Chapter 16 : Communication
They had reached the destination three minutes earlier than the estimated arrival time predicted by the navigation system. Ruhaani never felt happier with something as insignificant as that. Thankfully, his car's audio system had Bluetooth support she could play some songs of her preference for the last half an hour of the journey.
His aunt stayed in a flat in a housing estate that had multiple residential towers. The approach of the apartment from the road wasn't that impressive but once one drove inside it felt like an altogether different world.
"You like old bollywood songs?" He spoke up as the made their way to the lift.
Ruhaani turned to look at him surprised. The man had just asked her a question and that too a pretty unnecessary one. Her shock was justified. "Yes, some of them," she answered giving a clipped response, as she entered the lift. She felt particularly at peace for giving him a taste of his own medicine.
"There's a small leaf on your hair," he said and then turned to press the button that read '5'.
Ruhaani ran a hand over her hair but found nothing. She turned behind hoping there was a mirror but there wasn't any. She tilted her head to the extreme right and then to the extreme left, then looked around her feet to see if the leaf had fallen.
Aadarsh who had been watching her with some amusement, stepped forward to help her. "Wait," Saying that he stretched his arm, his two fingers gently picking the tiny brown leaf stuck in her hair. He dropped the leaf and stepped back from her. "Clear."
She stared at the leaf on the ground wondering where it came from. She then looked up at him. The lift opened on the third floor and some teenagers entered in. She watched him as he stared at the changing numbers on the small screen.
He wore a black sweater on a white shirt whose collar was set neatly over the neckline of the sweater. He had paired that with black denim trousers. If she had to ever pick a color that defined him it would most definitely be black. She looked down at her own sweater that was a deep red with horizontal stripes of white and royal blue and her denim trousers a light gray. They were on two extremes of a scale. The more color she preferred in her outfit an equal amount of black he preferred in his.
They stepped out and she followed him towards the door. He glanced at her before ringing the bell. Ruhaani took a deep breath staring at the dark wooden door. At the top of the door frame, hung an ornamental door hanging made of pearl like beads and tiny pink flowers, traditionally called toran or bandhanwar.
"Surprise!" A man's voice was heard as the door opened. In front of Aadarsh stood his cousin Rohan.
Aadarsh smiled at him warmly, "most definitely surprised!" The man who was almost as tall, perhaps an inch or so shorter than Aadarsh, and more broad-shouldered than him took him into an embrace.
The moment Ruhaani had had a full view of the man's face, her jaw dropped. She hadn't expected to see that man ever again. Usually people forgot faces they saw almost a decade ago. But they usually didn't, if they ever crushed on that face.
Rohan Desai. Her crush from back when she was about eighteen or so, stood before her. He had changed drastically. He was muscular now. His soft boy cheeks now had the ruggedness of manly charm. When she last saw him, his hair locks used to fall onto his forehead in a manner that the female population would call cute. However, now they were set back.
Oh boy! Cute boys definitely made gorgeous men.
She shut her open mouth when he looked at her. He smiled politely and then looked beyond them, with searching eyes. "Where's the army, commander?" He asked looking at Aadarsh.
"They stayed home, Abhi had prior commitments, Ashvi had an assignment due and Mukti and Nirvaan had a movie night, so it's just the two of us.." he glanced at Ruhaani, "Ruhaani, this my cousin Rohan and Rohan this is my fiancée, Ruhaani."
"Good to meet you, finally!" He said passing her a smile and then turned to Aadarsh, "Yaar, my surprise was a flop."
Aadarsh smiled, "well not entirely. I was surprised, however, better luck next time."
"Arey! let them come in Rohan!" Badi Bua said, hurrying towards the door.
"Yes mom!" He said, extending his arm to invite the guests in.
Ruhaani gulped. There was definitely something going on with her luck today. So many unexpected happenings in a day.
"So, Ruhaani," Rohan said turning to her, Ruhaani's heart almost froze. "I have been hearing your name quite a lot ever since I have stepped foot in the house."
