"Were you able to get the blood out?" Ray's voice sounded tired even to my ears.
"For the most part," Misty answered as she sat by the fire with a bucket full of soapy water and soiled clothing. "I think the left glove is always going to be stained a little red, but the right one looks great."
Even without opening my eyes from where I lounged on the couch, I could almost hear Ray stretch. "You sure you don't want me to take them? I don't want Jamie to have to deal with the stain."
"Nah. Your hands are too big. And besides, a little blood never hurt anybody. Jamie will be fine with them."
I heard a scoff from the corner of the sunlit room. "You know I'm right here, right?" Jamie's annoyance was cut off by Misty's chuckling.
"Sorry, Jamie. Would you be okay with the new gloves?" The smile in Misty's voice helped me relax a little even though sleep evaded me.
"But I already have a pair." Paula's gloves had held up well and I was glad to know that Jamie was still taking good care of them.
Water in the bucket sloshed as Misty worked on the laundry. "Everybody is getting a second pair. You might need them if yours get wet."
"Alright."
"So, you don't mind the stain?"
"Nope. It's fine."
A small smile graced my face at his answer. The last three weeks had been more fruitful than I could have ever imagined.
"How are your stitches holding up? Do you need any help changing the bandage?" Misty asked, making my smile fade. Ray had been stabbed in the back of his shoulder three raids ago. The knife hadn't gone very deep, but I was still forced to utilize my knowledge of sewing along with what I'd seen Paula do in order to stitch him up. I hadn't let him on another raid since.
We were all a little bumped and bruised – with the exceptions of Prisha and Jamie. They guarded the house. Luckily, the whole group had been home the one time a stranger tried to approach.
Their body now sat next to the front door.
"It's fine. It hardly even hurts anymore. Kate said she'd take them out tomorrow."
I probably would have taken them out sooner, but I was too exhausted from the raid we'd pulled off during the night. It almost hadn't been worth it with how many goods we'd already salvaged, but it added six cans of soup to our collection.
And a new pair of blood-stained gloves.
The body count didn't matter. We spared lives where we could and left people with feeble means, but we did what was needed. Each raid had given us more clothing, food, weapons, and tools. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, we were living in opulence. The excess gave us room to breathe and the ability to further our raids.
We had successfully raided fourteen houses.
Two houses and one store had proved to be too well guarded to risk, but every other place had flaws in their defenses. People were predictable creatures of habit. It was only a matter of finding their flaws and I was becoming an expert at it.
The hunting of the fires consumed me. Every waking moment, I spent planning or searching the skies for smoke. I thought of little else but how to crack open the next house's fortifications. I knew it was an obsession, but it felt worth it when my group didn't have to skip a meal or wrap themselves up in a rug.
I had made it possible. Every sacrifice was worth it – even my sleep. My insomnia over the last two weeks usually kept me up nineteen or twenty hours at a time, but I would rather have spent my time working than sleeping anyway. The few hours I did find sleep were almost always filled with vivid and horrific dreams.
The dead didn't bother me anymore, but they sure still enjoyed visiting.
Footsteps alerted me to the fact that someone else had joined us. "Hey," Ian's weary voice cut through the family room. "Prisha's been looking for you."
"Me?" Ray asked. "Why?"
"She said you'd told her you'd help her move the firewood when she finished chopping it."
"She's done already?" Ray asked, sounding surprised. Prisha may have had her flaws, but no one could say she wasn't a hard worker. Though she didn't go on raids, she did just about everything else.
"She's been done for a while."
"Shi-" Ray caught himself before Misty could scold him. She wanted all of us to work on our language around Jamie. "Shoot. Alright, I'll go find her."
"Are you sure you should?" Misty asked. "What about your stitches? Is Carlos up yet? Maybe he can do it."
"No," Ian said through a yawn. "Let him sleep a bit longer. It was a long night. Want me to do it?"
"I can do it!" Jamie interjected.
He couldn't. Prisha had spotted people passing by our house while we were gone during the night. Jamie wasn't allowed outside at times when the risk was high.
"I got it," Ray stated, clearly wanting the others to back off. "I wouldn't have offered if I didn't think I could do it. I'll be back in a bit."
I could hear him leave the room. A moment later, my knee that poked over the edge of the couch was nudged.
"You know it doesn't count as resting if you don't actually rest," Ian chided.
I scowled. "The sun feels nice here."
"Sure, but wouldn't it feel even better to crawl into a nice, soft bed with a bunch of covers?"
I cracked an eye open at him. "Not really, no."
He grinned down at me, holding out a hand expectantly. I let out an exaggerated sigh before taking it. "Are you going to take over Ray's spot?" I asked. Someone needed to be on watch.
"In a minute," he said as he guided me out of the room with a hand on my back. "Let's get you tucked in first."
