THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 8
KHANYISILE
I am struggling to come with terms of knowing that there is no longer Skhosane and I. Once upon a time, there was a man who loved me dearly through thick and thin. Was my ride in everything. I developed strong compassion for him. God, I don't believe in you, but fucking help me, I'd put my mouth all over him and let him put his hands anywhere he wanted to if he ever...sighs! I need to remove this man out of my system. I was in love with him; deeply and still do. When my mood was down and about - he was more likely to mirror my emotions. Some days he would feel like my feelings resonate with his heart. Maybe it was him going crazy at that time. But now all of that is gone, just like that – the breakup is not even explained but I am expected to just move on and forget that he ever existed. Forget about the memories we had. How do I unlove this person? I still need to know why he left me. A brief explanation to help me understand his reasons. I borrowed Thabi's phone. He has blocked me everywhere and it hurts.
"Are you sure about this?” Thabi asks me. The way she is looking at me gives me warmth and assurance that she is there through every step of the way. I love how she cares about me. I love how our relationship has improved in the last couple of days. The bond has been magnificent and out of this world. I shake my head yes. I need answers and maybe if I have done something wrong, I will apologize so we can be one again.
"Yes, I really need this. Maybe it's something we could fix – you know.” I sound so pathetic right now. Never knew in my wildest dreams that I would be crying for a man. My first love. Maybe Miss Nkambule was right about me. I am not worthy of being loved.
"I'll give you some space.” She taps on my shoulder and walks out. I take a deep breath looking at Thabi's phone. I dial his numbers. He is not picking up. He must have sensed that it was me. Ready to drop the phone he picks up panting. I swallow.
"Halo.” His breathing is making me think otherwise.
"Hallo!”
I clear my throat. "It's me. Please don’t drop.” I plead. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Okay. What do you want Khanyisile?” His question sends me off the cliff. I feel like I could take my last breath right this minute. My emotions are swimming all over the place.
"I need some answers from you. Why did you ask to break things off with me just like that? I need to know your reasons and please be honest with me.” Maybe, just maybe I will let go.
“I am protecting you from something.” He says. Honestly speaking, he is not making any sense right now.
“From what Skhosane?” I ask with a fit of rage building inside of me. How can you protect someone from something then you fail to tell them what is going on.
“From everything and everyone. You wouldn’t understand if I told you now.” Skhosane.
“Skhosane...”
“Khanyisile, just for once stop being a cy bay and woman up! We broke up. You should move on and accept it! I can’t keep baby-sitting you mf2.” He snaps. Tears drop...
“Skhosane, it’s me Khanyi.” I remind him. He doesn’t respond but keeps quiet.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. Hurting you was never my intention and please try to believe me. It’s the circumstances preventing us from being together. If we were meant to be – we will find ways to each other again.”
I think I have heard enough of his lies. Expressing my hurt would be an understatement. I am beyond broken. Skhosane has literally crashed my heart into pieces. How do I move on from this? I am tired of crying for him. Tired of feeling sorry for myself. I place Thabi’s phone on the bed and close my eyes replaying his words in my head.
“Wow.” That’s all I can manage to say at the moment. Guess there is no need for me holding onto something that is not even there. Kahle, kahle this man never loved! Thabi comes back holding an ice-cream tub and two spoons.
“I always see white people eating vanilla ice-cream when they are depressed. We should try it.”
I smile. I love her effort. “I think we need a movie for this. We are both grieving.”
“Yea. I dumped someone I love, and you were dumped by the one you love. Iwishiwishi nje le.” She makes herself comfortable on the bed. I also get on the bed and sit next to her.
“Do you think I will ever find a man that will love me for who I am?” I mean with the condition I have; people look at me in a weird way. It hurts at times that it’s hard to be accepted. Sighs! I didn’t choose to be this way. I believe God has a purpose for me in a way.
“We all have that person we are bound to. Ever heard of bound by fate. You'll find love when you're not looking,' approach may be wrong. I’m not saying don’t go for what you like – but rather wait for the right one. I know there is someone out there for you.” She tells me. I scoop a mouthful of ice-cream and sigh. I feel my teeth icing in cold. I quickly swallow.
“Life is hard. At least you are normal. On another hand I am...”
