(A/N: Hi everybody! I'm really sorry about the wait. There has been a lot going on lately that I've been trying to figure out. I'm really happy about the love and support you all give to this story. At the beginning I was a little conflicted because I wasn't sure if it was that good. But thank you all so much!)
"MARK- MARK STOP-" Taeyong was screaming in his ear.
Mark kept punching as if his life depended on it. His whole body aching from previous injuries. His eyes welling up with frustration, rage...sadness.
Mark wanted to rip somebody's head off when hands pulled him up and pushed him away from the man on the floor.
"Mark! This isn't what you-" Taeyong tried to say as he stepped between Mark and Jaehyun.
"You are a bastard!" Mark yelled, veins in his neck bulging as his jaw clenched. "You hear me, you son of a bitch!"
Jaehyun stood up from the floor and wiped his bleeding lip with his thumb.
"Mark! Knock it off!" Taeyong yelled at him. "Calm down. I don't want to hear that language. It was a misunderstanding-"
"No! No it wasn't," Mark spat, not keeping his eyes off the man standing behind Taeyong. "You ruined this family!"
"Mark-" Taeyong went to scold him again but the hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"Let us talk," Jaehyun's deep voice traveled throughout the room.
"I'm not leaving," Taeyong furrowed his brows as he turned to look at the brunette.
"I never said you had to," Jaehyun said as he locked eyes with Mark, the younger boy's hands curled into fists. "Go sit with-"
Donghyuck, who was watching the whole ordeal facing the back of the couch, squeaked when Jaehyun looked at him and ducked behind the couch.
"Hey," Jaehyun softened a little at the boy. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean-"
"What?" Mark glared as he stepped infront of Donghyuck, who was peeking over the couch again, as if to shield him from Jaehyun's gaze.
"He didn't mean to-" Taeyong tried to reason but Mark was over it.
He was done with excuses.
"I had so much I planned to say to you if i ever saw you again," Mark chuckled but it was empty, dark and maybe a little numb.
"Then say it," Jaehyun crosses his arms over his chest and raised his chin.
Mark practically growled and tried to throw himself at Jaehyun again but Taeyong was quick to intervene once again.
"Mark, enough," Taeyong pressed his hands to Mark's shoulders to keep him from lunging. "That night I was drugged and we got into a fight but it was a misunderstanding. I told him to leave because I couldn't hear what he was actually saying and-"
"No," Mark shrugged his shoulder with a bitter look. "I don't give a shit. You still left."
"He-" Taeyong stopped again when Jaehyun gently moved him to the side to face Mark.
"You are a coward!" Mark shoved hard at his chest. "You knew it was a misunderstanding and you still left. You didn't fight to stay. You didn't fight for any of us. You gave up."
There was a moment of silence except for Mark's heavy breathing. His chest rising and falling rapidly as he glared daggers at Jaehyun.
"I did," Jaehyun admitted as he stared into Mark's angry eyes.
That was all it took before Mark was throwing punches again.
"You are a bastard!" Mark punched Jaehyun across the face. "You broke everything-"
Flashback
Mark smiled as he made his way into the house.
"I'm home!" He yelled as he threw his bag down. His eyebrows furrowed a little when Taeyong didn't come greet him at the door.
"Hyung?" Mark called as he walked into the kitchen.
He heard shuffling in the living room and walked through the door.
"Jeno decided to go get ice cream with Jaemin and-" Mark froze when he saw Taeyong.
Taeyong was sitting on the couch with his hands pressed to his face.
Mark an ugly feeling crawl up in his chest at the small sobs that Taeyong was letting out.
"Hyung?" Mark said gently as he took a step towards the couch trying not to startle the man.
Taeyong's shoulders stopped shaking for a moment as his head shot up to look at Mark.
Mark felt his heart dip.
Taeyong had red eyes and cheeks with heavy tears running down his face.
"Markie," Taeyong whispered as his lip wobbled.
"What happened?" Mark frowned as he walked around the couch and sat next to Taeyong. "Also where's Jaehyun? Does he know that your sad-"
"Oh baby," Taeyong hiccupped before bending down to look in Mark's eyes. "Markie...you know I love you and your brother. I-I love you both so so much-"
Taeyong choked on a sob before continuing.
