A/N: hey guys!!!
the sun came out after like five days of straight rain and i feel like i'm blossoming like a flower lol
anyway, i'm working on getting my new novel kingdom of gold uploaded on here soon since i recently finished it! i literally have not had any time to work on it though because school has suddenly bogged me down with SO much work and life is kinda crazy BUT i printed my first draft out and holy cow it was so big, it barely fit in my one inch ring binder but IT LOOKS SO COOL. seeing the words i wrote written down on real paper is truly a sight for sore eyes
i've started on plotting the next book in the series (well, technically the prequel) and it's slow going but it's going (kinda). i don't want to set a deadline for it but i would like to start writing it soon because i'm not a plotter and i love writing more than i love plotting (i actually hate plotting ugh)
fun fact: when i started writing into the light (now called from the dark), all i knew going into it was that adie had killed tony's parents and she for some reason woke up in his tower with no memories—i knew nothing else beyond that lol but i just started writing it because it was one of those stories that i just knew i had to write and viola. now it's turned into a monster that's probably around half a million words 😳
anyway, this is a pretty long and happy chapter so i hope you enjoy it!! (also the song up there is one of my FAVORITE compositions and it pairs very nicely with this very chill chapter :))
————————————————————
"Love isn't easy
and it might be delicate at times,
but, if it's done right,
nothing can destroy it.
Just like spiderwebs."
————————————————————
Adelaide had left the penthouse for the first time in weeks.
It wasn't for much, just an evening walk in the park alone. But it felt rejuvenating. The park was filled with the sound of children playing and people talking and laughing. It felt so strange to see that the world had been going on, even when she had been boiling in her pain for months now. People still took their dogs out for walks and the children still played tag with their friends just a few miles from the home she had spent weeks mourning in.
There was something comforting in seeing the small things that never stopped. Birds still gathered by the river to eat and people still asked for directions. The world didn't stop spinning on its axis when Tony died. It might have reeled for a bit, but then it moved on. They all still had lives to lead. She was the only one who had completely stopped living.
She sat down on an empty bench next to the creek and watched the water as it flowed over the rocks and through the earth. Her mind didn't wander. She thought of nothing else except for the water.
It felt nice.
No pain, no anger, no sorrow. And maybe not happiness either, but she knew it would be a while before she was ever happy again. And that was okay. She had all the time she needed.
But, for now, she was simply sitting in the park, watching the water flow.
And that was enough.
—————
After eating nothing but pizza and beer, she didn't exactly have a fully-stocked kitchen to cook with. And even if she did, she wouldn't know the first thing to make that wouldn't result in her burning the Tower down.
So she decided to take herself out for dinner, like a date. She even put on pants that weren't loungewear. The jeans felt odd and foreign over her skin but she kept them on anyway. She pulled an old sweatshirt over her head and left the Tower in her own car. After wearing Tony's clothes for so long, it felt weird to wear her own.
She aimlessly drove around the city in silence, just observing things she could see like people crossing the street or tourists taking pictures or partiers walking into bars and pubs to celebrate the end of the week. She rolled down the windows despite the cold and breathed in the city air. Nowhere else felt like home.
She ultimately decided on a fancier restaurant for dinner, one that Tony would approve of. As she handed her keys to the valet, she could tell she was clearly underdressed in her jeans and sweatshirt. Everyone else was decked out in tuxedos and evening gowns, but it didn't bother her. She was used to getting strange looks from people and her clothes were probably the lowest on her priority scale at the moment.
The waiter showed her to a table in the corner.
"Can I get you started with something to drink, ma'am? Perhaps a wine or a rosé?" he asked politely. Adelaide pursed her lips.
"Just some water, please," she said and he nodded, leaving. She had to stop her consumption of alcohol. It had gotten out of hand ever since Tony died and she was only destroying her health with it.
After that interaction, she enjoyed a lovely meal by herself. She sat in her corner of the restaurant and watched others as they had their dinners. There was a light piano playing in the back. The lights were dimmed. The sound of silverware softly clinking together filled the room. It was peaceful. She hadn't been around anyone in so long that it felt strange to see so many people at once. Strange, but nice.
She was in the middle of her dessert when someone approached her nervously.
She looked up. It was a man dressed in a tuxedo, closer to Tony's age and he had an anxious look on his face. She had never seen him before.
