~~~~
"No fucking way.."
"It's true! She kissed all of us!"
"I don't believe that bullshit"..
The boys are sitting in the cafeteria of their school, bragging about their nights. After Cartman stormed off last night, she gave each of them a kiss on the cheek. It was simple, innocent, and mostly to show her gratitude, but the boys were ecstatic.
"I was there too, you guys". Cartman grumbled.
"It was your fault she was even in that position!" Kyle scolded the boy.
"It was not! She went out and punched that bitch all on her own. Blame fucking Token". Cartman fumed, crossing his arms and looking away.
He felt bad. He never feels bad, it wasn't his fault. He went over and over his words in his mind that night as he tossed and turned. He says shit like that to everyone, why was she so upset? It's not his fault she was mad. Right?
~~~~
=====
Dammit...
I have to apologize- fuck!
I head over to the hospital after school with the guys. She's supposed to be getting discharged right now, but she hasn't yet and we don't know why. I don't want the guys to know what I'm doing, I'm not weak, I'm just appeasing her. Humoring her. So she feels better.
Why do I care?
'Ugh'
I hate this— her, I hate all of it.
While the boys are busy doing whatever, I couldn't care less, I sneakily slip into her room.
She's laying in the bed, on her phone when she sees me. She looks up and then back down to her phone.
"What?"
'Ugh', she could at least be a little happy to see me.
"I just- I'm here to- see you.."
She raises her eyebrow at me.
"Why?"
God dammit!
"You- I— are you.. feeling better"? I grumble, looking at the floor.
She chuckles a little bit before quickly stuffing it.
"Yeah", she sighs. "I almost died".
"You did not".
"Basically". She shrugs.
She's messing with me.
"Look, I'm only saying this once". I clench my fist.
"Go on".
"You better appreciate this!"
"I'm still waiting.."
Fuck. This.
"I'm- I'm"-
She's silent as she looks at me, crossing her arms.
"I'm sorry you thought I was wrong.." I spit out, sighing, thankful it's over.
"That's not an apology". She shakes her head at me.
"Is too!"
She rolls her eyes.
"Okay, I accept your 'apology'. You were mean to me, and you did upset me".
"I'm sorry, okay?" I say so quiet, frankly, I didn't even hear it.
She smiles at me, with that stupid, dumb girl smile of hers. It's to fucking bright. She raises her fist to me.
I look at her and roll my eyes, reciprocating her fist bump. She smiles wider.
"That was really hard for you, huh?"
"Shut the hell up, loser". I look to the floor.
She just laughs at me.
Yup, I hate her.
=====
"Cartman?"
The boys fill the room looking strangely at Cartman, before quickly ignoring him to get to me.
"Boys!" I beam.
They run over to me, enveloping me in a hug as arms tangle and confuse around me.
"Mmhm mhh mhh." (we miss you at school)
I laugh as they pull away.
"I've been gone for one day!" I giggle.
"Still." Stan looks at me.
I smile.
"Team Craig got this for you." Kyle says, as he rummages through his backpack. Pulling out a red, "get well soon" card.
I take it and look at him.
"They"-
"We told them you had an 'accident'. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to." Kyle reassured me.
I sigh, opening the card.
Don't die, that would suck. -Craig
Feel better! -Tweek
Someone's got to laugh at my jokes, come back soon. -Jimmy
I'm hot, your hot, let's cool off together;) only when you're better though. -Clyde
Get well soon, newbie -Tolkien
I smile to myself as I read the notes. My heart flutters, as I'm filled with gratitude.
My friends.
I feel full, complete. Like I have everything I need and more.
My smile fades as I feel a ping in my chest.
"No ones, going to save you now"....
I shake the thought away. People care, they really do.
They will.
Someone will.
__________________________
"Are you sure you feel good to go, hun"? My mother asks me, as she grips the discharge papers in her hands.
"Perfectly, mom". I tell her.
"I just, I — worry— about you. You need to take care of yourself." She frowns at me.
I look at her, strong and stoic.
"I'm good".
She returns my gaze for a long time, weighing her options. She knows. Maybe it's that motherly instinct, maybe it's general concern. Or maybe— she knows. She needs to think I'm good. Has to. I can't have anyone else worry about me, well because I'm nobody.
"I'm good".
She sighs and signs the papers, reluctantly walking out the door. Taking one last look at me before she leaves, returning the signed documents to the doctors.
I close my eyes, relived to get out of this damn room.
It takes hours, packing and checking, tests and checkups, before I'm finally able to walk out the doors.
