Homestar Saga

By DestroyatronMk8

1.6K 337 3

The pixens are a people without a planet. Forced to live as refugees, they eke out a living as adult entertai... More

Chapter 1: The Only Thing Worse Than a Human
Chapter 2: Madlad Mims
Chapter 3: Battle for the Big Mama
Chapter 4: Public Relations
Chapter 5: Tact and Diplomacy
Chapter 6: Crime, Commerce, and Cake
Chapter 7: Girl Talk
Chapter 8: Incursion
Chapter 9: Reinforcements
Chapter 10: Charge of the Gunzerker
Chapter 11: Suicide Run
Chapter 12: Kamikaze
Chapter 13: Everything New is Old Again
Chapter 14: Jumpdrive
Chapter 15: The Darkening
Chapter 16: Neutral Species
Chapter 17: Take Me To Your Leader
Chapter 18: Dubious Employer
Chapter 19: Analog
Chapter 20: Derelict
Chapter 21: Move Fast and Break Stuff
Chapter 22: Pressing Concerns
Chapter 23: Agent of the Xill
Chapter 24: Outcasts
Chapter 25: Hunters of the Void
Chapter 26: Bigger Guns
Chapter 27: Bigger Guns
Chapter 28: Boarding Party
Chapter 29: Scargiver
Chapter 30: Agent of Terra
Chapter 31: Secrets
Chapter 32: Code Galactica
Chapter 33: Galactica Protocol
Chapter 34: Debrief
Chapter 35: Aldara Remembers
Chapter 36: Space Captain
Chapter 37: Recompense
Chapter 38: Panic Attack
Chapter 39: There Are No More Akindi
Chapter 40: Mimsey Get Your Guns
Chapter 41: The Price of Fame
Chapter 42: Mommy Issues
Chapter 43: The Tallest
Chapter 44: The Art of Intimidation
Chapter 45: Mobs and Monsters
Chapter 46: Public Transport
Chapter 47: The Hall of Masters
Chapter 48: To Krog or Not to Krog
Chapter 49: Technically the Truth
Chapter 50: Almost Perfect
Interlude 1: Prey Animals
Chapter 51: Distress Call
Chapter 53: Civilians
Chapter 54: Shoulda Woulda Coulda
Chapter 55: Conversations With Cat People
Chapter 56: Already Dead
Chapter 57: A Force For Good
Chapter 58: The Big Dirty
Chapter 59: No Cake For You
Chapter 60: Don't Get Caught
Chapter 61: Tortuga
Chapter 62: Out of Beer
Chapter 63: War Games
Chapter 64: Hostage
Chapter 65: Starlost
Chapter 66: Dark Matter
Chapter 67: Boundaries
Chapter 68: Abomination
Chapter 69: Trial of the Pixens
Chapter 70: Accidents and Stupid Ideas
Chapter 71: Time to Rock and Roll
Chapter 72: Symphony of Destruction
Chapter 73: The Fall of the Random Encounter
Chapter 74: False Alarm
Chapter 75: Fight or Flight
Chapter 76: Deux Ex Machina
Chapter 77: The Long Con
Chapter 78: Born in Blood
Chapter 79: The Crystal City
Chapter 80: Only I Remain
Chapter 81: The Peacekeeper
Chapter 82: Collective Bargaining
Chapter 83: The Pixen Technocracy
Chapter 84: City 43
Chapter 85: The Longest Night
Chapter 86: Saving the City
Chapter 87: Non-Standard
Chapter 88: Robot Army
Chapter 89: Reba
Chapter 90: The Homestar
Chapter 91: Agents of Pixa
Chapter 92: Head Pixen In Charge
Chapter 93: Messenger Duty
Chapter 94: The Pixen Stellar Defense Force
Chapter 95: No Mercy For Slavers
Chapter 96: Wheel Theory
Chapter 97: Stingers
Chapter 98: Trust
Chapter 99: Side Trip
Chapter 100: Crystal Communion
Chapter 101: Out of Range
Chapter 102: Klaath Queens
Chapter 103: Infection
Chapter 104: Ace in the Hole
Chapter 105: Last Resort
Chapter 106: A Nice Surprise
Chapter 107: Playing Dress-up
Chapter 108: Trade Deal
Chapter 109: Shindig
Chapter 110: Tactical Necessity
Chapter 111: New Guy
Chapter 112: First Lesson
Chapter 113: Cunning and Brave
Chapter 114: Game Plan
Chapter 115: Infowars
Chapter 116: Counterintelligence
Chapter 117: Rescue
Chapter 118: Monster on Board
Chapter 119: Varma Award
Chapter 120: They Know
Chapter 121: Failure
Chapter 122: The Fall of Brilend Prime
Chapter 123: The Fifth Law of Power
Chapter 124: Running
Chapter 125: The Enterprise
Chapter 126: Invasion
Chapter 127: Fools Flailing in the Dark
Chapter 128: Annihilation Retrieval
Chapter 129: The Last Hope
Chapter 130: Still Standing
Chapter 131: Harbinger
Chapter 132: Costly Declaration
Chapter 133: Already Losing
Chapter 134: Pretending to be Professionals
Chapter 135: Operation BACKLINE
Chapter 136: Coffee
Chapter 137: Meeting of the Minds
Chapter 138: Wake Up Call
Chapter 139: The Silence of the Xill
Chapter 140: The Other Shoe
Chapter 141: Publicity Stunt
Chapter 142: More Expendable
Chapter 143: Soul Gaze
Chapter 144: Motivational Speaker Mims
Chapter 145: Doomsday Clock
Chapter 146: Insufficient
Chapter 147: One Shot
Chapter 148: Pursuit
Chapter 149: Eight on One
Chapter 150: Wrath of the Skygem
Chapter 151: Jewel of the Sky
Chapter 152: Learned Behaviors
Chapter 153: Learned Behaviors
Chapter 154: Rules of Engagement
Chapter 155: Assault on Aldara
Chapter 156: Smart Humans and Stupid AI
Chapter 157: Way of the Starfang
Chapter 158: Shell Game
Chapter 159: Tactically Unsound
Chapter 160: Monster In Paradise
Chapter 161: Gunboat Diplomacy
Chapter 162: The Privilege Of The Strong
Chapter 163: Motherless Sons
Chapter 164: Defector
Chapter 165: Spite and Spycraft
Chapter 166: Love and Loss
Chapter 167: The Return of the Klaath
Chapter 168: Connor Protocol
Chapter 169: Frame-Up
Chapter 170: A Game of Death

