Katniss POV- (The next morning)
"Peeta! I'm going to the store. Do you want to come?" I call from downstairs, secretly hoping he won't decide to go.
I have something to check out but he hasn't left the house since we went to talk to the police.
"No." He calls back.
I frown, I just wish that he would get better.
He's literally making my heart hurt.
I think the only thing worse than Peeta leaving me is this.
Seeing him cry for little to no spark of emotions, kills me and I know how hard it must've been for him last year when I did this.
"Okay, I'll be back later. I love you!" I say, my voice cracking at the end.
He doesn't respond, which kills me in another way.
I leave and call the place I've been looking into for a few weeks.
(On the phone with the OB-GYN office)
"Hi, this is Katniss Mellark. I need to make an appointment."
"We could get you in tomorrow at 2pm."
I sigh, knowing if I go tomorrow he's going to know something is up.
Maybe I'll act like Johanna called and wanted to go do something?
"Do you have anything open for today?" I ask, in hopes that they will.
"Not today but we will call you if anything opens. If not, we will see you at 2pm tomorrow." The receptionist says.
I hang up and let out a long, frustrated groan.
I immediately call Johanna, knowing I can trust her to keep a secret and play along.
(On the phone with Johanna)
"Hey, kid. How is Peeta?" She asks.
I sigh, "He's been better. Actually, I need a big favor."
"What's that?"
"I need to go somewhere tomorrow but Peeta can't find out."
"What are you doing?" Johanna asks.
Even though I've been more open about talking about Peeta and I's marital life, I still don't feel comfortable telling my friends everything.
Especially this, especially the way I'm having to go about it.
"I need to go somewhere but if anyone asks or if Peeta does, you say I was with you." I say sternly.
"Okay..." Johanna says.
"Please, just promise me you won't tell Peeta anything?" I say seriously.
"Alright, alright. I won't tell him anything." She says.
"Thank you."
"No problem."
And we hang up.
I go to the store and stock up on food, mostly ready-made food, being that I can't cook to save our lives.
It all sounds either really good or really bad and I don't know why.
"Thank you." I say to the lady who checks my groceries out.
The woman gives me a look of recognition, "You are Peeta Mellark's wife, right?"
"Yes." I say softly, hating to be recognized by anyone, just because I don't like the attention.
"I'm very sorry about the loss of the bakery and your family."
I nod my head, "Thank you." I say, taking the sacks of groceries, not making any eye contact and not really knowing how else to respond to her words.
I put the groceries in the car then, I get a phone call.
(On the phone with Peeta)
"Katniss, will you please come home?" Peeta cries over the phone.
"Peeta, what's wrong?" I ask him, terrified.
"I just want you here with me right now. Katniss, please?" Peeta begs me.
I frown, "Are you sure you are okay?" I ask him, concerned.
"No, just please come back?"
"I will. I'm on my way now." I say worriedly.
I hear a sob escape his throat, "Thank you."
"Did something happen or are you just really upset?" I ask.
"I'm just upset. I don't want to be alone right now." He says.
"I'll be home in a few minutes, okay?" I say softly.
"Okay." He says and hangs up.
I close my eyes and lean my forehead against the steering wheel.
"Oh my gosh." I say crying, sobbing actually.
I have to get it out before I go home, I have to.
A few minutes later, I pull into the driveway, wiping a few stray tears and taking a deep breath, preparing for what's to come.
I manage to lug in two handfuls of groceries and Peeta helps me at the door, taking the heavy sacks and taking them to the kitchen for me.
"Thank you." I tell him, meeting him at the island where all the food sits.
He nods and doesn't look at me, instead he looks down at the ground shying away from me.
"Are you okay?" I ask him, carefully putting my hand on his shoulder.
He shakes his head in a robot like form.
"Come here." I say softly and pull him into a hug.
His arms wrap around my waist and he buries his face into my hair.
I gently pat his back as we make possibly the most contact we've made in a while.
I close my eyes and listen to him, feeling his body jerk with every cry.
He needs help.
"I don't know why I miss them so much."
"They were your family, Peeta." I remind him.
He has every right to miss them, even if before we rarely saw them.
"They didn't care about us, Katniss. They didn't."
"They did. I know they did, Peeta. I know neither of us had a perfect relationship with any of them but I have no doubt in my mind that they cared about us. Even your mother." I tell him truthfully.
He shakes his head, "She didn't, don't you say she did because you are lying to yourself if you do." He scolds me.
I sigh, still holding him tightly.
"Okay." I say, not wanting to argue with him.
I don't know why, but for some reason I want to believe she cared about us.
Not that she ever really even acted like it or whatever, but how could a mother not care about her child?
Even just the slightest.
"I just feel so empty and I have everything."
"Peeta, what you're feeling isn't unusual." I assure him.
He sniffles, "I just, I have everything I need. I have you and we have this house and a pet and friends and you want to let us have a baby just so that I can be happy. Why is it so hard for me to let it go?"
I sigh deeply, "You're never going to be able to let it go, Peeta but you can move on."
"It's like they haunt me. Every time I close my eyes, I see them or I imagine it. That's why I didn't want to be alone."
"I know, Peeta."
"It's stupid because I know they're not really there but they are and they're dead. They went through what I imagine."
I take a deep breath, pulling away but still holding onto him.
"I play it over and over in my head too, Peeta. It doesn't get easier but you get use to it. I don't want you to have to be use to nightmares but you have no other choice." I tell him truthfully.
I still reply what happened to my dad and Prim in my head, even though I wasn't there when it happened.
I imagine what they went through and how afraid they must have been.
I hear their cries for help and I struggle to help them before they die.
Then I wake up.
"I keep seeing her." He cries, looking down into the floor.
"You're mother?" I ask.
"Yes. Every time I close my eyes, I see her luring me in and telling me that I should have been in that fire." Peeta says, beginning to sob again.
I close my eyes and pull him to me again, hugging him closer than before.
"Don't believe her." I demand.
He looks up at me with red eyes, "I don't want to but I spent my whole life believing everything she said."
"And she was wrong, about it all. And she's wrong about this."
Peeta leans his forehead against mine, "I look at how much I've hurt you lately and I can't help but to believe her."
"You are exactly where you are meant to be. Here, with me."
He sighs deeply and I lift my head, looking at him again.
"Peeta, this is going to piss you off but I want to ask you to go back to Mags. I'll go with you, please? I don't know what else to do." I bet him.
"I'll go soon." He says, not hesitant.
"No, I want you to go as soon as she can get you in." I tell him, not believing him.
Peeta bobs his head, "I know and I will. I hate this."
"I hate it too. I miss you being so ridiculously happy." I say, my bottom lip trembling.
"I miss being that happy and I miss making you happy." He whispers.
I smile sadly at him, "We will get there soon, I hope." I say and he nods.
The rest of the day Peeta and I just hang out, talking about his family and the grieving process.
Prim and my father come up a few times too.
It was nice just talking to him, even if it was emotional, we hadn't done that in so long.
Buttercup, actually tries to comfort Peeta when we were laying on the couch.
I was laying next to him, my head on his chest. Buttercup jumped up and rubbed his head on Peeta's hand and laid down in the open space on his stomach, just purring away.
I brought my head up when I saw what was going on and I let out a little laugh, Peeta just smiled a little.
It's the first smile I've seen in forever, it wasn't forced or fake or even a sad one.
It was his, his own real smile and Buttercup did that.
"He seems interested in us today." I laugh a little and pat the cats furry, warm head.
Peeta nods, his smile fading every second, which hurts but at least the damn cat mustered one out of him when I couldn't.
"It's because he heard us talking about Prim."