"You know that right?" Taeyong tilted his head as he held onto Mark's hand.
"Of course I do," Mark frowned as he squeezed Taeyong's trembling hand. "We love you too...I mean...we wouldn't know love without you."
"I wouldn't trade you both for the world," Taeyong leaned over to bring Mark into a hug. "You mean everything to me. Everything is going to be ok."
"Huh? I don't understand," Mark said as he patted Taeyongs back. "What's wrong-"
"I'm sorry baby," Taeyong held him a little tighter. "...daddy's not coming back."
That was enough as Taeyong began sobbing brutally into his shoulder.
But Mark couldn't hear anything.
He could feel his heart skip beats as it wildly thumped against his ribs.
He felt his hands go numb and his eyes were wide as he stared at nothing over Taeyong's shoulder.
His whole world just caved in.
Then he heard it.
He heard his heart break.
End of Flashback
"You hurt your husband!" Mark shoved him to the ground. "You hurt Jeno! You hurt them all. You killed me-"
Flashback
"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Jeno's eyes were puppy like as he looked at Mark. "It's really nice out."
"No," Mark shook his head and leaned against the wall infront of the door. "I'm really tired today."
"Ugh, ok," Jeno pouted before throwing a hat on his head.
Mark stared at his younger brother before leaning forward to pull the hat off his head.
"Dude what-" Jeno stopped when Mark reached up to ruffle his hair before placing the cap back on his head.
"I love you, birthday boy," Mark said gently.
Jeno swore a there was almost a smile on his face.
But then again that couldn't be, Mark never smiled anymore.
"Why are you being weird?" Jeno shook his head before turning towards the door. "I love you too."
Mark sighed as the door closed and the house fell into an empty silence.
He felt himself tear up at the closed door. The warmth of Jeno's presence gone.
All that was left was the coldness and cruelty of his thoughts.
The brutality of reality.
Mark turned around before taking a deep breath before walking towards the bathroom.
Once he was there he stood infront of the mirror and looked at himself.
Was it me?
Mark stared at his reflection in disgust.
His skin pale and his undereyes dark.
His body had gotten weaker because he lost his appetite.
His hand shakily reached out to open the medicine cabinet.
Was I the reason you left?
Mark finally let tears roll down his face as he twisted the cap off the first bottle.
They left me...then you left me.
It has to be me.
I'm a curse.
Nobody should be forced to stay.
Nobody should be forced to love me.
Mark felt himself breakdown as he took a deep breath as he lifted the bottle to his lips before swallowing it all with water.
Goodbye.
Mark opened and swallowed multiple bottles full of pills.
He didn't even notice when his body crashed towards the floor.
It felt like a sweet release when his vision finally went black.
...
Mark heard beeping.
He struggled to open his eyes but when he gathered the strength to do so he squeezed them shut again because of the light.
Maybe he was in heaven?
But why was it so cold?
Mark let his eyes open again and slowly adjusted to the world around him.
He wasn't in heaven.
He was in a hospital bed.
Mark glanced around the room before his eyelashes felt wet.
They were all in the room.
Johnny and Yuta were asleep in chairs.
His friends had pushed the two other beds in the room together and all 4 of them were sleeping in it next to him.
Jeno was sitting in a chair next to him, his fingers holding onto Mark's softly. Like he used to do when he was little and was scared of the dark.
"What do you mean we have too many people?" Mark heard a similar voice to Ten's outside the door. "That's practically my nephew. Are you going to deny his loved ones the chance to-"
"Ten, listen to the nurse," Taeyong's voice could also be hear. It was soft, quiet and a little raspy. "We'll just have to ask some of them to go home and take turns or-"
They opened the door and Mark's eyes instantly connected to Taeyong's.
Mark felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest just from Taeyong's stare.
"Mark, you're aw-" Taeyong didn't get to finish because Mark was crying and sobbing like no tomorrow.
He was practically screaming.
This startled and woke up everyone in the room but before anybody could respond Taeyong was across the room and pulling Mark into a hug.