Chapter 52: Literally Pirates

14 2 0
By DestroyatronMk8

The flerg woman woke with a cry, bolting upright and smacking her head against the top of the medpod. Yvian turned off the audiobook she was listening to and removed her helmet. She walked over to the pod and pressed a button. The cylindrical covering of the pod lifted, then compacted itself back into the compartment at the end of the med table.

The flerg was short, with a body gone soft with middle age. Her eyes were solid black, making it hard to trace which way she was looking. Yvian had the impression they darted around the med bay before settling on her. The woman was panting, scared, but the sight of a female pixen reassured her somewhat. Her breathing slowed.

"Where... Where am I?" After asking the question, the woman looked down, noticing the white bathrobe Yvian had stuffed her into. Mims had retrieved some of the lady's clothes from the Niroco, but none of them had any idea how to use the complicating cloth wrappings the flerg wear. The woman plucked at the material, then noticed the robe had slipped open. The gap didn't reveal anything inappropriate by pixen standards, but showed more cleavage than the average flerg would consider proper. Yvian politely looked away while the woman adjusted her wardrobe.

"You're on the Random Encounter," said Yvian. "This is the med bay." She knew perfectly well that the medpod had repaired all the damage done by the pirates and exposure to the void, but she asked anyway. "How do you feel?"

The woman ignored the question. "My children! Where are my children?"

"They're fine," Yvian assured her. "They're safe." Yvian shifted to the side and pointed. A pair of chairs reclined near the wall of the med bay, containing a ten year old male and a four year old female. The flerg woman rushed past her. She ran her hands over the children, calling their names.

"They're still sedated," Yvian told the flerg. "We didn't want them to wake up without their parents."

The woman looked up from her children. Her eyes were wet, but she was still holding herself together. "Thank you." She looked back down. "I... What are we going to do?." A sob escaped her. "Their father..."

Oh. Right. The man had been shot. The woman must have seen it. "He's alive." Yvian pointed past the medpod the woman had been using. There was another pod on the other side. "He was in rough shape, but the pod's working on him." The woman ran to the other pod, staring through the clear portion at the man inside. "He should be alright in... an hour or so? I think?"

