Chapter 41
PARK SOOHYUN
"This suit makes me look like an uptight prick."
"You look alright." I saw the mirror selfie he had sent to me.
"In the photo," he countered over the sounds of footsteps. Indistinct chatter in the distance filled the gaps. "In fact, I look like a human disaster in austere clothes."
A chuckle escaped my mouth. "Human disaster? No."
"I should've worn something less formal. These clothes stick too much to my skin—"
I paused in my seat when the world spun for a second. I had been too caffeinated when it wasn't even midday yet that it made my hands inconveniently shake.
I got home around 1 or 2 in the morning earlier, took advantage of the hours which allowed me to sleep and then woke up at 6 AM to start another work shift. I had panicked a little over an emergency surgery that was handed over to me, and while it had been a normal occurrence, it was my first time to work around stab wounds. It was baffling to me how one could do that to another, but my attending nonchalantly said that I should get used to it. Humans can be grade-A assholes, he had mentioned in passing. A CABG case followed, and my arms almost felt like they carried the entire world. I had a few patient consultations and post-operative rounds lined up for the rest of the day, and I also hated the way I was feeling resistant to paper work. With just a few hours of sleep, the words seemed to blur together.
I leaned over my desk and held my phone close to my ears, all the while refocusing on the task at hand. The computer glared back at me as I could hear Jungkook breathing, his anxiety clinging to the sounds he made. I wished I could ease him of his worries, but even if I did, he'd always been a great worrier.
"I'm nervous as hell," he said. It was too obvious to ignore. "I've just arrived—I-here on campus."
"Does the interview start in half an hour?"
"Yeah. Don't know what to do with myself now."
"We can talk for ten more minutes," I peeked at the time on my screen then got on the call again, "I can spare that much."
"I can't hold you back. You can hang up if you need to go. I just called because this is freaking me out and-"
"Hey, I'll be on the phone with you. You're not holding me back from anything," I said because even if I should be solely dealing with these papers piled up in front of me and not accepting personal calls, I could manage doing both just fine. "The consultation starts by eleven anyway."
"Okay," he breathed, just a word out that held an unbearable distress.
I grabbed another sheet from the stack and inputted the information into the online database with my free hand. "This interview's just one of those things you'll totally knock out of the park. I know how good you are."
"But I haven't done a job interview in years, and they've got a dismissal in my record to question now. If I don't get this job, I don't know what my chances are of getting accepted at other hospitals."
Coupled with the ache of my shoulders, the pain was back in my chest, completely different to the one from lack of sleep. He was slurring his words, one tripping over the other.
I stopped typing and slowly leaned back in my chair, watching the computer light blend in blindingly with the daylight flooding in through the massive glass windows. I stared and spoke in a quieter tone, "Tell them the truth. If it gets weird and uncomfortable, or they start to disrespect you, just politely refuse the offer and say you're no longer interested or something. Then leave." I paused a beat, then another, realizing how it all sounded, recalling the memory of him being upset with a terrifyingly similar situation. I shifted in my seat. "Sorry, you probably know what to do. It's just-I don't mean to be treating you like a kid."
I winced at how silent it got on his end, and after what felt like a minute, he said, relief washing over me, "I don't know what I would've done without you."
I could swear my cheeks colored a bit. I shook my head, shrugging out of an embarrassing spiral.
With a clueless family, I knew how difficult it was for him to navigate around other things that needed at least a parent's support. Gathering the courage to bring it up was hard enough. I hadn't met them yet, but I also knew they'd understand. If there was even a pain scale for this and I'd asked him to rate it, Jungkook would surely lie for everybody's sake.
Warmth clawed its way into my stomach, suddenly feeling shy, though I doubted he wouldn't have figured out anything without me. Because Jungkook always had it in him; he just felt lost most of the time.
"You'll do well, Jungkook. Just like you've usually done, I'm sure of it," I answered, my voice lighter.
Jungkook made a pleased hum. I imagined a slow smile, face suddenly tender and sweet. Even a hopeful one, I wished.
The keyboard clicked again.
. . .
"I actually miss wearing those balls-hugging pants. I stopped having them when I changed my style."
"You couldn't say tight jeans?"
"We're talking about how tight they are."
"Very descriptive of you."
Taehyung pushed his cup forward before resting his elbows on the table. "Do I wear one and show off my thighs?" I heard a tapping sound.
I arched a brow in his direction, giving him a silly stare. "Are you going to a night club tonight?"