“There is defiantly nothing wrong with you. Just because you have issues with your eyes doesn’t make you seem abnormal or less of a woman. We appreciate you, that’s all that matters.” I nod my head. Somehow, she has made me feel better. I smile, guess this is the end for me and Skhosane. I grabbed my phone and grew through our pictures. The first step to healing is erasing all the memories we once had. I delete every picture that contains him. I watch his number sinking down the bin.
“Can you take me to Amanada. I need some schoolwork from her. We are writing exams in upcoming weeks.” I say. Without waste Thabi gets off the bed and tells me that we should get going. She doesn’t want me to fail. So, I will need all the answers for my upcoming exams.
We park outside the yard. I am not shameful of my friend's home. It’s a two-bedroom house. It’s only her and her mother. Her oldest brother lives in Durban and he never gets to be home. Happily, married to some slay queen – so we have been told. I don’t see myself getting married and later turn my back on my family when they need me the most. Skhumbuzo really made a poor decision. But who am I to judge.
I got out of the car with Thabi following me behind. I hate coming here empty handed. I knock on the door - I can literally see the inside. My heart breaks. I looked at Thabi and she was looking back at me.
“Ngiyeza.” Her mother shouts from the inside. I can hear the padlock from the inside unlocking. The door slightly opens, and she steps out. The smiles on her face seeing me is magnificent. This woman loves me like her own.
“Mah.” I greet.
“I thought Amanda was lying. I hope the driver was arrested for drinking and driving.” Shes says. I know it must have been Amanda’s exaggerating this whole thing.
“I am fine Mah. Is Amanda in?’ I ask?
“She went to fetch water. You can come in and wait for her.” She tells us. Amanda’s home will always be my home as well. Background doesn’t mean anything to us. We get squashed in a one seat couch with Thabi. She hasn’t uttered a word.
“This is my older sister Thabi.” I did decide to do the intro. They welcome each other and they begin chatting. Okay – they clicked, now I'm sitting here watching them gossiping. Trust Thabi with gossip you will never go wrong. As for how they know about other people's matters startles me. I never knew Mama could be this gossiper. I blame Thanbi for taking out hidden skeletons from her chest. You will never find Thabi and our mother being this cozy. Sighs. Maybe she is still hanging up on the way my mother treated me. That woman babied me way too much.
“Ay the river is doom Mah. There is no clean water.” That is Amanda shouting from the outside. She drags herself in – when her eyes land on me she drops the buckets and runs in my direction screaming. My friend missed. I stand and welcome her with a hug. She is squashing my broken arm.
“Ouch!” I cry. She gets perturbed and let go of me.
“Sorry. You have no idea how much I have missed you.” She says with her hands on her chest. “I thought you have abounded me.”
“I would rather abound Thabi than to abound you.” I say making Thabi to chuck.
I spent my entire day with my friend telling me how Miss Nkambule has been away from work, days after the incident. It's shocking. That woman loves her job and bullying me more than anything. Maybe she is on leave or maybe sick. But with that owl you could never tell. I’m pretty sure that school is conflict-free. I ended up borrowing some of her books for revision. She is truly a heaven saint. She kept some paperwork for me.
“Thank you. What will I be without you.” I say. Truly honest, she is the best friend I would want to keep through thick and thin. That reminds me. Thabi gave me her old phone – it's practically not old but she had it with her for about two months and it did not do the things for her. So, I thought why not. I don’t need the phone. Still have the stranger's phone with me. Thinking about the stranger – it angers me how I get to have butterflies when I think of him. I push his chocolate face at the back of my head.
“Let's go to the car I have something for you.” I says pulling her hand. Leaving Thabi and her mother, I know gossip will resume where they dropped off. I open the car and take out a box and give it to her.
“What is this?” Amanda.
“It used to belong to Thabi. She had it for about two months and she didn’t like it. I asked if I could give it to you since she no longer uses it.” Again, she jumps into my arms making me groan in pain.
“Not too hard.” If I don’t remind her – I will defiantly not write my final year exams. She lets go. I hate what I am seeing in her eyes. Tears is what I don’t like, and she knows it. If she cries, I will also cry. She knows that my tears are always ready to volunteer.
“Don't you dare.” I warn her. She literally burst into tears and leans against the car.