"Velgan..." Relief and confusion washed through the flerg's expression. "But how? They shot him."

"The Captain used a Lifeline injection." Yvian walked to the far wall and opened one of the cabinets as she spoke. "Nanotechnology. Shuts down most bodily functions, but it'll keep the brain alive for a few hours. As long as the brain's not damaged, the med pod can fix him up." At least theirs could. Venturetech medpods were top of the line, and cost more than most ships. A regular medpod wouldn't have been able to save the man.

The flerg sobbed again. Yvian rummaged around in the cabinet. She found a box of tissues and turned back to the flerg. She was shaking, shuddering. The small woman's tears awakened a strong protective instinct in Yvian. She felt the urge to wrap her arms around the poor lady, to offer comfort. Yvian decided against it. She knew what the pirates had done to this woman. Just because she was more concerned with her family didn't mean the trauma wasn't there. The touch of a stranger wouldn't be comforting after an experience like that.

Yvian worked to school her expression. She wasn't as good at it as she'd like, but she managed a look of mild concern instead of outright pity. Pity would not help this woman. If anything, it would hurt her more. Yvian walked back to the flerg and offered her the box of tissues.

The woman stared at the box for a moment, then threw herself at Yvian. Yvian's hand twitched towards her blaster, but she stifled the ingrained response. The woman hugged her, sobbing into her chest. Protective instincts or not, Yvian wasn't ready for the sudden contact. She stiffened. It took a moment to force herself to relax. Yvian draped an arm around the weeping lady, using her other hand to awkwardly pat the flerg's shoulder. She let the woman cry.

It felt like it took forever, but it was probably only a few minutes. Not more than five. The woman cried herself out. When she released Yvian and stepped back, Yvian handed her the box of tissues. The flerg had dripped snot all over her voidarmor. Yvian activated the cleaning function 

while the lady blew her nose.

"What's your name?" Yvian asked.

The woman dropped another tissue into the trash receptacle next to the med pod. She sniffled again, and answered. "Kolva. Kolva Tegarn"

"It's nice to meet you, Kolva." Yvian gave her a smile. "I'm Yvian."

Kolva placed her hands on Yvian's shoulders in the flerg version of a handshake. Yvian mirrored the gesture. They each squeezed three times, then let go. Kolva managed a small smile as Yvian stepped back.

Yvian went to one of the counters and grabbed the clothes Mims had brought in. She handed them to Kolva and politely turned her back so the flerg could get dressed. The clothes consisted of a single very long strip of multicolored cloth. The cloth was half a meter thick in the middle, but tapered down to ten centimeters on each end. Kolva used the cloth to cover the entirety of her body, leaving only her neck, head, hands, and feet exposed. She was still barefoot, as Mims hadn't been able to find her shoes. Yvian suspected they'd been vaporized when the plasma bolts hit.

Now that the woman was dressed and a little calmer, it was time to ask some questions. Pirate attacks were usually straightforward affairs, but the Captain had insisted they get as much information as they could. Yvian agreed with that policy, but she wished she didn't have to be the one to do it. Normally Lissa was in charge of public relations, but she was busy repairing the Niroco. The Captain had taken a few repair drones and started work on the damaged pirate ships, since the MACdriver had put a hole all the way through each of them. It was just as well, she supposed. Mims hated dealing with new people, and while Yvian's appearance was reassuring, the sight of a human would have filled Kolva with terror. Yvian herself had panicked and attacked the Captain the first time they met.

"So, Kolva," Yvian tried for another smile, realized it looked fake, and dropped it for a more neutral expression. "Can you tell me what happened?"

In fits and starts, Kolva told the tale. She and Velga had purchased their ship several years ago. They'd started out as independent traders, but a run of bad luck had wiped out their resources. With no other prospects, they'd hired themselves out transporting goods for Trelco. Yvian shook her head when she heard the name.

Trelco was one of the larger shipping companies. They mostly preyed on the desperate. Trelco had made a science of paying their freighter captains enough to keep working in the void, but not enough that they could get ahead or seek other prospects. Captains that contracted with Trelco and their ilk usually found themselves trapped, unable to afford proper upkeep on their ships and too poor to purchase the training or equipment to seek other opportunities. Eventually, contractors with Trelco either lost their ships to wear and tear or defaulted on their loan payments and got sold into slavery. Usually both.