"Are you...Tony Stark's daughter?" he asked.
"Yes," she answered cautiously. He smiled sympathetically.
"I just um, I just wanted to say that I am extremely sorry for your loss," he said gently, "Everyone loved your father very much and he'll always be a hero to us."
Adelaide thought that would have made her cry but the tears didn't come. She smiled instead, feeling warm inside.
"Thank you," she said quietly.
The man nodded and went back to his table. She sat there, staring at his back after he sat down in his chair. She had been so caught up in her grief that she forgot the whole world had been mourning her father's death. Everyone had loved him. She wasn't the only one who missed having him around.
Maybe, just maybe, that made her feel a bit better.
—————
A few days had passed and even though restaurants made amazing food, she had been craving a home-cooked meal.
At the moment, however, she was sitting at her newly favorite bench by the creek in the park with a bag full of bird food to feed the birds with. They were crowded around her feet and some were even up on the bench beside her. She had been sitting there for an hour, watching the water flow in the creek and the birds eating the food.
At one point, a family of ducks and ducklings swam through the creek and she smiled—just a bit.
"Alright, well, you guys enjoy eating," she told the birds, "I've gotta get back home to make my dinner." One of the birds looked up from eating to look at her before looking around and going back to its kernel. "Yeah, buddy, I know. Wish me luck."
She stood up, emptying out the rest of her paper bag of bird food on the ground for them. There wasn't much left in there but they still scrambled to eat up whatever fell out.
She threw the bag in the trash and stuffed her hands deep in her coat pockets. It was starting to get colder now. As she walked through the park, she thought about what she would make for dinner tonight that wouldn't result in her burning down the whole place. There weren't many options.
A soccer ball landed by her feet and it was followed by a little boy. She bent over, picking the ball up and handing it back to him. He looked nervously at her as he took the ball back.
"It helps if you kick it with the side of your foot," she told him and he grinned.
"Thanks!" he said before running back to his friends. She watched the little kids playing together with a small smile on her face.
—————
She abandoned her scarf and beanie and coat on the sofa before heading over to the kitchen, her stomach now rumbling.
She had asked one of the employees to pick her up some generic groceries and he had been kind enough to do so even though it wasn't part of his job description. In fact, a lot of the employees were very sympathetic after seeing what she had been through. She had made a note of the employee's name to remember to give him a little bonus later on.
As for now, she had to figure out what make and fast. Her stomach was practically eating itself.
But before she started cooking anything, she decided the penthouse was too silent and Tony's voice wasn't about to fill that silence anytime soon. So she went hunting in Pepper's room for an old record player she had once used before during a corporate Christmas party and put on a record of Sinatra's best.
The sound of jazz filled the penthouse and for the first time since she had been back here, it finally felt like home.
—————
When Adelaide finally sat down to eat, an hour had passed and she had made spaghetti and baked some frozen garlic bread to go with it. It wasn't exactly a five star meal but she had made it. And most importantly, there had been no fires in the process.
She sat down at the dining table and stared at the place where Tony always sat and waited for the urge to make him appear in his seat, but it never came. She had said her goodbye to him and she no longer felt the need to make illusions of him to talk to. The memories of him sufficed.
She continued to peer down the long, empty table that once used to be filled with people. Tony, Pepper, Happy, occasionally Peter and maybe even Rhodey too. May visited sometimes. It would always be so loud with several conversations going on and the sound of utensils against plates and laughter.
But, tonight, it was just Adelaide at her family table all by herself.
And only Sinatra to keep her company.
—————
More days passed.
She visited the birds in the park, she made her own meals, she listened to Sinatra. After digging through Pepper's stuff again, she found a record of Louis Armstrong and she sometimes put him on when she had run through Sinatra's records too many times.
Life was slow, but peaceful.
She no longer cried herself to sleep. She wore her own clothes. She hadn't had a sip of alcohol in weeks.
And, recently, she had taken up painting. She exclusively painted sunsets and only those from the balcony at the Tower. It was hard because the sun was always sinking into the sky and the colors would change before she could paint them. The paintings always came out a bit funny, but she still enjoyed it.
At the moment, she was painting streaks of orange with her brush before it quickly faded away in the sky.