"Shhh, it's ok," Taeyong pet Mark's hair as the boy violently shook and cried against him. "It's all going to be alright now. I'm here, baby. I'm here. Let it out."
"Why didn't it work?" Mark's throat almost gave out due to the volume. "I needed to go. I had to go. They left-i left. They left-i left."
"We need you, Mark," Taeyong kept himself together as he whispered in his ear. "You are needed. You are loved."
"They left-" Mark's voice cracked as finally leaned into Taeyong's embrace. "I need to leave before anybody else leaves. Why do they keep leaving me? W-what did I do wrong-"
Mark couldn't speak anymore as he fell limp against Taeyong and just cried his eyes out.
"Deep breaths," Taeyong whispered. "We are here. Everyone is here. Nobody is leaving you."
Mark could feel a wetness on his hand and realized Jeno's face was pressed against it. He shook harder when he felt lips press against the skin of his hand over and over.
Mark's blurry eyes peeked over Taeyong's shoulder and could barely make out Johnny rubbing circles on his ankle.
He could hear someone pouring water into a glass next to his bedside table before feeling another hand hold his free one.
He was loved.
He felt overwhelmed before whispering into the air.
"I'm sorry."
End of Flashback
"All I wanted was to be happy again!" Mark brought his fist down against Jaehyun's eye. "You are tearing it away-"
Flashback
I can't take it anymore.
Mark splashed water on his face as he leaned over the sink in the guy's bathroom.
It had been a couple months since he tried to take his life.
He scarred his family.
Taeyong refused to leave him alone by himself for weeks.
Johnny constantly asked how he was doing and would take him to work with him.
Yuta would force Mark to play video games with him every night before bed.
Ten would sing him to sleep but would refuse to leave until he was sure Mark would sleep the whole night.
But Jeno...he had a really hard time with Jeno.
His brother's words echoed in his skull every night since he was released from the hospital.
"They left me too...what was I supposed to do if you left me too?"
The words haunted him.
He didn't want anybody to leave him anymore and he was about to leave someone who felt the same way he did.
It would shatter his soul if Jeno left him.
Mark shook his head to get rid of the thoughts.
You either do it or you don't.
Mark clenched his fists.
It's not that easy.
But...he doesn't want to feel like this anymore.
The darkness leaves when the sun rises.
How long would he have to wait to see the sun again?
Has he ever seen it anyway?
Mark sighed before picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder.
He was done.
Mark remembered the bridge he always passes on his way home.
High above the ground.
One jump and it would be over for you.
Mark walked down the empty hallways and felt empty because he knew this time he wouldn't fail. This would be his last time at the school.
Mark was close to the stairs when his eyes caught a peek of someone through a classroom window.
His eyes bursted wide when he saw the seen.
It was a boy with brown hair, his body perched on the window sill looking at the ground below.
What the hell?
Mark couldn't even think as he watched the boy teeter forward a bit.
He couldn't control himself as he ran into the room faster than he ever has before.
He latched onto the boys waist before yanking him out the window and throwing him to the ground.
He was quick to close the window before letting himself finally breathe.
"
What the fuck?!" The boy with brown hair yelled at him.
Mark stared at him with wide eyes.
He was beautiful.
His skin was tan and smooth. He knows if he touched him it would be soft.
His brown eyes looked angry but they were big and shined a bit in the light.
He had moles on his cheek and on his neck and they reminded Mark of a constellation.
Mark realized he hadn't replied.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" HE huffed, still trying to catch his breath.
The boy rolls his eyes before standing up and walking over to his bag.
Mark felt frantic when the boy turned to leave so he stepped infront of him before he could.
"Hello? Are you just not going to say anything?" Mark raised a brow at him.
"There's nothing to say," The smaller said lowly before trying to go around him but he blocked his path again. "Move."
"Are you alright?" Mark furrowed his brows before looking at the boys red hands. "You landed kinda hard."
"And who's fault is that," He spat, his eyes glaring violently. "You fucking threw me idiot."
He's so angry for someone who almost died.
"It would've have been a harsher fall out the window," Mark argued back. "Where you really gonna jump out of a school window?"
"No I wasn't," Chocolate eyes glared at him before they looked down. His hand gripped his backpack strap tightly. "But it's none of your business anyway."