That was assuming pirates didn't get them, first. Trelco provided escorts to their freighters, but the fighter pilots they hired weren't treated much better than the freighter captains, themselves. The escorts usually consisted of only two ships, usually run down. The pilots were more likely to abandon their charges then turn and fight. Kolva's escort had abandoned them at the first sign of trouble.

The Niroco was unarmed and lightly shielded. They'd tried to run, but freighters accelerate much more slowly than fighter ships in general, and their poorly maintained engines made them slower still. They'd sent out distress calls, but no one had commed them back.

The pirates overtook them and disabled the Niroco. Velga had tried to stand them off, but his blaster wasn't powerful enough to penetrate their armor. They overpowered him easily, and beat him for his trouble. Kolva had given in to despair by the time the motherless sons realized the Encounter was approaching.

Apparently, Mims reached the Niroco's bridge within seconds of the pirate leader's order to shoot the prisoners. He wasn't fast enough to stop the pirate from shooting Velga, but he killed the motherless son before he could shoot anyone else. It took him a few minutes to disable the mag cuffs keeping everyone chained to the bulkhead, at which point Kolva had rushed to her husband. Velga had stopped breathing, and Kolva had just started begging the Captain to help him when plasma exploded through the side of the bridge. Kolva and the children were sucked through a hull breach. The Captain dived out of the ship after them. The last thing she remembered was her own terrified face reflected in his mirrored visor.

Tale told, Kolva lapsed into silence. Yvian didn't speak, either. She didn't know what to say. She wished she could offer the lady a drink, but the Captain had a strict rule against bringing food to the med bay. Or anywhere outside of the kitchen, really.

"So," Kolva spoke thirty seconds later. "Is this your ship?"

Yvian shook her head. "I'm just part of the crew. The Captain will come by after your husband wakes up. We figured we'd wait til you were both awake to talk payment."

"Payment?" Alarm flashed through Kolva's face.

"You know," Yvian said. "For the rescue."

"But I thought..." Kolva sighed and started again. "I'd hoped you just saved us because you're good people."

"We're privateers." Yvian shrugged. "We don't do anything for free."

Velga woke up twenty minutes later. He, too, cried out and shot upright, hitting his head on the top of the medpod. Under different circumstances Yvian would have found it funny, but after what they'd been through it just made her a little sad. Yvian moved to open the pod but Kolva beat her to it.

Yvian stood awkwardly to the side as the couple reunited. They hugged and kissed and cried and clutched at each other. Kolva assured her husband that their children were safe, and he got up from the table to see for himself.

After assuring himself that the children were alright, he shared another hug with Kolva. Only then did he notice Yvian.

"Oh," said Kolva. "How rude of me. Velga, this is Yvian. She's one of the people that saved us."

Velga sized her up. Whatever he saw reassured him. He gave her a wide smile and rushed forward, arms outstretched. A shock of adrenaline surged through her. A small crying woman grabbing her was one thing. A large man charging in was something else. He outweighed her by thirty kilograms.

Yvian left her gun in its holster. She'd learned not to pull a weapon unless she planned to use it, and she had no wish to kill this man. Instead she swept an arm up under his armpit. Her other hand snatched his other arm just above the elbow. Yvian twisted, slinging Velga over her hips. The throw worked perfectly, flinging the man upside down behind her. His "thank you" ended in a yelp as he soared through the air. He slammed back first into the med pod and crashed to the floor.

"Don't touch me," she told him, voice cold.

Velga stared up at her, fear in his eyes. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"It's fine." Yvian held up a hand. She softened her voice. She didn't think he'd meant her any harm. "Just don't..." She let out a breath. "I'm not comfortable with being touched."

A brief look of consternation crossed Kolga's face at that statement. Yvian took a step back as Velga climbed to his feet. "Sorry about the throw," she said, embarrassed. She'd known the flerg were big on touch. It was a trait that frequently got them in trouble when they interacted with other species for the first time. Velga and Kolva had both been trading in the void long enough to know better, but they were rattled and emotional after the attack. She couldn't hold it against them. "You startled me."

