The photographs are covered in black oil. It runs down their faces. My toothless smile, Emma's eyes and her blonde curls are the only things visible, and the only things I can remember. I know my dad has the same blond, curly hair as Emma but it's hard to imagine him. I can only see the pale skin.
I pull my palm over it and the thick oil runs down my hand. It won't stop, it continues to pour down like black, thick tears. It never ends. I quickly try to wipe my hands off on the pinboard.
I turn my palms upwards. They're covered in black stains that reminds me of Clover's hand. They're shaking uncontrollably, and I breathe in deeply to calm my rushing thoughts.
It's not the only thing I've forgotten. I can no longer remember my name. There's not a single trace left. I don't know if it was a long or short name, or what letter it started with.
I pick up the photographs from the pinboard and tear them to pieces. Once I'm done I throw them in the trashcan. My hands are marked; covered in a thick layer of the black oil. I try to wipe them off on my clothes, leaving oily stains.
I open the notebook and turn the pages. Most of them are covered in the same black oil. Or maybe it's ink. I had spent hours - days writing down names in these notebooks, and now all those names are covered in that oil. Emma is the only name I remember. Yet I know I'll forget that too one day. Like I've forgotten everyone else's.
I push my hands against my face and a frustrated sound escapes my mouth. I knew I would forget everything, that the notebooks were only there to slow down the process, yet everything still feels like a waste of time.
I stare out at the garden that lies behind the closed window. I have to calm myself, shut all these feelings out so I can reap Allie's soul without falling apart. The Stormcoin must also be charged. I cannot be this fragile then.
I look for the calmness inside me. The one that belongs to Laura and when I've found it I cling onto it.
***
I can hear her in my mind. Sometimes the whispers sound friendly, and other times there is pain and sorrow. Sometimes frustration. At first, I thought she was talking to me, now I believe it's memories. Maybe she's not even aware that she's dead and has been for twenty years. That she's only existing in my mind and in the memories that are still living on. Whatever is inside of me it doesn't feel complete. Like something is missing, or that I only have fragments of what once was.
I squeeze the gate stone in my hand and make myself ready. First of all, I'll need to reap Allie's soul as Laura. I'll need to shapeshift. The second, which I'm most nervous of, is the deal with the creature and him. The man - or the creature - that I'm doing this for. I'm not even sure what I should be expecting in this world, and all I can think of is how dangerous it might be.
The nurses walk straight through me and speaks in their muffled, unintelligible language. I squeeze the gate stone once more before I make it disappear from my hand.
I stop at her door, close my eyes and imagine Laura in my mind. I think of the whispers and what I've seen in the memories.
All the memories that flood in feels like my own. Like I was the one who went through everything, and that the woman on the other side is my daughter. I'm not sure where I begin and where Laura ends.
I take a few steps back and attempt to steady my breathing. How could Rampion know which parts were him? And how was he somehow able to be himself?
I walk through the door. I don't need to look at my hands to know that I am Laura. Allie is laying in the bed with open, hollow eyes. This time the man who held her hand isn't here, and it pains me that I have to take her soul now. I remember how it felt to walk into the room when my dad had died, even if I can no longer remember his face.
I gently move across the room and I cannot stop watching Allie - my daughter. I let Laura take over when we sit down at the chair next to the bed. She knows what must be done.
On the bedside table she's placed, the very same doll that sits in my bookcase. She looks older. Tattered and dirty. But it's without a doubt Monique.
We reach out a hand and gently touch the doll, Allie's green eyes follow us. She cannot move nor speak.
I thought we'd feel the fabric when we touched it, but as usual I cannot. We move our hand to Allie's and carefully places ours above.
Her eyes are asking us to release her from this hell.
"You kept Monique," we say; I have a feeling that it is mostly Laura who controls the words that come out of our mouth.
Allie blinks a few times; we squeeze her hand.
"Dad worked a lot on her, and I knew it'd be yours the first time I held you in my embrace."
We gently stroke our thumb over Allie's hand; a sad yet peaceful smile comes across our face.
"My darling Allie, when I held you for the first time I never expected to hold your hand this way. It's a parent's worst nightmare, but I know how much you desire release," we tightly hold her hand with both of ours, "and I'm here to give it to you."
It's uncomfortable to take someone's soul while they're dying. For a while I wonder if I should let her die and explain it as myself, but the way she looks at us tells me that it's okay.
