoring me.

He was calm, but firm.

"No child should ever see her parent shamelessly rifle through her belongings for things to pawn off." He added.

My father took the money and nodded, avoiding Eddie's firm gaze.

Instead, he looked straight at me.

"Daffy...." He whispered.

"What did I say?" I asked, erupting in a blind rage.

So much so, that both Eddie and Jade had to hold me back from him.

Jeff, Grant and Gareth hung in the doorway, watching the scene unfold with saddened eyes.

None of them knew what to do, except to watch as years of grief, shame and sadness poured out of me in a venomous tirade.

"I told you to NEVER fucking call me that! I'm not Daff to you, I'm not your Daffy Duck! I'm the fuck up you created and this is what I have to live with! All you have to worry about is where the money comes from next! You stand in my house after you've just willingly taken my things, things I worked my ass off for. Sure I told you to, but you have no shame! You came here with every intention of taking something from me for your own gain. I SWEAR TO GOD! If I even so much as reach you in the next twenty seconds I swear I'll fucking glass you in your face so hard that you'll spit shards for a week! GET OUT." I roared.

"Daphne please...." He begged.

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" I shouted.

And as he left, I covered my face with my hands, my chest tight, my breath coming out in deep bursts as I tried to hold it together.

It was like trying to stop a dam from breaking.

Everyone was silent and unmoving, as I broke in front of them, losing what little sanity I had left.

"Jade, can you put her things back?" Eddie asked, calmly, standing a little ways away from me.

He was watching me though, and his gaze was one of caution.

"What can I do?" Grant asked, as I went to speak.

A warning glance from Eddie told me to remain quiet and I did.

"Todays not that day." He warned.

I shakily reached for the kitchen side, and grabbed onto it, propping myself up as I was unsteady on my feet now, my legs threatening to give way from underneath me.

"We're gonna stay here tonight, so if you could find some spare blankets for us." Eddie said as Grant nodded.

"Airing cupboard, top of the stairs." I said, not arguing.

"And me?" Gareth asked.

"Kettle. We could all use a tea after that." Eddie said.

"What can I do?" Jeff said, as I felt myself teetering over the edge.

He saw this and approached me hurriedly, pulling me into a tight hug. I felt my breath catch in my chest in surprise at the sudden, painfully kind gesture.

"It's okay." He said, as I remained tense in his arms.

"It's okay. You can accept it. It's a hug from a friend and right now? You need one." Jeff said, as Eddie watched us.

I relaxed and wound my arms around him, sighing with relief as I accepted the embrace.

"That's it. It's alright." He said.

As kind as it was, there was only one person I wanted to hold me, and I knew he didn't want to.

Jeff released me, and he blinked tears away before plastering a smile on his face.

"I'll help Gareth with the tea." He said.

"You should sit down." Eddie said, nodding to the kitchen door.

"Go. Sit." He said.

I sat down on the sofa, and what I hoped wouldn't come next, did.

Jade too, had seen it coming.

My shoulder had started to spasm and forceful bursts of short, sharp uncontrollable breaths expelled out of me.

"Where is it?" She asked.

"Top of the cupboard." I said, in between breaths.

I rested my head in my hands, as a body sat next to me, looking concerned.

"What's going on Jade?" He asked, when she returned from the kitchen.

"Anxiety induced tics. Stress brings them on sometimes, but they've not been this bad for a while." Jade said, softly.

"It hurts after a while Ed, she can't control them." She added, as I remained silent.

"Daff, you need to take this." She said, handing me the injection.

"Can I help?" He asked, as I shook my head.

I straightened up, and when I met his eyes, he was surprised at the pain creased across my face.

"I have tea." Gareth said, before stopping dead in the kitchen doorway.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Just..... just p-peachy." I stammered, as my shoulder jerked and I tensed, trying to stop it.

"I actually might need some help pulling my joggers down." I said, reluctantly.

"Let me." Eddie said, immediately.

I had been an asshole to him.
Why did he want to help me?

I nodded, and I stood so he could pull the hem of my joggers down, and whilst I was still standing, he took the syringe from my hand softly.

