* Um, i'm trying really hard to make this good. but issues get in the way and updates get slow and stuff. i am triyng though. seriously. and um i'm making this chapter more realistic. like the first version of this story didn't really show much of how hunter was scarred mentally and this is going to. it makes me sad writing it, wah *
-
Chris had been pretty quiet for the rest of the day. He hadn't said a word to me and barely one to Hunter. Even when Hunter had blood shot eyes from crying and came to Chris for whatever reason, Chris just snapped at him. It was hard to watch.
Before he left for work, he told me to call him if anything happened and that the women in the appartment across the hall would help if we needed anything. But it wasn't good enough. Because my Mom and Chris were having this stupid fight, I was basically having to look after Hunter. It wasn't fair on him or me. First off, he'd rather go to Chris for comfort and second, I wasn't his parent.
He was family though; and I'd hate to see anything worse happen to him.
It was 1am and Hunter was asleep. His head was still hurting from the hangover so Chris told him to take 2 sleeping pills instead of one. After one he was tired, so two knocked him straight out. He was holding his blankets to his chest as if they were a person and was breathing softly. It was cute.
I wasn't really tired. I tried to go to sleep when Hunter did 3 hours ago but I couldn't. I didn't know if it was because I was just feeling wide awake or because I felt like I had to physically watch him to make sure he was ok.
Ugh.
Sometimes it really was easier to hate him.
*
I was slowly drifting into sleep when I heard whimpers coming from beside me. I slowly turned around to face Hunter's bed and saw that he was clutching at his hair way too tightly and slowly rocking himself back and forwards. His black hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat and he shivered into himself. The blankets had been kicked off onto the floor and that's when I realized that the bed sheets were wet.
I sighed to myself. I began to lift myself from my bed and wake Hunter up but before I could do this, he errupted into terrified screams and desperate cries. He struggled frantically as if someone where trying to hold him still yet no arms were around him. Then he kicked at the mattress and the tears fell out from his closed eyes.
"Hunter?!" I cried; rushing over to kneal at the edge of his bed. I pried his hands away from his face and held them tightly, trying my hardest to wake him up. "Hunter, come on. It's just a dream, Hunter. Please wake up? Hunter?!"
"Dad?!" He choked out in a strangled whimper. He tried his best to pull his hands away from mine but he wasn't strong enough right now. "Dad?!"
"Hunter!" I yelled, letting go of his hands and taking hold of his face. "Hunter, you need to wake up. You need to wake the fuck up Hunter, please?! Just wake the fuck up?!"
He shoved at me and it sent us both falling towards the floor. As I was already on it, I managed to block most of Hunter's fall and held back the tears as he pushed himself away from me. His eyes had bolted open now and they were terrified, scanning the room for enemies and crying hysterically.
"Hunter," I tried to reach for him but he slapped me away and wrapped his arms around himself. He pulled his knees up to his chest and burried his face in them. He proceeded to cry in this position for what felt like forever.
Eventually it sent me off as well. Seeing Hunter lying there, terrified and ashamed, crying and reliving the horrible things he had to go through. It was horrible to watch and it caused my eyes to water and soon later I was crying almost as much as Hunter. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair on either of us. I shouldn't have to look after him and he shouldn't have to be in the care of a 15 year old girl. I could always comfort him but I had no idea what to do in situations like this.
I really didn't know what to do.
I curled up with my back against my own bed and waited for Hunter to calm down. I'd given up on trying to touch him because it just put him in a worse state.
For a while he just lay there, breathing heavily and crying. But after some time, his cries broke into whimpers and his grip on hisself loosened.
"Hunter?"
His head lifted up from his knees for a slight second and then he whimpered again. I wiped the tears away from my face, trying to be brave as I crawled over to him. I hesitated before raising a hand and relaxed when he didn't scream as I touched his shoulder.
Instead of screaming, his hand reached up to grab mine and he held it tightly. He tugged me closer to him before I got the idea and wrapped my arms around him, slowly helping him sit up. I leaned him up against his bed and stared into his eyes with worry.