The sun hits me bright and loud. I shield my eyes with my forearm as we walk to the car. My body is sore, my head aches and throbs in my skull as I walk. With every step I feel it. The doctors said I'm fine, so I'm fine. Within a week I won't even be able to tell. Im wobbly and unstable, but I'm fine.
I let the boys know I'm heading home, they were very excited. I don't want to be home. I don't want to be anywhere, I need a distraction.
Maybe they're what I need.
Me: my house?
Kyle: you're home already?
Me: almost.
Kenny: omw
Stan: I'll be there
Eric: whatever
Kyle: are you sure you're feeling better
Me: never better.
Kyle: ..give me 15 minutes
I smile at my phone in my hands.
When I get up to my room I finally change my clothes. It's nothing special, I put on some sweatpants and a small top. I throw my hair up in a very messy ponytail and wait for them. Deciding makeup would only hurt my head more. So I wait in the living room, bare faced and comfortable. I recline on the couch closing my eyes, as I listen to my heartbeat in my skull. It's soft and neutral, and only gets slower at I breathe.
"How are you feeling"? My mother looks down at me from the other side of the couch.
I open my eyes and look at her, giving my best attempt at a positive smile.
"Can't even tell". I lie through my teeth.
She sighs at me heavy.
"You should be resting in your room".
"I don't need to, the guys are coming over". I tell her.
"Honey"-
"I know, I'll rest later".
She shakes her head at me.
"I can't help you if you don't talk to me". Her eyebrows knit together sadly.
"There's nothing to help". I smile at her.
This seems to soothe her, just a little, as she smiles back at me. Returning to the kitchen to make dinner.
There's a knock at the door that makes me jump. It rings in my head but I slowly stand up anyway.
I'm so weak.
As I open the door, Kenny stands on the other end, smiling at me as he looks me up and down. He whistles at me and I roll my eyes.
"Hi Ken".
He walks in the door grabbing my waist from the side, and pulling me closer. He takes his hood down and speaks to me.
"Did I win?"
"What are you talking about?" I giggle at him.
"I'm first, right? It's just us?"
"Yup—it's just us", I sigh. "Can't believe you beat Kyle!" I gasp at him.
"I guess I like you more", he shakes his head. "—you know.. I think this deserves another kiss?"
"Nice try, lover boy". I spit, as I wiggle out of his grasp.
He looks down defeated, and sighs. I laugh at him quietly as we walk up to my room.
He's being extra clingy today, and he's in a better mood then usual. I wonder why.
After a while, the rest of the boys show up. Stans next with Kyle, And Cartman grumbled something about being last as he walked into my room by himself.
It's nice, them being here. They make me laugh as we sit and talk about anything that comes up, and I wonder if everything is back to normal. No more plans, no more revenge. Wendy said the rumors weren't real, so that's it right? I don't have to walk around with my head down, wondering if I'm being mad fun of behind my back.
"What's with your face?" Cartman scowls at me.
I sigh, "just thinking."
"About what?" Kenny leans over to me.
Me and Kenny are sitting on my bed, he's very close but I'm pretending not to notice. Cartmans on the floor by the door, while Stan and Kyle sit next to each other leaning against my bed. That's still sitting on the floor. I pretend the emptiness of my room doesn't bother me as I sit.
"I think I'm finally free.. Wendy has nothing on me anymore".
"You think she's done?" Stan looks up at me.
"I mean— yeah?"
The boys exchange a look, like they know something I don't. I look around at them, eyebrows raised.
"What?"
It's quiet for a moment.
"Dude, you punched her.." Kyle finally speaks.
"Yeah, so?"
They just shrug at me. And I feel theres something they're not telling me.
"Just— be careful. She might be planning something". Kyle restates.
"What's the worst she can do, concuss me?" I laugh but they don't. They look sad.
"Guys, I'm fine. It's fine, Really. I happen to know some boys that'll protect me". I smile playfully at Kenny, who rolls his eyes.
They shake their heads, but I see them smiling anyway.
"You didn't really kiss these assholes, did you?" Cartman crosses his arms.
I blush slightly, as Kenny throws his arm over my shoulders. Wiggling his eyebrows.
"I, uhm"-
"Kids! Dinners on the table!" My mother yells from downstairs.
I sigh, relived and get out of bed. Maneuvering out of Kenny's arms.
They laugh at me, as we walk down stairs.
"Holy shit- she did!" Cartman whispers to Kyle.
"I told you dude!" Kyle whispers back, nudging his side with his elbow.