I scoffed even as I let him usher me into the bedroom. "I'm fine. Really. I can take over for you if you want."
Ian laughed as though even the notion of it was ridiculous. As I sat on the bed and began to unlace my new winter boots, I could feel Ian's gaze on me. I refused to look up.
"Do you still want us to leave in two days?"
His question made my eyes dart to the door, checking for the others before meeting his. "Yes, we have to."
I hadn't told the others that our time in the house was at an end. Spotting fires was becoming harder and harder. It was at the point where I had to go on patrols to even find smoke in the skyline. It had taken almost forty-five minutes to walk to last night's house.
We had more than enough supplies to take us farther south. The snow on the ground was only about three inches high. It was time.
I refocused on my boots and Ian leaned against the wall across from me as I pulled one off. "Did you tell Ray?" I asked.
"No. You asked me not to."
I nodded as my second boot came off and I scooted myself so my legs were under the covers. "Thanks. I'll tell them all tomorrow. I just want them to have one more day to relax."
"Yeah, we could all use a little more rest."
As it had been for almost every time we had spoken over the last three weeks, an awkward silence fell between us. For the life of me, I couldn't fathom why it kept happening. I didn't have the mental energy or emotional capacity to understand it. I needed to keep honing my rage to drive us forward. But for some reason, it felt as though I kept failing to meet some unknown expectation.
It added to my anger.
"Speaking of rest." I pulled the covers up and over my shoulders as I turned my back to him. "I'm going to get some now."
Ian didn't move at first, but when it became clear that our conversation was over, I heard him move towards the door.
"Have a nice sleep," Ian said quietly as though depleted of energy. "I'll wake you up in a bit."
---
They lined up for me. It was a single-file line that went as far as the eye could see full of people of all ages and sizes. Some of the people I recognized, but most I didn't. I glared them down, but their expressions stayed serene. They were content in their ignorance.
It didn't matter how I screamed at them. It didn't matter that I beat them. It didn't matter that I stabbed them. No one would react.
Their warm blood covered me, but all they did was smile with their dull eyes. They were no different than cattle at the slaughterhouse.
It made me sick.
I hated them for it. Their refusal to acknowledge what was happening right in front of them disgusted me. I wanted to hurt them for it. They deserved it. Their weakness was intolerable. It was pathetic and I told them as much.
I screamed and spat every vile insult I could at them, going down the line one by one. Caught up in my own fury, I almost passed right by the last person I expected to see in the line.
Her ponytail was neater than mine and her clothes were cleaner, but there was no doubt in my mind as to who she was.
She was me.
She looked tranquil, staring straight ahead. She had no care in the world and I was instantly repulsed.
She isn't me.
Nothing about us could be related. I wouldn't let it. If there was anything that tethered us together I would be sure to cut it. I would never be her.
I hate you.
She didn't react. I knew she wouldn't, but somehow her lack of concern kicked my fury into a frenzy.
I pulled her hair and scratched at her face until I drew blood.
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
And still, nothing.
---
Nighttime was approaching. I'd only been able to sleep for four hours, but it was enough. It had to be enough because, for the second time in the last two hours, we spotted people moving around the yard next door.
No one had been so bold in weeks. My gut told me something was wrong and I planned on listening to it. All of my plans were rapidly accelerated.
"Prisha, are all the bags packed?" I asked as I entered the family room.
"One more."
My bag was already on my shoulders and my loaded pistol was ready in my hand. As usual, I had my ice pick tucked up my sleeve. It was a little trickier to get it out with my new puffer jacket and gloves, but practice had helped.
"I want everyone ready in five!" I yelled. As the last of the sun dipped below the horizon, I had a horrible feeling that the cover of darkness was exactly what the people outside were waiting for. They hadn't spent hours scouting for no reason.
If the show of bodies and guns didn't scare them, then it means they have a plan.
Urgency beat at the back of my skull. "Hurry!"
Seven raids ago, we'd obtained a second pistol and pistol ammo. It left Carlos and Ian armed with rifles and Misty and me with pistols. Whatever emboldened the people outside was something I knew I didn't want to face.
The sound of something smashing against the wall of our house told me that I wouldn't have the option.
"What was that?" Jamie asked as he entered the room with Misty and Ian.
"I don't know," I answered as calmly as I could.
Breathe. Focus.
My body trembled but my emotions shut down. Another smashing sound came from the opposing wall. It almost sounded like the shattering of glass.
"Where are Carlos and Ray?"
"Carlos was taking out Ray's stitches," Ian answered as he moved closer to the windows, trying to see what was happening outside.
"The bags are done!" Prisha exclaimed. She handed them out as Carlos and Ray finally came into the room. A third sound of something breaking came from the back of the house.
"There is something lit up out there," Ian said as he readied his gun.