Velga eyed her warily for a moment, then tried for a smile. Yvian noticed there were still holes in his wrappings where he'd been shot, though the medpod had removed the blood. "That's ok. I'm alright, I think. I'm sorry, Yvian. I should have asked, first."

"I understand," she said. "It's been a rough day." She went and grabbed a pair of injectors from the counter. "We can wake the children up now, if you're ready."

The parents agreed, so Yvian gave each of the kids a shot. After a few seconds, they stirred. Yvian backed away from them, moving all the way back to the counter. She'd had quite enough people fling their arms around her, today. The kids would be even more touchy-feely than their parents, and there was a very real risk of getting caught in a group hug.

As expected, the family reconnected with another round of hugging and tears. Yvian supposed the reunion should be touching, but she had to work hard not to be annoyed at the constant emotional display. Then again, that might just be jealousy at work. Her mom had never hugged like that.

When the flerg family finally seemed to be winding down their hugathon, Yvian commed the Captain. "Mims, the family's awake. We can talk payment as soon as you get down here."

"Understood," the Captain replied. "Might be a while. Got the Militia on the comms."

The Militia. A chill ran down Yvian's spine. The Militia was the law enforcement arm of the Confederation. Each version was different, depending on which sector they were in, but in most cases they were worse than pirates. In all cases, dealing with the Militia was bad news. Captain Mims entered the med bay half an hour later. His helmet was off, revealing dark hair and the odd, pale skin of a human. Not pale blue, like Yvian's. Just pale, with a tinge of pink and peach. The flerg family gasped and recoiled at the sight of him. Yvian knew Mims would rather have kept the helmet on, but Lissa had convinced him it was better to show his face. Get people used to the sight of a human and all that.

All four of the flerg stepped back. Velga pulled the children behind him. Humans were the boogeymen of the Confederation. Murderers and madmen, lethal and sexually deranged. Even the man-eating Vrrl inspired less fear.

"Hi Captain!" Yvian said cheerfully. She walked over to Mims with a smile, as Lissa had previously instructed. "Let me introduce you. Everyone, this is Captain Mims." She patted a hand on on the side of his upper arm. The Captain wasn't any more of a toucher than Yvian herself, but Lissa had specified they should appear as casual and comfortable with each other as possible. Lissa had also told Mims to smile more, but it didn't look like that was going to happen. "Captain, this is Kolva, Velga," she pointed as she spoke, "Kelto, and Fildy."

"Nice to meet you," the Captain gave them a nod.

"What happened with the Militia?" Yvian asked.

Mims shrugged. "Nothing much. They were responding to the distress call. We're in Brilend space. Their Militia's more polite than most." He frowned. "The guy seemed pretty eager to take these people off our hands, though. Took me a while to talk them out of coming over."

The Captain was trying not to alarm the flerg, but Yvian could read between the lines. Slavers. Outside of piracy, the Militias were the biggest source of slaves in the Confed. Most were enslaved due to criminal convictions, or for defaulting on a debt, but Militia Enforcers were known to snatch innocent civilians when the opportunity arose.

Velga and Kolva shared a look, eyes wide. They'd been in the void for a while, and they weren't stupid. They had to know what the Captain meant. The children, at least, seemed blissfully ignorant.

"But enough about that," Mims changed the subject. "Let's talk business."

"Business?" Velga looked confused. Kolva looked worried.

"Business," Mims repeated. "The Niroco suffered serious damage in the attack. Lissa's performing repairs, but it will be at a least a day before she's voidworthy again. Maybe two." Velga and Kolva shared another look, relieved this time. "Since the ship and her cargo are intact, the standard rescue fee applies. That fee is ten thousand credits."

"Ten thousand?!" Velga sputtered. "That's ridiculous!"

"That is the standard minimum fee," said Mims. "Alternatively, we could take ten percent of the value of your ship and cargo." He typed into his wrist console. "If we did that, the fee would be..." he typed for another second before getting his answer. Yvian knew he was doing it for show. She'd seen him calculate the value several hours ago. "Thirteen thousand, eight hundred and two." He looked up from his console, meeting Velga's eyes. "But ten thousand will suffice."

Velga paled, but did not speak. Mims continued. "You're headed for trading station 418 in Pavlo Sector. It's a four day trip. We're willing to escort you, but it will cost another ten thousand."