She managed a smile. So he didn't remember her. Obviously, why would he. She was the one secretly crushing on him. Anyway it was just four days of knowing each other, one couldn't possibly remember that unless it was someone as stupid as her.
"I hope all good," she managed to say.
"Mostly!" He said with a cute blink of eyes and chuckled.
"Uff!" His mother exclaimed turning to Ruhaani with a smile. "Don't pay heed. Where is the baccha party?"
"At home. It was their movie night, that they didn't want to miss." Rohan repeated Aadarsh's answer.
"Pari also?" She asked surprised, turning to Ruhaani.
"Yes, she wanted to be with them." Ruhaani smiled.
"How is she now?"
"Fit as a fiddle." Ruhaani answered with a warm smile.
"Lo." Phupha Ji who had just emerged from a room commented, "your Bua has been making fryums and potato fries for the kids."
"No issues, I am going to pack it in dabbas for them." Bua said quickly.
"Very well, but my boy's surprise was a flop show." He put an arm around his son. "Now, you can't possibly fit him into your dabba.." the man joked.
Badi Bua rolled her eyes, turning to her husband. "Not funny."
"I second that." Rohan added. "But on a serious note, I was so looking forward to surprise them all. Gosh, I have missed the lot so much."
"Arey toh, these two won't tell them. You can surprise them tomorrow." His mother suggested.
Ruhaani smiled. It was a treat to watch the senior Desai couple, they were so comfortable with each other, still so much in love with each other. However it was far more satisfying to watch the couple shower love on their son. Rohan was so lucky, he had parents like that. He was so blessed to be growing up under the car and love of these two beautiful people.
"I will get the soup, settle down." Badi Bua instructed, walking back to the kitchen.
"You heard the lady kids!" Her husband announced with a smile.
"These are for you,"Ruhaani said extending the carrier covers towards the senior Desai.
"Is it ice-cream?" He asked in a hushed voice, leaning forward.
"No," Ruhaani replied. She wondered why he would expect her to get ice cream in winter?
"Then blah." He said making a face.
"Dad! Not cool." Rohan commented.
"What's not cool?" Badi Bua asked walking out with a huge tray with five bowls of soup.
"Ruhaani bought us something!" Her husband answered
"Arey, Ruhaani, what's this formality?" She spoke and then turned to Aadarsh, as she placed the tray on the table.
"I told her, but she insisted!" He said settling on the sofa.
"It's just dry fruits." Ruhaani said.
"We eat normal fruits too!" Phupha Ji remarked. His son chuckled while his wife glared at him.
Ruhaani smiled an decided to play along, "I will remember that next time. Any preferences?"
"Sweet mangoes and Figs." He replied with a grin.
"Okay, that's enough." Badi Bua said to him and then turned to Ruhaani. "Never take him seriously. Both of those fruits are is least favorites."
"Oh!" Ruhaani looked at him and he winked. "Mangoes for Ro and and Figs for his mom whose hair is turning gray!" He said, adding, "I am not a fruit person, but ice creams, big yes, any day!"
Badi Bua rolled her eyes. "Ignore him. Sit, sit."
Ruhaani smiled and settled beside Aadarsh. Her phone beeped and she immediately reached for it while Aadarsh asked Rohan, "when did you get here?"
"Yesterday night!" Rohan replied.
"How are things there?" Aadarsh asked glancing at Ruhaani. She was replying to someone on her phone. He discretely peeped at her screen while Rohan told him about his life in London. He couldn't make out anything except the name on the top of the screen — DJ, followed by a heart.
While Aadarsh and Rohan spoke about work, life in the foreign city, Badi Bua and her husband had engaged Ruhaani in a conversation.