"Where?" He asked, crouching beside me.

With the arm that wasn't convulsing, I pointed to the middle of my thigh.

"T-There." I said, as the breaths got sharper.

"Ow." I said, as he inserted the syringe into my skin.

"Sorry." He whispered.

"The needle doesn't hurt. Her breathing, it's got worse." Jade said.

Eddie pulled my joggers back up and encouraged me to sit back down.

"How long until the medication starts working?" He asked.

"About an hour." Jade said.

And so we all sat around patiently, waiting for the involuntary tics to stop.

When they eventually did, they all seemed to relax and the worried eyes just turned to sad ones.

Eddie was sitting next to me, with a safe distance between us, and he wordlessly encouraged me to drink some of the tea Gareth had made.

I sipped at it slowly, and surprisingly, he made a mean brew.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but why did you all come here?" I asked.

"You might have been on form with the humour but I knew you weren't feeling great. And I regretted what I said before I ended the call. So I came here." Jade said.

"We wanted to make sure you were okay too." Jeff added.

"Come on, I don't deserve it. You've all been so nice to me, from day one, even more so tonight. I've been a complete asshole." I said.

"Friends help. We even help assholes." Gareth said, as we all laughed slightly, despite the circumstances.

"And that's what we are. Your friends." Grant said.

I rubbed my shoulder, and stretched my arm slightly, wincing.

"Your best friend needed you more than me." I argued, glancing at Eddie momentarily.

"I was first in the car with Jade." He said, clearing his throat.

"Why?" I asked.

"Like I said, isn't it obvious to you by now, Daff?" He asked, his voice quiet.

"You're exhausted." I noted, as he nodded.

"I am, but I'll be fine. You should probably get some painkillers and try to sleep." He said.

"Thank you, for everything you done for me, and not just tonight. I mean, definitely more so for tonight..... but you were all helping me way before this and I should have seen that." I said.

"We knew it was bad, we just didn't know it was as bad as what we heard." Jeff said.

"It is. I know I need to deal with it, find closure and move on from it... talking about it just always seems to make me angry and bitter." I explained.

"With the right channels, you can learn to talk about it in the correct way, without it triggering anger." Eddie said.

"I'll pay you back." I said to Eddie, remembering the money he'd given to my dad, suddenly.

"That's not why I did it." He said, softly.

"They're not your problem..... they're mine." I said.

"That's the beauty of it, Daphne. When someone loves you, your problems become theirs, they want to share the load with you. That's what I've been trying to do this entire time. Share the load, unburden you, help you." He said, frank and honestly.

"Go for a cigarette, talk." Jade instructed, sensing that a conversation was needed, away from their ears.

Neither of us refused, we both walked out onto the veranda at the front of my house, and sat on the two loungers against the wall.

He silently passed me a cigarette, and there was a moment where in complete sync, we both lit them and took a deep pull. We even sighed in unison, which in my head, amused me a little despite the pain and awkwardness between us.

I noticed that despite his calm demeanour, he was shaking. It was an all over body tremble and I didn't like it. His hands were shaking, and his breathing was far from steady.

He was struggling.

"Talk to me. What's going on?" I asked.

"That's a little rich when you don't talk to me. But....okay. Clearly, I'm struggling. You know what that feels like. You know that it makes you fucking tremble everywhere, there's that uncontrollable shaking that you just can't stop." He said, a little bitter.

"It's not quite an anxiety inducing tic, but it's not far from it, not really." He added.

"And it's because of me." I deduced.

"I've only ever felt like this once before. Swore I'd never let myself feel it again." He said, sounding sad.

"When your mom turned you away." I said, my voice hushed with pain and regret.

Knowing I'd made him feel like his mother had, shattered me.

"I've been selfish. I'm still being selfish. You came here feeling like this, to help me. Who's helping you?" I asked.

"I've looked after myself this far." He said.

"So has your Uncle." I added.

"Well it ain't his job no more." He said.

"Who's is it now then?" I asked.

"That's the million dollar question, isn't it?" He asked.

