You were silent for a moment. And then for another. The feeling that you had just realized started to eat you up from the inside, digging itself into your brain, and forcing you to think about it harder than you'd like.
How could you have fallen in love with this...this thing?! He didn't even deserve to be called a person for the horrible things he's done to you! Kidnapping?! That is not something normal, or even remotely romantic!
"...Y/N! Y/N, the girl is walking over here, what do we do?" Your panicked boyfriend quickly turned over to you with his emotions contorting into different, indescribable expressions.
"I don't know, man!" You thought in your head. "Ask her what she wants."
"Bitch! I can't!"
"Don't call me a bitch! Besides, why can't you?!"
He stared at you for a minute, looking slightly embarrassed.
"...right, sorry..." Mumbling, you turned your own head and looked shamefully at the ground.
"It's my own fault..."
You both stood in the corner of the ice rink with your faces red and refusing to make eye contact with one another. Your shameful realization didn't help the situation either, which left you unable to make a snarky comment about anything, even Kusuo's pathetic, blushing face.
"Hello," Another voice spoke up. It was soft and gentle, slightly reminding you of Teruhashi. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the girl standing there with her hands behind her back.
Kusuo's face was still red, but as he looked at the girl, the blush dampened.
"I was just standing over there with my friends, and I just wanted to say you're really cute. Do you have, like, a number or anything?"
As you expected, Kusuo didn't respond. He simply gave the girl a blank stare, and then glanced over at you.
"...what do you want me to do?" You asked, slightly harsher than you meant yourself to. There was a horrible mix of jealousy and desperation as you tried to deny your feelings, and fall for Kusuo even harder, all at the same time.
"Oh! You must be his..." The girl stared at you for a moment, waiting for you to finish the sentence.
"His..." You continued the awkwardness that she gave you. Peaking out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kusuo staring directly at you.
"...You can say sister if you'd like." He slightly frowned, taking his eyes off of you for one second, before sneaking another glance.
"His girlfriend..." Biting your inner cheek, you could see the disappointment on the girl's face along with the adoration on Kusuo's.
"Ah! I guess I should have asked if he had one...my bad." She let out a sad laugh before turning sharply on her heels and walking back to her group of friends.
"...Y/N?"
Refusing to make eye contact with him, you turned your head to the older male and watched as he fiddled with some snow, making it into a large ball.
You could feel your dignity fleeting from your body with every passing second. You were weak. Vulnerable. And pathetic.
No one likes to be pathetic with their feelings.
***
"Do you mean it?"
There it was. That was the question you couldn't even face yourself.
The three of you were walking home together as the sun was starting to set in the distance. Not much had happened except Kuusuke getting a skate thrown at him, and Kusuo laughing loudly at it. Other than that, Kusuo hadn't said a word to you, and you hadn't said one back.
"Mean what?" Pathetically, you played your last card; playing dumb.
"That...y'know..." He slithered his warm hand into yours and comfortably tightened his grip on it.
"...What are you talking about?"
"I-I'll explain it later, just...do you love me?"
That question hung in the atmosphere longer than your frosty breath hung in the air. You didn't know the answer to that question, and neither did he.
You were both just as confused, and just as helpless.
"You guys are disgusting." Kuusuke made a gagging sound upon seeing your confused expression. "You had a beautiful lady come up and ask you out, and yet, you say no?!" He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
"...what is that supposed to mean?" The overzealous teenager began to dig his nails gently into your skin. Not enough to hurt you, but just enough where you could tell his current...emotion toward his brother.
"It means what you think it means, dickface."
Kuusuke's actions were eerily similar to your own. You would have said the same thing, word for word if given your previous confidence back. You would have given anything to say the most disgusting, heart-tearing insult directed at Kusuo right now, but every time you opened your mouth to let your words take control, they always got caught in your throat and swallowed back down to your heart, where they were burned quickly by your overwhelming care for him.
The feeling disgusted you.
"Are you saying that she was prettier than Y/N?" Kusuo asked, pausing in the middle of the sidewalk.
Kuusuke glanced between you and Kusuo for a moment, and then shrugged the conversation off, leaving his question without any further comment.
"You bastard! Answer me!" As Kusuo dragged you along for the sibling argument, you groaned, which quickly caught the attention of your people-pleaser piss-boy boyfriend. "Huh? What's wrong?"
"You're, uhm, kind of pulling on my arm..." Awkwardly, you let your head hang to the ground.
"Ugh! Y/N, what happened to you?! Now you're all boring, and gross." Kuusuke let out a cruel laugh, which you couldn't help but grin at. He was right, after all.
"Leave her alone, ass! She isn't boring!"
"It was a joke, you fucking moron! Don't take everything as a goddamn insult and maybe you won't have frown lines by the time you're eighteen!"
The day's abrupt end came from Kusuo and Kuusuke fighting each other all the way home until their mother finally broke it up with food. The conversation at dinner was bare but it definitely wasn't boring. Occasionally their mother would ask you a simple question, and Kusuo would answer automatically. It creeped you out a little bit, but not enough to bring it up to him directly.
The entire rest of the meal quickly flew by, and you didn't realize it until you were already in Kusuo's room, with him staring at you.
"Can we talk...please?"
a/n: fukcing ksndfjssjd sorry about the slow update omg I'm fucking dying mentally right now but i should be okay