The Desais were simple people. Their home unlike the Seghal household radiated a vibe of warmth, belonging and joy. The throw pillows on the sofa were colorful. The curtains had a print of flowers on a light shade ivory. The walls had big photo frames displaying the family's happy moments. The entire TV wall unit had various statues and a few trophies. The table had indoor plants. It was exactly how she envisioned a happy home to be. It wasn't color coordinate or for that matter perfect in it's decor but it was a real home.
Aadarsh's aunt was an excellent conversationalist. The ladies had moved to the kitchen to get the rotis ready while the men stayed out talking. Ruhaani was happy to help while listening to her talk. The woman changed topics so smoothly, first it was about the tadka of ghee, then the prices of vegetables, the organic farming, then gardening, then balconies in modern homes.
Ruhaani hadn't realized when the dinner was done and it was time to leave. She had had minimal talk with Rohan, who seemed more interested in bringing his cousin up to date on his life and getting updates about the wedding plans.
It was a bitter feeling he didn't remember her, no matter how small their time period of knowing each other was. However, it was short-lived. And it was for the best. It was best to keep the past there and not drag it into the present. The good thing about the person who you crushed on ignoring you was that it just gave you a heavy feeling in the heart, but it wasn't remotely comparable and annoying as the feeling of your husband-to-be preferring to talk to anyone in the room but you.
Aadarsh was a nice man, he ticked many boxes on the list of a gentleman but miserably failed at a major requirement— that of being an affable and agreeable companion.
While Aadarsh carried the big food container filled with the fryums, she carried the cloth bag in which Badi Bua had packed the lunchboxes filled with Kheer. Badi Bua's Kheer was famous in the family and today Ruhaani learned why, it was simply the best she had ever eaten. She was a fan of her cooking already.
Aadarsh unlocked the car and placed the container he was carrying on the seat. He turned to her and she gave him the bag.
"Do you want me to drive?" She asked as he closed the door of the back seat. He looked at her surprised. He was tempted to take the offer. He was done with driving for the day. However, the hiccup was that he didn't easily trust people's driving skills. "It's fine,"
"No really, you must be tired with a full working day and then this. Plus you drove the entire way here. I can drive back."
Aadarsh had two options. To accept or to reject that offer. "You sure?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yes, your car is manual and I think I should be able to manage, it's not the SUV." She said forwarding her palm for the keys.
He nodded, placing the keys in her hand. He walked around the car to the other side. Ruhaani was surprised he let her. Anyway she was better off driving then getting bored on the seat beside him. She got on to the driver's seat. She observed the car's driving system.
She looked down at the pedals her feet barely managed to reach it. Aadarsh was tall, so he had the seat adjusted a bit back from the wheel. She turned to the side, her hand looking for the control to push her seat forward. Aadarsh observed her. "It's underneath the seat, if you're looking for the lever for pulling the seat forward."
"Oh," she said her hand flying to feel underneath her seat. She squinted her eyes. She couldn't find it.
"Allow me," he said impatiently and leaned towards her seat after switching on the light inside the car.
The man didn't know patience at all. Ruhaani knew it was best to keep her annoyance to herself. She straightened up, sitting back in the seat. Thanks to his longs arms, his hand effortlessly reached the lever under the seat.
In one quick move of his arm, the seat had moved forward with a brief sound. She felt the jolt. However, that also meant that she had moved closer to him, his arm, his face. She took in a deep breath, as his eyes met hers. His eyes that in colour resembled the onyx gemstone.
"Comfortable?" He asked.
She nodded. He then turned to glance at her feet. "Do your feet reach the pedals comfortably?"
"Yes, yes they do," Ruhaani said recovering from that moment. It was a strange thing. She didn't even like the man, yet every time he was close, every time he looked at her in the eye, her heart rate shot up, like in the present moment. It was probably a reflex, her body's way of reacting to a potential threat, she told herself. It couldn't possibly be anything other than that.