“You have no idea how much this means to me. I have been longing for a phone for a very long time. Having a mother who can't afford to give you anything hurts. Meanwhile you have a brother who lives a soft life in Durban and has forgotten about his mother. I need money for registration for tertiary and I am out of options. I don’t have any money.”
“We will pull through. I will never abound you lovey. We will apply and be in the same tertiary.” The joy in her eyes. I decided to change the subject to stop her from crying. “We will now gossip. No more waiting for Monday.” She stops crying and laughs out loud. I remember how we waited for Mondays to have those sweet gossip moments behind the school.
“No more Mondays.” Amanda.
“We should get going before the rents come back.”
“Are you oaky?”
“Yea.” I lie. From the dept – something is missing. Something has been broken but smiling through the broken pieces.
“I know you better than yourself, remember.” She’s right. She knows me more than I practically know myself.
“Since you now have the phone. Will tell you all about it.” I know she will never stop excavating.
Being back home feels cold and empty. It’s like we are strangers in this house. I can't believe how distant we have become. My mother locks herself in their bedroom. I cry myself to sleep for a man who left me for some apparent bizarre reason. My dad leaves early for work and comes back very late and Thabi on the other hand, she's been sulking ever since she broke things off with Thabo. Everything is just messed up. Been staring at the television with no intention of having interest in it. I am just absent minded. Being at home is the problem. I switch the television off and stand up. I need some time alone and I need fresh air. A car driving in... I peep through the window and notice Thabi hurrying to the house. She budges in like she has been chased by something.
"What is it?” I ask.
"I left some important documents yazi." Okay, now I understand. She runs upstairs and in split seconds, she comes back with a black file written 'confidential'.
"Bye.”
"Can I come with you? I am so bored.” She sighs. Can't look at these walls all day. I wish my mother was here. But our relationship has been rocky since the day she told me to forget about Skhosane and ever since she has been avoiding me. Maybe she feels guilty in a way.
"Hurry up.”
I waste no time. I grabbed my phone that was on top of the table and followed her to the door. I am all set. I took a bath way too early and tried doing some revisions. But my mind was occupied to the point that it was just frozen with no possible way of jogging anything in.
“I needed to be out of that house before I got crazy.” I say.
"I thought that you were still doing revisions from yesterday."
"Got tired and decided to watch some movies but it ended up watching me." She chucks. Traffic in the morning is hectic. Making matters worse – Eshowe is a very small town. Everything is just right next to each other. Thabi keeps glancing at the back with panic written all over her face. I also glance at the back and I see is just numerous cars stuck in traffic.
"Are you okay?"
"There is a car that has been following me for some time now. But I recognize it from yesterday the time I took you to see Amanda.” I didn’t notice anything odd yesterday.
"Let's go to the police station."
"We will drive straight to work. I will feel much safer there." She say. Cars begin moving and she drives off at full speed. When a glance at the back – a red car is following us with heavily tinted windows. This cannot be happening. I don’t wish to die this young. I still want to be dickmised!
MKHULEKO
"Is she safe?” I ask with rage taking over. It would have been better if I had been closed by. Can't imagine anything bad happening to her. I would paint the town red for her. This young girl is making me lose some marbles.
"They are safe now. They drove inside some work premises."
"Keep track of that car. I want all the details." I drop the phone. Someone is really testing me. I swear. Who wants to play with death? Whatever plan they are on – it will not work. Hitting a punching bag helps me to release stress in a way. I challenge all my anger in it. With sweat dripping down my body...i feel loose and a bit relieved. I can think clearly. My phone pings. I grab the towel on top of the bed and wipe my face. It’s a message - I retrieve it and frown looking at the screen. It’s the picture of Khanyisile and me in town. Someone has been advised to keep tabs on my movements. But the question is who it is. On the other hand – we are having a hard time tracking this Ngcobo man.
My phone rings. “Find anything?”
“Yes, I will send you the details. You will not like what I have.”
I sit on the bed and wait. After a few minutes my phone floods with a lot of pictures.
“What the hell is this?” I feel my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach. Mkhuseli! This cannot be happening. Not when my family was under my watch. I feel ever muscles contract with pain. This is not true. It might be some sort of prank!