"Hunter-"
"S-s-sorry," he whispered. "I-I'm s-"
"Don't be sorry," I shook my head, stopping him from talking. "It's ok. You're gonna be ok. It was just a dream, you know that. No one can hurt you now. It was just a dream,"
He nodded, choking on his cries. "It..I-It feels r-real,"
"I know," I murmured; tracing my fingers over his knuckles. He relaxed a little under my touch and then he closed his eyes, crying softly to himself for a few minutes.
I remembered the wet sheets and tried to think of the best way to bring it up without embarrassing him. That was the last thing I wanted to do right now and it was also the last thing he deserved. So I remained quiet and thought for a few moments. Then I remembered what he normally did after a dream like this.
"Do you want a shower?" I offered, causing him to look up at me again. "Or a bath? There should be some hot water left,"
He nodded slowly, probably feeling more thankful than he looked. So I smiled gently at him and took both of his hands, pulling him up to his shaking feet and wrapping an arm around his back to steady him.
We walked slowly to the bathroom where I then set Hunter down on the edge of the tub. In this light I could see the terror in his eyes and the blood from his bitten lips. It was heartbreaking but I tried to push past that; I had to be strong for him right now.
I didn't think he could stand well enough to shower so I reached over for the plug and put it into the drain. I turned the tap on, making sure the water was hot enough before I leaned back.
"I'm gonna get you some more clothes. Stay here, ok?"
Hunter nodded emotionlessly and I smiled a little before heading out. It didn't take me long to find another pair of black boxers in his cupboard and then an Asking Alexandria shirt in the closet. I set them down on my bed as I headed over to his, deciding that I would strip the sheets now rather than to embarrass him with having to do it later.
I tossed them in the laundry basket on the way back to the bathroom and then walked back in to see Hunter in the same position. His head was hanging down and he scratched at his knees desperatley. I sighed as I placed his clothes down next to the bath, coming to kneal in front of him to make sure he was ok.
"How are you feeling?" I asked quietly; not getting a response. "Not good?" This time he shook his head. "Are you gonna be ok in here?" No reply. "Do you want some help? I can help you get in and then leave?"
He nodded slowly, placing a hand on his legs to try and stop them from shaking. He looked ashamed and that made my heartbreak. I wanted to tell him that none of this was his fault, that I didn't mind having to look after him right now but I knew it would just make him feel worse.
I reached for the edge of his shirt, peeling it up past his stomach. Once I'd pulled it over his head and thrown it to the other side of the room, I sighed. I'd seen Hunter shirtless so many times but I never really got used to the scars. There was a mixture of red and white scars across his chest, ones which I weren't sure how they got there. Some of them looked years old but some only a few months. It was all too much.
"Take your boxers off and I'll help you in," I murmured. "I wont look, I promise."
He nodded slowly, taking my hand as I helped him to his feet. I leaned him against the wall for support and turned away whilst he removed his boxers. I was feeling more and more intense with each passing second but I wasn't sure how to act on it.
I guess I just had to be normal.
And not think that Hunter, my aggressive and traumatized and beautiful adoptive brother was standing naked behind me.
I shuddered when I felt his breath on my neck and I turned around, keeping my eyes to his the whole time. He looked so insecure, I could practically feel it. He was still shaking and he stumbled as soon as he stepped away from the wall. So I pressed my hands to both sides of his waist and turned him towards the bath; keeping my eyes on his the entire time just to reassure him.
I steadied his waist as he lifted a leg and put it into the water. Then I held him even tighter when he did the same with the other. He lowered himself, still using my grip as he sat down in the bath and pulled his knees up to his chest. He even whimpered a little as I dropped my hold on him.
"I'll come check on you in about 15 minutes," I told him; trying to smile again. He didn't say anything but when I turned towards the door, his wet hand flung out of the water and grabbed my wrist.
I turned back to face him; unable to look at his eyes as he'd pressed his face into the edge of the tub. He didn't let go though and I assumed that only meant one thing.
He wanted me to stay.
I nodded; though he couldn't see me. I lowered myself down so I could kneal at him and then I placed both of my arms on the edge of the tub. His head lifted and he looked at me for a split second with slightly comforted eyes before leaning his face against my hands..
It took me a few moments to realize that he was crying into me.
*
I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that but it was a while because the water had started to turn cold. Hunter had stopped crying and he wasn't whimpering anymore but he was still quiet. He hadn't said a word.