He withdrew from her personal space and settled back into his seat, regarding her with a steady, assessing gaze. She exhaled and straightened the seat a bit. Her right hand reached for the key while the other held the wheel. She was aware of his look on her and that made her nervous. She could drive alright. This wasn't a driving test, she told herself. She vaguely remembered her driving test examiner looking at her just as intently as the man in the passenger seat was looking at her right now.
"Seat belt," he said after waiting for a few seconds to see if she realized.
"Of course." She muttered. She turned to the side grimacing, she was making a complete fool of herself at this point. She set her face back to normal and fixed the seat belt around her, looking at him in the process. He had already fixed his seatbelt. Great! She couldn't say the something back to him and feel a little less stupid.
"Ready?" She asked, her hands resting on the steering wheel.
"Good to go," he commented.
Ruhaani was about to start the engine when she remembered she needed music too. She quickly reached for her phone in her pocket and enabled the Bluetooth.
Aadarsh observed her. She started the engine such that the music system was powered on. She pressed a few buttons and the system played a sound to hint the Bluetooth was connected. She then adjusted the volume and placed her phone into the open storage box between their seats. She passed him a smile.
Aadarsh looked ahead and then opened the window slightly, as she finally reversed the car from the parking. The woman had an entire ritual to get done before starting a car. He observed the image in side mirror outside and then glanced at her as she struggled to see in the rearview mirror. His hand quickly reached out to adjust it.
"Slant it a bit," she instructed.
He did as he was told.
"No, the other way."
He sighed doing the opposite.
"A little to the right," she gave her input again.
He adjusted it as she said.
"Yeah, that's perfect."
He pulled his hand down looking at her. He then turned ahead as the car drove out of the gates onto the road. An old popular R D Burman song played on the speakers. For the next two minutes, he was cautiously observing her. Especially when she took the right turn onto the main road.
"I know how to drive." She said when he didn't stop looking at her.
"Yeah," he said, diverting his gaze to the road ahead. The cold breeze from the window felt nice. The music, the song took him back in time. To a time when things were happy, life was good.
His parents used to love listening to old romantic melodies. This particular song— do lafzon ki hai dil ki kahani— was one that he had heard a lot of times growing up. His mother used to often sing along and then she would smile at his father. They used have this intimate, secret conversation going on with gazes every time certain songs came up, this one was just one of that lot.
Slowly he could make out a humming along with the song. He eyes darted towards her. Both her hands were on the steering wheel, her gaze focused on the road ahead, her head very gently swaying with the music while her lips hummed.
There was a lot about Ruhaani that reminded him of his late mother. Like this, humming along. His mother used to even sing along. Then there was her warmth and behavior around the kids. The way she smiled and spoke to everyone. She would have gotten along quite well with his mother.
She stopped humming and turned to look at him. He took a deep breath and looked ahead, unhappy at being caught looking at her. He didn't want to give any wrong hint to her.
"Want to say something?" She asked when the song's music slowly faded as it ended.
"No," he said quietly.
"Is it always going to be like this then?" She finally asked softly, lowering the volume.
He looked at her. "Like what?"
"Like having nothing to talk about other than family and responsibilities?"
Aadarsh felt uncomfortable. He had no answer to her question. Wasn't it easier like this? The more two people started understanding each other, the higher was the chance of their attachment growing and deepening.
Ruhaani was a nice person. The short time in which she had grown close to all his siblings, at least three out of the four, was a testament to how easy it was to form a bond with her.
"What do you want to talk about?" He asked.
Ruhaani stared ahead at the road. He was dodging the root cause by trying to deflect the conversation to the surface.
"About ourselves maybe?" She answered. She wondered if she wanted this conversation to go deep enough to question his behavior with her, to tell him that this communication gap between them had the potential to widen so much as to fail their marriage.
"What do you want to know?" He asked.
He was diplomatic, alright. He was making the whole thing about her wanting to know something about him. Or maybe she was just getting this all wrong. Maybe he was generally slow at being comfortable around people. Maybe he was an introvert. Maybe he was like Nirvaan.