I want to take a deep breathe to calm my nerves, but Laura won't let me. We lean forward and place a kiss on Allie's forehead - exactly like the memory I had seen in the Hall of Memories.
"Close your eyes, honey. Soon you'll be home," we say and let go of her hand.
Allie's eyes closes and the soul stone appears in our palm, it opens slowly. The soul dust lies above her skin, like it had been when Rampion reaped Paweł. It floats in the air as it moves towards the stone.
Nurses run into the room, and once the stone has closed I sit quietly on the chair. I can still feel her in my mind, but I'm myself again.
I watch as the nurses work, and study Allie's peaceful face. Somehow it almost looks more alive now.
I remain until they're done and most of the nurses have left the room. When the man, that was present the last time I was here, runs into the room I decide to leave. It feels too personal and intrusive.
When I've gone far enough that I can no longer here the man weep, I bring forth the red jewel. I don't even have to do anything; the presence is tangible enough that I quickly spin around when I feel it.
"Would you look at that," it says with a sharp grin, "it's you again."
I look down at the creature that would resemble a human child if it weren't for the gray skin, large black eyes and black cracks. It's the one from the forest, the one that had called me a disappointment after it had to help me with the shattered soul.
"When Azor told me he'd get a soul wanderer I had expected someone a bit more... experienced?"
"Azor?"
"The being you've made a contract with. Another useful piece of advice from me to you - don't enter contracts with beings you don't even know the name of. Of course, the advice is only useful if they have a name."
I take a step back. I haven't forgotten the warnings I've received about the fractured ones. If they knew I had entered a contract that had me help one of them, I'm not sure what they would do. Azor - as Sixteen had called him - said that his contracts never led to any death, yet this didn't mean they would let this go unpunished.
I clench my hand tightly around the jewel. "Azor said nothing about his friend being one of the fractured."
It looks like Sixxteen is rolling his eyes. "Of course not. Do you think he'd ever get you to sign any contracts with him if he was open with the details? No, you soul wanderers would run straight to your guardians."
"And what stops me from doing that now?"
I take another step back; Sixxteen follows.
"You've already signed the contract. It will be very uncomfortable for you if you don't stick to your part of the deal. Besides, what would the guardians think of you, their soul wanderer, signing contracts with troublesome beings? Specially not Azor. And when they find out what you've agreed to... oh, you'll be lucky if they decide to just banish you."
I squeeze the jewel tighter. The creature smiles bigger as he realizes that he has won, that I can't go back and break the contract.
He takes one step closer and holds out his grey, creviced hand. "The jewel."
"Why does one of the fractured need a charged Stormcoin?"
The grin grows smaller, and the round eyes narrows. "There are many uses of one."
"Such as?"
"You're asking a lot of questions."
I straighten my back and try to look confident even if I feel like a cornered animal. I have a hard time trusting anything he's saying. At the same time I know I have no choice here, I have to complete my end of the deal. Maybe it would be better to return to the guardians and hope they'll spare my idiocy.
"Will anyone get hurt?"
He shrugs and I glare at him, for once I hope he'll take it seriously and assure me that my actions won't harm anyone. Even if it's a lie.
He sighs and crosses his arms. "Stormcoins gives life, no? I protect mine as much as you protect yours."
He sighs as I continue to stare at him with the jewel still in my closed fist.
"I cannot hurt anyone with a Stormcoin. Now, can I get the jewel so we can get this over with?"
I loosen my grip. He holds out his hand once again. The thought of locking it into my mind and returning to the Realm of The Dead to warn the guardians is appealing. But as far as I know the only purpose of a Stormcoin is to put a soul into a human's vessel. What kind of creature would want to do that? Especially when said creature is supposedly feeding on souls.
I hesitate again and Sixxteen watches me with worry in his black eyes. Even a desperation, one I've never seen before.
I let go of the jewel and let it fall into his open palm, and once it makes contact with the creviced skin, he exhales with a smile.
"I better not regret this," I say harshly.
"I cannot promise that, Soul wanderer. When you see where we're heading you might wish you took on the guardians' wrath."
He turns around and pushes his grey hand - the one with the jewel - against the wall, and once he pulls it back a large black gate is created. I can feel the electricity from where I'm standing, like the energy from the world is seeping out. Even the living human seems to notice something even though they cannot see us or the gate.
"Where does it lead?" I ask, taking a few steps closer.
"You'll see," the creature says with a grin. "But whatever you do, don't move when you get to the other side."