"The team wants to party. I'll be drunk off my ass and dance so hard until my limbs fall out."
Trying my best not to burst out laughing, I commented, "That sounds... fun."
"The party scene, not so much. But it's nice to go out. When you only see mostly immaculate walls and floors all the time it starts getting creepy. And I kinda want to lose some nerves. You know, with the exam coming up in two weeks..."
I sighed. "Tell me about it. Do you have things planned?"
Taehyung shrugged. "There's an offer."
Panic flushed through me, clamping around my throat as I sat up straighter. "What, you're leaving, too?"
"I'll consider, because, well, bigger pay. But-" he moved to lean in a bit closer, raised a hand and lightly flicked my chin, "hey, don't be bummed out about it. Nothing's sure yet."
How selfish of me to hold back a friend from achieving more especially when God knew how badly he needed it? Taehyung was still settling his debts and providing for his family, unlike me who could actually keep everything I was earning to myself. But I should probably make some more friends here if the ones I was only ever close with weren't to stay. "I need to meet a lot of people, don't you think so?"
Taehyung seemed confused about the topic change, but gave me a nod anyway. "Yeah, but depends."
"I mean, outside this circle, you, me, and Jungkook, I've got no other friends. And I only made you a friend through your best friend."
A frown painted itself over his face. "What's wrong with that? Who cares if you made another friend just through your guy? And please, you and Jungkook are my best friends."
Damn it. I might cry here.
"So when you leave Severance and work at some other place, I'll be left here with no one," I said.
"Soohyun, it's not like we're cutting off communication. Or we'll stop being friends. You're thinking too far ahead. Hey, nobody's going to leave you. Some probably will, and that's normal? But me? Totally not. You will never get rid of the coolest person you've ever met."
It was pretty easy to conceal my fluster with a bit of spite. "Right, I'll never get rid of myself."
Taehyung laughed, eyes too bright, as he wrapped his fingers around his cup. "Stuck-up."
"It's called being honest."
"Fuck off," he shot back through his drink, mocking smile still lingering on his coffee-stained mouth. "Has Jungkook called? What's the news?"
"I'm waiting for an update."
"I'm sure he'll get the job."
"It would be a surprise if he didn't. Putting the dismissal aside, he's got a clean and commendable record," I said.
"Fuck everyone involved in that case against him. You know what Jiwon said to me when I ran into her the other day? He had it coming. All those quotes about kindness just leave out of my body whenever I remember."
I felt my face grimace upon picturing it in my head. "I don't ever want to see her. Makes me feel tired to even think of her."
"I get you. It's really upsetting." Taehyung nudged my foot under the table. "Wanna come with us later?"
"No, thank you. If I didn't sleep early tonight I might not be alive tomorrow."
"Yeah, you kinda need some sleep, to be honest. You look one poke away from passing out." Taehyung leaned back and took another sneak at his phone before he looked up with a smile, rising from the chair. "I have to get back to work. See you around, sweetheart."
. . .
Jungkook
Babe, I got the job. They already asked me to report Monday.
Meet me tonight?
. . .
"Hi. How was your day?" Jungkook said as soon as I had sunk into the leather seat, letting him kiss me on the cheek.
"I'm exhausted."
"I can tell." He leaned down to plant a kiss on my shoulder. "Thanks for today. For what you said this morning."
I smiled before throwing a glance at the backseat and seeing the groceries he'd just bought strewn around. "Congrats on getting the job. I told you so."
Jungkook was trying too hard not to smile, his dimples too adorable not to notice. "I start the job next week. I've got a few things to settle before that so I'll be busy. Doctor Jung Hoseok is really nice. Kept everything light during the interview."
"That's great." I could feel a migraine kicking in as the pain took it up a notch.
"Yeah." The car revved up to life and we were on the road the next minute. "Can I take you out to dinner?"
"Now?" My phone woke up and the screen showed a message from Dr. Kim, making me feel so sensitive to the light. I squinted down at the screen to read the text, my eyelids beginning to feel heavy again.
"Yes, if you're down for it. I haven't eaten yet."
"Uh-huh." Fuck, here I thought I could be in bed all day tomorrow.
"There's this new BBQ place near the theater we went to last time, remember? I thought we could hit it up and check out if the food's good." I needed to have the street lights blocked out so I could focus better. Frenetic bursts of colors were too much. Shocks of neon. My thumb hovered over the screen while I was thinking of what to respond.