She glanced at him, tangled in the confusing thoughts of her own mind. "Nothing," she said softly, increasing the volume.
It was Aadarsh's turn to ponder on her answer. What did that mean? Did that mean she was pissed? Did she see through his attempt to drive the conversation about the actual problem under the rug? He went back to her original question. Would it always be like this? Will they always be two strangers bound by the institution that required them to be intimate at all possible levels.
The traffic on the road was easy moving, unlike earlier in the evening. Another melodious song played, filling the silence between them.
They reached in about less than half the time than what it had taken them to reach the Desais house.
"Ruhaani," he said, releasing the seatblet as she stopped the car in front of their porch. "It wasn't nothing, right?" He had thought over their conversation. It wasn't resolved. He couldn't afford to make her unhappy. Not at this point. They had come a long way from being strangers. His siblings, his family, they were all invested in her.
Ruhaani sighed, slowly unlocking the seatbelt. She turned to look at him. His hand reached the light switch and toggled it to switch it on. A golden light lit up the space in between them.
"I just feel that, you... that you have been ignoring me. I mean we talk but it's all about family, wedding preparations. Maybe it's just too soon for you. Maybe you need time. But I don't know, Aadarsh. It's beginning to look like a compromise. I mean, I understand that our priorities were set, our expectations from this relationship are set. I know that our lives fit perfectly into one another's. I don't think I would ever find someone whose life would fit so perfectly into mine. Everything is on point, except us."
Aadarsh watched her as she explained what she felt. Women he met somehow always fell on the extremes of a scale, either they'd want nothing or want everything. "I thought we were on the same page about our thoughts on a relationship."
"Absolutely, Aadarsh. You said we'd make a good team. But how are we going to get there, if we don't even know each other. To make a good team, we must know each other, each other's strengths and each other's weaknesses. There should be an understanding between us. There should be an open communication. But the way we are going, we will never get there."
Aadarsh gazed at her processing her words.
When he said nothing, Ruhaani began feeling uncomfortable. Maybe she had said too much. Maybe this whole conversation was a bad idea. What was she even thinking? She had signed up for the compromise. She knew it. She knew it in her heart that this marriage could be nothing but a compromise.
"It's pretty late, we should get going," she said, holding up the car keys.
He took them from her hand still trying to figure out what she wanted. Her words made sense. If they had to be a good team, he had to let some, if not all, of his guards down. However, he was scared. Scared of letting her in. For a long time, he hadn't let any stranger close enough to even see what kind of person he was. He was willing to accept any sort of judgment, even misjudgement for that matter, at the cost of keeping himself guarded.
However, with Ruhaani it was a different situation. He got off the car and quickly sprinted around it, "Ruhaani wait."
She looked at him gulping. He approached her, his frame almost towering over hers. He stepped closer, close enough that she could hear his breath that was now a bit rushed because of the light jogging around the car.
"Are you sure?"
She gazed at him perplexed. The dim light that came from the porch's bulbs illuminated his face. "What do you mean?" She asked.
"Are you sure, that it's just that? That all you want is an understanding, to make a good team, nothing else?"
She gulped, pulling her face back as his came closer. It was all very confusing. Her eyelashes fluttered and she tried to move back to increase the distance between them. Her heartbeat had shot up and she felt like she had been trapped in a small space leaving no room for her to move.
"Of course. I just want us to be like friends. I just... don't want to feel like we have some sort of deal, some sort of compromise that we are making. I don't want to live a pretense. It's suffocating like that."
"Fine." Was all he said.
She blinked as he stepped away. He moved to the back seat and opened the door to the back seat. He brought the cloth bag out and held it out for her to take. She quietly took it and then he picked up the container and shut the door. Their gazes met. She sighed walking towards the door. He confused her. Something told her that her relationship with him, whatever it was and whatever it was going to be, was more challenging and unpredictable than she had thought.
• — • — •
Looking forward to your comments and thoughts on the entire interaction!
—Anami!♡