I don't know how I did it, but I survived until lunch. With my backpack on my shoulders I meet up with the guys who are already at our table. Everywhere I look, someone's already looking at me.
Math wasn't fun. I sat next to Stan like yesterday, and the lesson seemed to drag on and on. Wendy won't stop looking over to me from the other side of the classroom. I feel her, eyes on me, piercing. She's burning holes into the side of my skull. I think they realize I told the boys everything, as none of them dared to even speak to me this morning. But they stare nonetheless, sour, and unforgiving. I can tell their whispering about me, but I'm being the bigger person.
For now.
Everywhere I go, Stans with me. Like a bodyguard, protecting me from anyone and anything. I remind him a couple of times that I can handle myself, they wouldn't dare corner me yet, so soon. They try to convince me it's them I need, not some stupid boys. And maybe if I'd met them first, things would be different. Maybe if I'd let them in at my most venerable, they would hurt me harder then they did. Well, girls, my walls are up even higher now. No one's getting in, or out. I'm embarrassed about yesterday. Never again. No one will ever see me like that again. I don't need anyone. Why would I?
I want my old friends, my old school.
My dad.
Who still, hasn't reached out. Even for my first day of school. I'm sure it's not on purpose, he's busy with his new family. His new kids, he doesn't want me anymore.
I shake my head.
Not right now.
Never again.
I sit next to Kenny with a smile and pull out a lunchbox for him. He looks at me weird.
"For you", I tell him. "I told you I would."
He opens it gratefully and gawks at its interior. It's nothing special, I made him a sandwich and put in an apple for good measure. I put a store bought cookie in a baggy next to it though, with a note attached.
"I'll bake you a real one tomorrow, have a good day at school!" -me
It reads.
I imitate what my mom used to write on my school lunches as a little girl. It alway comforted me, so I hope it comforts him.
"Mmhmm mmh". (I think I love you.) he looks at me with tears in his eyes.
"It's just food Ken". I tell him laughing. "Apple first". I put my finger up, like a mother would.
He rolls his eyes at me and eats the cookie first anyways, I shake my head.
"What the fuck do you think your doing"? Cartman spits at me, from next to Kenny.
"Nothing, what the fuck are you doing"? I spit back.
"Dude, did you- are stupid or something? Next to Stan. Now." He tells me rolling his eyes.
"Come on man, she's not even in here yet". Kyle says to Cartman.
Cartman stands up, ready to fight, but I shake my head at him, and sit next to Stan on the other side of the table. He sits down with a smile on his evil face.
"Dudes shes coming, act natural!" He yells at us and whistles in the other direction.
"You're the only one acting weird, fat ass"! Kyle yells back.
Wendy walks in front of us giggling with her click. They turn to look at me and whisper to each other, very obviously pointing at me as they walk away. They laugh so loud I think someone might choke.
I scowl at her as they run off.
Stan sighs.
"They've been doing that all morning". He tell the group.
"Perfect, now hold hands or something". Cartman whisper yells at me and Stan, glaring.
"What? No." Stan says turning a little pink.
"Quick! Their coming back! Fucking do something, dumbass!"
Stan looks at the girls, and quickly back at me. He flips his eyes between an angry looking Cartman, and me, unsuspecting.
He sighs loud and quickly snakes his hand around my waist, just as the girls walk behind us. He pulls me in tight and hard, and if he wasn't holding me, I would probably fall over. I yelp a little bit not expecting that. The girls are out of my sight walking behind me this time, but I feel them stop for just a second, completely silent. I feel their eyes hot and heavy and all the air escapes from my lungs. I hold my breath until I feel they walk away. Not daring to look at them. As soon as the door shuts, I let the breath back into my lungs so fast I might pass out.
"Dude... that was... perfect.. Wendy totally saw that! Oh my God, Kenny, did you see her face? She was so shocked." Cartman laughs out loud, like he's never seen anything funnier.
I am not laughing. I feel like I'm going to throw up. And by the looks of it, so does Stan.
"Yup..." He starts. "I predict—two weeks from now—talk of the school." He waves his arms in the air for dramatic effect.
"Two weeks?" I spit, flabbergasted. "I'll be dead by tomorrow for that!"
"No dude, that was the perfect amount of subtle. She has so idea". Cartmans still laughing.
"She's not dumb". Kyle states, taking a bite of his apple.
"It has to be slow, the idea has been planted now, let it— fester." He tells us.
"You're— like— evil". I say slightly taken aback.
"Yeah", he sits back with his arms crossed. "Made some kid eat his own parents one time, no biggy".
I choke on my own air, as I look around to the other boys who pretend they don't see me.
What. The. Fuck?
I'm in the middle of my spiral, when I noticed Stan's arm is still around me.
Kenny coughs. Stan quickly lets go.
"Sorry".
I wink at him, playfully, pretending to be flirtatious.
He goes bright red and stands up quickly, beginning to walk away.
"Where are you going, honey"? I sing to him, grabbing him by his hand.
"Ah- bathroom." He stutters and lets go.
I giggle at him as he flees the cafeteria.
The boys are trying not to laugh with me but we burst into laughter as we lock eyes.
"You're going to kill him". Kyle says.
"I know."
__________________________
~~~~
"Did you see that, Wendy?" Bebe asks, concern bleeding into her words as the girls walk to the women's bathroom.
"Oh, I fucking saw that". Wendy fumes. "I'll kill her".
"M-maybe it was just a friendly hug?" Red squeaks out, afraid of Wendy's rage.
"Like hell it was!" Wendy shouts in the girls face. "That bitch is going down!"
"I don't know Wendy, she doesn't look dangerous, I mean— you and Stan aren't even together anymore so"-
"Are you, sticking up, for that skank?" Wendy bellows.
"No- I just— sorry Wendy.." Red apologizes.
Wendy scoffs checking her hair out in the mirror. She brushes her fingers through her black locks.
"She fucked with the wrong girl". Wendy seethes.
"What are you gonna do?"
"Yeah, she's with Stan every hour of the day". Bebe speaks
"She what?"
"Yeah I see her, them, like every passing period, they walk to class together". Bebe continues.
"I thought only couples did that?" Red asks.
"Theres no way their a couple. She said they weren't yesterday, no way they moved that fast."
Wendy looks at herself in the mirror, like shes deciding on something.
"From now on, I want eyes on her, everywhere. We can't be sure until we see it for ourselves."
"See what?"
"Them kiss". Wendy barks. "I believe nothing, until they kiss".
"And then what"?
"We ruin her. Oh, and get Nichole in on this, she's gonna want to know her boyfriends friends are hanging around a slut". She finishes.
"I don't know, Wendy..." red starts.
"Excuse me"?
Red sighs, "yes, Wendy"...