I'm so excited I can barely contain myself.
At the moment I'm blasting music, my favorite song, and wrapping up my friends surprise gifts. I bought them all a copy of the new Gamesphere game. In all honesty, I have no idea what it's about. Hell, I don't even know if I will enjoy watching it. But, here I am, wrapping them in a thin and colorful sheet of gift bag paper. I place the items safe and sound inside a small black paper bag, and decorate the top with some extra dark purple tissue paper that's sticking out. I finish each of the four bags with a personal handwritten note, from me, hopefully properly putting into words how grateful I am to the boys.
I didn't forget about team Craig, in fact I also got them goodie bags filled to the brim with small personalized gifts and sweets. Including short notes.
I dance around the kitchen as I happily finish each one, deciding to hand them each out individually to the groups.
I'm feeling great as I put on my shoes at the front door and step outside of it. I barely notice the cold weather of this Sunday afternoon as I skip out of the driveway. I walk over to Kyle's place first, deciding since I don't have a phone— I'll have to ask someone else to plan the meet up. After carefully squeezing all four small bags in my backpack, I gently zip it up— standing to knock on the front door as I throw the straps over my shoulder.
It takes a minute, but finally he answers the door. I'm inpatient, to overjoyed to share my appreciation that I almost forget to greet the poor red head.
He stands in front of me, leaning on the door with a fond smile on his face. He notices it's me at the door and his smile only grows. I hold up my arms like a child asking their parents to hold them, and he gently pulls me into a hug. I don't let it last very long as I pull away to speak.
=====
I open the door, slowly at first to see who had knocked. I realize who it is way before I see her face. She's proudly flaunting an excited grin that's holding her cheeks up as she stands with her arms out signaling me into a warm hug. I gratefully except, feeding off her energy as she brightens my whole week with just one look.
"Hi Kyle." She says softly.
"In a good mood, are we?" I ask her, raising one eyebrow at her.
She looks to the floor and shakes her head as her smile continues.
"If only you knew". She whispers.
I catch her eyes again as I look down at her, I'm about to invite her in when she grabs my wrist and pulls me out of my house.
"What are you"-
"I have a very important surprise for you and the boys". She giggles like a maniac into her hands.
"A surprise?" I feel genuinely caught off guard, expecting anything but this.
I slowly piece the puzzle together as I remember how odd she was acting a couple days ago, when I caught her by her house. Some bag in her hand but trying to hid it, I just assumed it was for her.
My heart drops as I realize it's for us.
What's she planning?
I feel a little nervous as I text the guys, telling them to meet up at Cartman's house as fast as possible. The feelings quickly dissipate though, as I feel her link her arm around mine. Looking up at me with those big eyes— sparkling.
Something else fills that pit in my stomach feeling, as I look down to her, chuckling softly while we walk arm and arm. A thought that I could do this forever, look at her forever and be completely content fills my chest. That feeling, fills me with dread, and I look away from her to the sidewalk.
I can't keep entertaining these thoughts.
It doesn't take us very long to get to Cartman's house, and I can't help but notice how she drops my arm as soon as she sees the others. Running over to them to express the same greetings she did me.
I scowl as she hugs Stan.
=====
"Kenny!" She yells as she stand on her toes to wrap her arms around my neck.
"Hey, pretty girl". I mumble into her. Being careful not to hug her to tight, I've seen the state of her bruising— and I've been there myself.
She looks great today, clear and excited. Not the foggy brained, dark and uninviting girl she's been for the past week. Also, still somehow not the girl I met all those weeks ago in Kyle's bedroom. Different, but in a good way. I hope she stays like this forever, walls down.
She chuckles at me and turns to Stan, I don't like the feeling bubbling up in my chest as she turns slightly pink upon his presence. Hugging him the same, but stiffer.
I scowl as she hugs him.
=====
She hugs me and I immediately melt into her arms. Finally scratching that itch I get when she's not around. I pull away from her to see the pinkish shade creeping up her cheeks and my heart jumps out of my chest.
I like that look a little to much.
...shit.
=====
________________________
~~~~
"Can you guys go make out somewhere else?" Cartman rolls his eyes at the ground, after opening the door to his house.
She lets go of Stan and walks over to the front door, a small smile on her lips.
"Eric." She greets the bigger boy, slowly nodding her head down just a little.
"You." He greets back, mocking her.
She smiles at him, completely unbiased and unbelievably kind. Like she's never had any judgment on him, like he's never done any wrong.
"I- the fuck?" Cartman thinks, stuttering in his own mind.
She sighs, "one day I'll get you to smile." She pushes past him. Inviting herself in.
Stan and Kyle walk side by side into the house, giving each other a look of confusions at the situation that's just played out in front of them. Kenny walks in past Cartman, stopping to elbow him out of his trance.
Kenny shakes his head, chuckling. Meanwhile, Cartman cannot hear himself think.
He snaps out of it with a scowl and shuts the door to his house.