She had brought the record player outside onto the balcony with her and Louis Armstrong gave her company as she painted. She hummed along to his version of La Vie en Rose. She occasionally let her attention wander to the people walking in the streets and wondered where they were all going in such a hurry. She sometimes just closed her eyes and breathed in the city to feel grounded again.
Some part of her was still scared that she would be lost again, and she was hesitant to admit it, but she was feeling better. Much better.
It was nice. It was better than nice, actually.
For the first time since Tony's death, she finally felt like there was a real chance that she could be happy someday again.
—————
She was sitting in a coffee shop one evening, reading a book when a stranger came to stand in front of her table.
Adelaide looked up from her book to see a sandy blond-haired boy smiling at her politely. He looked about her age, maybe a bit older.
"Um, can I help you?" she said.
"I'm not sure. I was just sitting over there and I saw you reading that book so I just had to come over," he said, smiling charmingly. She looked down at her book.
"You've read Pride and Prejudice?" she asked him skeptically.
"Only a million times," he said and she raised her eyebrows, "If it sounds like I'm joking, I promise I'm not. All my friends poke fun at me for loving the book so much, but I just can't get over it."
"Really?" she asked him with a small smile, "What's the name of the main character?"
He faltered. "That would be um...Jane?" he said, making her smile widen.
"How many times did you say you've read this book again?" she asked him and he chuckled, embarrassed.
"Alright, alright, you got me. In my defense, I spent about twenty minutes trying to think of a good pick up line but then I realized that I just had to come talk to you before you left," he said with a boyish grin. He gestured to the empty seat in front of her. "Mind if I sit?"
"Sure," she said and he sat down across from her.
"I'm Sawyer, by the way," he said.
"I'm—"
"Yeah, I know who you are," he chuckled nervously, "Everyone in the world knows you. Kind of why I tried spending twenty minutes on a pick up line. It's not every day you get to talk to Tony Stark's daughter."
She smiled politely, nodding. She stared at her closed book, unsure of what to say.
"I-I'm sorry for your loss, by the way," he said, "I can't imagine how hard that must be for you to go through."
"Thank you," she said quietly.
"I lost my dad when I was eleven. Colon cancer sucks," he said.
"I'm so sorry," she said and he waved his hand.
"No, no, it's okay. It was years ago," he said and Adelaide wondered if she would ever be as okay with Tony's death one day as Sawyer was about his father's. Did time really heal all wounds? Did she want it to? Sure, grieving Tony's had completely torn her apart, but she never wanted her wounds to be completely healed. Just enough that it stopped feeling so painful.
"So," Sawyer said, "Let me buy you a coffee. They make an amazing latte here."
"Oh, you don't have to—"
"Please," he said kindly, "I insist."
She smiled at him, "Alright."
So the coffee came and they both talked about books and life and coffee until hours had passed without them realizing it. Adelaide realized this was the longest conversation she had had with someone since Tony died and it felt nice. She had admittedly missed this. Especially after living in solitude for so long.
"Listen, before I go, could I possibly have your number?" Sawyer asked with a genuine smile, "I really had a great time with you today."
Adelaide hesitated and he saw the expression on her face, his heart sinking.
"I had a great time today too, Sawyer. But...I'm sorry, I don't think I can give you my number," she said quietly. He pressed his lips together, nodding in understanding.
"I understand. Was it the pick up line?" he asked, making her smile.
"No, it was very charming," she told him, "It's just..."
"There's someone else. Of course there's someone else. You're too pretty to not be taken," he said, chuckling to himself.
Adelaide had to admit that she honestly hadn't thought about Peter in weeks. She felt horrible admitting it, but it was true. She had completely broken his heart and he hadn't even crossed her mind. She hadn't thought about anyone else for weeks, in her defense. She had been so consumed in grief there wasn't much room for anything else. All she ever thought about was Tony.
Until she met Sawyer today. He was good-looking and he was charming and sweet, but he wasn't Peter. No one would ever be Peter. And even if Peter never wanted to talk with her ever again, she could never move on from him. He was the love of her life even if she had maybe stopped loving him briefly in the thick of her grief.
"It's complicated," she admitted and Sawyer smiled.
"The best things are always complicated," he said, standing up, "But I hope you two work things out. He's lucky to have you."
"Thank you," she smiled.
"It was nice meeting you, Adelaide. Have a good night," Sawyer said politely and left the coffee shop.
