The previous week had been a... peculiar one to say the least for the iCarly gang. Sam thought she was insane for liking Freddie, so she turned herself into a mental hospital, only to learn from Carly and Tommy that it was okay to like Freddie. The gang then did iCarly from the asylum where Freddie admitted he liked Sam back by kissing her, bringing the Seddie dream to life. But that's not where this season begins for this story. It begins when Carly, Tommy and Gibby entered Carly's apartment one day after school, finding Spencer and a platform of grass in the middle of the living room.
"Hiiiiii!" Spencer greeted as his sister, her crush/ex and her Gibby all entered the apartment, the brunette looking at the vegetation growing on their floor in confusion. "I made a lawn!"
"Whoa," Gibby said. "That is a lawn!"
"See, this is why I don't like to leave the house," Carly said to her brother.
"Question is what are you going to do with it?" Tommy asked.
"Whatever we wanna do," Spencer answered.
"The possibilities are limitless," Gibby agreed.
"It's a lawn, not a miracle maker," the martial artist reminded everyone.
"We can play on it," Spencer said as he began prancing on the grass, "we can sit on it and listen to music, we can have a barbecue on it."
"We can play badminton!" Gibby said.
"You play badminton?"
"Heck yeah! I got my own racket and shuttlecock!"
"Sweet." Spencer and Gibby then clapped hands together. Carly and Tommy just smiled at each other as Spencer got another idea. "Ooo, and at night, we can just lay on the grass and stare up at the stars."
"Yeah..." Gibby agreed as he and Spencer looked up at the ceiling.
"Okaaaaay," Carly and Tommy said simultaneously as they entered the kitchen.
"Man," the scapegoat said, "wait 'til Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns." Carly then removed a pitcher of tea from the fridge as Tommy got down some glasses for them.
"Where are they?" the artist asked.
"Prolly makin' out."
"Ewww."
"Why 'ewww'?" Carly asked.
"I don't like couples that are all public with their..." Spencer said as he began kissing the air in front of him as if it were a girl.
"Come on," Tommy said. "Sam and Freddie have spent years hating each other's guts and now they really like each other. I personally think it's nice to not see them bickering and instead to see them all..." He then made kissy faces as he kissed the air, which he secretly wished was Carly.
"No, it's more like..." Spencer then went on to kiss the air as well, the two comparing their kisses, much to Carly and Gibby's amusement.
"Look at this lawn," the young master Gibson said as he admired the grass in the apartment, breaking up the contest as Spencer turned to face him. "This is one sweet patch."
"Y'know that's Kentucky chub grass," Spencer said. This caused Gibby to stand up and look at Spencer in shock.
"Seriously?" Spencer then nodded as Gibby looked at the grass. Just then, the door burst open and in walked Sam and Freddie.
"Unbelievable," Sam said as she set her backpack down.
"You don't live here," Spencer said as she stomped across his lawn.
"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Freddie said to his girlfriend.
"Fine," Sam said as she marched up to her boyfriend. "Talk."
"Okay. It's not that I don't appreciate what you were trying - -" Groaning, Sam walked away again. "You walked away again!"
"Look at my lawn," Spencer said quietly as Freddie ignored him and followed Sam to the kitchen.
"Sam..."
"What are you guys fighting about?" Carly asked.
"Nothin'," Sam answered.
"Freddie?" Tommy asked.
"Mr. Fracks gave me a B on my World History paper," Freddie explained. "And I was mad 'cuz I thought I deserved an A."
"That's right," Sam said. "You told me you were mad at Fracks."
"That didn't mean I wanted revenge."
"If he's gonna give you B's, why shouldn't I give him B's?"
"Wait, what'd you do?" Carly asked her BFF.
"I filled his car with bees," Sam answered.
"I don't need you to fight my battles for me," Freddie said to the blonde.
"C'mon, baby," Sam said to the nerd, "you wrote a good paper."
"I know, but you can't just go around - -"
"All right," Tommy said, interrupting his best friend. "Sam, Freddie should be able to complain about people to you without worrying that you'll put them in a hospital."
"I guess," Sam admitted.
"Exactly," Carly agreed. "And, Freddie, even though it's a little extreme to violate a man with bees, you should at least appreciate that Sam did it 'cuz she cares about you." Sighing, Freddie thought that Carly was right.
