Hello Lovely Readers,
I know it's been forever. Things have been busy and I'm truly sorry. We're coming to the end of the story (this book at least) <3
This is a II Parts chapter because there's a lot happening!! I'm excited!
Love always,
Me
........................
"Today is a very special day. We worked hard to get to this precise moment and I want to say that I am very proud of all of you." Mrs. Bergman says as we're all gathered in the backstage of the auditorium going through the final details of the school play.
Well, it's finally here! The play is today. All the hard work from this past year comes to an end today as we're premiering and I couldn't feel more sad.
I mean, I should be excited, I should be enjoying all of this, because being part of the senior's school play has been mine and Lilly's dream since we started high school four years ago and now it's happening.
So I really should be ecstatic with this moment... but how could I be?
Everything is such a mess right now, so I can't help but feel the opposite. I don't know how to act around Bennett, I want to talk to him, but at the same time, his hurtful words keep playing on my mind.
You're not important.
And well, realizing I'm in love with him makes this so much harder.
I wish I could tell him, I wish we could sort all of this and just be together. I mean, he's going across the country and it wouldn't work out anyway, but I wish we could talk.
I just don't know how to make it happen. What should I tell him? "Hey, I know it's all a mess and you don't care about me, but the thing is, I fell in love with you."
What if he just laughs at my face?
I wish I could go back in time and realize my feelings sooner, when he still cared about me. Or well, when I thought he cared about me. When we had time.
I can't forget what Dylan told me about him. Bennett was getting closer to me on purpose, so it's another reason for me to think he never really liked me, right? Why would Dylan lie?
I fit the floor, not paying attention to whatever Mrs. Bergman is saying anymore. It's not like Bennett is across from me on the other side of the circle and all I can do is look at him. At least one of us seems to be paying attention.
To add to all of this, I feel Lilly's eyes burning holes on me as she's trying to get my attention. She's been wanting to talk to me for the past couple of days, but I'm avoiding her.
I just want to be alone to figure out what to do, I guess. It's hard enough with my own thoughts and I know what she's going to say. Something along the lines "stop being an idiot because he loves you, so jump on his bones and kiss him already, for fuck's sake."
She's not wrong... about the jumping on his bones. I definitely want to do that.
Lilly tried pulling me to the side to talk a few times while everyone was still arriving for the play, but she is the star, so she didn't have a minute alone.
"Alex, we need to talk." I nodded, but someone from figurine called her name and she went to try the last outfit. The other time, it was Harris who asked her to go through one of the scenes. Then Mrs. Bergman gathered the actors to do a final reading, so it was impossible to talk, which I'm thankful for.
She looks pissed and concerned with me, so I'm not sure what version of Lilly I'll have to face. I don't even know why she's pissed... What did I do?
As for Bennett, well, he's busy helping Mrs. Bergman with whatever she asked him to do, but I see him looking at me.
He has been sending me dozens of texts asking to talk and saying he wants to apologize, but I never replied.
Not because I don't want to, I've written many replies, but couldn't send, so ended up deleting all of them. I just don't know what to say. It's not because I'm in love with him that I'm not hurt.
Some were like "Sorry, I can't forget what you said, it doesn't matter that I'm totally in love with you."
Or "Yo, bro, all cool, let's just be besties and forget this happened."
Or even "I love you, please love me back."
So yeah, I'm glad I didn't send any of them.
I don't make any sense, I know, because part of me wants to talk, but the other part wants to let this go.
So I managed to avoid him until now.
It's not the first time I regret signing up for the school play, but it's the first time that I truly regret it to the point that I almost consider leaving the whole thing. The only reason why I don't turn around and say bye-bye to all this is because it wouldn't be fair to me after all the hard work.
I peek through the curtains to find people already arriving to see the play and I start to feel nervous. Which is weird, I'm not even actually on the play, but still.
I spot Lilly's parents as they greet my parents and the Wests, who arrived almost at the same time and I take a deep breath as I see Dylan standing next to them.
I thought he wouldn't be coming, because it's not like he cares about being here for Bennett.
However, it's clear by the look on his face that he's here against his will. I'm pretty sure he'd rather be partying somewhere with his friends.
I haven't talked to him after what happened. He also texted me, but I ignored him.
Very safe to say I'm ignoring everyone.
I decide to go back to the final arrangements of the scenario as I need a distraction. I don't want to deal with the West's brother because well, I have unfinished business with both of them.
Backstage is hectic, people going around like crazy, carrying outfits and other stuff from one side to the other to make sure everything is ready.
The play starts in about half an hour and it feels there's still a lot to do.
Lilly just tried talking to me again, but I said I needed to check if the bench was in the right place, so I rushed away from her.
Not a lie exactly, the benches and the wood are my responsibility, so I indeed needed to check them.