—————
That night, as Adelaide lied in her bed to go to sleep, her thumb hovered over Peter's name on her phone.
She wanted to call him and she wanted things to fall back to the way they used to be between them. Before everything. Before Tony's death, before Thanos. Things were so perfect between that summer before Thanos invaded their planet. They had been floating together in the clouds, unaware of the distance they were about to fall.
She sighed, clearing the app. Who was she kidding? She was too big of a coward to call him. The guilt still lingered in her. She couldn't just push him aside when she was in pain and call him up the minute she felt remotely better. Peter deserved to be treated with more respect than that and she was a shitty girlfriend.
Or rather, a shitty ex-girlfriend.
She opened the photos on her phone, scrolling through the ones with her and Peter. She tapped on one of her favorites, smiling softly at it. They were bundled up in their mittens and coats and beanies but their faces were still pink from the cold. Peter was taking the selfie and smiling at the camera while she was beside him, holding his face with both hands and kissing his cheek. This picture had been her lock screen for the longest time.
Another selfie where she didn't know he had been taking a picture and suddenly kissed her as they were skating through Rockefeller Center. Another picture Vivian had taken of them sleeping against each other on the sofa in her living room and holding hands in their sleep. Another one that May had taken of them at school because the lighting had been "so perfect". Peter was smiling at the camera and she was smiling at him. A timed picture of the two of them dancing together on the street that one night. She was in mid twirl, laughing and he was smiling at her like she was his entire world.
It was crazy to think that two people who were this happy together could drift apart so easily. They had been so in love. And now she couldn't even call him.
Adelaide sighed, switching her phone off and tossing it somewhere on her bed. She rolled over and buried her face into her pillow, wishing she could switch her thoughts of for just one minute.
Somehow, she eventually found sleep.
—————
Early the next morning, Adelaide found herself walking through the FEAST center.
She was still unsure as to why she was here but her car was parked close in case she decided she wanted to leave. She'd made it through the front doors after thirty minutes of sitting her car, contemplating. She considered it progress.
She had never actually been here before, despite knowing May for so long now. The occasion to come here just never arose.
She couldn't see May so she found someone who worked here. She looked at the woman's name tag. Debby.
"Um, hi, where can I find May Parker?" she asked the woman.
"She's in the kitchen, sweetheart," the woman answered politely. Adelaide looked over at where she was pointing and nodded.
"Thanks," she told her before crossing the entire room to the kitchen. The room was filled with beds and tables. Several people were playing cards together or siting on the beds, chatting. It was a lovely environment. Nearly everyone she passed gave her a friendly smile.
She could hear the bustling of the kitchen when she got closer, but when it finally came into sight, she saw May standing next to a pot, talking with a woman Adelaide didn't know while stirring the pot with a ladle.
Adelaide froze.
She couldn't do this. She couldn't talk to May. Not after she had completely wrecked her nephew's heart. The woman probably hated her. This was a terrible idea. She should have just gone for a walk in the park like she usually did.
Adelaide turned around, ready to practically run out of the building when someone called her name.
"Adelaide?"
She sighed, turning around. There was May, still standing by the pot, watching her with confused brown eyes. Adelaide didn't move towards her. She wasn't capable of hearing the woman tell her how much she hurt Peter and how much he hated her now. She really, really shouldn't have come here.
She stood there as May handed the ladle to the woman she had been talking to and walked over to her.
"Adelaide..." May said in surprise when she was closer, "It's been so long since I've seen you. How are you doing?"
"Um, I'm okay," she answered unsurely, surprised the woman even wanted to talk to her, "How...How are you?"
"I'm doing alright," she smiled, "What brings you here?"
"I just um...I actually came here to volunteer," she said quietly and May's face lit up with a smile.
"Oh, that's great, Adelaide!" she said, "Come on, we can get you started right away. We actually could use a couple extra hands in the kitchen."
So the woman pulled her into the kitchen without another word and she taught her how to chop the vegetables for the soup. Adelaide chopped vegetables quietly as she listened to May's conversation with the woman she'd been with earlier. Her name was Bertha, Adelaide had learned, and she was a sweet old woman who had too much time on her hands after her husband died so she spent it all here, at the center to help those in need. Bertha was the kind of woman who loved to talk and only required you to say a couple of words in agreement in between her stories. She also hated her son's wife, Caroline, as she had mentioned multiple times.