"Yeah, you're right," he said before turning to face his new girlfriend. "I'm sorry." This caused Sam to smile as well.
"Give momma some sugah," Sam said.
"Okay," Freddie said as the new couple pecked on the lips and embraced in a hug.
"Awwww," Carly and Tommy said simultaneously, looking at each other and at the sight in front of them like proud parents.
"Awwwww," Spencer and Gibby said at the adorable sight.
—
iCarly.com
—
A few days later, Carly and Tommy sat in the iCarly studio, studying some assignments together when Gibby entered, stretching in front of Carly, making them feel very grossed out.
"Gibby?" the martial artist asked as Carly removed the earbuds from her ears.
"Yep?" Gibby asked.
"Whatchoo doing here?" Carly asked
"Aren't we rehearsing for iCarly?"
"No, not today."
"Well, I heard Freddie on the phone tell his mom that we were rehearsing here after school."
"That just means he's somewhere with Sam," Tommy explained with a smile.
"But why would he tell - -"
"'Cuz Freddie doesn't want his mom to know that he and Sam are dating," Carly answered.
"Well, why not?" Gibby asked.
"'Cuz she'd murder him."
"Right. Murder's so not cool." Carly just nodded in agreement as Gibby sat down in a nearby chair. "Anyway..." The two then stared into Gibby's eyes, which weirded Carly and Tommy out even more.
"What?" Carly asked.
"What?" Gibby echoed.
"You were gonna say something?"
"Yeah. But I couldn't think of anything." Gibby then unscrewed his water bottle and took a drink. They all then just continued to sit in silence.
—
A few days later, Sam and Freddie were having a pretty good date at the Groovy Smoothie, laughing and sipping smoothies.
"Okay," Freddie said. "I wanna know..."
"Whatchoo wanna know?" Sam asked.
"When you first started to like me."
"Okay. Remember the time I pushed you in front of that bike messenger, and he knocked you down, and your head hit that fire hydrant?" Freddie chuckled as he remembered that painful day.
"Yes," he answered.
"Well, afterwards," Sam continued, "when you were layin' there, moaning, blood coming out your ear..."
"Yeah?"
"I don't know. You looked kinda cute."
"Awww. Then it was worth the hearing loss."
"Well, yeah," Sam agreed as the two clinked cups.
"Aa-aah!" T-Bo shouted as he saw Sam and Freddie. "You kids can't drink those little medium-sized smoothies." He then took away their drinks and put them in a trash can.
"T-Bo," Sam said.
"What are you doing?" Freddie added.
"You two are a couple now," T-Bo explained. "So you get the Love Smoothie." He then pulled out a giant green cup with two straws inside. "And it's free."
"Wow," Sam laughed.
"Thanks, Teebs," Freddie said as he and Sam began slurping at the liquid inside.
"That's $36," T-Bo said, causing the new couple to stop drinking.
"What?!" Freddie asked in disbelief. "You said it was on the house."
"Oh, the smoothie's free. But that's a $36 cup."
"Pay the man," Sam said to her boyfriend.
"No!" Freddie argued. "What cup is worth 36 bucks?!"
"That's Jamaican plastic!" T-Bo answered.
"Forget it."
"I can't believe you're being so cheap," Sam said to Freddie.
"I can't believe you're being so pushy."
"I can't believe that I still don't have my $36," the smoothie maker said.
"This is not how boyfriend's behave," Sam said to her BF.
"Yes, it is!" Freddie argued.
"Okay. Let's go see what Carly and Tommy think."
"Let's do it." The two then grabbed their backpacks, stood up and left.
"Wait!" T-Bo called. "Wait! What about my $36?!" Back at the Shay apartment, Spencer busied himself with trying to mow his tiny lawn.
"Spencer!" Carly said over the noise as she and Tommy came downstairs. "Spencer! Spencer!!!"
"Oh, hey, Carls and Tommy-Boy!" Spencer shouted as he tried to turn the mower off, but failed. Finally, Spencer kicked the piece of junk and it finally turned off.
"Why are you mowing your 'lawn'?" Tommy asked. "Carly and I are trying to study for an upcoming test."
"It's not a lawn," Carly said.
"Then what is it?" Spencer asked his sister.
"It's a - -" Carly was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.
"Why don't you two go get the door?"
"Why us?" Tommy asked.