"Water's cold," I noted. "Do you wanna get out?"
He nodded against my hands and I pulled back. His head slowly started to lift up and I looked into his red eyes. His skin was blotchy from crying and his eyes were puffy. He was shivering now but sweat still glued his hair to his forehead.
I cleared my throat. "Do you need help getting out?"
He shook his head. I was about to leave again when he grabbed my hand.
"Yeah?"
He looked down nervously. "Can we stay up? I don't wanna go back to sleep," he sniffled at the last bit and I bit my lip, nodding.
"Yeah. I'll go make us some coffee?"
"Ok," he rubbed his eyes.
"Just come through when you're ready,"
*
I sat on the counter in the kitchen, stirring a spoon around a cup. I'd put way too many sugars in mine because I really couldn't handle the taste of coffee but I'd only put one in Hunter's. I was feeling pretty weird. I mean, I'd heard Chris' horror stories about when Hunter used to get really bad nightmares and they involved screaming, punching, kicking; basically Hunter attacking anyone and everything.
That hadn't been remotley as bad. I just hoped I wouldn't have to see any worse.
I looked up when Hunter walked through the door. He stood against the frame for a few moments, looking down as I gazed at him. He looked a lot better than 10 minutes ago. Of course his face was still red and his eyes were blotchy. But his hands weren't shaking, he was standing more or less still and his lip had stopped bleeding.
"I made you coffee," I choked out; gesturing to the cup beside me.
He nodded and slowly made his way over to me. He eventually reached the counter and instead of turning towards the coffee, he faced me. I was above him because the counter was so high up so it meant that he had to lift his head to look into my eyes. He looked at me with somewhat insecurity and then worry. I wasn't sure what to think.
I was biting my lip as he leaned in closer to me, allowing his arms to slowly snake around my waist and his face burry into my chest. He breathed quietly into me, giving me a few moments to adjust and hug him back. I let my face fall into his hair and I rubbed my hands up and down his back.
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, taking his face in my hands and lifting his chin up to look into my eyes.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"For what? You have nothing to be sorry for,"
"I am though," he pressed his hand against my own. "I didn't mean to..I'm sorry..don't tell Chris..please,"
"Hunter," I sighed. "Chris has to know these things,"
"But he's mad at me,"
"He's not mad at you," I assured him. "He's just worried about you. I know he snapped earlier but he's just going through a lot of stress right now. Besides, don't you always shout at him? And he knows that you love him,"
"I don't mean it though," he whimpered; staring up at me, willing me to believe him.
"I know," i hushed him. "I know you don't. It's ok though. Don't worry about anything right now. We can talk about it tomorrow,"
He nodded, looking down anxiously as I smiled at him. I let go of his face and his hand dropped to his side as well. I reached over to the coffee and picked up his cup, handing it over to him.
"We can go play Pokemon if you want?" I offered.
He shook his head, awkwardly raising his shoulders. "Can I just..h-hold you?"
My eyes widened before I responded. "What do you mean?"
"I wanna hold you," he said. "It calms me down,"
"Wow," I said; accidentally. Mentally face palming myself as I did. "I mean..yeah, sure. That's fine,"
"Ok," he murmured. He moved away from me, leaving the coffee that i put time and effort in to make and then he started heading towards the door. I followed him mindlessly, my eyes glued to his body the entire time we walked. Once we got back into our room, I closed the door behind myself and stood against it as Hunter climbed on top of my bed.
He looked adorable as he pulled the blankets back and curled his legs up to himself. He pressed the side of his face against the pillow, not looking up at me as I stood in my gaze.
I eventually snapped out of it and I switched off the light. I made my way over towards my bed and I slowly got into it. When I faced Hunter and pulled the blankets up over both of our bodies, I shivered. I wasn't sure why, I just started to feel weird as I looked into his bloodshot eyes. He made me feel insecure and it was making me feel strange.
I felt my stomach turn as he put a hand around my back, pulling me closer to him. Our chests pressed agaisnt one anothers and my heart beat accelerated. We were both breathing slightly heavier than normal and staring into each other's eyes with the same insecure gaze.
I didn't know what was happening but I liked it. I felt safe and hopefully I was making him feel that too.
I got my answer as we both fell asleep in each other's embrace.