"What do you mean?" Ray asked as the house took three more hits in rapid succession.
No.
It clicked for me but I almost couldn't believe it. "Like a torch?" I asked breathlessly.
"Yeah, exactly." Ian turned to me with wide, alarmed eyes as he understood it too.
They're going to set the house on fire.
They were likely throwing some kind of accelerant at the house as we stood around doing nothing. All that was left was for them to cover the front of the house.
"Everyone outside now!" I ordered. "Be careful. They're waiting for us."
I led the way, storming out of the house determined to take down whoever held the torch before they had the chance to use it.
The others all followed close behind me, but I kept my focus ahead of me. I saw the young man holding a hockey stick with a flaming rag on top. He'd been headed for the house but stopped in his tracks at the sight of us.
I didn't falter or wait. I aimed my gun and shot. He went down as Jamie yelped in surprise.
"The house!" Carlos yelled. "It's already on fire!"
I turned around to see that flames were indeed licking up one side of it.
"Carlos," I snapped to get his attention. "Take Prisha and Jamie to the end of the road. Wait for us there." I could see he wanted to argue with me, so I cut him off before he had the chance. "The rest of us need to make sure these people won't follow."
Carlos still didn't seem pleased, but he ushered Jamie ahead of him and the two of them took off down the road. I expected Prisha to hurry along with them, however, when I spotted her she was in the midst of saying something to Misty.
Misty gave her a grateful look and passed Prisha her gun before taking off to follow Carlos and Jamie.
"I'll stay here," Prisha said, looking cavalier.
She was determined and I didn't have the time to argue.
"Ian will follow me to the back of the house. You and Ray stay here. Try to stay out of sight if you can, but watch our backs. Yell if you need help," I ordered before taking off in a sprint through the snow.
My boots held a better grip than my sneakers ever did, but my run was clunky – especially as I made my head swivel from side to side, trying to spot any movement.
"Kate! Get down!"
I practically threw myself down to my knees as a shot rang out. Three more followed as I dropped to my belly. The sounds were disorienting as they seemed to come from multiple directions.
Legs approached my side and I realized that I had covered my ears at some point during the firefight.
"Hurry," Ian said in a low voice. "Get up. I don't know if I hit him."
I scrambled up to my knees and Ian held out a hand which I used to get to my feet. "Did you see where they went?" I asked.
"Around the back. Towards the fire."
Together, the two of us moved forward with our guns aimed and ready. I could feel my heart pounding all the way up and into my throat. My body reacted normally but all I felt was anticipation.
Making it to about twenty feet from the fire, I saw the barrel of a long-nosed gun before I saw the person holding it. Ian set off a reactionary shot with his rifle before he could get his aim. I didn't make the same mistake.
I took a breath and pulled the trigger, hitting the man at fifteen feet away in the shoulder. The man toppled, but not before wildly shooting off a shot. It hit the house, going straight through the flaming wall by my head.
I gasped, but shook it off and hurried towards the man, wanting to get his gun away from him as soon as possible.
"We got one!" Ray's voice carried across the ash-filled wind. The blast of a faraway shot echoed out. "Two! We've got two!"
Prisha and Ray couldn't be seen from our angle, but from the way he was yelling, I trusted that he had the situation under control.
I found the man I'd shot in the snow by a bush, grasping his shoulder. He looked at me coldly as I aimed my gun at his head. "How many of you are there?"
"I'm not telling you anything," the man hissed through gritted teeth. He had a front one missing. And suddenly, I knew exactly who he was.
The raids had all become smushed together into an endless blur, but his face was there among them. His group had been compliant. I had been merciful.
"Why?" I asked with dismay prevalent in my voice.
Rather than answering, he attempted to raise his gun.
A flash of fury took over me and before I could stop myself, I shot the man in the head. I did it again and again until my gun was empty. I did it until there was nothing left of his face except a pulpy mess.
Tossing my useless gun to the ground, I began to pace in small circles.
I felt like I was losing my mind.
I showed them mercy!
"Kate?" Ian's soft voice called out to me from what sounded like miles away.
I left them with food!
"Kate. You've got to pick up your gun. There might still be more."
I stopped and put my head in my hands. It felt as though my skull was ready to burst. Beyond my rage, I felt agonizing pain. I wanted it to stop.
Looking up from my hands, I saw that Ian stood less than two feet away from me. He seemed to be looking everywhere all at once, trying to keep an eye on things while I had my moment. As though he could feel my stare, his eyes settled on me.
They were full of concern.
"Ian," I said his name helplessly. I was utterly lost. All I wanted was to feel anything other than the pain.
For the second time in a span of minutes, I acted without thinking. I breached the space between us. He only had a moment to look at me with surprise before I grabbed him by the collar, stood on my toes, and kissed him.