"Because I need to go get more gas for my mowing machine!" Spencer then ran out the back door as the door opened and in walked Gibby with a tiny puppy in his hand.
"Carly? Tommy?" the scapegoat asked. "I'm comin' in and I got a friend."
"Aww, a puppy?" Carly asked.
"Yeah. Isn't he cute?"
"Sure is," Tommy said as Carly ruffled the dog's ears.
"Ya hear that, little guy?" Gibby asked as he turned the puppy to face him. "Mommy and Daddy wuv you like how Uncle Gibby wuvs you."
"Uh, why'd you call us his Mommy and Daddy?" Tommy asked as he gestured to himself and Carly. "And why'd you call yourself Uncle Gibby?"
"Oh, you know," Gibby answered. "Sam and Freddie are always hanging out together now."
"Yeah?" Carly asked.
"...And that means the three of us will get to have more time. Just the three of us."
"Yeah?" Tommy said, not liking where this was going.
"So I figured sharing a dog will give us something to talk about."
"Noooo," Carly said as she and Tommy both backed away from Gibby.
"I named him Sir Licks-a-lot."
"Cute," Tommy said, "but he's your pet. Not Carly's, and not mine, so don't even think about..." He trailed off as Gibby held the puppy in front of Carly's face, the adorable creature licking the tip of her nose. "Carly?"
"Awwww," Carly said in adoration. "Sir does lick a lot." Sighing, Tommy threw his hands up in surrender.
"Fine," he said. "Since I'm clearly outnumbered here, we'll help take care of him." At that moment, the door opened and Freddie and Sam entered.
"Good," the nerd said. "Carly and Tommy are here. Let's ask them."
"After I get some ham," Sam said as she entered the kitchen.
"What's going on?" Carly asked.
"Some things are more important than ham," Freddie said to his retreating girlfriend, ignoring Carly's question. Sam then turned to face her boyfriend with a hurt expression.
"Don't you ever say that to me," the blonde said in a serious whisper.
"Are you two fighting again?" Tommy asked.
"Yeah," Freddie answered his best friend. "And we need your guys' help."
"Why do we always have to be the ones - -"
"'Cuz you two are fair and balanced," Sam answered, interrupting Carly's question.
"Oh, okay," the brunette laughed.
"So, what's the problem?" the martial artist asked.
"T-Bo gave us a gigantic smoothie," Freddie explained, "then tried to make me pay 36 bucks for it."
"And I say a gentleman should happily treat his chick to a smoothie no matter how enormous," Sam added as Freddie turned to face her.
"For 36 bucks, I could buy you a whole ham." Sam then stood in silence as everyone looked at her.
"I'm waiting."
"Sam, I'm not buying you a ham."
"Guys, come on," Carly said as the couple began bickering like the old days, but her voice was lost in all the harsh words. Even Tommy's were lost when he tried to break up the argument.
"Hey, come on!" Gibby shouted, causing the simultaneous talking to stop as he held up the puppy and lightly pushed Carly into Tommy, forcing the martial artist to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "Not in front of our baby."
"He's not our baby," Carly said as she and Tommy broke apart. "You guys."
"What?" Sam and Freddie asked simultaneously.
"If a guy really likes a girl and they're dating," Carly admitted with a smile, "I think it's nice for the guy to give the girl an enormous smoothie every now and then."
"Boom!" Sam said in victory.
"However," Tommy added, "nice girls don't don't demand things from a guy she really likes and is dating."
"Boom!" Freddie said in victory as well, but let out a more quiet one when he saw the look on Sam's face. "Boom."
"So maybe you need to be a little more polite and patient," Tommy said to Sam.
"And maybe you need to be a little less stingy with your boy wallet," Carly added to Freddie, who turned to face Sam.
"I think that's fair," Freddie admitted.
"Diddy-o," Sam agreed with a smile. The two then leaned to each other and pecked lips.
"Let's go get you that ham," the nerd said as he grabbed the blonde's hands and led her to the door.
"Awwww, baby." Before the couple could leave, however, a giant explosion was heard outside followed by Spencer's scream.
"Oh, my gosh!" the artist shouted as he entered the apartment through the back door, covered in soot and smoke.
"What happened to you?" Carly asked her pyrokinetic brother.
"You guys realize how flammable gasoline is?!" Spencer asked as he held up an empty gas carton. "It's really flammable!"