"Can't I help you?" I offered, as he laughed shakily. It was a little sarcastic, and it was a little in disbelief too.

Here I was offering to help him; I'd offended him slightly and I wasn't entirely surprised at his reaction.

"You can't even look after yourself." He said, shaking his head.

"How would you help me? All you've done is push me way. All you've done, is the exact opposite of everything I've tried to do." He continued.

"I don't want to keep being like this." I offered.

"Then get a therapist. That would be a good place to start." He said, his tone harsh.

"You can't help me or anyone, when you won't help yourself. You can't do anything for me or for anyone, when you let this all define who you are and resign that you're never destined to be happy. You don't let anyone in far enough, to see who you really are. You let Jade so far in the door, but she's always just been in your doorway, never fully in the room. We won't be enough, until you let us in. I won't be enough for you, until you let me in." He said.

"Do you want me to let you in?" I asked.

"I've tried that. God I've tried that so many times already. I stupidly believed I'd managed to step in the room, but you proved that I never did." He said, unforgiving.

"All this time, I've just been knocking on a closed door, haven't I?" He asked me.

"I wasn't even in the doorway, was I?" He asked.

It was time to be honest, I knew that.
It was a case of now, or never say it.

I was precariously close to losing him for good, and the deep ache in my heart told me that I didn't want that to happen.

"You were in the room." I answered, after what felt like a forever pause.

He looked at me in mild disbelief.
I wasn't sure if it was at my statement alone, or the honesty in which I'd delivered it to him.

"You were in the room. You somehow managed to get closer than anyone else ever has. And when you told me that I had someone who loved me, and that person was you..... I pushed you away. I don't know love, Eddie. I didn't recognise that in the heat of your anger, there was another emotion involved. I didn't realise that you were trying to say that you loved me. And I thought, how can I let you love me, if I can't see it when it's in front of me? How can I let you, when I don't know what that looks like?" I said.

"You can let me show you." He answered.

"That's always been an option." He added.

"I hurt you Eddie. And you still came to help me. You were first out of the door, with Jade." I said.

"You did. You really did. But I came here to help, because all I can do is keep trying. Keep trying to make you see. Show you, that my heart is yours for the taking." He said, with a tone of desperation.

"I don't think I particularly deserve anything more from you." I said, shaking my head.

"It's probably a good thing then that it's my heart to give." He said.

"After all of this, after everything I've done and said, you're telling me you'd still offer your heart to me?" I asked.

"Even when you've been the biggest asshole of the highest order, yeah." He said.

"How do you feel about me, Daphne?" He asked.

"Answer me honestly." He added.

"It's not really about how I feel about you. It's more how you feel about me, despite everything." I said.

"Despite everything, how I feel about you hasn't changed. I've struggled with your rejection, your dismissive reaction, sure.... I'm still struggling with that. But it hasn't changed how I feel. It probably should have done. But that's the thing with love, sometimes it's as unforgiving as it is unfaltering. And boy is it being unforgiving with me this time around." He said, looking away from me now.

"Just know, that you were in the room." I said, as I rose to my feet, unable to say anymore.

The honesty well, had ran dry for tonight.
I wasn't sure what good would come of me admitting my feelings.

He was struggling not only with my rejection, but with loving me.

Loving me had been a struggle for everyone in my life.

Eddie, was just another one of those people.

*******************************************
Eddie's POV.

I heard movement in the early hours, and when I heard her footsteps near the sofa I was lying on, I closed my eyes and pretended to be sleeping.

She wandered quietly into the kitchen, and upon her return to the living room, she paused by the sofa, and I sensed her as she knelt down in-front of me.

I felt her hand stroke my face, her fingers running through my hair and she sighed softly.

Her touch was gentle and my heart clenched as I realised how much I'd missed it.

"You're such a sweet boy. A selfless, sweet, caring boy. The boy I never thought I'd see again. But I did. I have. I'm so sorry, for everything. I grew up telling myself that I'd never make anyone feel as worthless as I felt, as worthless as I still sometimes feel. I made you feel like that, and I am so sorry...." She whispered, her voice shaky.