"Last week, Caroline brought the kids over for a couple days and you won't believe what she does to those poor little children," Bertha told May. Adelaide was chopping carrots beside them, pretending she couldn't hear their conversation even though they were two feet away.
"She says she doesn't let them have any chocolate!" Bertha exclaimed as if Caroline was withholding water from her children and it made Adelaide smile to herself. May glanced at her and she quickly pretended she was focusing on the carrots and not paying attention to Bertha's story. "Now I'm a liberal old woman, but that is just plain unfair. So I just snuck a couple boxes of fudge into the kids' bags before they left."
"I'm sure they loved your fudge, Bertha," May said with a smile.
"Oh, I make the best fudge," Bertha said, waving her hand, "It's my grandmother's recipe and the kids love it every time. Remind me later and I'll give you a copy of it, hon. It's not like I can give it to Caroline, you know."
"That would be great, thanks," May said.
"Now what's the deal with you, sugar?" Bertha asked and it took Adelaide a second to realize that she was sugar and the woman was talking to her, "You've been so quiet and lonesome over there. I don't bite, you know."
"Oh..." Adelaide said awkwardly, "I just..."
"Adelaide is a friend of mine," May said, "She volunteered to help today."
"Now wait a minute," Bertha said, squinting at her, "Have I seen you somewhere before? I have, I have seen you. On the news. You're that Stark's daughter. Good man, that father of yours. Too bad he left us so soon."
Adelaide didn't know what to say so she nodded uncomfortably and stared at her carrots. May noticed her discomfort and asked Bertha if she would mind helping another man who was over by the sink washing dishes and sent the woman his way.
"Sorry about Bertha," May said politely, "She means well."
"It's okay," Adelaide said, not looking up from chopping the carrots, "She didn't say anything wrong."
May watched her for a moment before wiping her hands on her apron.
"Come on," she said suddenly and Adelaide looked up at her in question, "Leave the carrots for a moment and come with me."
Unsurely, Adelaide put the carrots down and followed the woman through the kitchen until they reached the door and walked out. They walked down the hall to a room where Adelaide could see several people in hospital beds, reading or playing board games or sleeping. Volunteer nurses were walking around and helping the patients.
May stopped right outside the door and pointed to something hanging on the wall. It was a plaque. Adelaide stepped closer to read it.
Anthony Edward Stark Medical Room
"He made a generous donation for us years ago but never told the media about it," May said, "He didn't want recognition. He never even knew we named our medical room after him."
Adelaide swallowed.
"I wanted you to see it, Adelaide, because...well, I don't know. I just thought you should know," May said gently.
"Thank you," she said quietly, looking inside the room at the people in the beds. May watched her.
"You're welcome to go inside and meet the people there," May said. Adelaide hesitated. Coming here was already such a big step. She didn't want to overwhelm herself in just one day. But then she saw a little girl at a small table, coloring something. She had a nose strip under her nose to help breathe with and Adelaide found herself walking inside before she even realized it.
"Hi," Adelaide said slightly awkwardly. She didn't really know how to talk to children. The girl looked up at her with her dark-brown eyes.
"Hi," she said, "What's your name?"
"Adelaide," she answered, "What's yours?"
"Leah. I'm coloring a butterfly," she said, holding up her half-colored butterfly. Adelaide smiled at her.
"That's very pretty," she nodded and Leah looked pleased. Slowly, Adelaide sat down in the chair beside her. She didn't know what to do so she just watched Leah as she colored.
"You're Iron Man's daughter, aren't you?" Leah asked, still coloring. Adelaide nodded. "I'm sorry he died. He was my favorite Avenger. Santa got me an Iron Man mask for Christmas." Leah glanced at her. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," Adelaide said.
"Do you miss him?" the girl asked, "My dad died too and my mom says it's okay to miss him, but he's been gone for months and I still really miss him."
"We never stop missing the people we love," Adelaide said quietly, "But it gets better with time. Even when it feels like it won't, one day, you'll be able to move on because you remember that your dad will always know how much you loved him. And even death can't change that."
"I told my daddy I loved him every day," Leah said.
"Then he'll never forget it," Adelaide smiled. Leah smiled at her.
