Summary: Your enemy admits that he loves you when he's drunk, but you can't bring yourself to admit your feelings for him.
Word count: 2.1k
A/n: Listening to cherry by Lana Del Rey and I wanna be yours by Arctic Monkeys while proof reading this sent me into orbit.
—
Bucky stumbles in drunk as he searches the house for you. "Doll!" He shouts as he grabs onto the counter for support. "Doll!" He repeats, but there's still no sign of you. He leans his head back and takes a deep breath as he prepares to shout your name again.
"DoLl!" His voice cracks when he shouts, but he doesn't really notice.
You on the other hand, do notice and start laughing your ass off. Walking out of your room, you find a drunk Bucky, swaying back and forth and smiling when he sees you. "There she is," he says as he walks towards you and you have to catch him so he doesn't eat shit.
"Wow, you're drunk," you say and he shakes his head as he touches your nose with his finger. "Boop," he says with a chuckle.
"Let's get you to bed," you say and head towards your guest room. "How'd you even get in my house?" You mumble, but Bucky hands you a key.
"I have a copy," he says with a laugh and you look at him in shock. "I'll yell at you in the morning," you say as you take the key from him, and he whines.
"Oh no, now you're mad at me," he whines and stops walking so you're practically dragging him.
"Bucky, c'mon, you gotta help me out here," you say as you try to drag him, but it's not working out for you to well.
He turns to face you and holds the sides of your face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, y/n. Please don't be mad at me. I hate when you're mad at me," he softly says as he leans down and kisses your forehead.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I get mad at you all the time and then you get mad at me. That's what you do when you hate someone," you say and Bucky shakes his head.
You look at him confused as he keeps mumbling 'no' before he looks you dead in the eye and his grip on your face tightens slightly. "I don't hate you," he says and your confused look only grows.
He whines as he lays his head against your shoulder and nuzzle his face into your neck. "God, you smell so fucking good. You always smell so fucking good. It makes this even harder," he complains.
"Bucky, you're drunk and you're not thinking straight. Lets just get you to bed—"
"Really, cause don't they say 'a drunk man's words are his sober thoughts' or somethin like that," he says as he pulls away from your shoulder. He stares into your eyes and sees you have an uncertain look on your face, like you're not really positive this is happening.
I'm your mind you're thinking Bucky got possessed. He got possessed and whatever this is has compelled him to think he has feelings for you. Because he can't actually have feelings for you. That would be... that would be like rain and fire. One burns greatly for the other only to be put out before it's flames to get too high.
He can't like you. It doesn't work.
"Y/n, I love you. God love you so fucking much," he groans as he leans his forehead against yours. You shake your head and try to pull away, but he doesn't let you.
This is so much worse.
"Let's get you to bed," you say and he shakes his head as he stares deeply in your eyes. "Tell me you feel the same," he begs and your eyes widen. "Please, just tell me that you love me. Don't break my heart even more, doll, you're all I want," his voice starts to break, the alcohol he consumed heightening his emotions even more.
"You need to sleep," you say and he groans as he throws his head back. "I love you so much," he says and you try to think of what to say, but only one thing comes to your mind.
"I love me too," you say even though it's a fat lie. Who actually loves themself?
Bucky let's out a sigh before turning to stand next to you with his arm over your shoulders for support as you help him in the guest room. You help him lay down and get comfortable and he falls asleep almost instantly.
Deciding to sit next to him for a bit, you softly brush his hair back. He mumbles something before his jaw falls slack and he falls even deeper into sleep. A sad smile tugs at your lips as you thread your fingers through his hair and lightly scratch at his scalp. Your heart breaks because you can't let yourself feel anything other than hate for him. If you do, he'll fall even harder for you just for you to wind up breaking his heart.
You not admitting that you love him is better. That way he doesn't get hurt. You hate when he's hurt, and you'll do anything you can to make sure that doesn't happen. Hopefully he'll wake up and not remember anything.
You're not able to love someone for a long time. It's new with Bucky because you've be in love with him for a few months now, but you know as soon as you admit it to him, as soon as the words leave your mouth, the feeling will leave.
It's better this way.
It really is.
You're not meant to love. He is.
It'll never work out.
But what's the purpose of life if you can't love?
You shake your head and try to rid yourself of the thought. You can't let yourself fall for him even more. But, what's the point of anything if you can't let yourself love?
"I'm so sorry," you whisper as you lean down and kiss his temple softly before resting your face against the side of his face.