She took a deep breath, and her hand toyed with a lock of my hair, momentarily.

"I don't know quite know when I'll be able to say this again, and you won't hear it because you're sleeping, but I'm praying this finds you in your dreams....." She whispered again.

There was a pause and another shaky breath as she seemed to prepare herself with what to say next.

"I do love you, Eddie."

That, I hadn't been expecting.

And once I'd heard her footsteps at the top of the stairs, I sat bolt upright on the sofa, unable to believe it.

I met a pair of eyes, to find that Jeff too was awake, and had heard her submission in the still of the night.

"Was that real?" I whispered.

"Very." He answered, softly.

"You got your answer. Now, it's ultimately what you do with it." He added.

And without answering him, I peeled the covers off me and rose to my feet.

I walked to the staircase, pausing hesitantly, before hastily and bravely, making my way up to her room.

"Go get her." I heard him say, the smile evident in his tone, even though I couldn't see it.

I turned the door handle and opened the door, and I saw her spin around to face me, surprised at my sudden presence.

She faltered, and she swallowed hard, her eyes growing glassy.

"You heard that, didn't you?" She asked, her voice hushed.

"Oh I heard it, alright." I said, as I crossed the room towards her in three confident strides.

I bundled her up into my eager arms and held her to me roughly, her breath hitching in her chest as she searched my face, trying to gauge my reaction.

"And I want to hear you say it again." I demanded.

"Say it." I ordered.

There was a hint of pleading this time, and as she ran her hands through my hair, her cautious eyes locked with mine.

"I love you." She said, suddenly.

"That's my girl." I whispered, before swiftly covering her mouth with mine.

We kissed feverishly and passionately, as we pulled at each other, unable to get close to each other quickly enough.

And in the darkness of her room, clothes were hastily removed and tossed to the floor, and a mass of trembling, eager limbs entwined under her bed covers, reacquainting themselves with each other.

"Baby girl, I've missed you...." I whispered desperately against her lips as our hips bucked together.

"I've missed you so much...." She whispered back, a furrow of pleasure in her brow.

"I can love you, Daphne.... I do love you. I promise." I said in her ear, as her back arched.

And we made love all through the night.

********************************************
Eddie's POV.

I was hoping when I'd woken, that the all over body trembling I'd been suffering with for the last week would have gone.

But it hadn't, not quite.

And around 7am when I stirred, it started and unfortunately it woke her up.

It had momentarily ceased when we'd been intimate together, perhaps because I'd been distracted and reunited with her, and so it had become a temporary after thought.

"I'm sorry.... I was hoping it would have stopped." I whispered, regretfully.

Silently, she rolled over to face me and shuffled closer to me, showing me her shaking hands.

"I'm the same. The tics are still there. We're the same, Eddie. They'll go away." She reassured me.

"I'll have another injection today. And it'll pass." She continued.

"Just like it'll pass for you." She whispered, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead.

She embraced me and held me to her as I trembled against her, and she gently soothed me, her shaking hand stroking my hair.

I buried my head into her naked chest and tried to concentrate on the steady beating of her heart.

Until the involuntarily shoulder spasms started and we sadly had to admit defeat.

The short, sharp breaths came shortly after and as I led her downstairs, she squoze my shoulder softly.

"It'll....get b-better." She assured me, shakily.

"For b-both of us." She added, as I nodded.

"It's come back?" Jade asked, as we appeared in the kitchen together.

"It will... B-Be a couple.... Days." She managed.

Jade responded by preparing another shot, and again, I managed to steady my hands long enough to administer it into her thigh.

As the guys busied themselves with making breakfast, Daphne had a proposition for me.

One I hadn't anticipated.

"Stay here....with me f-for a....few days. We c-can...r-really talk this over.....hash it out, f-find what w-works for us.....Find a....f-form of communication, s-so....that this doesn't happen again." She said.

My heart clenched slightly; she was trying to talk and the tics just weren't letting her.

She grumbled with frustration, and I rubbed her back softly as she fought back against them.