"I don't..." Velga looked frightened. "We can't afford..."

"We don't have ten thousand credits," Kolva cut in. "Let alone twenty."

"That's unfortunate," said the human. "But you don't have to pay us in cash. We can take an equivalent value in cargo. You're hauling plastics, correct?"

"It's not our cargo," Velga told him. "We're contracted with Trelco." The company would go after the family for any goods lost in transit. The Tegarns could fight it, but the Magistrate would probably rule against them, and make them pay the company's legal fees to boot. Kolva and Velga probably already owed more on their ship loan than the Niroco was worth. Another large debt with a high interest rate could sink them.

"Then Trelco should've given you a more reliable escort." Mims shrugged. "The ten thousand's nonnegotiable. It's up to you whether you want to hire us as an escort."

"You can't just take our stuff!" the little girl, Fildy, spoke. "That's what pirates do!"

Kolva turned and looked at her daughter, eyes wide. Before she could say anything, the boy, Kelto, corrected his sister. "They're privateers, sis. They basically are pirates!"

"Quiet, kids," Kolva shushed them. She turned back to Mims. "Sorry about that, Captain."

"No need," Mims told her. He regarded the boy with a serious expression. "Kelto, right?" The boy nodded. "Well, Kelto, you've got it all wrong. We are not basically pirates." The boy opened his mouth to protest, but the human talked over him. "We are literally pirates. We kill people and take their stuff. That's how we make a living."

The Captain's gaze moved up to Kolva and Velga as he continued. "The only difference between a privateer and pirate is that we're licensed, and we operate within the law. But privateers aren't your friends. The law isn't either. Under the law, I could charge your parents twenty thousand credits just for fixing your ship, and another forty thousand for each of you that used one of my medpods. Your parents don't have that kind of money, so I could seize your ship and its cargo. Even after taking everything your folks would still owe me money. Privateers can demand immediate payment, so I could declare you in default, stuff all of you in cryopods, and sell you at the nearest slave processing station. Or I can just kill you, and take your stuff. The law will back me either way."

The boy cringed behind his father, eyes wide at the implied threat. Velga's fists clenched, but he didn't dare move. Kolva clutched his shoulders. Fildy just looked at them all, deciding whether or not she should cry. Mims let the tension build for a moment before he said. "We're not doing any of that. I don't like slavers." His gaze narrowed. His voice grew cold. "But I do want you to understand the situation you're in."

"Maybe we can give you a discount," Yvian cut in. The Captain shot her a look, but she forged ahead. "How much money do you have?"

Velga checked his wrist console. "Uh, two hundred eighty seven credits."

"Oh." The number shocked Yvian. That amount of money would barely pay a station's docking fee. "Uh, how much are you getting paid to move the cargo?"

"Three thousand eight hundred," Kolva said.

"Oh." Yvian had heard freight runs didn't make much, but she never imagined they'd pay that little. "Crunch." The little girl was looking at her. Yvian could almost hear the kid wishing for her to do something.

"Since you can't pay," Mims decided. "We'll have to confiscate-"

"I'll pay," Yvian interrupted. Fildy was still staring at her, a faint hope behind her eyes.

"What?" asked the Captain. His eyes narrowed.

"What?" asked Velga. His eyes went wide.

"I'll pay," repeated Yvian. "The rescue fee and the escort. I'll pay for it."

"Yvian..." Mims started.

"It's not like we can't afford it," she glowered at him. "The ships we took are worth over twenty mil."

He met her gaze for a few seconds. Then he shrugged. "Fine." He turned back to the Tegarns. "Yvian's paying your way, so that makes us square. We'll get you fed and arrange temporary quarters while the Niroco's being repaired." The human's wrist console chirped. It showed a comm request from Migo Kleg. "Excuse me a minute. I have to take this." He gestured for Yvian to follow him and stepped out of the medbay. A bewildered family stared after her as she left. She hoped they weren't going to cry on her again when she came back.

Mims waited for the door to seal, then accepted the comm request. "Migo, it's Mims. I didn't expect to hear from you this soon."

A panicked voice shouted back. "Mims! It's the Vrrl! They came back! They want-" Migo let out a short scream. A different voice growled into the comm.

"Scargiver," the low rumble of Warmaster Scathach sent a jolt of adrenaline up Yvian's legs. "I would have words with you."

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