The boy bumped his shoulder on his way past. His eyes glaring at the floor as he made his way to the door.
Mark looked after him and something twisted in his heart.
This boy felt the same urge Mark has felt.
"You were thinking about it," Mark's voice made him stop in his tracks. "I know you were."
I was too.
The boy whipped around at that. "You don't know anything about me, Mark!"
Mark was taken back by that.
The beautiful boy knows his name?
"You know my name?" Mark tilted his head to the side.
What is your name?
The words went unsaid even thought Mark felt the urge to yell them.
"Yeah I do," The boy snapped at him. "You are the stupid fucking pride and joy of this school. You are a prim and proper pushover who doesn't know anything about real suffering. You've never done anything wrong in your life and you are a teacher's pet. You're overly smart and spit your kindness at people like they are supposed to care about it. You are an overly cheery asshole."
I wish I was.
God, I would give anything not to feel or be who I am right now.
"...I think you have a twisted picture of who I am," Mark finally spoke, he felt hurt by his thoughts as he rubbed his neck.
"I don't care," The boy snarled again at him. His nose scrunched in a way that Mark could almost call cute. "Just mind your own business."
Then he was out the door.
Mark felt his heart do leaps in his chest as he stared at the now closed door.
Then it hit him.
Not violently like the way he thought it would.
But it made everything fall into place.
It's you.
You are my missing puzzle piece.
End of Flashback
"You knew what they did to me!" Mark dropped his knee into Jaehyun's ribs. "You knew-"
Flashback
Mark held onto his brothers hand as lead them both up the steps to the house they would be staying at.
Mark didn't know what to feel.
He wasn't sure he knew how to feel.
His parents left.
A policemen came to their empty house saying they died.
Jeno cried.
Mark could do nothing but hold him.
Now here they were.
"Hi!" A man opened the door with a bright smile. "You must be Mark and Jeno."
The man seemed sweet and soft but Mark wasn't going to take any chances.
Jeno shuffled behind Mark to hide behind him.
"Hi, Mr.Lee?" The social worker behind them coughed. "We can finish the paperwork up on Monday."
The man nodded his head before taking somethings from the social worker before bidding them goodbye.
"Hi boys," The man said again as he bent down to their height. "I'm Taeyong."
Jeno peeked around Mark's shoulder and looked at him skeptically.
Taeyong stuck his hand out for one of them to shake but neither one grabbed it.
Taeyong coughed before motioning for the boys to follow him.
"I can show you you rooms in a minute," Taeyong smiled again as he entered the living room where there were a few more men.
"These are some friends that live with me and my boyfriend," Taeyong pointed to each one of them. "This is Ten, This is Johnny and this is Yuta."
Mark scanned each one of them with his eyes before nodding his head.
"Hey babe- did they-" Anothed voice entered the room and Mark spun around quickly.
Mark stared up at the new male in the room and took a step back.
"Oh, hi guys," The man smiled at them and waved with both hands. His dimples made an appearance.
Jeno finally decided to stop hiding behind Mark as he finally stood beside his older brother.
"I'm Jaehyun."
...
"I hate you!" Jeno yelled at him as tears came down his cheeks.
"Jeno-" Mark's voice cracked as he watched his brother run into the house.
Mark felt his own chin wobble.
This isn't fair.
Mark made his way into the house and set his bag down infront of the door.
"Mark, why is Jeno crying?" Taeyong raised a brow and put his hands on his hips.
Mark shrugged his shoulders and looked towards his own feet.
"Mark. What did you do to make-" Taeyong sighed.
"He hates me! Everyone hates me!" Mark yelled as a sob bubbled in his chest. "Nobody loves me and I push everyone away and-"
Mark's voice cracked and he flinched when Taeyong tried to reach out to him.
Mark dodged him before running up stairs to his room and slamming the door shut.
He instantly jumped on his bed before grabbing the blankets and crying into them.
I'm sorry I hurt everyone.
Whats wrong with me?
"Markie," Jaehyun's voice came through the door and it made Mark pull the covers over his head to hide himself.
"I already heard you crying," Jaehyun pressed his lips together as he sat down on the bed next to the lump on the bed. "What happened today?"
