I looped the lace of my kaftan, tightening its hold on my waist as I stared into the mirror.
Green eyes stared back at me. Dull, glimmer-less green eyes. I sighed, straightening out the burgundy red skirt before turning, not sparing myself another glance. I couldn't look at my own reflection without hating myself for not killing the witch fast enough. I couldn't look at myself knowing I killed my mother once more. I couldn't look at myself without thinking how much better I could have done – not for everyone, but for myself.
Warm arms wrapped around my waist, diminishing my capacity to think. I closed my eyes as I leaned into Luca's chest – traitorous tears lining my vision.
"Stop thinking, verde," He whispered, breath fanning my ears, "You did everything you could. You did everything you needed to,"
I nodded mindlessly, disagreeing with his kind words but agreeing with him just to silence my mind for the time being.
"It feels like this is a dream, a dream I could have never dreamed but one I am," I admitted, tone low, "It still feels like I'm stuck. Nothing feels real,"
"All of this is real," He reassured, "The birds sing louder in your presence. The swivel against the wind with more grace when you're here,"
I blushed, eyes meeting the floor.
"You always know what to say," I mumbled, staring at our reflection in the mirror, "I hate it, but I love it so much,"
"I'm just glad you're back," He laid a wet kiss to my neck, compelling my eyes to close as I leaned further of my weight against his chest, "Only the goddess knew how heavy my grief made me,"
"Oh, Luca,"
"Let's not get into that now," He ushered, "There's so much I have to tell you. So many people I want you to meet. I cannot wait to speak of the wonders I've uncovered – we'll do it all at your own pace,"
"Thank you," I said, grateful, "I just feel so- so disoriented. It's only been a day since I saw you but for you- for you it's been decades,"
"The disorientation will subside. I don't know when it will, but it's only a matter of time,"
My lips parted.
"Is that what you thought when I was gone?" I asked, turning to face him.
He furrowed his brows, confused.
"That it's only a matter of time for me to come? That you would stay alone and wait for time to finally befriend you?" I tilted my head, eyes shiny as they met his, "Did you never once give up? Did you never once come to terms with the thought that I wouldn't come back?"
He let out a shaky breath, grip on my waist tightening.
Worry laced his ocean orbs, evoking confusion out of me.
"What is it, Luca?" I asked.
Worry began settling over my heart as I sensed his panic through our bond. His grip on my waist farther tightened, forcing the smallest of gasps out of me – not at the pain, but at the shock of realisation.
He immediately let go at the sound of my voice.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"There was a time, wasn't there?" I asked, every muscle in my body hardening, "There was someone else, wasn't there?"
"It's not what you think, Leila," He rushed out, going to grab my hands only for me to step backwards.
My soul crumbled.
I knew 26 years was a long time.
I knew it, with every fleeting moment, I knew how much 26 years could do – but how could he? How could his soul allow it? How could his wolf yearn for another woman's touch?
"Leila, if you would just-"
"Who is she?" I asked, my wolfs eyes flashing a bright green.
"I will only tell you if you promise to do her no harm,"
My hurt quickly turned into anger.
Why was he protecting another woman?
"I cannot make a promise I do not intend on keeping," I let out, chords scratching against the walls of my throat.
"Leila, I only met her last year. I mourned for you for 25 years, and even then, I made it clear to her that if you were to ever come back I would choose you," He said, attempting to maintain his composure, "She was the only one that understood me, Leila. She lost her mate in the war – 2 weeks after meeting him. We mourned with one another. It was innocent. I never pronounced her mine, and she never pronounced me hers. My lips never touched hers! They could not. I could not bring myself to touch her the way I touched you!"
Tears ran down my cheeks.
He spoke of her so dearly.
"You knew her for longer than you knew me," I croaked, unable to stop the knots forming in my chest, "You've spoken to her more than you've spoken to me,"
"Leila, she means nothing now that you're here," He tried to walk towards me, but I held my plam up, stopping him, "Leila, please. Please, just try to understand me. I didn't even think of another woman until our bond disappeared,"
"Is what we have simply the product of a bond?" I asked, emotion slipping away from my voice, "Is what we have only here because the goddess forced it upon us?"
"Leila, don't say that," He begged, voice cracking, "I knew you for three weeks and stood over your empty grave like I knew you for centuries. I knew you for three weeks and cried over you more than I did my father and mother. I knew you for three weeks and mourned you for 25 years. I waited for you for a quarter of a century – until your bond left mine. Until everyone told me you were dead and I finally believed it,"
He was frustrated, so completely and utterly torn apart.
"Did I not deserve to forget your absence for even 1 year?" He asked, hands falling against his thighs in defeat, "Did I not deserve to to live without craving for your presence for even a fraction of the time I spent mourning for it?"