—
About two weeks have gone by since Bucky confessed his love for you. He remembers doing it, and now you've been avoiding him. Every time he sees you, he tries to talk to you, but you walk in the opposite direction or hide in the nearest closet and wait for him to leave.
He prefers when you guys fought all the time because at least he got to be within two feet of you. Now he's lucky if he even passes by you at the compound, or sees you through a window.
Even now, at this stupid fundraiser Tony made everyone go to, he can't find you. He heard a rumor that you brought a date and the thought of seeing you with another guy makes his jaw clench.
Then he spots you on the other side of the room. There's a blonde man glued to you hip and you're looking at him with an uncomfortable expression. As he looks away from you, you roll your eyes and take a big sip of your drink.
A girl comes up and greets him. Bucky smiles at her and makes small talk with her. He keeps his side of the conversation friendly and not at all flirty like he used to do. The girl on the other hand is flirting hard with him. The drink in her hand not really doing her any favors considering she's not the best flirt.
Bucky takes a sip of his drink as he glances over to look at you, only to find you leaving the room. He looks back at your date and sees him watching you walk away confused before he shrugs and chugs his drink.
Apologizing to the girl, Bucky quickly follows you out of the room and catches up to you. He grabs you by your hips and pulls you into the room next to you.
"Why won't you talk to me?" He asks.
"Bucky—"
"I have been trying my hardest to clear things up with you, but you've been avoiding me like I have the plague. Just— why won't you talk to me?" He asks.
"Because it's too hard for me to even be near you," you say, all the frustration you have with yourself comes tumbling out as you look at him. "I can't bring myself to be around you because I'm scared I'll let it slip."
"Let what slip?" Bucky asks as he steps closer, so you step back. He raises an eyebrow at you as he takes another step towards you and you step back.
"Just— please go back out there and talk to that girl. She seemed very intrigued by you," you say and Bucky smirks as he realizes what feeling you have growing in your chest and stomach.
"Are you jealous?" He asks as he steps closer and you repeat your action of stepping back. "No," you say and force your voice to come out strong even though your whole body is shaking.
"You don't like when other girls are talking to me? You don't like them seeing me laughing with them, or them touching me?" He asks and your jaw clenches as you look away from him.
"She'll offer you more than I can," you force out even though your heart aches at the thought.
"But I don't want her," he says and you shake your head as you go to walk out of the room, but Bucky quickly grabs your arm and pulls you so your back is against his chest.
"Why are you fighting this?" He asks as his lips brush against your ear and your breath comes out shaky as you freeze in his grasp. His hands tighten around your waist as he presses a kiss against your throat.
"Bucky... we shouldn't, we really shouldn't," you say and he shakes his head.
"Why won't you admit that you love me?" His voice comes out desperate as he leans the side of his face against yours. "I'll only hurt you," you softly say and he shakes his head.
"I don't care. Just say it, please. Please just say it at least once. I won't bother you anymore if that's easier for you, if you truly don't want to be with me after you say it, I'll leave you alone. But please just try, even if you lose feelings for me completely after, just say it once," he begs and your gaze softens as you turn around to look at him.
"I hate you so much," you say and Bucky laughs softly as he reaches out and strokes the side of your face. "I love you so much," he counters and a tear falls out of your eyes as you prepare what you have to say. Bucky quickly wipes your tear away.
You take a deep breath an prepare for the feelings you have for him to evaporate into thin air. "I love... I love... god damn— I love you, Bucky," you say and he smiles.
The feeling doesn't go away and you think that it's just lingering. Waiting for you to get your hopes up and that's when it'll decide that's the perfect time for it to leave and you'll be left, staring at the man who loves you, but you don't have the same feelings. Unrequited love.
"Well?" Bucky asks and you hold a finger up.
"Just give it a second," you say before looking up at the celling. "Sometimes it takes a bit."
Bucky nods as he looks around the room. "For the record," he says and you look at him. "Even if you do lose feelings for me, I'm still gonna love you. I can't stop loving you, I've tried and it just doesn't work out for me. I can't stop. I just completely burn for you, no matter how strong the rain is, I can't stop burning for you."
The feeling doesn't leave. It stays and somehow even grows stronger as you stare at Bucky. He shrugs his shoulders like he didn't just say the most beautiful words you've ever heard someone say to you.
Without thinking, you throw yourself at him and kiss him passionately. He smiles in surprise, but kisses you back with more intensity. Your whole world melts in his arms as he holds you close against him.
And just like that, the rain turns into grass that's gets burned by the fire, fueling it to become even stronger.
For the first time, you're not afraid of love. You're not afraid of loving someone. Especially since that someone is Bucky.