"We can color the butterfly together, if you want," she said shyly, sliding her coloring over to her. Adelaide smiled, picking up a crayon.
"I would love to," she said.
—————
"Do you want to come inside?" May asked. They were in her car, parked by the sidewalk of May's apartment complex. Adelaide had offered to drop the woman off after she realized she hadn't brought her car with her and it was too dark and late to take the subway back home. Besides, she didn't live far from the FEAST center anyway.
Adelaide hesitated. "I don't think that's a good idea," she said quietly. May reached out over the console and covered her hand with hers. The gesture felt so familiar.
"Everyone deserves a second chance, Adelaide," the woman said gently, "What you went through was never your fault. You did what you had to do to survive."
Adelaide immediately felt tears prick her eyes as she thought back to those dark moments after Tony's death. No one had since validated her reaction to losing him. This was the first time someone had told her that all she things she did and said during those moments were okay. And it felt indescribably comforting.
"Love isn't easy and it might be delicate at times, but, if it's done right, nothing can destroy it. Just like spiderwebs," May smiled softly.
At that, Adelaide managed to crack a smile. She remembered Peter telling her about that years ago. Even though spiderwebs were delicate as silk and thinner than human hair, they had a tensile strength equivalent to steel. There was nothing else like them in nature.
"Do you still love him?" May asked, watching her expectantly.
Adelaide looked at her, slightly caught off guard by the question. She looked away, staring at her lap uncomfortably. Did she still love Peter? She had stopped loving him briefly, but she had become so numb back then, she couldn't feel much of anything. And love had been too dangerous to feel. Because all the people she loved were always taken from her. And Peter had already been stolen from her once, she couldn't risk loving him again just to lose him once amore. She wouldn't survive it.
But she was doing much better now than she had been in those days. She thought back to last night when she was looking at those old pictures of them together. She thought about Sawyer and how, even though he was perfectly charming and sweet, all she could think about was that he wasn't Peter. No one was Peter.
Peter was her best friend. He was the center of her world. They had been through literal hell together. She could never forget him.
But love? After feeling great insurmountable grief, she was a different person. A little more damaged than she liked to be, but different all the same. Yet, she could never change into a person who didn't love Peter Parker. Even now, if they were to be complete strangers and she had run into him at a coffee shop like she had with Sawyer, she liked to think they would fall in love all over again.
"Even if he never talks to me again, I don't want ever to be the kind of person that he can't love," she said finally, "I'll always love him, May, no matter how much I change. I might have stopped being in love with him, but...I had to. Losing him was the hardest thing I'd ever done and letting him go was the only way I could move on. Regardless, I don't think he's ready to give me a second chance."
"That's your call to make," the woman said, "But I know my nephew and I know that he loves you more than you think you know."
Adelaide swallowed. Maybe May was right. But what did that mean for her? That she pushed away the guy to only ever loved her? That she really wasn't worthy of a second chance?
"Goodnight, hon," May said as she opened the car door.
"Goodnight, May," Adelaide said. She waited as she walked into the apartment complex and then stayed there a little longer, her eyes watching the window she knew belonged to him. The curtains were open and the tv was playing but she couldn't see him there. She sighed. Once upon a time, she used to spend nearly all of her free time in that apartment. And now she was no longer welcome there.
Adelaide shifted her car into drive and drove away without looking back.
And Peter watched the black car from his window as it drove away, feeling a strange longing in his chest.
—————
A/N: i love this chapter so so so much because i did so much of this when i was healing from my depression which was no where nearly as bad as adie's but i went from feeling like absolute shit to feeling hall for the first time in my life and i just hope this chapter reflects a fraction of what that felt like because it was absolutely magical and it felt like i was seeing my world for the very first time
like going to the park and watching the birds and painting on the balcony and JAZZ!! they lace jazz with something cause that shit is like magic, it's so so beautiful
anyway, this chapter is basically my really long live letter to life and the world because sometimes it's all a terrible, miserable thing to be a part of but sometimes—just sometimes—it will look beautiful again :)
i hope you guys liked this chapter and hopefully the next few won't be as depressing as the last few have been!! adie has started her healing journey and i am so incredibly proud of her 🥹
question: what did you think of this chapter? to me it feels like a refreshing drink of cool lemonade in the summer... just perfect 😌
see you guys next week!!