—
That night as Carly slept soundly in her bed with a type of oxygen night mask, Freddie and Sam's voices were heard outside her door.
"Carly!" Freddie said.
"Carly, come on," Sam said as she and Freddie entered her room and turned the light on, dragging a sleepy Tommy behind them.
"Come on, wakey-wakey," Freddie said as Carly woke up.
"What are you guys still doing here?" Carly asked with her mask still on.
"What's on your face?" Tommy asked as he tiredly rubbed his eyes.
"What?" Carly asked, realizing she still had the mask on. She then took it off as quickly as she could and hid it underneath her other pillow. "Nothing. What mask?"
"The one you just had on your face?" Sam asked.
"It keeps me from snoring. You happy? What are you guys doing here at almost 3 in the morning?"
"They dragged me here," Tommy said. "Would I come to your room wearing nothing but my PJs?" He then gestured to his large black hoodie, a red and white checkered shirt with little stars of the opposite color in each square, green pants, and white tiger slippers.
"We were video chatting online..." Sam began.
"And Sam said that her mom is a bigger freak than my mom," Freddie finished as Sam sat down on Carly's bed.
"She is," the blonde said.
"When I was a baby," the nerd argued, "my mom put a chip in my brain so she could locate me anywhere on Earth." Sighing, Carly and Tommy looked at each other and shook their heads as the argument continued.
"When I was a baby, my mom made me drink bottles full of black coffee."
"Why?" Carly asked her BFF.
"'Cause she said it made me dance funny."
"Okay, both of your moms are... wait a minute," Tommy said before turning to Sam. "Did it make you dance funny?"
"Yes," Sam answered.
"Where was I?" Tommy asked. "Oh yeah, both your moms are freaks."
"Exactly," Carly agreed. "Both of them."
"Well, mine's freakier," Sam said.
"Mine is," Freddie argued. As the two continued arguing, Carly and Tommy just looked at each other as the brunette pulled out a second mask and offered it to the martial artist. Accepting it, Tommy slipped under the covers with Carly, the two put their masks on, and drifted back to sleep.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day, Carly and Tommy busied themselves with spray painting a butt-mold blue.
"Hey hey," Spencer said as he ran up to the two with cups of an orange liquid. "I brought you guys some..." He then stopped what he was saying as watched what they were doing. "Whatcha guys doing?"
"Spray painting this butt blue," Carly answered.
"Any reason?"
"It's for something we're doing on iCarly tonight," Tommy answered.
"Blue butt bit?"
"Yes, the blue butt bit," Carly snapped.
"I brought you guys some corn juice," Spencer continued, handing the glasses to the two, who shrugged and didn't take the strange drinks. "You see, I was hanging on my lawn, shucking some corn, and I thought to myself, 'How come no one has ever thought to juice corn'? So I grabbed a juicer - -"
"Maybe the reason no one ever thought to juice corn is because most people have brains that think normally!" Tommy snapped. Spencer then whimpered, clearly hurt by Tommy's words.
"Sorry," Tommy apologized.
"Yeah, we're sorry," Carly said as she and Tommy embraced Spencer in a group hug after they set the cups on the countertop. "We know. You didn't do anything wrong." Once the hug was broken, Spencer grabbed some of Carly's hair and Tommy's hoodie and wiped the tears from his eyes with them.
"Sorry," Tommy said again. "It's just Sam and Freddie have been bothering Carly and me at least ten times a day to be referees for every single argument they have. And we're under a bit of stress right now."
"Okay," Spencer said as he blew his nose into a towel on his shoulder. "But if Sam and Freddie are getting on your guys' nerves, why do you guys keep helping them?"
"'Cause they're our friends and they're in this new relationship and we want them to be happy," Carly said as she grabbed a cup and took a sip of the golden liquid, spitting it back into the cup almost immediately in disgust. "Corn juice is awful."
"Isn't it?!" Spencer asked with a wide grin. Just then, the elevator dinged as it opened up, revealing Gibby and Sir Licks-a-lot under his arm.
"Gibbeh," the scapegoat said his schtick as he entered the apartment.
"Hey, Gib," Tommy said. "You want to help Carly and me finish spray painting this - -"
"Shut up a sec," Gibby interrupted.
"What?" Carly asked.