Mark let his grip on the blanket loosen but he didn't pull it away from his head.
"It's not fair," Mark squeezed his teary eyes shut. "I try so hard. Yet I'm the one who hurts people."
"You don't hurt people-" Jaehyun went to console him but the younger finally revealed himself.
"Yes I do!" Mark turned to face Jaehyun. "Everybody leaves me! Nobody loves me! What is wrong with me? I'll fix it! I just want- I just want to be loved to-"
Mark trailed of into sobs as Jaehyun pulled him to his chest.
"C'mere," Jaehyun rested his chin on top of Mark's head. The cries hurting his heart. "Nothing is wrong with you. You are amazing. You love people so much and it shows, buddy."
Mark pressed closer and trembled as he tried to stop crying.
"People are gonna leave," Jaehyun admitted. "That's life. But the people who truly matter will stay. The people who matter will love you unconditionally."
"What...what about you?" Mark pulled away from Jaehyun's chest to look up at him.
"Me?" Jaehyun chuckled as he pet Mark's hair. "I'm never leavin. You can't make me leave no matter how hard you try. Y'know why?"
Mark shook his head as he finally began to breathe.
"Because I love you," Jaehyun smiled and brought Mark closer to him. "I love you and you brother sooo much that I would die before I leave you two. You may not look at me that way but you are my kids. You are my son, Markie. I'd do anything for you."
Mark began to cry again but this time it was happy tears.
...
"Markie, Jen! Come here please," Taeyong called from downstairs.
Mark and Jeno both raced down the stairs, trying to see who would get to the bottom first.
"Haha," Jeno stuck his tongue out as he launched himself onto the couch next to Taeyong.
"Whatever," Mark stuck his tongue out as his brother before sitting next to Jaehyun.
"Why are you all sitting in the living room doing nothing?" Mark raised a brow as he noticed everyone sitting around the coffee table. "This looks like a cult meeting."
"Actually, we wanted to ask you something," Taeyong stood up before sitting on Jaehyun's lap.
"Yes, I vote ice cream for dinner," Jeno raised his hand high.
"Me too!" Johnny raised his hand high too before brining it down because of Taeyong's glare.
"No, ice cream for dinner," Taeyong shook his head before pointing at the two envelops on the table. "Open those."
Jeno was quick to his but Mark opened his slowly before pulling out a paper inside.
He unfolded it and let his eyes trail over all the words.
There was only one word that stood out the most.
Adoption.
Mark could hear cheers and yells and he could even hear Jeno crying as he went over to Taeyong and Jaehyun.
"Yes! Please yes!" Jeno cried as he ran to his soon to be official parents.
Mark was locked in place as he stared at the word and read it over and over again.
"Mark? Is that okay?" Jaehyun's voice was in his ear. "You can think about it if you're not ready-"
Mark lunged forward to throw his arms around Jaehyun.
"You are going to be my parents," Mark said in disbelief as his eyes were wet once again. "You are going to be my dad."
"I've always been your dad," Jaehyun smiled as he hugged Mark back.
Mark glanced over Jaehyun's shoulder and could see Taeyong hugging Jeno tightly, rocking them back and forth.
This is all they ever wanted.
A family.
A home.
"My dad," Mark repeated as he hugged Jaehyun tighter.
End of Flashback
"I loved you! I-" Mark let his hand stop right before it was about to punch Jaehyun again.
The older man's face was bloody and bruised but he was going to let Mark do what he wanted.
"I know Mark," Jaehyun whispered when he saw Mark's eyes fill with tears.
"I needed you," Mark whispered as he stood up and turned away, trying to control his emotions. "You left me when I needed you. I needed my dad and you left."
Mark bit in his lip in an attempt to keep his tears at bay but they ran down his face anyway.
"You were my dad," Mark turned his head to look at Jaehyun. He failed to swallow the lump in his throat. "You knew how much you meant to me...you knew that I-"
Mark finally let out a sob.
"I know," Jaehyun finally reached out to pull Mark into a hug, his own voice cracking. "I'm so sorry."
(A/N: I kind of broke myself with this chapter. I'm really sorry if it's too long. I hope you enjoyed it though!)