"Yeah..."
"And we can— Baby, are you listening?"
"What? Yes. I'm sorry." I typed fast and hit send before keeping the source of distraction back into my bag. "Actually, as much as I'd like to, I really need to go to bed. I've had my dinner back at the hospital."
"Oh, alright. So I'm driving you home already?"
"Yes, please? I've just— my headache is driving me crazy."
Jungkook's voice suddenly sounded softer as worry clouded his face. "No problem. You should rest. Can I see you tomorrow instead? You don't have work, right? Lunch date. Want to talk more with you." I wanted to talk more with him so bad, too, but the situation wasn't much in favor of it this time. The more I talked, the more my headache got worse. It must be the noise.
"Shit, I feel so bad. One of the residents can't come to work so Doctor Kim asked me to cover for her. He's just texted me. I'm really sorry. Tomorrow night, is that okay?" This could be negotiated. A match-up of plans would be really nice especially now that he'd be back to work again.
"Hm, I can't... Family dinner. Mom's been nagging me about it. Says she doesn't see me much anymore."
Disappointment poked hard at me, but I didn't tell him that. "Oh, that's okay. It's cool. We can see each other next time? I'm sure we'll find time." I shut my eyes and made myself comfortable in my seat, beating my head back against the seat.
"You need anything? Have you taken any painkillers?" he asked.
I shook my head as I could feel him watching me. "I'll take some at home."
"Why'd you not take some earlier? Did you eat your meals on time?" he said sharply.
"I need to sleep this off."
Jungkook offered his large bottle of water for me to drink and I refused, although it wasn't no use. He ranted how the ache in my head would not ease a little if I kept being stubborn so I drank until I was almost nauseous.
I asked him to talk about what went on in his interview, that I might appear to be asleep but I was definitely listening, but he'd just kept quiet, turning the music off.
"I miss seeing more of you in the day," I murmured, my eyes still closed.
"Don't I look more beautiful in the evening, though? You know, the angles. Something to do with the lights," Jungkook answered. Fondness once again sat low at my stomach.
I smiled. "You look beautiful anytime so I don't know what you're talking about."
A warm hand was on mine throughout he rest of the ride.
. . .
JUNGKOOK'S POV
In the cramped faculty restroom mirror, I checked my fit and thought I looked fine. My phone buzzed, notifying me of Soohyun's reply to the photo I'd sent her: Sooo handsomeee. Call me later. Goodluck!That automatically earned a smile from me and slowly picked up my confidence that had been wrestled into the ground.
When I came out after minutes of pep talk, I awkwardly stood there, looking at a woman who must be one of the three other professors I was sharing the office with. She was probably about my age or a few years older. And when she glanced at my way, her face quickly lit up. "Hey! Good morning—"
I returned the smile and sounded stupid when I greeted back, "Good morning."
She got up on her feet, dropping the folder onto her desk, the friendliness in her grin coming off a little overwhelming to me. Her eyes seemed to have scanned me so hastily, as if she'd always done this. Easy to meet new people. Easy to read them. "I'm assuming you're the new adjunct professor Hoseok told us about."
"Probably. I'm Jeon Jungkook, by the way."
"Shin Yunmi here. Nice to meet you. I've heard you're maintaining two TA classes under two different professors? You must be a hero."
Well, it wasn't like I had other things to juggle. I gave her a polite chuckle, shaking my head. "I'm meeting them for the first time later."
Dr. or Prof. — I wasn't sure which she preferred— Shin nodded. "I'm getting coffee. Wanna come along?"
I raised my brows and pressed my lips together, trying to decide. I really should start learning how to say no. "Sure."
"At what time does your class start today?"
"9 so I have over an hour left to prepare, but I've actually prepared for it since, like, a couple of days before—"
We were walking together down the halls and passed by a few people we greeted with a bow. "I bet. You look like one."
I looked at her over my shoulder. "Like what."
Leading me into the vacant elevator, she replied, "Like someone who takes things very seriously. You give off the vibe."
"We've just met like five minutes ago."
"First impressions, have you heard of it?"
I ignored the sarcasm and said, "You've been working here for a while, I suppose."
"Started three years ago. Associate professor now."
"So you're older than me," I added like an idiot.
"Right, genius." I cringed. "I finished residency a couple of years ago. General surgery."
"You're a fellow now?"