"We've both been through this before....We b-both know that these...are t-trauma responses. Let.... L-Let me put this right....let me h-help you like.... Like y-you've helped m-m-me." She continued.

"I didn't even realise you'd made up." Gareth said, as Jeff smiled broadly for a moment.

"I mean, I'm really happy you have, don't get me wrong." He added.

"I think it's a really kind offer honey, but shouldn't one of us stay with you too?" Jade asked.

"We're not five." I said, gently reminding them all.

"No, we know that. But let's face it, and let's be honest..... the ground has been real shaky lately with you both. I guess what we're saying is, are you okay to do this together.... Alone?" Grant said.

"Listen, you've all done so much for both of us. If there is one thing Daff can do, she can work through this with me. We both understand how this feels, how this works. I don't have tics, not to this extent.... But I've experienced this before from emotional stress and I mean this in the nicest way when I say this.... Respectfully, you guys can't help me with this side of it. Whereas she can. If we're going to resolve anything, we need to do it alone, and we need to do it together." I said, trying to steady my shaking hands.

"And you're both ready to fix things? Try and work it out?" Gareth asked.

"We started to work on things last night." I said.

"I'll say." Jade said, flippantly.

She clasped a hand over her mouth then, and stared at us apologetically.

"Sorry, that was verbal diarrhoea." She said.

It may have been, but it got us all laughing.

"Alright, we made up for the most part." I said, giving Jade a knowing look.

"But there's still ground to cover. And I think we should do that alone. With some privacy." I added.

"I want t-to.... I want to do this. Let me do this." Daphne begged.

"We just wanted to be sure." Jade said, reassuringly.

"We're sure." I said, with certainty.

**************************************
Eddie's POV.

Our friends stayed, and Jeff briefly left to fetch me some clothes and various other bits so I could stay, and when he returned, we all had an hour or so where we talked, laughed, joked and then they all headed home.

I made Daphne a mug of tea, and we settled on the settee together, wrapped in a blanket.

I still had the trembling sensation, but it had lessened as the day had gone on, and Daphne had responded to the second injection, her tics now firmly under control.

As she held the mug in her hands, I rubbed her arm softly, leaning my head against hers.

We both stared down at the steam rising from her mug, both entranced for a moment, in the first comfortable silence we'd shared for a while.

"You were pretending to be asleep last night, weren't you?" She asked me.

"I was. We were at a clear stalemate, so I chose to pretend I was. It seemed like you had something to say, and it turned out that you did." I answered.

"Would you have told me at a different time? Another time?" I added.

"It was coming. I wanted the timing to be right. Saying it to you whilst you were sleeping felt oddly comforting and poetic. Would you hear it, would it wake you? Or would it appear in your dreams and you wouldn't know if it had been real or not?" She pondered.

"And then when you came into my room, I just knew you'd heard it." She continued.

"I meant it, I had missed you." I said.

"I'd missed you too." She answered.

"Shall we get into bed, watch a film or something?" I asked.

"You're hurting, aren't you? It's okay, you can tell me." She said.

"Yeah." I answered, truthfully.

"You go on upstairs. I have something that may help." She said, sincerely.

******************************************
When I wandered into the bedroom moments later, he was sitting up in my bed, waiting patiently for me.

"Okay, painkillers and heat rub." I offered, and for the first time in a while, I earned a smile from him.

"Should I be worried?" He asked, as I chuckled softly, immediately relaxing.

"No, but I'll need you to take your T-shirt off." I said, as he grinned.

"Take the painkillers." I ordered softly, handing him two ibuprofen and a glass of water.

He took them, rinsed them down with water and set the glass down on the bedside table.

"I'm going to need to sit behind you." I said, as he leaned forward, allowing me to sit behind him, with my legs either side of him.

I squoze some of the heat rub onto my hands and readied myself.

"Where does it seem to hurt most?" I asked.

"My shoulders. My shoulders and down my left side." He said.

I started to gently massage his shoulders and he sighed with relief as I slowly worked the knots out from in between his shoulder blades and the base of his neck.

"It's an odd feeling." He whispered.