"After the show, you guys gotta take the puppy to the vet. I think he's got an anxious bladder." Tommy and Carly looked at each other in annoyance before looking back at Gibby.
"Why us?" the brunette asked.
"He's your guys' dog, too."
"No, he's not," Tommy answered. "We never wanted a dog!" Sir Licks-a-lot then whimpered as Gibby looked at the two in shock as Carly agreed. Gibby then began sobbing.
"Sorry," Tommy said as he and Carly embraced a crying Gibby. "Man, what is it with me and hurting people's feelings today?"
"You want some corn juice?" Carly asked.
"Yes, please," Gibby sobbed. Once Gibby felt better, he followed Carly and Tommy, who carried the blue butt, up to the iCarly studio, where Freddie and Sam were waiting for them.
"Hey, nice butt, Tommy Boy," Sam said as she pointed to the prop.
"Thanks?" Tommy asked.
"Hey, how great does Sam's hair look?" Freddie asked.
"He brushed it for me," the blonde explained.
"With one of these," Freddie added as he held up a brush. Sam then remembered something.
"Hey, you guys are having dinner with us tomorrow night," she said, pointing at Carly and Tommy, who put the blue butt up on a stand on the table.
"We are?" Carly asked.
"Yeah," Freddie said as he draped his arm around Sam's shoulders. "Sam and I love Italian food, so we made a reservation at Pini's."
"I love Pini's!" Gibby said, causing the other four to turn and face him.
"Gibbys are not invited," Sam said flatly.
"Then no corn juice for you," the scapegoat said as he sipped the disgusting liquid.
"Don't you guys want to go to dinner by yourselves?" Carly asked. "You know, like just the two of you?"
"Nah," the blonde answered. "Every time we're alone for more than an hour, we fight about something."
"So we want you guys to come with us 'cuz you two always come up with smart ways for us to compromise," Freddie finished.
"And, anyway, have either of you had the lasagna at Pini's?"
"Not really, no," Tommy answered. "Why, is it good?"
"Good?" Freddie asked as Sam laughed.
"Uh, it is so good that when I die, please bury me naked in a bathtub full of Pini's lasagna," Sam said.
"So you guys will come to dinner with us?" Freddie asked.
"We guess," Carly answered, "but I still think it'd be better if - -"
"Ten seconds to iCarly," Freddie said, interrupting his ex-crush as Tommy took his place behind his laptop.
"Game faces," Sam said to Carly. The two girls then growled as they pumped their arms, as if they were prepping for a huge sport.
"In five, four, three, two..." Freddie counted.
"We're live," Tommy finished.
"I'm a girl named Carly," the brunette said to the camera with a smile.
"And I'm a girl named Sam," the blonde added.
"And if you don't believe we're girls..."
"Just listen to us giggle." The two then let out the girliest giggles they could muster. "Okay, first up on iCarly..."
"We're gonna show you how to make an adult diaper out of old newspapers."
"I recommend the Boston Grove," Gibby said as he held up the paper.
"I thought we were doing the Blue Butt Bit first," Sam said.
"No, we decided to do the Adult Diaper Bit first," Freddie said.
"Here we go again," Tommy muttered behind his laptop.
"You never think I'm right," Sam argued.
"You never respect my opinion," Freddie spat as the two started arguing over each other before they turned to their best friends.
"Carly!"
"Tommy!" Shrugging, Carly gestured for Tommy to join her in front of the camera as they looked at it with a smile.
"While we take a moment to settle this argument..." Carly said.
"Please enjoy this pre-recorded video of Spencer flirting with a watermelon," Tommy finished. Sam then pressed a button on her remote, pulling up a video of Spencer looking at a watermelon that had a blonde ladies wig on.
"Yeah you are," the immature adult said. "Yeah, you're pretty. Yeah, you're a pretty little melon. Yes you are. What? Nooo, I don't think vertical green stripes make you look fat."
—
The next evening, Spencer stood at a grill on his lawn with a girl in a lawn chair when Carly came downstairs.
"Hey hey, there's my little sis," Spencer said as he held up a piece of chicken with his tongs. "You want some chicken? It's moist?"
"Nah, thanks," Carly answered. "Tommy and I are going on a dinner date with Sam and Freddie."
"You're going with Tommy?"
"Not technically a date for the two of us." Though she said it, Carly wished deep down that it were. "We're just gonna be there to make sure Sam and Freddie don't get into a huge argument."