However, although I managed to dismiss Lilly, here I am focused on what I need to do when I hear Bennett calling my name. I mean, just hearing him say my name makes me shiver, so yeah... I'm a nerve-wreck.
Now is definitely not a good time.
''Can we talk?'' His voice is soft and I turn around to face him.
It takes me a long moment to answer, because I don't know what to say.
''I don't think there's much for us to talk.'' Not right now at least. I didn't prepare myself for having this conversation here.
''I beg to differ.'' He follows me and I turn again to gather the things from the floor and move it to where the pile of wood is supposed to be.
''What do you want to talk about now, Bennett? You said what you had to say, so...'' I don't want to hear him say things that will hurt me, it would just ruin the play for me even more.
It's also not a good time to tell him that I'm in love with him. I don't want to make a fool out of myself, so shutting him out seems like a good strategy in my head to deal with how I feel.
"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it.'' I stop to look at him.
''What did you mean, then? If telling me that I'm not important to you wasn't what you meant, then what was it?'' I feel my palms sweaty.
That gets my attention and I suddenly don't even care anymore that it's crowded with the staff and actors everywhere, although I should, because depending on what he says, I might start crying.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I'm not good with my feelings. I'm such an idiot. You are important to me, more than you know." He takes a deep breath and I know him well enough to see the wheels turning inside his head. "In fact, you are the most important person in my life. I'm sorry I said otherwise."
I keep my eyes on him and all I see is conflict. I know he's having a hard time saying this to me and I can't help how fast my heart is beating.
Yep, I'm definitely in love with him.
Hell, I'm not sure what to do, but if he takes one step closer, I'm kissing the hell out of him.
He said I'm the most important person to him, but do I believe him? Especially when he seemed so certain when he said that I'm not.
I know he is that person to me, but am I to him?
I want to tell him everything. I want to say that I realized how much of an idiot I have been for thinking for a second that he's not the one for me.
Could I be the one for him though?
What about the things Dylan told me about him? Looking at Bennett, I can't really believe what his brother said.
"Why are you saying this to me now?" I ask, thinking that this really is bad timing because he opens his mouth to say something, but before any words come out of it, Mrs. Bergman's voice is the one we hear instead.
"Bennett, dear, could you help me with the ropes?"
"Does it have to be now?" He says sharply, but still polite, his eyes fully on me.
"Oh, well, yes, the play starts in twenty minutes." She peaks at her watch and he sighs before following her past me.
When he's closer to me, he leans down so his face is close to my ear, as I still face ahead where he was seconds ago, like I'm paralyzed.
"We're not done talking." I look to my side to find his face way too close from mine.
I feel shivers down my spine with his proximity and I can't avoid looking at his lips. I guess he notices, because he looks at mine too, but before we do something impulsive, like leaning just an inch so our lips touch, he's back to helping our teacher.
What the hell just happened? I'm not sure how to read the situation, because I wasn't expecting him to say this to me. He wanted to apologize, yes, but then he says I'm the most important person to him?
Where did this come from? Why now?
I turn around to go find Lilly. I need to talk to her, like desperately, which makes me laugh, because I'm the one avoiding her like crazy. However, the moment I turn to go after her, I practically bump on none other than Dylan.
How did he even get to the backstage? Mrs. Bergman is always very strict to who can access it, as she says it distracts the actors.
"There you are. I was looking for you." He says, already pulling me in for a hug, but I stay frozen in place. "Why haven't you replied to my texts?"
"I was busy." I point to the stage as if the play is what was keeping my agenda full, but we all know I was plainly ignoring him. "You're not supposed to be here."
He leans down, ready to kiss me, but I put my hand to his chest, stopping him.
I guess I can't postpone this any longer.
"Listen Dylan, I thought about us after what happened and I'm sorry, but it's not going to work for me." I quickly say.
"What?" He takes a step back, shock all over his face.
"I'm sorry, but I still don't want to be your girlfriend. What happened at the dorm, you know, shouldn't have happened and I'm really sorry." I don't think I've ever felt this nervous, partially because I'm 100% certain of what I'm saying so I just want to end this and partially because well, I do want to clarify the short conversation I had with Bennett, so I guess I'm just nervous overall.
I'm not telling Dylan that a huge part of why I don't want to be with him is because I'm in love with someone else... precisely his brother. Hell would break loose and today is not a good day for it.
I open my mouth to talk, but I'm stopped by a high pitched voice.
"Look what we have here!" We both look to our side, to find Cara coming our way.
It's been forever that I don't talk to her. I only talked to her once, but still. It wasn't the most pleasant conversation and the way she's looking at Dylan, like she's hunting a prey, tells me that she's clearly not over him.
Whatever this is about, I have a feeling this is not going to be good.
.......... TO BE CONTINUED ..........