"I have put off fellowship." The elevator dinged and stopped right before we stepped out into the floor. "You?" Introductions could be excruciating, even if you started with well-intentioned questions. But I had to suck it up as the new guy, especially when you were apparently younger.
"I'm a chief surgical resident." Technically not one, as of now.
"One step closer." I followed suit as she walked across the floor and ushered me into the small coffee shop. Most tables were already occupied and I prayed that we wouldn't be staying there. A few students lifted their gazes and kept their eyes on me.
"You could say that."
"Let me guess. Neurosurgery?"
"Interesting. But it's actually orthopedics."
There were two people before us in the line until it was Dr. Shin's turn at the counter, her order ready to be taken.
"Hey, handsome, what's your drink?" She casually demanded as she slipped out a card from her purse.
I drew my brows together, a bit confused. "Uh, I'm buying my own—"
But she smoothly brushed me off. "Let me look nice today, kid. I'm paying."
"You don't have to—"
"I'm practically your senior so let me do this. Hurry, we're holding the line."
"Fine," just because I hated being an inconvenience, "Double cappuccino."
"Got it."
I stepped aside as if I had just been betrayed, and also a little lost in the situation. This woman was obviously treating me like any other senior I'd met before, but I couldn't say it was infuriating. Okay, it maybe was, but not so much. I'd experienced worse.
When we sat a table waiting for our coffees, her eyes roamed the shop, and then she shifted back to me. "Have you noticed?"
"What?"
"I'm afraid I may have to expect some students coming to the office or flocking our decks from now on. Watch for anyone making up excuses why they have to see Professor Jeon Jungkook. Ugh, my head already hurts thinking of it."
I scrunched up my nose, not knowing how to take such a— Compliment? A complaint? More fitting. But I could feel my ears burning at the implied flattering remark.
She was on her phone for the rest of the time we'd been waiting. After we took our coffee, we left the shop and she began telling me how they never had someone as dashingly head turner as me in the faculty before.
It reminded me of someone so familiar. Even so, I still couldn't believe some people thought out loud. It also amazed me sometimes that it didn't take them much effort to strike up a fun conversation, and next moment, you're practically best friends. "Do you usually say something like this to everyone?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your personality is repulsing." Fuck, that came out bad.
But she surprisingly snorted into her cup. "I've heard that plenty of times."
"I mean, no offense. I'm just not used to-"
"None taken, kid."
I almost rolled my eyes. "Please do not call me a kid."
She only laughed, then got back with the serious questions. "So, which hospital do you work for?"
"I used to work in Severance. This is my only job right now." I needed this to work out while I was applying for residency again.
"Hotshot."
"Not really." It wasn't a term you'd use for a doctor who was deliberately kicked off the team and even worse, forced to quit a spot in a big hospital.
"So why'd you leave? You like teaching better?"
"That, I'd like to know. But yeah, long story." Keep it simple. I didn't trust anyone else enough to be telling everything that had happened. It wasn't necessary. I just had to do a good job here.
"Okay. Sorry, I'm being too nosy, aren't I?"
"Yeah, you are." I smiled a little.
Her laughter spilled over. "Honest. I like that, my guy."
Five minutes before my first ever teaching class, I stopped at the hallway leading toward the lecture hall with my laptop bag grasped in my hand and took out my phone. I messaged Soohyun how nervous I was, not expecting an immediate reply since she was probably working, but I needed to share this. I wanted to hear her voice, too. I hated being so dependent on my girlfriend, but having someone to take care of you that way? It was just way too... I didn't know how to describe it, but I'd say perfect. I tried to remember the times she constantly asked me how I was doing, the relaxed and genuine smiles, and gradually I felt calm.
I headed for the door to the designated lecture hall and carefully pushed it open, the room falling in a hush. Casting my eyes over the students who'd suddenly corrected the way they sat, I offered a warm smile. I set down my stuff on the desk in one corner and took myself to front. I got everybody's attention. A wave of nostalgia washed over me. I had once been a hopeful student. Like everyone else in this room, I sat among others with uncertainty and excitement gnawing away at my skin. Some memories were a blur. Clearing my throat, I started, "I'm seeing really kind faces here. Good morning-" my voice did an embarrassingly funny pitch and fuck, I sounded dumb. And really funny so they'd have to thank me for an ice breaker this early.
The room broke out in giggles and grins. If Taehyung were here, he'd be the first one to let out a hysterical laugh. He would have a field day watching me fuck this up.
I laughed along anyway.