"Ah." Carly then turned and noticed the woman in the chair for the first time.
"Um, hi," the brunette greeted.
"Hey," the woman said.
"Who's your friend?" Carly asked her brother.
"I don't know," Spencer whispered. "I met her at the hardware store, and she loves chicken."
"Super," Carly whispered. Just then, the door knocked.
"Carly? Woof woof," Gibby's voice said on the other side.
"Come on in, Gib," Carly said, the scapegoat opening the door and entering the apartment. Around his torso was a baby harness and inside was little Sir Licks-a-lot. Behind him, though he didn't seem to happy, was Tommy, who wore a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms, top buttons undone, and untucked with a green tie tied loosely around his neck. "What's up?"
"We had a playdate for Sir Licks-a-lot in the park at 4 PM and neither of you showed up," Gibby said as he pointed at both Carly and Tommy.
"We told you we're not interested in raising a puppy with you," Carly said.
"She's right, Gib," Tommy said.
"I'm starting to feel like you guys aren't committed to this whole puppy thing," the Gibby said.
"We're not," Tommy said.
"Then maybe I should just raise him without you two."
"We completely support that," Carly said.
"I'm not gonna argue about this."
"Thank you," the other two said simultaneously.
"Hey, Carls," Tommy said to the girl he was taking to Pini's. "We better hurry if we're gonna make that reservation at Pini's."
"Let's go," Carly said, the two leaving for the date they were supervising.
—
That night at Pini's, Freddie and Sam laughed as they sat across from each other in a nice seat. While the blonde wore a nice violet dress, the nerd wore an outfit like Tommy's only the shirt was baby blue, tucked in, and the top buttons were done. Around his neck was a checker patterned tie. On their forks were pieces of the same lasagna.
"On three?" Sam asked.
"One..." Freddie counted.
"Two..."
"Three," the lovebirds said simultaneously, taking the bites from the lasagna.
"Ohhhhhhhhh," the couple sighed in relief at the little tastes of heaven in their mouths.
"Carly, Tommy, how amazing is this lasagna?" Freddie asked his friends, who were sitting by themselves at a little table not too far away from the date.
"It's very good lasagna," Carly answered, not at all happily though.
"Not bad," Tommy said as he turned to Freddie and Sam. "Although, I don't understand why we can't sit with you guys. You know, turning this single date into something like a double date."
'Double date?' Carly thought, her cheeks turning a light pink.
"'Cuz me and Freddie are on a date, not you guys," Sam answered before turning back to her boyfriend. "Parmesan cheese?"
"Sure," Freddie accepted.
"So we're just supposed to sit here and wait for you guys to have a fight and settle it?" Carly asked.
"Pretty much," Sam answered.
"We really appreciate that," Freddie added. Sighing, Tommy turned to face Carly.
"Hey, chin up," Tommy said. "The way I see it, no matter what Sam says, we're kind of on a date too. I mean, I didn't ask you here and Freddie volunteered to pay for our lasagna, but we're here, aren't we?"
"You're right," Carly answered with a smile. "This is kind of like a date."
"Well, then let's make it an official date. Carly, would you be interested in joining me at Pini's tonight for dinner?" Smiling, Carly answered.
"I'd love to."
"And allow me to pay the check," Tommy added as he pulled out a wad of bills. "And by 'check', I mean Freddie." Carly then nodded as she and Tommy went on with their own little date. Back at the main date, Sam busied herself by piling parmesan cheese on top of her lasagna.
"Wow," Freddie said, "that's a lot of parmesan."
"What are you, the cheese keeper?" Sam asked.
"No, I'm just saying the lasagna here is amazing, so I don't think you need to shovel nine pounds of parmesan cheese - -"
"Oh, it's okay, Freddie," Sam said. "You don't have to pay for the parmesan."
"It's not about the money."
"Then why don't you stop criticizing me for every single thing - -" Sam said as she and Freddie entered a heated argument. "Carly?"
"Tommy?" Sighing, the two peacekeepers set their napkins down, stood up, and walked over to the table.
"Freddie," Carly said with a flat tone, "it's not nice to judge other people's cheese habits."
"Sam, that's an insane amount of cheese," Tommy said with an equally flat tone. "I'm embarrassed for you." Turning around, the two went back to their date.
"Sorry," Sam sighed.