_____________________
"Is anyone going to explain why we're here?" Stan shoved his hands into his brown jacket pockets.
Kyle looks over at her and raises a brow. She only giggles as she slides off her backpack, holding it in her hands as she unzips it.
"I don't really know how to do this.." she shakes her head, pulling out the bags now suddenly shy.
"What's that?" Stan asks her.
She hands each of them a small black paper bag, while their questions only grow.
"I got you guys something, a gift to— thank you. Again." She looks down to the carpet, holding her hands together in front of her body.
"You didn't"-
"No, shh— just open it!" She hushes Kyle.
They all look down to the gift in their hands, feeing a sense of pride. They didn't do it for a prize, but the thought is nice, caring. Whatever's in the bag— it doesn't matter— they've already received the message. Fully understanding the only thing they could want more, was something she's already given them.
~~~~
=====
I'm quick to open my gift first, ignoring the paper— the card— and unholy amount of glitter. Getting straight to the good part.
This better be good.
I drop the bag to the floor, discarding the purple wrapping as well. The plastic coast under my fingers and I furrow my brows at it.
It's a green plastic case, the words Deadreign catch my eyes first. The actual game thumbnail throwing me for a loop. I widen my eyes at the gift in my hands, holding it gently. Like it's a newborn baby as I gawk at it.
No. Fucking. Way.
I look around to the others as they are just starting to unwrap theirs. My eyes coast over her and she's smiling, her expression light and bright. Again, I find myself having to shield eyes from it.
That dumb girl, that— stupid, dumb, nothing but trouble, girl.
"Holy shit!" I hear from Stan.
I scowl at them, and her. I don't want to, in fact I don't even know why I am.
Why am I so mad?
She's why. She constantly catches my attention, makes me feel things I don't want to. She makes me think about myself and the things I do.
That dumb—
Bright girl.
=====
"Holy shit!" I gasp at the game in my hands.
I'm at a complete loss for words as I look up to her, jaw on the floor.
"I completely forgot about this!" Kyle shouts from next to me, as he too realizes the unbelievable item in his hands.
My mind runs for miles, there's so much I want to say. I don't know how to proceed, or properly express anything I'm feeling.
She remembered. Some conversation me and Kyle had days ago, one she wasn't even apart of, and she remembered. The thought of that is tearing me up inside. She's so unbelievably kind, and thoughtful and I feel overwhelmed.
It's only a game.
She's smiling at us, hands under her chin as she watches in awe. I would say she's more excited then us, but that might be impossible as my heart starts to race. I look at her and my brain short circuits.
There's one thing I want to do, one thing I can't seem to get off my mind recently. And finally I understand how to feel it.
My heart stops in my chest as I clutch it through my jacket, Scared I might actually have a heart attack.
I know now, what it is that I want. It hits me like a ton of bricks as I feel my stomach twist.
I can't believe I never saw it before. I feel new, reborn. Like I just splashed cold water over my face. Completely overwhelmed with the feelings of her.
I take a step forward, ready to wrap myself up with her, when I realize, I'm not the only one in this room. That makes me realize the reality of my situation. Suddenly now— not so free, or new.
I'm so fucked.
=====
"I completely forgot about this!" I cry as I hold the game up to the light.
No way!
I look over at Stan to see if he's as excited as I am, but he's not looking at me. He's looking at the floor?
I don't have time to think about his reaction as I unconsciously move my body. My feet carry me a few steps directly to her as she looks at us with that smile on her face. I bend down slightly, wrapping my arms around her hips and hoisting her up. She yelps quietly as she begins laughing in my arms. Me and Kenny chant together while we celebrate her, more then the game. I spin her around as she holds on tight to my shoulders, bouncing her like we just one the championship game.
"Kyle!" She shouts, and all the thoughts leave my brain.
Yup, forever.
=====
I run over to her as Kyle sets her down, pumping my fists in the air. She smiles at me and I feel as though I could die, right here right now. I force my soul back into my body as I chant with the boys, excited and jumping around like a bunch of little kids. I'm pulled back into who we were. Back as the little nine year old who just enjoys playing with his friends. I think about what it would have been like to have her there, and I make it my life's mission to keep her in my life forever. Grateful to her for reminding me of who I was.
"Guys!" She whines. "You didn't even see the cards!"
"Oh, I read mine." I wink at her as I take my hood off.
I gently place my hands to the side of her cheeks as they redden slightly. She looks down, but lifts her hands to hold mine on her anyway.
"You're cute when you blush". I whisper at her, low enough so only we can hear it.
"Kenny!" She shakes me off her, but I see that shy smile anyway while she tucks some hair behind her ear.
I smirk, accomplished.
=====
"I did, read mine too." Kyle rubs the back of his neck.
"Yeah, so did I". Stan finally looks up at me, no— he looks into me. Piercing me with his dark blue eyes.
He looks— different?
We all look over to Cartman who finally stops scowling at us.
"What? I'm not reading that sappy shit."