"What is?" I asked, pausing.

"Don't stop." He urged as I chuckled softly.

"It hurts but it also feels good." He explained.

His left side was rather tender, and he ate his words when it proved to be more painful than relieving.

"Shit...." He hissed slightly, as I soothed him, planting a small kiss on his newly relaxed shoulder.

"Lie down on your back." I ordered softly.

I moved from behind him and he settled down on his back, breathing a deep sigh of relief.

"You've got magic hands." He said, in awe.

I gently straddled him, and he cleared his throat as I gave him a pointed look.

"It's not that kind of massage." I warned, as I rubbed more cream onto my hands.

He grinned and I raised an eyebrow.

"It really isn't. This just might stop it from being as painful." I said, as I leaned down and started to knead the cream into his side.

He sighed softly, but it wasn't from pain.

"You're right. It's not as painful." He said, as his arms came to relax by his sides.

His breathing steadied, and even though he was still suffering from the trembling, this was helping where he'd been tensing himself to try and stop it.

And I felt something press against me in between my legs and I smiled coyly.

"Oh god, that's embarrassing." He said, chuckling softly.

"You're with me. Nothing to be embarrassed about." I said.

"Yeah, but it's not one of those kinds of massage is it? You're helping me and that's got me turned on." He said.

"I'm doing something right then." I said, as he smiled.

"Thank you." He said, sincerely.

"Better?" I asked, as he shifted slightly.

"Yeah, a lot better, thank you." He said, as I smiled broadly at him.

"I don't think we should have sex tonight, you need to let the cream work it's magic." I said.

"Yeah you're probably right." He said, as I moved further down his body, slipping under the bed covers.

"But I can still help." I said, as he lifted his head to look at me, wide eyed.

He watched me disappear under the bed covers and I tugged his boxers down, releasing him.

And as I took him carefully into my mouth, I heard a gruff sigh from above me.

"Yes...." He whispered, moaning softly.

"It is one of those massages." He declared, loudly.

And it took every fibre of me, not to laugh with my mouth full.

****************************************
Days bled into weeks, more of his clothes came into the house, and it was starting to feel as though he'd always lived here, with me.

His tremors had stopped, and I hadn't had another tic attack, which was definite progress.

His company calmed me, helped me and I think I helped him in the same way. Both of us had always needed that one someone, who just understood and kept us steady.

I was his someone, and he was mine.

"Hey sleepyhead, you getting up?" I asked the reluctantly body still splayed on the bed, flat on his stomach.

"No." He mumbled.

"Come on, we both have work." I said.

"I don't wanna." He said.

"If you don't do to work, you can't help me pay the bills and the rent now can you?" I teased.

That got his attention.

"You're serious?" He asked, now bolt upright, bouncing on the bed, as he stared at me expectantly.

"I am." I said.

"I live here now?" He asked, wanting to be sure.

"I think you've been living here for a while." I corrected, smiling broadly.

He clambered off the bed, and picked me up, swinging me around as he giggled excitedly.

He set me back down on my feet and kissed me softly.

"I love you." He declared.

"I love you." I answered.

"Now, get dressed. Work." I reminded him, with a motherly tone.

And as we headed out, having decided to walk to town, and enjoy the morning sun, when we were reaching the town centre, he came to a standstill on the pavement, and I turned to him, curiously.

"You good Munson?" I asked him.

He smiled slightly, seemingly with satisfaction and happiness, and nodded.

"I am." He said, proudly.

"Jesus..." I said, biting down on my bottom lip.

"God I'm lucky." I said, as he grinned.

"No baby girl, I'm lucky." He corrected, before pulling me to him.

"I'm glad you're my someone." I whispered, as he kissed my forehead softly.

"I'm glad I'm your someone, as much as I'm glad you're mine." He whispered back, winding his arms around me.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too, baby girl." He said, squeezing me tight.

He released me slightly and his lips plucked mine into a soft, long kiss.

"See you later?" I asked him as he grinned broadly.

"Yeah, see you at home." He confirmed, with certainty and a breathtaking smile.

THE END.