I knew it wasn't fair of me to project my pain onto him, trust me I knew it, but I didn't know what to do. My pain was just piling like a stack of bricks that would soon crash down on me, forcing me to suffocate in it's great weight. It was too much.
Father was sick.
Nader was an Alpha.
Slaiman had kids I still didn't know that names to.
I still hadn't seen Lara.
And now this.
My eyes dropped to the ground, unable to face the thought that he looked at another woman the same way he looked at me. Unable to think about whether or not I was being too harsh or too lenient in my reaction.
"Who is she?" I asked.
He paused for a few beats, his breath loud and hastening by the minute before answering.
"Alia," He answered, eyes glued to me, "Alia Mo'men,"
I resisted the urge to scoff.
Our names shared the same letters.
I was so angry, so filled with despair that I couldn't find it in me to respond to him.
All I could do was change the subject.
"We have to attend the ceremony," I wiped at my tears with aggression, walking to grab the doorknob of our bedroom – only to have him grab my wrist.
"Fuck the ceremony," He rasped out, eyes red, "We are not leaving this room until I've made it clear to you that you are the only one for me. The moon did not force this upon us, Leila. Your soul was made for mine. My just was carved out simply so that you could lay atop it comfortably. I am yours, and I will always be yours. Alia is a great woman, she is someone I love – but not in the way I love you. I could never see her the same way I see you,"
My hand shook in his.
"I just-" My throat tightened, unable to form words, "I can't-"
"Leila, don't think for 1 second that I would ever choose her over you," He said it with passion so robust a breath left my throat, "Alia and I helped one another grieve our pasts, but you are going to be my future. My present. My everything. You are mine, just as much as I'm yours. The minute you came back, Alia became my past. Leila, please, you must understand me,"
"Did you yearn for her touch?" My head tilted, analysing the way his eyes changed – the way his brows rose and his lips lowered.
He shook his head at my question, turning around as disappointment radiated off of him in waves. Silently, he walked to the window, running an exasperated hand down his face as he stared at the kids jumping into the sandy shores lining our home.
"I don't know how to explain it to you, Leila," He began, tone subdued, "We were two mourning souls who helped one another see light once more. She held me as I cried about you, I held her as she cried about her male," Luca paused, carefully articulating his next words before speaking, "There was a time where I thought I loved her. Where I thought she would make a good life companion – where I thought she was beautiful, and then Lara asked me the golden question,"
I held my breath.
"She asked me if I would choose Alia over you if the possibility came that you were to ever come back," He finally faced me, jaw ticking, "Instantaneously, I said I would pick you. I didn't- I couldn't think about it. That's when I sat Alia down and told her, and she understood,"
Guilt.
It was an awful feeling – the way it coolly slithered up your veins.
"In fact, she was offended that I even thought she harboured the idea that I would pick her over you," He shook his head, almost at himself, "She's a good woman, Leila. A good woman. The minute you arrived she packed up her things from the guest bedroom and left without a second word,"
I swallowed, unable to meet his eyes once more.
"We never shared a bed. We never shared desire. We never shared what you and I have. All we shared was grief, and now that mine is gone, nothing binds us to one another," He took slow steps towards me, all until he was right in front me, towering over my heaving body, "You are all I ever want, Leila. You are all I need,"
Even when I was angry at him, the urge to lean into his warmth never lessened. Not even by a centimetre.
I had no words to say.
He answered my every question with the truth and nothing but the truth – and I appreciated that. Truly. He ripped the bandage off and replaced it with a new one, one that would allow my wounds to heal much faster than before.
"Thank you," I whispered, looking up at him.
The minute my eyes locked with his, his gaze softened – shoulders drooping in the process.
Without a second thought, he pulled me into his chest. My arms instinctively wrapped around the circumference of his waist as I dug my head into his chest.
"I'm sorry," I spoke into his shirt, voice muffled, "I'm sorry for reacting the way I did. I just- time for me didn't flow like it did for you. I still cannot fathom that 26 years have passed. You deserve to forget- you deserve so much-"
"Don't, Leila," He shushed, "That last thing I want to hear is an apology from you,"
Luca laid a soft kiss atop my head, sighing.
"Don't ever walk away from me like that, Leila," He said, voice shaky, "Am I understood?"
I nodded, tightening my grip around his waist.
Alia was a good woman, but that did not mean I liked her - or that I had to like her.
At the end of the day, she had eyes for my male and at one point, my male had eyes for her.
I would be sure to keep an eye out for her.
"Come on now. We have a ceremony to attend to. Your ceremony, to be more specific,"
I hoped she would be at the ceremony.
______________
LEILA IS OUT FOR ALIA.
OOOOOOOO.
THIS BOOK IS COMING TO A CLOSE END Y'ALL, HOW DO YOU THINK ITS GONNA END??
Vote and comment what you think lovelies!! Also, can we appreciate how pretty Leila is??