The car ride home was quiet. The rain was still pouring heavily and it did look like the rain was going to be there the whole day. After Lou had hushed the brunette down, she took her into the car, placed her on the passenger seat before she took over the wheels. The blonde had decided to leave her car there since Debbie had her car too. She made a mental note that she was just going to take it back later. After the event that occured in the cemetery, Debbie was silent and Lou did not bother to ask her why. Lou had memorized every fiber of Debbie's flesh, had recognized every strand of Debbie's hair, and she knew, that at that time, Debbie did not want to talk.
The brunette looked out the window; the trees passing and the raindrops falling all made the day gloomier. As Lou kept on driving, she somehow wished she could lift Debbie's heart, but she partly knew she could not, because Lou knew that a big chunk of reason why Debbie was like that was Danny and if there was someone who could understand Debbie, it was her. Lou, like Debbie, had tasted the agony of losing a kid, of having to bury your own child; she too had tasted days and nights of I could have saved her, but I didn't and, like Debbie, Lou still has not kissed grief goodbye completely.
The car stopped as the red light on the highway bloomed. There were cars in front, beside, and behind them - no more trees to look at, still, Debbie was looking outside. It felt like she was embarassed to look at Lou, or maybe she just did not want Lou to stare at her swelling eyes and red nose, the blonde really did not know. So while the car was waiting for the green light, the blonde opened the car radio before she moved to hold Debbie's hand with her right hand.
I see the crystal raindrops fall
And the beauty of it all
Is when the sun comes shining through
Debbie turned to look at Lou and then down to their hands.
To make those rainbows in my mind
When I think of you sometime
And I wanna spend some time with you
Lou gave her a straight draw of her lips, as she asked, "Are you okay?"
Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us
(Just the two of us)
"You don't have to answer, but know that your feelings are valid." The blonde added, her thumb caressing the back of Debbie's hand.
Just the two of us
Building castles in the sky
Just the two of us
You and I
With a sly shook of her head, Debbie gave her a tiny smile, "I will be."
We look for love, no time for tears
Wasted water's all that is
And it don't make no flowers grow
The stoplight turned green and Lou continued to drive, "You're absent from work. You've got plans today? Anything you want to do, honey?"
Good things might come to those who wait
Not for those who wait too late
We gotta go for all we know
Debbie took a few seconds. Despite Lou holding her hand as tightly and as reassuringly as the blonde could, the brunette's mind was still miles away. Debbie honestly did not know what she wanted to do too, but deep down, she knew that dwelling into regrets and melancholy all day was not going to do her good. She paused, pushed her mind to think about things she could do to divert her attention, but after almost two minutes of doing so, she turned back to look at Lou only to give her a shook of her head.
Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us
(Just the two of us)
Just the two of us
Building them castles in the sky
Just the two of us
You and I
"How about let's cuddle on bed? We can watch a cliché rom-com together and I promise not to comment on all the cliché things." Lou showed Debbie a promise sign before she held back her hand again, "How about that?"
Debbie smiled, "I guess so."
-----
"How are you feeling?" The blonde asked as she dried Debbie's hair.
With all the tears that had left Debbie that morning, the brunette felt like all the energy in the world left her too. She did not say she was tired, but the blonde knew it. And so the moment they walked right into Debbie's home, Lou took her to the bathroom, bathed her, put her in her robe, dried her hair.
"I'm fine." Debbie spoke, but even in her calm voice, she knew in herself that she lied, Lou knew it too.
The blonde unplugged the hair dryer from the socket before placing it on Debbie's make-up table. She then turned the swivel chair that Debbie was sitting on towards her and when Debbie looked at her, Lou knelt down in front.
"I love you." The blonde started as she took Debbie's hands, "I do not know what to do or what to say, but I do know that you are not okay. And if it is possible, I want you to hand me out all the pain."
Debbie's heart swelled and as she felt like she was about to cry, she shook her head, looked up, and held back the tears, "I am missing Danny so much." Her voice broke, but she did not cry, "And I am sorry. I am sorry for putting out the blame in you. All those years, I blamed you for that dreadful event. I forgot that you lost her too."
Lou gave her a nod, "I'm sorry too, honey. For all the things I did not do." She kissed Debbie's knee before she looked up at her again, "I miss our baby too."
"Saudade."
"What?"
Debbie laughed softly, "Saudade...is a feeling of longing, melancholy, desire, and nostalgia that is a characteristic of the Brazilian or Portuguese temperament. Saudade is a word for a sad state of intense longing for someone or something that is absent or gone."
Lou got up as she kissed Debbie's forehead, "Okay, professor Ocean." She jested as she took the dryer, placing it back into its box again.
"Make love to me."
The word that came out birthed an earthquake to Lou. The blonde stopped on her track and turned to look at Debbie. Stunned. Shocked. Flabbergasted.
"What?"
Debbie got up from the chair that she was sitting on, "Make love to me." She declared once again, too bold that it made Lou want the dare even more.
"But you're not..." The blonde paused, in searched for the right words to say.
"I am not okay. I am sad and I feel lost and I need you." Debbie spoke, "Distractions please..."
The way Debbie's eyes softened melted the blonde. Lou walked towards her, held her waist as she stared lovingly into Debbie's eyes, "I love you."
"If that so, marry me. Again."
To say that Lou was shocked was an understatement, "What? Baby we..."
"I know we agreed on taking this slow because we want to make sure everything is alright. I know you want to do every single thing slow and perfect - courtship, butterflies in the stomach feels, but don't you think, we are way past due for the slowburn kind of love? We are not young anymore." Debbie stepped back and sat on the bed, leaving Lou standing on the same spot, "We are no longer in our twenties and thirties. And I hate to admit that I don't like waiting. I've changed my mind. I do not want the slow burn anymore. I want the rush. The unplanned. And I want you to marry me. I want to marry you. Again. I've realized that I have lost far too many things, and now that you are back, I would like to make sure that I will never lose you again. I cannot afford that."
"Damn..." Lou couldn't help the grin on her face as she listened to the rambling brunette, "God, I love you so much, Ocean." She sighed and went on to laugh, "I don't have the ring."
"I don't care." Debbie stood up and went towards the blonde; she touched her face, aching to make her agree because honestly, to have Lou officially and legally was all Debbie wanted, "You can wed me in a paper ring, or in an onion ring, and I will goddamn say yes."
The blonde softly laughed as she took off one of her rings adorning her right hand, "Will this do for now? I promise tomorrow I will buy you the grandest ring the universe has. Like you, I want to get married too as soon as possible. So..." Lou held Debbie hand before she knelt in front of her, "To all the pages that we have written, all the histories patched and trudged, all the drama, the tears, all I want to say is that I want to do all those with youagain. So Miss Debbie Ocean, will you agree on becoming Mrs. Miller?" Lou's thumb grazed softly on the back of Debbie's hand, "Will you be my wife? Again?"
"Fucking yes you sexy aussie!" Debbie laughed, too dulcet that it almost made Lou cry, "Stand up there and fucking kiss me!" She added, laughing, on top of the world.
***