"Sorry," Freddie added.
"So, Carly, ever been sailing?" Tommy asked.
"Not really," Carly answered. "What about you?"
"Yeah. I have a few times back in my hometown." The two then chuckled as they took another bite of lasagna before engaging in another conversation.
"Mm, oh, what do they put in this lasagna to make it so incredible?" Sam asked with lasagna in her mouth. Freddie then cleared his throat lightly before speaking his mind.
"Uh, look," the nerd said, "I don't wanna start an argument, but you might wanna finish chewing, y'know, before you talk." Sam, however, took offense to Freddie's words.
"What is this, Pick on Puckett Night?" Sam asked.
"I said I don't wanna start an argument."
"Well, ya done it!"
"Tommy, is it wrong to tell a person that it's not polite to talk with a mouth full of lasagna?" Freddie asked his best friend, ruining the martial artist's date with the web star.
"Carly, is it wrong for a person to constantly pick on every little thing I do?!" Sam asked her best friend.
"Yes!" Tommy snapped as he and Carly stood up, not being able to take it anymore.
"And yes!" Carly added. "You both should be furious with each other!"
"Furious!" Tommy added as he and Carly pushed Freddie and Sam out of the way.
"I wouldn't say I'm furious, I was - -"
"Well you should be furious!" Tommy said. "What kind of guy wants to go on a date and watch a girl go..." He then gestured to Carly, who began eating like Sam did.
"Ohhhh, I'm Sam Puckett," Carly said with her mouth full before throwing cheese all over the table.
"Ewwww," Freddie said.
"And what kind of boy wants to go on a date with and listen to a boy go..." Carly added before gesturing to Tommy.
"Ohhhh, I'm Freddie Benson," Tommy mimicked, starting to jab his fork into the nerd's plate. "I'm a whiny little nub. Don't use too much parmesan, don't talk with your mouth open."
"Seriously," Carly said in her normal voice, "why don't you two just pick up your forks and use 'em to jab each other in the eyes?!"
"Okay," Freddie said. "What are you two doing?"
"You guys are supposed to be helping us solve our problems," Sam added.
"No, we're not," Tommy said. "You two should be solving your own problems! Not having Carly and me, who are trying to make the most of this unfortunate event, to be your 24/7 couples counselors!"
"Exactly," Carly agreed. "You two think we want to sit at a table, trying to have a romantic dinner, which we have to interrupt to fix every stupid problem you guys have?! I could be at home right now eating moist chicken with Spencer and some icky chick from a hardware store!"
"And I could be at home eating my mom's famous home-made macaroni with Trini and Principal Franklin!" Tommy said.
"If you guys can't have to work things out on your own, then you shouldn't be dating at all," Carly said as she and Tommy stood up to leave. Sam and Freddie then sighed as they faced each other, only for the other two teens to return and take their plates of lasagna.
"We deserve this lasagna," Tommy said as he and Carly left the restaurant, ready to finish their date somewhere else in peace. Once they left, Sam reached over to the parmesan Carly had spilled and started licking it with her bare hands.
—
Back at the Shay apartment, Carly and Tommy sat in lawn chairs on Spencer's lawn, looking up at the ceiling, the finished plates of lasagna near the web star and martial artist.
"This is nice," Carly said.
"Yeah," Tommy agreed. "And it's a lot more fun having this date with you without Sam and Freddie arguing and expecting us to fix it."
"Thanks for the fun night."
"No, thank you. And I'm sorry that hardware chick stole Spencer's wallet."
"Yeah. But I bet he's done crying about it now." Spencer's loud sobs were then heard from his bedroom. "Besides, there were only four dollars in it after I took some out to help pay for dinner."
"Those stars Spencer put on the ceiling look so cool."
"I bet it was 'cuz it wasn't easy gettin' 'em up there."
"What about the moon?"
"I bet it was even harder. It looks like it's 60 pounds."
"You know what though?" Tommy asked as he and Carly looked at each other, the martial artist smirking. "I know they're fake, but I'm glad I'm stargazing at fake stars with you."
"Me too," Carly answered with a smile. Continuing to smile, the two held hands, their fingers lacing together as they continued to look up at the ceiling. Just then, the moon snapped from the cables and landed on top of the teens' legs, causing them to groan from the sudden weight that fell on them.
Word Count: 5,531